k100danny Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Bit of background, me and my ex have been broken up around 7 weeks, after a month of being broken up I fin out she may be seeing someone and i decide to break any contact. Now I have realised since the break up I have tried to almost force myself to see if I can date or move on but i knew it also wasn't happening. Yesterday I was chatting with a female friend who I have always had a bit of chemistry with, I really had a soft spot for her and then i got with my ex so obviously nothing happened. Well yesterday we were just chatting and she mentioned she had a lot on her plate ect so I said well me too lately if you fancy meeting up for a drink and a catch up lets do it, so we did. I haven't found it hard to look at someone and be attracted to them for a long time but i've always thought well nothing could ever happen but last night there was a little glimmer of hope. We ended up kissing and had a nice night and im not saying that anything will happen between us in that way but I actually felt like something would happen in the future with her or someone else. I had that nice feeling you know. Now I know if i got into a relationship it would be a rebound at the minute as some things still bother me and im not 100% over the ex but i do think this has helped me a lot. she knows the situation and actually knows my ex so she is well aware of what has gone on. I haven't done this to make the ex jealous or anything as she will never know. I do really feel that a decent relationship is possible now in the future and feel a lot better about it today. and 16 days NC.
weallfalldown Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 nice one....you ex doesn't care for you mate.....get in there and have a good old time, i'm at that no one seems attractive etc stage, but then i'm giving off the wrong vibe too, so i aint ready, but hey nice to hear you had that feeling, spot on dude !!..
Author k100danny Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 Yeah it was a pretty nice feeling, obviously always nice for someone to find you attractive. I know I aren't over my ex at all and any relationship at the minute would be a rebound so im not saying that anything could happen anytime soon it was just kind of a light at the end of the tunnel moment. I can now imagine in the future being in a different relationship although at the minute im not fully detatched from the old one mentally. So I don't plan on getting into a relationship I have personal things to sort ouy first and work to get back in order ect but i now feel confident I will be in a better place to start a relationship next time and that there are people I could feel that way about again. The one thing aswell however childish it may be is that my ex was jealous of this girl, she would put her down ect and we didn't speak for the whole time me and my ex where together, she has probably the most beautiful face i have ever seen although i would say she is slightly too young for me. But my ex had said many times to me " good luck finding someone better than me" I know better isn't what people look for but this also gave me the feeling of you're jealous of this girl, you said I can't do better and put me down but I could. You will start to see the light at the end of the tunnel shortly. stay strong.
weallfalldown Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 she said good luck?????? f***k her mate, start dating this other girl and rub it right in her face.....how dare she haha.....fight back old son!!
Author k100danny Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 Yeah she had said it a few times. I don't hate my ex I think i have learnt enough about people to understand that some people just do things differently and deal with things differently unless it is a serious psychological thing i believe most people are good people who just want happiness but she said some horrific things to me during our time together. The worst thing someone has ever said to me came from her mouth and I have only recently told anyone about it. When my ex got pregnant obviously not planned, we discussed things, I said I would be supportive either way and i understand we havent been together long but i would never tell anyone what to do, I love children but also udnerstand the concerns and will stand by her either way. Well I have generlized anxiety disorder which gets better and worse over times of stress ect, this means I worry quite a lot, i find it hard to relax when im stressed and i also have panic attacks sometimes (bearing in mind my ex also suffered from the odd panic attack) So while discussing the baby she said to me do you think you will ever fully be well and not anxious? I said i hope that with time i will learn to deal with things better, stress ect and there is nothing to really stop me and she basically said well if you can't say to me everything is going to be better I wouldn't want my child growing up around you being anxious as they may develop it.. she then screamed at me " because you can't man up and stop worry and just get over your anxiety condition I am getting rid of the baby and its YOUR fault, It isn't a real illness like cancer so stop being a pussy" I have never felt so low in my life as I did that day, A baby would have been a struggle but I would have done everything I could. This girl also comes from a family where there is a history of depression, and schizophrenia so for her to totally disregard what i go through on a day to day basic ripped my ****ing heart out. Sorry I just had to get that out there i've kept it locked up for a while. I now realise I was abused a lot in my relationship verbally and emotionally and this is hard to admit as i feel i am a strong character and wouldn't take that from someone, but somehow this happened.
