Rosie88 Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Today I went on a date with a guy and, from the moment we met, things were not good and they only went downhill from then on. I managed to remain pleasant and composed the whole time even though all I wanted to do was run for dear life. At the end we said goodbye and went our separate ways. I was hoping he hadn't enjoyed himself either so that he wouldn't contact me again but, unfortunately, a few hours after I got home I received a text message from him saying "It was good meeting you." It's not in my nature to be rude and, even though I never want to see the guy again, I feel terrible not messaging him back. On the one hand, I don't want to just ignore his message because if I were the one in his position I would feel terrible about being ignored. But on the other hand I don't want to lie and say "likewise" because that will likely lead him on. What's the best way to reply to his message without being mean and yet at the same time putting across that I'm not interested in seeing him again and also deterring him from contacting me again? Thanks in advance
brahmabull117 Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Don't respond to his message, what the hell? He's a big boy, he can handle it
vallat Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 To be honest saying "It was good to meet you" doesn't always mean they had a good time. It's more like "It was good to meet you, but I don't want to see you again." If he wanted to see you again, he probably would have said something like "It was good to meet you, we should go out again" or even "I had a good time tonight". You can say "It was good to meet you too, but I'm not feeling a romantic connection/I'm just not feeling it". Something like that. Everyone lies sometimes. Be polite, non-hurtful but make it clear you are not interested. 5
Author Rosie88 Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 To be honest saying "It was good to meet you" doesn't always mean they had a good time. It's more like "It was good to meet you, but I don't want to see you again." If he wanted to see you again, he probably would have said something like "It was good to meet you, we should go out again" or even "I had a good time tonight". You can say "It was good to meet you too, but I'm not feeling a romantic connection/I'm just not feeling it". Something like that. Everyone lies sometimes. Be polite, non-hurtful but make it clear you are not interested. Throughout the whole date he kept mentioning the things we can do/places we can go next time we meet, which is why I think he'll want to meet again. Thanks for the message suggestion though, it's straight to the point without being rude.
Author Rosie88 Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 (edited) So what did he do wrong? Besides not wearing an affliction shirt of course He did many things wrong and, thanks to you, I just added another item to the list of things he did wrong First off, when we first met he told me he had been feeling dizzy because he has been going to a medium hall (I'm really not sure if that's what they're called) and all those people's energies were now in him, which was causing the dizziness. I'm very open-minded and never judge people on their beliefs and what they do with their time, but I found it a bit odd that that was the first thing he said to me. Our original plan for the date was to go get ice cream. We were walking to what I assumed was the ice cream place when we passed by a McDonald's and he asked me if I didn't mind him going in. I said "sure, go ahead." We went in, he got a milkshake, and we walked back out. I was never expecting him to pay for me, but in my circle of friends whenever we go somewhere with anyone, be it a date or not, we ask everyone in the group if they want anything. He didn't. We decided to go to Central Park (I live in NYC, by the way) and while on our way there the conversation was odd. Whenever he asked me something, I had to answer him 3-4 times because he was so easily distracted by whatever was happening around us (this happened the entire date). While still walking to CP he asked me if I knew why he was in the city. I told him no and he said "I want to blow up Times Square. I'm a genetic experiment and one day I'm going there with my backpack and blowing up the whole place. I hate people." I guess he saw the look on my face and after a while he said he was just kidding. (After he said that, I was really worried about the backpack he was carrying and whenever he reached into it, I felt my heart skip a beat). Skip the rest of the (odd) conversation. We get to CP and find a spot near a lake. We sit up on some rocks and watch people in row boats, rowing their way around the lake. He was very judgmental and kept criticizing everything everyone did. Then he asked me to give him a foot massage. I thought he was joking, but he started taking his shoes off and told me that his heels really hurt and if I would please massage them for him. I said no. He kept insisting, and I kept saying no. Skip some more awkward (and odd) conversation. After about 1.5 hours I told him I had to go soon because a friend was waiting for me (which was true). We started walking back and saw an old lady walking with a cane. He turned to me and said "I love seeing old people with problems. Look at how she's walking all shaky" and proceeded to laugh. I couldn't believe he was actually saying those things. Like I said before, the whole time he kept criticizing and making mean and unnecessary comments about everyone that walked by us going about their day, regardless of what they were doing. I'm very patient and not easily phased (I've met my share of strange people) but this was all a bit too much for me... Edited July 28, 2012 by Rosie88
MrCastle Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Ouch. Sounds like this guy has some deep rooted issues he needs to take care of. His social skills are severely lacking. Did you meet this guy online? 1
Author Rosie88 Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 Ouch. Sounds like this guy has some deep rooted issues he needs to take care of. His social skills are severely lacking. Did you meet this guy online? Yup, I just started trying out online dating (okcupid, to be specific) since I'm still new to the city and this was my very first date. I'm kind of scared to go on any more dates now because of this...
