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If a women wants to have sex and guy doesn't, will the women lose interest in him?

frink34

By frink34
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ascendotum Established Member

ascendotum

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It depends on why he doesn't want to have sex.

 

If he had an extremely long day and feels he can't perform, then that's okay. But if he doesn't want to have sex because he would rather play video games, then that's a turn off (although I have done that myself lol!)

 

My very first serious relationship was with a guy who refused to have sex with me (once) because we were in a car and he wanted it to be "special" and not so "trashy". I was so horny I could barely move, and I was surprised! I mean...how corny right?!

 

Men are weird :p

 

He blew it when he panicked and said nothing and just continued to cuddle her. If he gave her a reason then it could likely have made all the difference. Some good posts on first page that covered this. He had a 2nd chance to recover things with a follow up date, but wasn't confident enough to account for not instigating sex that night nor steering her back to his place, and thats the end of the story, no 3rd date. I guess he's got nothing to lose, by trying to explain to her the 'nerves/no condom/overwhelmed with her beauty'....I guess the women here could say if that would work. But they can be fickle, you blow it once and often thats it you are written off, even if you subsequently try to show you are still really keen on the girl and want to make amends. You can **** up by even doing the right thing, like not taking advantage of a really drunk girl that you really dig. I've blown that, and found out 2nd hand info that she liked me but not throwing her down in the backseat was why she went off me and subsequently hooked up another guy for her bf the following week. You will know better for next time OP.

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

Posted
Posted
the best sex is 10 percent physical and 90 percent mental.

 

Spot on, beats me why so many men don't get this. Guess they don't get to the 90%

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frink34 Member

frink34

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No, I don't think it would have put her off if she really liked you. The only thing that might have put her off is if she got the idea you weren't interested in her or attracted to her. If you communicate something to a guy and don't get a direct response about it, i.e. he pretends he never heard, then that in itself is annoying. Like when a guy cannot keep it up but pretends he prefers to do other things instead; it's really frustrating that he's just ploughing ahead with what he thinks would hide the fact instead of being honest. You can't fault a guy for honesty and if he's a bit shy or bashful about something, that can actually be endearing and lovable.

 

Maybe this girl wasn't all that into you in the first place, who knows? She probably felt you didn't fancy her or that there was 'some problem' she wasn't aware of. Women pick up on things and she would have been aware there was something amiss somewhere. Not knowing what it was would have worried her and made her feel insecure and uncertain. Explaining at the time would have been best but if she was really keen, she'd have given you another chance, assuming she felt you were attracted to her.

 

She was really into me and I liked her which is why I'm having trouble letting this go. She seemed insecure a few times while we were fooling around, asking if I was laughing at her (I wasn't...) It sucks that basically anything I send will be regarded as desperate and put me into a bigger hole. I don't think she will ever contact me, I tried to get a quick meeting hoping to discuss this stuff but couldn't.

Leopard Established Member

Leopard

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I would say more of a ratio of 50%-50%. But definitely agree, if he can stimulate you mentally, the vagina will respond :p

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frink34 Member

frink34

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It depends on why he doesn't want to have sex.

 

If he had an extremely long day and feels he can't perform, then that's okay. But if he doesn't want to have sex because he would rather play video games, then that's a turn off (although I have done that myself lol!)

 

My very first serious relationship was with a guy who refused to have sex with me (once) because we were in a car and he wanted it to be "special" and not so "trashy". I was so horny I could barely move, and I was surprised! I mean...how corny right?!

 

Men are weird :p

 

We were making out/fooling around pretty heavily, at first she said we won't have sex. Later in between breaths for making out she said she indicated she wanted sex then went back to making out. This wasn't a case where I'm just sitting down and watching tv and ignore her

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frink34 Member

frink34

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He blew it when he panicked and said nothing and just continued to cuddle her. If he gave her a reason then it could likely have made all the difference. Some good posts on first page that covered this. He had a 2nd chance to recover things with a follow up date, but wasn't confident enough to account for not instigating sex that night nor steering her back to his place, and thats the end of the story, no 3rd date. I guess he's got nothing to lose, by trying to explain to her the 'nerves/no condom/overwhelmed with her beauty'....I guess the women here could say if that would work. But they can be fickle, you blow it once and often thats it you are written off, even if you subsequently try to show you are still really keen on the girl and want to make amends. You can **** up by even doing the right thing, like not taking advantage of a really drunk girl that you really dig. I've blown that, and found out 2nd hand info that she liked me but not throwing her down in the backseat was why she went off me and subsequently hooked up another guy for her bf the following week. You will know better for next time OP.

