PhillyDude Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Today I went on a date with a guy and, from the moment we met, things were not good and they only went downhill from then on. I managed to remain pleasant and composed the whole time even though all I wanted to do was run for dear life. At the end we said goodbye and went our separate ways. I was hoping he hadn't enjoyed himself either so that he wouldn't contact me again but, unfortunately, a few hours after I got home I received a text message from him saying "It was good meeting you." It's not in my nature to be rude and, even though I never want to see the guy again, I feel terrible not messaging him back. On the one hand, I don't want to just ignore his message because if I were the one in his position I would feel terrible about being ignored. But on the other hand I don't want to lie and say "likewise" because that will likely lead him on. What's the best way to reply to his message without being mean and yet at the same time putting across that I'm not interested in seeing him again and also deterring him from contacting me again? Thanks in advance Women like you make me sick. Don't respond to the damm message if you have no intentions on seeing him again. Respond for what?
Author Rosie88 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 Please tell me he doesn't have your address! No, he definitely does not have my address. My first name and phone number are all he knows.
Shaun-Dro Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Lolol try harder bro. =P Btw, using web forums to meet people is worse than OLD in my opinion. At least with OLD you can get more pics and info to browse through. Web forums can be more secretive and more anonymous than OLD. OLD is just like any other dating in my view. Theres a variety of people and you only expand your dating pool. If you got it, flaunt it. Dont hate the player, hate the game. (Dont blame women because most guys are easy and non-selective) Plenty of dudes can dangle themselves as well. Make yourself appealing and dangle yourself in front of the right audience. Let's be realistic here. Guys don't have it like that to do what women do out there in the streets. We aren't "built" to tease, as opposed to them.
Easyguy14 Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 He did ask me about Cape Verde, but he kept making some off-putting comments and also, like I said in a previous post, whenever he asked me something, I had to answer 3-4 different times because he was so easily distracted by our surroundings. Well, I've been on the dating site for about 2 weeks now and that was the first date I went on, so I'm not yet declaring my experience with OLD as unsuccessful. Although, now I will be sure to add additional "filters" - for the lack of a better term - prior to meeting in person. Maybe video chat on Skype to determine whether we'd like to meet in person, so that neither of us is wasting too much of the other person's time? I don't know how to answer your last question without coming off as a goody-two-shoes (I swear I'm not lol) but I have had guys approach me in the streets. It just so happens that they're not the kind of guys I would normally want to date and I guess I just don't like the way they go about it...it's similar to how guys approach girls at bars and clubs and you can usually tell right away that they're really only interested in one thing and one thing only, and that's definitely not what I'm looking for. What works against me the most is that, as I've mentioned before, I don't know how to be rude to people, so they take my niceness to mean that I'm interested... I do think the guys that are approaching in that manner are not serious so its easier to just make little remarks and lame comments. they just want your attention thats all. I see it all the time especially in the bars where I'm often always at. I think if said guys felt they had a chance with you I think they would approach more properly but women in nyc can be really difficult and they know this. 1
Vintage79 Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 I do what many have said - although the gender roles are reversed. If I get a message from a woman following a first date claiming it was good meeting me/want to see me again, and I have no interest in seeing them again, I respond. Basically, they have time and effort to see me, so a respond is nice - you don't need to be mean, not curteous. My response is basically, "it was interesting meet you as well - unfortunately I don't feel the chemistry". It usually works, although some people get a bit fiesty. Following that response, I essentially shut down future communication - if they want to get pissy, so be it...don't fight back, be the bigger person, just don't respond at that point. You've told them how they feel, you don't have to tell them how they need to emotionally process your position. To weed out the negative responses to the "rejection", I usually find that tossing in a compliment works quite well - could be, "you were totally cute, but I don't think that our personalities meshed"...make them feel good, even if it's a white lie - you know you won't see them again, so dull the rejection pains with something that makes them feel good... Moreover, from a guys standpoint, if I reach out to a woman after a first date, and they have no interest, I would appreciate the curteous rejection...just don't be mean. Guys can frequently struggle, so essentially telling them to not spend their time here, can be helpful, so they can allocate their time/resources elsewhere. 2
Kamille Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 (edited) Women like you make me sick. Don't respond to the damm message if you have no intentions on seeing him again. Respond for what? Over-reacting much? Rosie, glad he didn't send more messages. I started on-line dating recently and if anything, it's made me become more comfortable rejecting people. You say you didn't want to be rude by leaving early. But he was being rude and oblivious to you the whole date. Why is it ok for him to be rude but not for you? Protect yourself first. Edited July 29, 2012 by Kamille
morichu Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 I think it's time to give up online dating for now. I mean you're 24, single, and you live in New York. What exactly is the problem here in terms of meeting people?