MrCastle Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Yup, I just started trying out online dating (okcupid, to be specific) since I'm still new to the city and this was my very first date. I'm kind of scared to go on any more dates now because of this... Really? Well don't be scared off, this city has some awesome dudes if you look around hard enough. I'm guessing you're 23 judging by your username?
oaks Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Yup, I just started trying out online dating (okcupid, to be specific) since I'm still new to the city and this was my very first date. I'm kind of scared to go on any more dates now because of this... Some dates won't be good. Step back from it for a moment (or for a few days) and see how you feel then. Maybe ask yourself "Did I really expect the first person I met in this new city to be my next boyfriend?" No? Then don't feel too upset that you went on a date and didn't enjoy it - it happens to all of us eventually. Better luck next time! 2
Author Rosie88 Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 Really? Well don't be scared off, this city has some awesome dudes if you look around hard enough. I'm guessing you're 23 judging by your username? Just turned 24 at the beginning of the month. I'm really not into the whole bar/club scene and I don't know many people here yet so it's not like I get to meet people through mutual friends. I'm not desperate to date, but I just want to start meeting guys because throughout high school and college, when I could've "dated around," I chose not to because I wanted to focus on my studies and all. But now I'm ready to start dating and having some fun and, hopefully, finding the right person in the process, but I don't want to rush into anything just yet (I just got out of my first serious relationship less than a month ago). I just really want to meet some decent, nice guys who are capable of having a normal conversation and won't make me want to run in the opposite direction lol
Author Rosie88 Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 Some dates won't be good. Step back from it for a moment (or for a few days) and see how you feel then. Maybe ask yourself "Did I really expect the first person I met in this new city to be my next boyfriend?" No? Then don't feel too upset that you went on a date and didn't enjoy it - it happens to all of us eventually. Better luck next time! I see what you mean. In all honesty, I'm not upset, I've actually been laughing about the whole thing. My main concern is how to let him down easy and not give him the (wrong) impression that I would want to see him again.
MrCastle Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Just turned 24 at the beginning of the month. I'm really not into the whole bar/club scene and I don't know many people here yet so it's not like I get to meet people through mutual friends. I'm not desperate to date, but I just want to start meeting guys because throughout high school and college, when I could've "dated around," I chose not to because I wanted to focus on my studies and all. But now I'm ready to start dating and having some fun and, hopefully, finding the right person in the process, but I don't want to rush into anything just yet (I just got out of my first serious relationship less than a month ago). I just really want to meet some decent, nice guys who are capable of having a normal conversation and won't make me want to run in the opposite direction lol You're talking to one right now haha. I'm 24 also, but not into the bar scene either. We do exist. 1
Author Rosie88 Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 You're talking to one right now haha. I'm 24 also, but not into the bar scene either. We do exist. You do exist?? haha Maybe I'm just looking in all the wrong places (or, better yet, I'm not looking hard enough). Although, now that I think about it, I have always had an uncanny ability to attract strange (to put it nicely) guys, which scares me off even more lol 1
MrCastle Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 You do exist?? haha Maybe I'm just looking in all the wrong places (or, better yet, I'm not looking hard enough). Although, now that I think about it, I have always had an uncanny ability to attract strange (to put it nicely) guys, which scares me off even more lol Haha, well, online dating for me has been unsuccessful too if that makes you feel better. I think the best way to meet people is in real life. Or web forums.
