Bobibble Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and our relationship has always had its challenges. The first 8-9 months of our relationship I doubted our relationship and never trusted him. Let me start by saying I have MAJOR trust issues and MAJOR anxiety. He had never once (and still hasn't) given me a reason to not trust him and always tried his hardest to be there for me when I would have these concerns or breakdowns but there started to become a point where I began taking him for granted (looking back on it now I started to realize that). He was, and still is, the must supportive man I have ever met and he is the love of my life but after awhile me acting the way I was (this would basically happen at least once or twice a month) it started to take a toll on him, naturally. The last 6 months of our relationship, once I started to realize what I had put him through, for whatever reason I did a 180 and woke up to reality. My friends and family all told me that I had nothing to be anxious, nothing to be worried about with him, and my fears were coming from my own insecurities and that they saw how happy and in love we are. But in a sense I feel like I realized it a little too late because he had started to distance himself. We started arguing a lot more and he would always bring up "trust" and "honesty" and "our whole relationship" and we would argue but then make up and see each other the next day. We saw each other at least 5-6 days a week, the whole time knowing that maybe we should calm down a little bit but we never did. The last 2 months I've made a huge effort to do whatever I can to turn him around. He started working so he was always tired but weekends we would enjoy our time together. During these 2 months I did start to notice that he said he was going to work on things because the difficult place we were in our relationship was not all my fault, but he never really did. I started to think that maybe he was taking me for granted now but I brushed it off because I am so in love with him and I know he loves me too. We have had one other time before last night where we talked about taking a break but then the next morning he called me and said taking a break was "silly" so we didn't do it and continued to go about not fixing our problems and hoping they fix on their own. Last night he came out of nowhere and said that he isn't happy and it's not anything I'm doing because I'm an amazing girlfriend but he is just not happy, he doesn't get excited to see me, and he just doesn't know if it's going to work. He said he loves me and there is a part of him that can see us being together and starting a family but he just "doesn't know". Doesn't know was repeated the whole night. Well I started to cry and I told him that this can't be one way and I don't want him to be in something that he doesn't want to be in so that he should just break up with me. He said that he did want to be with me but just "didn't know" and would not let me leave his house because he wanted to talk things out. Basically we went back and forth with "I don't know" and "just break up with me if you don't want to be with me" and "I do want to be with you" until he started crying and said that we should take a break. Walking me to my car we both were crying and he did repeat that he loves me and that he doesn't want our relationship to end and told me to text him when I got home safely. He ends up calling me once to see if I made it home safe, and then 10 minutes later telling me he thinks he is "making a mistake" by asking for a break and that we're both just upset. I told him that at this point this is the only thing left to do because I do feel like he is taking me for granted, to which he didn't agree nor disagree. We got off the phone and both phone calls he ended it with an "i love you" and we both agreed that during this break we won't be sleeping with anyone else. My question is, if both of us are adamant on not breaking up will this break strengthen us? I feel like what we have gone through has really clouded his judgement and feelings but I feel as though deep down we both know how we both feel, which is why he is conflicted.
Author Bobibble Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 I'm sorry that was so long by the way thank you in advance for reading it!
pathetic1999 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Sorry to say that is how my ex started our "break" which is now a break up and he walked away, haven't heard from him in 3 months. He said ALL of those things almost exact. I have no idea how he can stay away from me if he meant all of them, no idea...
dhyan Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 "taking a break" is a way to kind of keep you in denial about the end of the relationship...to let you down easy...probably because he can't handle looking you in the eye and telling you it's over. it's too painful. I hope that is not what has happened with you and your guy. Be prepared though. Don't wait around for him. You need to move on with your life as if it IS a breakup.
TG1 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and our relationship has always had its challenges. The first 8-9 months of our relationship I doubted our relationship and never trusted him. Let me start by saying I have MAJOR trust issues and MAJOR anxiety. He had never once (and still hasn't) given me a reason to not trust him and always tried his hardest to be there for me when I would have these concerns or breakdowns but there started to become a point where I began taking him for granted (looking back on it now I started to realize that). He was, and still is, the must supportive man I have ever met and he is the love of my life but after awhile me acting the way I was (this would basically happen at least once or twice a month) it started to take a toll on him, naturally. The last 6 months of our relationship, once I started to realize what I had put him through, for whatever reason I did a 180 and woke up to reality. My friends and family all told me that I had nothing to be anxious, nothing to be worried about with him, and my fears were coming from my own insecurities and that they saw how happy and in love we are. But in a sense I feel like I realized it a little too late because he had started to distance himself. We started arguing a lot more and he would always bring up "trust" and "honesty" and "our whole relationship" and we would argue but then make up and see each other the next day. We saw each other at least 5-6 days a week, the whole time knowing that maybe we should calm down a little bit but we never did. The last 2 months I've made a huge effort to do whatever I can to turn him around. He started working so he was always tired but weekends we would enjoy our time together. During these 2 months I did start to notice that he said he was going to work on things because the difficult place we were in our relationship was not all my fault, but he never really did. I started to think that maybe he was taking me for granted now but I brushed it off because I am so in love with him and I know he loves me too. We have had one other time before last night where we talked about taking a break but then the next morning he called me and said taking a break was "silly" so we didn't do it and continued to go about not fixing our problems and hoping they fix on their own. Last night he came out of nowhere and said that he isn't happy and it's not anything I'm doing because I'm an amazing girlfriend but he is just not happy, he doesn't get excited to see me, and he just doesn't