Disenchantedly Yours Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 I don't think the OP should do anything she doesn't want to either, but I do think it's worth getting wise to how dating is 'nowadays'. *checks ticker* I was being told a story the other day about a friend of a friend who couldn't understand why she'd not heard back after her first date with a guy. When asked if anything physical had happened on the night, she admitted they'd done anal. The guy telling me this was in stitches; I was mildly amused but not too surprised. Each to their own, eh?! That's just crazy...anal sex on the first date??????????????????? Who does that?
somedude81 Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 I agree with this... ... and reiterate that I DO blame guys for this. Tacky behavior is tacky behavior. Why would you blame men for it? If it didn't work for him I'm sure he would have stopped asking. 1
veggirl Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 "Wanna go back to my place" is just "Wanna go have sex" flowered up a TAD. If you'd be cool with a guy just asking you "wanna go have sex" then you wouldn't have a problem with a suggestion of "going to his place" on a first date. I'd have a problem with it.
ThaWholigan Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Why would you blame men for it? If it didn't work for him I'm sure he would have stopped asking. that brought a chuckle 1
Author Still Learning Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 1I agree with this... ... and reiterate that I DO blame guys for this. Tacky behavior is tacky behavior. No mature adult suggests coming over to their place without it being some suggestion of sex happening or possibility of it happening. It's retarded and disingenuous to believe otherwise. I also second the opinion that I'm not interested in being a man's sex police either. ...but, I do have one question for the OP... since you are coming out of a long-term marriage... it is common for some men to automatically assume "BINGO! LOOKING FOR CASUAL SEX!! If you have something in your profile that says things like "just looking to meet people and see where it goes..." or anything implying less than serious dating intentions... alot of guys are naturally going to assume or hope that means NSA sex too. Just so you know that. If you aren't looking for that, then you need to make that more clear on your profile, and certainly before you agree to meet. That way, the guy really has no wiggle room and really is being a douche for suggesting it so soon... This is very useful information. My profile does say something like that! I'll be changing it today. Thank you for the practical info.
Star Gazer Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 I'd throw this one back, unless you're ok with casual sex. I used to think there was no harm in a guy trying. However, any guy who tried something on the first couple of days ended up showing his true colors pretty soon anyway so I'd use it as a Nexting criteria. Every normal guy is going to try but it's the wanna be players who'll see how far they can get on the first or second date. Yup. This. Throw him back.
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Miss Jaclyn would have been there in a NY minute. Yeah, because I am THAT easy. One of the guys I am dating now asked if I wanted to go back to his place so he could cook dinner on the first date, I politely declined, and he hasn't asked me over since. Going on date 4 now... We have such a good time together, I am glad I didn't just write him off for it.
Lonely Ronin Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 "Wanna go back to my place" is just "Wanna go have sex" flowered up a TAD. If you'd be cool with a guy just asking you "wanna go have sex" then you wouldn't have a problem with a suggestion of "going to his place" on a first date. I'd have a problem with it. Seriously, what type of men are you dating? The vast majority of men I know single or married don't think this way.
musemaj11 Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 If women can expect to be wined and dined on the first four dates, then men can expect sex within the first four dates. Both are inconsiderate expectations.
RedRobin Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 (edited) Why would you blame men for it? Because... the words were coming out of HIS mouth(?) .. unless these guys are pod-people or ventriliquist dummies with a hidden hand up their backside... Edited July 27, 2012 by RedRobin
somedude81 Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Because... the words were coming out of HIS mouth(?) .. unless these guys are pod-people or ventriliquist dummies with a hidden hand up their backside... Although, given the lack of awareness from some of them regarding appropriate behavior... I sometimes wonder. Ha ha Clearly you missed the point of my post. Do you think that if every woman a guy invited to his place on the first date said no, that he would keep trying? Every once in a while a girl says yes, so he gets first date sex. So why do you blame the man for asking, if it can work? Why not shift some blame on the women who actually say yes?