Author Rosie88 Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 Haha, well, online dating for me has been unsuccessful too if that makes you feel better. I think the best way to meet people is in real life. Or web forums. Yup, I've come to realize that...online dating just feels too impersonal to me.
MrCastle Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Hey I just met you, and this is crazy. But here's my number, so call me maybe?
Shaun-Dro Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Ouch! That was very uncalled for. If you paid attention to the main point of this thread, you would realize that I'm far from being on a high horse...but anyway, I'm not going to argue with someone on the internet. You're new to Loveshack. You've yet to learn of my villainess reputation. I can assure you that it'll happen in time. For now, just follow Mr. Castle's advice. He's a fellow New Yorker such as I am. We know what's going on out here. You haven't yet been polluted by our NY women. Hopefully you'll be strong enough to avoid that inhalation.
Author Rosie88 Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 Hey I just met you, and this is crazy. But here's my number, so call me maybe? I should be upset with you for getting that song stuck in my head right now when I'm about to go to bed, but you made me laugh, so you get a free pass this once 1
Author Rosie88 Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 You're new to Loveshack. You've yet to learn of my villainess reputation. I can assure you that it'll happen in time. For now, just follow Mr. Castle's advice. He's a fellow New Yorker such as I am. We know what's going on out here. You haven't yet been polluted by our NY women. Hopefully you'll be strong enough to avoid that inhalation. After I submitted my post I looked through your activity and noticed your villainous tendencies lol And don't worry, I'm not one to be easily influenced by others (I'm happy with how I am and how I treat people), so I doubt I'll become "polluted" any time soon 1
MrCastle Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 I should be upset with you for getting that song stuck in my head right now when I'm about to go to bed, but you made me laugh, so you get a free pass this once No no, save that pass for when I start getting strange. I'll need it.
Author Rosie88 Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 No no, save that pass for when I start getting strange. I'll need it. Oh no!! I thought you were one of the (few) normal ones...
MrCastle Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Oh no!! I thought you were one of the (few) normal ones... Abnormal Ha, no but really, I'd say I'm pretty normal. I am into the arts so I may be a tad eccentric. I can be pretty random and silly when I need to be. Also I have a sexual energy that burns stronger than a thousand suns. Care to know anything more?
Author Rosie88 Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 Abnormal Ha, no but really, I'd say I'm pretty normal. I am into the arts so I may be a tad eccentric. I can be pretty random and silly when I need to be. Also I have a sexual energy that burns stronger than a thousand suns. Care to know anything more? Oh my goodness, you just made me laugh again haha See, I have no problem with eccentricity so long as it's not mean-spirited (such as was the case with this guy). He seemed to be in a world of his own, and I can't deal with self-centered people. Well, since you insist that I ask (lol): are you originally from NYC?
MrCastle Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Oh my goodness, you just made me laugh again haha See, I have no problem with eccentricity so long as it's not mean-spirited (such as was the case with this guy). He seemed to be in a world of his own, and I can't deal with self-centered people. Well, since you insist that I ask (lol): are you originally from NYC? I've always lived in New York, but I'm just outside the city, in Westchester County. What about you? Where are you originally from?
Author Rosie88 Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 I've always lived in New York, but I'm just outside the city, in Westchester County. What about you? Where are you originally from? I was born in Cape Verde (a tiny archipelago in the Atlantic - good luck finding it on a map lol), moved to the US when I was 15, went to high school in RI, college in upstate NY (Syracuse, to be more precise) and then lived in Orlando where I did my internships for a combined 2 years (I went there twice). I moved to NYC a little over a month ago.
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