know if it's going to work. He said he loves me and there is a part of him that can see us being together and starting a family but he just "doesn't know". Doesn't know was repeated the whole night. Well I started to cry and I told him that this can't be one way and I don't want him to be in something that he doesn't want to be in so that he should just break up with me. He said that he did want to be with me but just "didn't know" and would not let me leave his house because he wanted to talk things out. Basically we went back and forth with "I don't know" and "just break up with me if you don't want to be with me" and "I do want to be with you" until he started crying and said that we should take a break. Walking me to my car we both were crying and he did repeat that he loves me and that he doesn't want our relationship to end and told me to text him when I got home safely. He ends up calling me once to see if I made it home safe, and then 10 minutes later telling me he thinks he is "making a mistake" by asking for a break and that we're both just upset. I told him that at this point this is the only thing left to do because I do feel like he is taking me for granted, to which he didn't agree nor disagree. We got off the phone and both phone calls he ended it with an "i love you" and we both agreed that during this break we won't be sleeping with anyone else. My question is, if both of us are adamant on not breaking up will this break strengthen us? I feel like what we have gone through has really clouded his judgement and feelings but I feel as though deep down we both know how we both feel, which is why he is conflicted. Trust me I wanted a break from my girlfriend, and I even told her that I didn't want to break up with her at all, adamant about it even by telling her that I love her, I still love her, I always will but that for right now I just wanted a break from us but she completely misread what I said and she just assumed I wanted to break up with her which is not what I wanted to do and I love her so much that it hurts, and I miss her so much that it hurts but I just feel like shutting down
Author Bobibble Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Well right before we got off the phone last night he said that "everything will be fine" and "we'll be okay" and my friends (two of them also being his friends) told me that he will come around and that he just needs some space because sometimes you lose sight of the happiness.
Author Bobibble Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Trust me I wanted a break from my girlfriend, and I even told her that I didn't want to break up with her at all, adamant about it even by telling her that I love her, I still love her, I always will but that for right now I just wanted a break from us but she completely misread what I said and she just assumed I wanted to break up with her which is not what I wanted to do and I love her so much that it hurts, and I miss her so much that it hurts but I just feel like shutting down I'm sorry for that. So from a guys perspective then, if he kept saying he didn't want to break up and that we would be fine and that he loves me, he meant it? Or he just didn't want to let me down easy... I just don't see him doing that I feel like he was being sincere.
TG1 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I'm sorry for that. So from a guys perspective then, if he kept saying he didn't want to break up and that we would be fine and that he loves me, he meant it? Or he just didn't want to let me down easy... I just don't see him doing that I feel like he was being sincere. Yes he does mean it, he still loves you and he wants to be with you and I am sure he misses you just as much as you miss him, and you should give him another chance, call him and or text him, see how it goes
Author Bobibble Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Yes he does mean it, he still loves you and he wants to be with you and I am sure he misses you just as much as you miss him, and you should give him another chance, call him and or text him, see how it goes No I'm going to stick with our break and give him some space but thank you.
TG1 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 No I'm going to stick with our break and give him some space but thank you. But maybe he wants to hear from you because he is probably going crazy grieving right now and is probably torturing himself being angry and depressed about it and if I am right about that and he is, then he might not be in a good place right now and it could drive him to find comfort in the arms of another girl, and I am sure you don't want that, now do you
TG1 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 But maybe he wants to hear from you because he is probably going crazy grieving right now and is probably torturing himself being angry and depressed about it and if I am right about that and he is, then he might not be in a good place right now and it could drive him to find comfort in the arms of another girl, and I am sure you don't want that, now do you Because he could turn to another girl especially if he is hurt right now and he could do it to get over his hurt of being lonely, I know I am hurt right now because of my situation and I really want to talk to her again but I am not even sure she wants to hear from me
Author Bobibble Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Because he could turn to another girl especially if he is hurt right now and he could do it to get over his hurt of being lonely, I know I am hurt right now because of my situation and I really want to talk to her again but I am not even sure she wants to hear from me Well this all happened last night and I know that when he wants to talk, he will say something to me. He had no problem calling me twice last night, once to make sure I got home, and the other time to say that he wasn't sure about taking a break because he didn't want to hurt me and make himself upset but then ultimately we both decided to stick with the break for our relationships benefit.
TG1 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Well this all happened last night and I know that when he wants to talk, he will say something to me. He had no problem calling me twice last night, once to make sure I got home, and the other time to say that he wasn't sure about taking a break because he didn't want to hurt me and make himself upset but then ultimately we both decided to stick with the break for our relationships benefit. I see, well I hope everything works out for you but I was hoping you could give me advice on my situation and you should go to the Dating section and read my thread of how I just got into a huge fight with my girlfriend and you will understand my situation especially if you go through each page
Author Bobibble Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Does anybody else have anything for me? Any advice? I think reading all these break up stories on here was a bad idea as my anxiety is going through the roof right now!
TG1 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I see, well I hope everything works out for you but I was hoping you could give me advice on my situation and you should go to the Dating section and read my thread of how I just got into a huge fight with my girlfriend and you will understand my situation especially if you go through each page You should really read my thread in the Dating section and if and when you do, and you read everything, what would your advice be for me then?
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