plainlo Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 A couple of years ago, I moved to a new area and met a guy through our professional circle. I didn't know anyone. We clicked really well. He was very kind to me and I really wanted to get to know him, but I told myself not even to think of him in a romantic way, because (at that point) I was quite overweight and I did not feel attractive at all. I didn't want to scare him off by flirting with him (though I'm a natural flirt). I was having trouble adjusting to my new city and wanted a new friend. And I had heard he was a player anyway. But when we met, he had just broken up with a girlfriend he really cared about and was broken hearted. We gradually became friendly in only a platonic way. He never tried anything with me. Then about a year later, I started to feel happier and more comfortable in my surroundings. I think he was feeling more like himself too. Without really realizing it, I started flirting with him. But then I would pull back, because I was still fat and I didn't want him to stop talking to me. I'm not usually that bad, but clearly, my self confidence was in the toilet. He would invite me to things every once and awhile. I was happy about that and wanted to go, but something always happened and I'd miss meeting up with him and his friends. I didn't think it would bother him though, because I didn't think he thought of me "that way." Still, every time I flaked out, he would be cold for a little while. However, the flirting and attraction between us kept growing. He was always warm and friendly. And he never tried to be physical with me. So, I thought that he really liked and respected me. I finally lost a lot of my extra weight and felt much better about myself. I realized that I thought he might have actually liked me "that way" when I was flaking out on all his invitations. I thought if I tried to flirt more to let him know that I liked him, it might encourage him. It would work a little, but then I'd freak out that I was making it all up in my head and I would stop short. We kept going back and forth. There was always a little voice in my head telling me to protect myself, because of his reputation. Finally, I made a move and invited him someplace. He said he'd come and that his friends would be there for a party later. We met up and had a good time. He introduced me to some of his good friends. But I had other plans. So, I told him I had to leave, but I wanted to spend more time with him. He told me to text him later, because he and his friends would still be out. I texted him and never heard from him again. That was a month ago. But since then we've seen each other a couple of times and he was very distant. He talked with everyone but me, but he always stayed in the same vicinity as me. I opened up to a friend about that incident, but not everything. And she told me that he treats women that way. That he's like a "Jacob Palmer" type who actually told her boyfriend that the way to get girls was to be an a--h0le. I don't understand.... Did he feel like the chase was over when I texted him? Does he just not like me? Did I make him feel all that time that I was playing hard to get and now he's playing at it? I'm just really shy and awkward around men I really like. He makes me feel like I'm 15. I literally have a physical reaction to him. I have never experienced that in my life. I wish I could talk to him and let him know how I feel and that I was not trying to play games. But I don't want to make a fool of myself. And I don't want to encourage this PUA behavior. We're adults, for God's sakes. What do I do? I like him very much. Any advice (even if it has to be advice about how to move on) is appreciated.
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