RedRobin Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Clearly you missed the point of my post. Do you think that if every woman a guy invited to his place on the first date said no, that he would keep trying? Every once in a while a girl says yes, so he gets first date sex. So why do you blame the man for asking, if it can work? Why not shift some blame on the women who actually say yes? Because I believe in Pavlov's dog... I'm betting the number of women who actually say yes are quite small... so from a statistical standpoint... it is not logical to blame 'women'... If the guy wants sex, he can easily find it elsewhere. Problem is, I'm betting most of these guys just want sex from 'good' girls looking for LTR's or with a history of such... not the ones with the OkC profile listing "casual sex". Notice that I did give the OP some tips on clarifying her objectives though... to help her with the pre-screening. OTOH... if she notices a big drop off in men contacting her... she could always go back to the vague profile and take it case by case. (yes, the guy I'm currently seeing asked me to come over to his place for the 3rd date. I really don't think this is going anywhere, TBH... but this is a discussion I'd rather have in person.... and no... not at his house... plus I'd rather try to keep him as a riding buddy should our goals not be in line. We'll see)
MrCastle Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 It's called escalation. The benefit of escalating is the girl won't lock you in the friend zone and throw away the key. It also helps guys weed out attention whores who dangle the idea of sex in front of a man like a carrot in front of a pony and let him bend over backwards trying to chase it while never actually giving it up. The flipside is he comes on too strong and the girl is put off by it. For most men, the reward (sex, avoiding the friend zone) is worth the risk. 2
MrCastle Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 If the guy wants sex, he can easily find it elsewhere. LOL. Yeah. Sometimes I forget how easy it is for a man to get laid.
RedRobin Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 It's called escalation. The benefit of escalating is the girl won't lock you in the friend zone and throw away the key. It also helps guys weed out attention whores who dangle the idea of sex in front of a man like a carrot in front of a pony and let him bend over backwards trying to chase it while never actually giving it up. The flipside is he comes on too strong and the girl is put off by it. For most men, the reward (sex, avoiding the friend zone) is worth the risk. ... and that, my friend... is the 'dance'.... Gotta love it!
ThaWholigan Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 It's called escalation. The benefit of escalating is the girl won't lock you in the friend zone and throw away the key. It also helps guys weed out attention whores who dangle the idea of sex in front of a man like a carrot in front of a pony and let him bend over backwards trying to chase it while never actually giving it up. The flipside is he comes on too strong and the girl is put off by it. For most men, the reward (sex, avoiding the friend zone) is worth the risk. A slow escalation drives them crazy .
xxoo Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 It's called escalation. The benefit of escalating is the girl won't lock you in the friend zone and throw away the key. It also helps guys weed out attention whores who dangle the idea of sex in front of a man like a carrot in front of a pony and let him bend over backwards trying to chase it while never actually giving it up. The flipside is he comes on too strong and the girl is put off by it. For most men, the reward (sex, avoiding the friend zone) is worth the risk. Better idea: kiss her on an early date, and see how she responds. If she responds well, move onto making out, and really drive her wild. 1
xxoo Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 ... and that, my friend... is the 'dance'.... Sounds more like a chess match
RedRobin Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Sounds more like a chess match I enjoy both :love: 1
MrCastle Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Better idea: kiss her on an early date, and see how she responds. If she responds well, move onto making out, and really drive her wild. And if she responds well to the making out, invite her to your place.
xxoo Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 And if she responds well to the making out, invite her to your place. You can, but you've already escalated past the friend stage, so you wouldn't need to. You could tease her and make her really hot for you 1
RedRobin Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 And if she responds well to the making out, invite her to your place. wait at least one more date after that... Make out somemore... Treat her to a really fun time... (doesn't necessarily have to involve $$) THEN invite her to your place. My guess is she'll be inviting you to hers first tho. and ready to rip your clothes off. 1
ThaWholigan Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 You can, but you've already escalated past the friend stage, so you wouldn't need to. You could tease her and make her really hot for you This, I've done things like this by accident and not realized - and ended up missing out because I didn't even know what I was doing and ended up frustrating the couple of girls that I was doing it to. Striking when the iron is steaming hot is a good idea. It's like turning up a knob on a stove. I know that my libido goes on like a switch - straight on! But when it comes to turning up the heat, you gotta do it slow, then stop, then slow, then stop......sometimes you stumble on these things. 2
xxoo Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 It's like turning up a knob on a stove. I know that my libido goes on like a switch - straight on! But when it comes to turning up the heat, you gotta do it slow, then stop, then slow, then stop......sometimes you stumble on these things. mmmmmmm..... If more men understood this, and the effect it has on a woman, they wouldn't settle for first date sex! 2
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