BAne Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 (this can apply to either sex ofcourse so excuse the focus of the sentence and apply accordingly) Have you or are you dating someone that is friends with a former ex of any kind? Perhaps she has guy friends in general your unsure about. How is it going or what was the outcome? Please give a short beginning middle and end if it has come. Thank You
OsiStruck Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 I wouldnt do it... you date date outside the circle of friends.... Rule #1
Author BAne Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 I wouldnt do it... you date date outside the circle of friends.... Rule #1 I'm not sure you understand the question
TaraMaiden Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 (this can apply to either sex ofcourse so excuse the focus of the sentence and apply accordingly) Have you or are you dating someone that is friends with a former ex of any kind? Perhaps she has guy friends in general your unsure about. How is it going or what was the outcome? Please give a short beginning middle and end if it has come. Thank You first the child left at home until the early hours of the morning, now the contact with her ex/other guys.... you're not doing too well, really, are you? If she's ringing alarm bells and raising red flags - what would you say your chances of enjoying a long, fruitful and serene relationship with this woman, are?
Author BAne Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 What is your experience with dating someone who is friends with their ex?
TaraMaiden Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Ok, and really, this says it all.... BAne - you need to BAil.
Author BAne Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 first the child left at home until the early hours of the morning, now the contact with her ex/other guys.... you're not doing too well, really, are you? If she's ringing alarm bells and raising red flags - what would you say your chances of enjoying a long, fruitful and serene relationship with this woman, are? I'm just being cauticious that is why I am here for help but you are moving this thread off topic which doesn't help
TaraMaiden Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 What is your experience with dating someone who is friends with their ex? I'm 55, and I've only ever had 6 partners in my entire life, so I'm not a player, and neither have I had casual relationships - but three of my long-term partners were in close contact with their exes, and it never in itself caused any rift-inducing problem. You seem, however, to have more than one issue with this lady. And I repeat my question - in conjunction with all the other issues, really, what chances do you give this?
Author BAne Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 I'm 55, and I've only ever had 6 partners in my entire life, so I'm not a player, and neither have I had casual relationships - but three of my long-term partners were in close contact with their exes, and it never in itself caused any rift-inducing problem. You seem, however, to have more than one issue with this lady. And I repeat my question - in conjunction with all the other issues, really, what chances do you give this? The only other issue I had was that she leaves her kid home alone at night sometimes but I have found that kids younger then him babysit until late hours
TaraMaiden Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 (oh and just as an aside - dual threads aren't permitted.....)
Author BAne Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 (oh and just as an aside - dual threads aren't permitted.....) I know but you sent this one in a differnt direction perhaps a mod could delete this one. 1
TaraMaiden Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 The only other issue I had was that she leaves her kid home alone at night sometimes but I have found that kids younger then him babysit until late hours One relatively critical issue, is bad enough - but two fairly major ones? Big problem. And - sorry - you're coming across as ever-so-slightly desperate if you're multi-posting different threads on everything that's bothering you. Really, probably one thread would have covered it, kept it neat, and given members an insight into somebody who in actual fact you should be backing away from at xx MPH. In my opinion.
Author BAne Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 I'm 55, and I've only ever had 6 partners in my entire life, so I'm not a player, and neither have I had casual relationships - but three of my long-term partners were in close contact with their exes, and it never in itself caused any rift-inducing problem. tell more about this if you like
Author BAne Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 One relatively critical issue, is bad enough - but two fairly major ones? Big problem. And - sorry - you're coming across as ever-so-slightly desperate if you're multi-posting different threads on everything that's bothering you. Really, probably one thread would have covered it, kept it neat, and given members an insight into somebody who in actual fact you should be backing away from at xx MPH. In my opinion. I have come here to get adise on the problems in our relationship. Ofcourse she has many good qualities but you shouldn't judge her based on this alone. If your advise is to bolt that is fine it is an option. I would just like more thenone opinion and then I will make a decision with a clear head wether or not this stuff can be worked on
TaraMaiden Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 This isn't about me. This is about you, a woman who stays out until the early hours of the morning, in spite of having a young child at home, and also maintains contact with an ex (and possibly mingles/flirts with other men....) You really need to get your BS radar serviced. she sounds irresponsible and flaky. And if she's raising doubts in your mind now - then future investment of your time, without remedy or compromise, is a complete waste.
darkmoon Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 not only is it a good question, the one asking about exes keeping in touch, but their reasons for doing so - why did they Tara?
Author BAne Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 This isn't about me. This is about you, a woman who stays out until the early hours of the morning, in spite of having a young child at home, and also maintains contact with an ex (and possibly mingles/flirts with other men....) You really need to get your BS radar serviced. she sounds irresponsible and flaky. And if she's raising doubts in your mind now - then future investment of your time, without remedy or compromise, is a complete waste. And that's why I'm trying to figure out if remedy or compromise is possible. And also what it would take. She is willing to do the right things and has improved but also doesn't want to feel controlled. But yes I have my doubts like anything else.
