warrenorabbits Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I already know what to do here, but I just want to talk about it anyway to air out and hear your thoughts. There's a girl that I was interested in casually in my PE class. Emphasis on casually since I'm leaving the country shortly. I've been competing for her along with this other guy in the class. I was unsure if they were already together or what. Now she called me for some homework help today from an alternate number. I called her back and ... it's that guy from class! I tried to remain cool and casual, but he could probably tell that he got to me. Plus I said something like, "Oh, I didn't know you knew each other outside class." To which he replied just as awkwardly, something like "oh, yeah ..." Normally I'd just let this go. Keep on going, sit next to her during class (more for the other guy than for her), then take her out next week. She seemed to be interested after all. Worst case scenario, what was already going to be a temporary, casual relationship anyway wouldn't work out. But it gets to me because I've had very few girlfriends and my confidence, though improving, is still weak. I tend to have a defeatist attitude towards dating and get upset really easily. I see this situation as yet another failure, even though it hasn't even failed yet. Just once I want to be the guy that the girl is hanging out with over the weekend, the one that she chooses over the other man.
Author warrenorabbits Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 I actually asked her straight out if they were dating (under the guise of "oh, I didn't want to intrude by asking you to lunch if you're serious with each other") and she -- after repeating everything ("YOU MEAN, ARE WE IN A RELATIONSHIP, ME AND JIM WHO'S STANDING RIGHT HERE?") -- said no. She also asked me if I'd been hitting on her by asking her out. I said, with some difficulty, "oh, no, but I didn't want it to be taken the wrong way." And then we awkwardly segued into another topic and never spoke of it again. I guess I'm kind of relieved. Although I probably messed things up yet again ...
Author warrenorabbits Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 I'll try to keep my little outbursts to a minimum, but I'm making this a largely stream-of-consciousness thread. I could always just take her out and then say something like "I didn't want to bring it up on the phone in front of ____ but ... I really was hitting on you when I asked you to come with me. Wanna go back to my place?"
spiderowl Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Difficult one. Why was she putting such emphasis on repeating what you'd asked her in front of the other guy? That seems odd. But, she said she wasn't going out with him in front of him so it seems likely it's true. What have you got to lose by admitting you are interested in her? Is humiliation (if it doesn't work out) worse or better than the frustration of knowing you never tried? At least if you tried, you can put it behind you if it didn't work and there is some kind of closure. She seemed to be trying to clarify what your interest was anyway.
Author warrenorabbits Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Apparently she thought I was just being friendly. Which is also weird.
Author warrenorabbits Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Surely there are people who have dealt with the insecurity, right? I just imagine the other guy humping her while she's on the phone, and both of them talking about me when she hangs up.
Shaun-Dro Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I already know what to do here, but I just want to talk about it anyway to air out and hear your thoughts. There's a girl that I was interested in casually in my PE class. Emphasis on casually since I'm leaving the country shortly. I've been competing for her along with this other guy in the class. I was unsure if they were already together or what. Now she called me for some homework help today from an alternate number. I called her back and ... it's that guy from class! I tried to remain cool and casual, but he could probably tell that he got to me. Plus I said something like, "Oh, I didn't know you knew each other outside class." To which he replied just as awkwardly, something like "oh, yeah ..." Normally I'd just let this go. Keep on going, sit next to her during class (more for the other guy than for her), then take her out next week. She seemed to be interested after all. Worst case scenario, what was already going to be a temporary, casual relationship anyway wouldn't work out. But it gets to me because I've had very few girlfriends and my confidence, though improving, is still weak. I tend to have a defeatist attitude towards dating and get upset really easily. I see this situation as yet another failure, even though it hasn't even failed yet. Just once I want to be the guy that the girl is hanging out with over the weekend, the one that she chooses over the other man. First of all, throw your emotions out the window when it comes to women. Second, forget this girl and the guy that you're competing with. You don't need the headache. Third, dating is a number's game, so keep picking up the ballots until you find the one that'll date you. It's very simple. Just be mindful to never get invested in them. Good luck.
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