Author Rosie88 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 I do what many have said - although the gender roles are reversed. If I get a message from a woman following a first date claiming it was good meeting me/want to see me again, and I have no interest in seeing them again, I respond. Basically, they have time and effort to see me, so a respond is nice - you don't need to be mean, not curteous. My response is basically, "it was interesting meet you as well - unfortunately I don't feel the chemistry". It usually works, although some people get a bit fiesty. Following that response, I essentially shut down future communication - if they want to get pissy, so be it...don't fight back, be the bigger person, just don't respond at that point. You've told them how they feel, you don't have to tell them how they need to emotionally process your position. To weed out the negative responses to the "rejection", I usually find that tossing in a compliment works quite well - could be, "you were totally cute, but I don't think that our personalities meshed"...make them feel good, even if it's a white lie - you know you won't see them again, so dull the rejection pains with something that makes them feel good... Moreover, from a guys standpoint, if I reach out to a woman after a first date, and they have no interest, I would appreciate the curteous rejection...just don't be mean. Guys can frequently struggle, so essentially telling them to not spend their time here, can be helpful, so they can allocate their time/resources elsewhere. Thank you, that is exactly what I was looking for - how to turn someone down without being hurtful while at the same time making it clear that you're not interested in seeing them again and avoiding accidentally leading them on
Author Rosie88 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 I think it's time to give up online dating for now. I mean you're 24, single, and you live in New York. What exactly is the problem here in terms of meeting people? I'm not into the whole bar/clubbing/partying thing, which is how I'm assuming people meet others here in NYC (at least that's how most of the people I know here get to meet people of the opposite sex and go on dates), so I thought I'd give OLD a try
Shaun-Dro Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 I'm not into the whole bar/clubbing/partying thing, which is how I'm assuming people meet others here in NYC (at least that's how most of the people I know here get to meet people of the opposite sex and go on dates), so I thought I'd give OLD a try And you're right about that. One of the reasons I don't bother with all the dating shenanigans anymore here in NY. Everyone wants to just go to the next party or club, get a fake friend's circle together, and then date from there. Another reasons why it goes up in smoke in such a short time. No thanks. I rather be a loner, out there on my own, and meeting whoever I want to meet without the need for the constant of alcohol around me to loosen things up. I have the balls to approach while sober, unlike others. Rosie, if you feel comfortable with giving online dating another go, all the best to you. But keep in mind, it won't get any easier. My advice to you is to hang out in places that you enjoy and make yourself as approachable as possible and make a move every now and then if a guy is approachable as well. You'd be surprised how well this can turn out.
Author Rosie88 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 And you're right about that. One of the reasons I don't bother with all the dating shenanigans anymore here in NY. Everyone wants to just go to the next party or club, get a fake friend's circle together, and then date from there. Another reasons why it goes up in smoke in such a short time. No thanks. I rather be a loner, out there on my own, and meeting whoever I want to meet without the need for the constant of alcohol around me to loosen things up. I have the balls to approach while sober, unlike others. Rosie, if you feel comfortable with giving online dating another go, all the best to you. But keep in mind, it won't get any easier. My advice to you is to hang out in places that you enjoy and make yourself as approachable as possible and make a move every now and then if a guy is approachable as well. You'd be surprised how well this can turn out. Oh yes, I forgot to mention alcohol. That's another thing that makes me want to stay away from the party scene and the main reason I don't like to go out on weekends with my NYC friends. I can't stand the way people act when they're inebriated and I would never take a drunk guy seriously if one were to approach me at a bar or club or wherever. Thank you for the well wishes I haven't gotten discouraged with OLD just yet. If anything, this whole experience has made me a little wiser
morichu Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 I'm not into the whole bar/clubbing/partying thing, which is how I'm assuming people meet others here in NYC (at least that's how most of the people I know here get to meet people of the opposite sex and go on dates), so I thought I'd give OLD a try Completely understandable because I'm the same way. Im a 22 year old college kid. Bar/clubs is only fun for me on RARE occasions. I'm saying you should just make new friends in general before jumPing into the dating scene. Are you working? Going to school? Just make new friends and then keep meeting their mutual friends etc I just don't like online dating unless you're much older and don't have opportunities to meet people; pretty much the opposite of your situation. For every good guy you might meet, there's atleast 10 weirdos you'll have to go through first (like the situation you found yourself in earlier).
Author Rosie88 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 Completely understandable because I'm the same way. Im a 22 year old college kid. Bar/clubs is only fun for me on RARE occasions. I'm saying you should just make new friends in general before jumPing into the dating scene. Are you working? Going to school? Just make new friends and then keep meeting their mutual friends etc I just don't like online dating unless you're much older and don't have opportunities to meet people; pretty much the opposite of your situation. For every good guy you might meet, there's atleast 10 weirdos you'll have to go through first (like the situation you found yourself in earlier). I was (and still am) the same way in college, never cared for bars or getting drunk. I moved to NYC for a new job which I'll be starting in less than 2 weeks, and also to pursue my masters degree starting next year. I haven't given up on traditional dating either and I know that once I start meeting more people more opportunities will start to present themselves
kaylan Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Nothing wrong with bars. They can be pretty laid back and chill places to just chill with your peers. It doesnt have to be about getting drunk or laid.
Author Rosie88 Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Nothing wrong with bars. They can be pretty laid back and chill places to just chill with your peers. It doesnt have to be about getting drunk or laid. Never said there was anything wrong with bars, just that they're not right for me
mortensorchid Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Honestly, don't respond to it. If you weren't feeling it for whatever reason, then you shouldn't respond to it or him. Don't waste time with time wasters, and if you were to respond in any way to him (even if it's as harmless as returning a text message), you are doing just that.
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