cheekysmiles Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Yeah she had said it a few times. I don't hate my ex I think i have learnt enough about people to understand that some people just do things differently and deal with things differently unless it is a serious psychological thing i believe most people are good people who just want happiness but she said some horrific things to me during our time together. The worst thing someone has ever said to me came from her mouth and I have only recently told anyone about it. When my ex got pregnant obviously not planned, we discussed things, I said I would be supportive either way and i understand we havent been together long but i would never tell anyone what to do, I love children but also udnerstand the concerns and will stand by her either way. Well I have generlized anxiety disorder which gets better and worse over times of stress ect, this means I worry quite a lot, i find it hard to relax when im stressed and i also have panic attacks sometimes (bearing in mind my ex also suffered from the odd panic attack) So while discussing the baby she said to me do you think you will ever fully be well and not anxious? I said i hope that with time i will learn to deal with things better, stress ect and there is nothing to really stop me and she basically said well if you can't say to me everything is going to be better I wouldn't want my child growing up around you being anxious as they may develop it.. she then screamed at me " because you can't man up and stop worry and just get over your anxiety condition I am getting rid of the baby and its YOUR fault, It isn't a real illness like cancer so stop being a pussy" I have never felt so low in my life as I did that day, A baby would have been a struggle but I would have done everything I could. This girl also comes from a family where there is a history of depression, and schizophrenia so for her to totally disregard what i go through on a day to day basic ripped my ****ing heart out. Sorry I just had to get that out there i've kept it locked up for a while. I now realise I was abused a lot in my relationship verbally and emotionally and this is hard to admit as i feel i am a strong character and wouldn't take that from someone, but somehow this happened. I too have GAD and after a few days of reading LS, I got wind of a series of DVDs, "Deep Inner Game" that really helped change my perspective on how to deal with anxiety. If you can stomach a 14 hour seminar, I think it'd really help. Best of luck, you're not alone
weallfalldown Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 well your a better man than me mate, as i would have ripped her head off if she had told me to man up....i've been tolds that before and she regretted it!.....she isn't worth anything mate....sounds like she's the one with the issues.
Author k100danny Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 Yes GAD is a hard ting to deal with and usually ends up a vicious circle fueling other anxieties within me. I am learning how to better deal with it everyday, And during good times when im not stressed i don't even notice it. this relationship made me feel on edge as I felt so much pressure, I'm sure she thought by saying those things it made me want to do it but it made me worse. I will find someone who is supportive of me in hard times and that will help me to be less anxious but i ultimately have to change it myself for me. As I say there were lot's of things said to me mainly about my condition during the relationship that just put me down but I am a man i could have walked away so I can't blame her fully. I do not hate her and she does have a lot of issues which i was warned of but being the way I am i try not to judge and tried everything i could to make her happy sacrificing my own needs a lot of the time which i shouldn't do. I am a very loyal supportive person and when i care for someone I will do anything for them and I realise i deserve this in return. I've never cheated on anyone, and I have a good job (own my own company) and I believe and have been told I am a very good looking guy so i need to work on my self confidence and not think because i have GAD i am in some way flawed and have to make up for it in other ways.
weallfalldown Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 mate we all lose confidence when we go through a breakup, we question why they were with us, what we look like etc etc.....but the bottom line is.....she wanted you in the first place, found you attractive etc right?.....well that says it all....even though we all knock ourselves.....someone said in a post on here....don't put your ex on a pedestal.......she was an ugly person in her own ways when you were with her, and she had many faults too, so just bare that in mind!...
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