TaraMaiden Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 And that's why I'm trying to figure out if remedy or compromise is possible. she's the only one you can work this out with. we can propose theories, but the practice is up to you two... And also what it would take. What remedy or compromise might she expect from you? She is willing to do the right things and has improved but also doesn't want to feel controlled. It's not a question of being controlled. It's a question of stepping up to her legal responsibilities, and respect for you. But yes I have my doubts like anything else. Those doubts concern pretty fundamental issues. Some things are deal-breakers. I'm erring on the side of - 'really, what are you thinking?!' Remember, you can't 'fix' her. And compromise means give and take on both sides. What issues does she have with you that she feels might be deal-breakers? do they involve legal obligations and lack of respect for her?
Author BAne Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 Remember, you can't 'fix' her. And compromise means give and take on both sides. What issues does she have with you that she feels might be deal-breakers? do they involve legal obligations and lack of respect for her? She thinks that sometimes I am irresponsible with money which I have stopped spending irresponsibly In terms of respect for her, I guess I'm not always the greatest door opener but I think if she was here she would say I'm pretty respectful.
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 (this can apply to either sex ofcourse so excuse the focus of the sentence and apply accordingly) Have you or are you dating someone that is friends with a former ex of any kind? Perhaps she has guy friends in general your unsure about. How is it going or what was the outcome? Please give a short beginning middle and end if it has come. Thank You Yes I have, and I didn't like it one bit. I don't know how it became a huge insecurity of mine, but I don't want to date anyone who is "friends" with their ex, mostly if it was a significant relationship though. I only have 2 ex's and I am not friends with either of them... and that is for a reason.
Author BAne Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 Yes I have, and I didn't like it one bit. What happend?
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 What happend? I just saw too many red flags. Phone calls that would last 45 minutes, talking about past experiences... it was as if I constantly had to compete with someone who I shouldn't have. That is how it made ME feel though. I am sure some women have no problem with it. It got to the point where I told him it made me uncomfortable, he said he wouldn't talk to her again if it made me feel better, and eventually he DID and I found out. It built up too much resentment on both our ends, and ultimately made us fight about it like crazy. He refused to end the friendship, and I couldn't get over the friendship. I don't want to feel like a man is comparing or that I am competing with an ex. I find it too unstable, especially if they were in a deep loving relationship. Feelings like that are hard to control, and I could see how easy it would be to be drawn back into it.
Author BAne Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 I just saw too many red flags. Phone calls that would last 45 minutes, talking about past experiences... it was as if I constantly had to compete with someone who I shouldn't have. That is how it made ME feel though. I am sure some women have no problem with it. It got to the point where I told him it made me uncomfortable, he said he wouldn't talk to her again if it made me feel better, and eventually he DID and I found out. It built up too much resentment on both our ends, and ultimately made us fight about it like crazy. He refused to end the friendship, and I couldn't get over the friendship. I don't want to feel like a man is comparing or that I am competing with an ex. I find it too unstable, especially if they were in a deep loving relationship. Feelings like that are hard to control, and I could see how easy it would be to be drawn back into it. How often were they in touch with each other? We're they eventually drawn back to each other?
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 How often were they in touch with each other? We're they eventually drawn back to each other? My biggest problem I guess was how when we first got together he told me how terrible their relationship was, and blah blah blah she was a bitch and blah blah blah. Then all of a sudden he would tell me they talked, and it eventually led to him saying how bad he felt about what he did to her, and the talking went to about once a week, and then on his birthday she got him a gift and I was pretty upset about that. Then we ended things and I haven't talked to him since.
todreaminblue Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 I just saw too many red flags. Phone calls that would last 45 minutes, talking about past experiences... it was as if I constantly had to compete with someone who I shouldn't have. That is how it made ME feel though. I am sure some women have no problem with it. It got to the point where I told him it made me uncomfortable, he said he wouldn't talk to her again if it made me feel better, and eventually he DID and I found out. It built up too much resentment on both our ends, and ultimately made us fight about it like crazy. He refused to end the friendship, and I couldn't get over the friendship. I don't want to feel like a man is comparing or that I am competing with an ex. I find it too unstable, especially if they were in a deep loving relationship. Feelings like that are hard to control, and I could see how easy it would be to be drawn back into it. this thread is very cryptic and confusing...there seem to be unsaid things that people are hiding..twisting to cover something deeper here...so without....no i cant sorry its too cryptic and confusing for me i wont even guess why.... the young children are left at home at night by themselves if a woman is getting involved in another relationship the man knows she has kids and is respectful of her.....and some how the ex gets dropped in th emiddle..the ex is irrelevant ....if she has young children are we talking toddlers.....nine year olds.....this is beside the point.....a new relationship take the freakin kids out too....get too know the package not the incentive...why would a women disrespect her family....this thread makes no sense and people are saying its off topic....what is the topic again...im lost in the middle of a riddle..with no real heading to grab the meat.but i am a little off kilter and am going to post my own riddle....if she is leaving her kids at home and they are young unattended drag her by her hair back there.protect the kids if she wont....is this in a city.....nah cant do this......good luck......deb
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