 

Didn't go back to just cuddling, heavy make out/fool around.

 

That was the plan for second date, but once again I suck at this and did a long ass date instead of just saying hey lets watch movie at my place. I still want to fix it with her somehow...

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

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Didn't go back to just cuddling, heavy make out/fool around.

 

That was the plan for second date, but once again I suck at this and did a long ass date instead of just saying hey lets watch movie at my place. I still want to fix it with her somehow...

 

The thing is, it's easy to lose the connection with someone when you are not in a long term relationship. Most dating doesn't lead anywhere. Sorry man but you probably can't

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frink34 Member

frink34

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The thing is, it's easy to lose the connection with someone when you are not in a long term relationship. Most dating doesn't lead anywhere. Sorry man but you probably can't

 

She was borderline infatuated in me, I could tell. I am usually pessimistic and down play a girl's interest in me, but she was REALLY into me. There is no way I can kind of rekindle that interest and slowly try to build it up? Like text her an inside joke and hope she responds positively? Or will I just annoy her by sending anything at this point?

DreamerDeceiver Member

DreamerDeceiver

Posted
Posted (edited)
My very first serious relationship was with a guy who refused to have sex with me (once) because we were in a car and he wanted it to be "special" and not so "trashy". I was so horny I could barely move, and I was surprised! I mean...how corny right?!

 

Men are weird :p

 

I went through the exact thing as you described in this scenario. Except, I was that guy.

We spent a good 4 hours in a car after a great coffee + conversation date... I was too afraid to make a move on her, and ended up cuddling with her and making out (which she initiated.) I still remember the look of dissapointment on her face. The reason was, I didn't want to rush things... but I didn't communicate this to her! Unfortunatley she had her needs met elsewhere. I really dug this girl and it kicks me to this day why I couldn't straight up tell her. Being my first date in 9 years didn't help the situation either, I was as rusty as a unrestored classic, and missed tons of signals she was throwing my way.

 

What I learned from that experience was: 1) You only get 1 shot per girl per lifetime; 2) Don't be such a "nice guy" 3) Don't be afraid to communicate 4) you'd better be ready if she's ready.

 

You live and learn... :(

Edited by DreamerDeceiver
ThingsAreComplicated Established Member

ThingsAreComplicated

Posted
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She was borderline infatuated in me, I could tell. I am usually pessimistic and down play a girl's interest in me, but she was REALLY into me. There is no way I can kind of rekindle that interest and slowly try to build it up? Like text her an inside joke and hope she responds positively? Or will I just annoy her by sending anything at this point?

 

I know you probably don't want to hear it but you DO come across as desperate...as many people in this thread have already said there is no way to recover from this. Do yourself a favor and move on.

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frink34 Member

frink34

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I went through the exact thing as you described in this scenario. Except, I was that guy.

We spent a good 4 hours in a car after a great coffee + conversation date... I was too afraid to make a move on her, and ended up cuddling with her and making out (which she initiated.) I still remember the look of dissapointment on her face. The reason was, I didn't want to rush things... but I didn't communicate this to her! Unfortunatley she had her needs met elsewhere. I really dug this girl and it kicks me to this day why I couldn't straight up tell her. Being my first date in 9 years didn't help the situation either, I was as rusty as a unrestored classic, and missed tons of signals she was throwing my way.

 

What I learned from that experience was: 1) You only get 1 shot per girl per lifetime; 2) Don't be such a "nice guy" 3) Don't be afraid to communicate 4) you'd better be ready if she's ready.

 

You live and learn... :(

 

It has been a month and I'm still not over it, hope it doesn't haunt me for a while.

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frink34 Member

frink34

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I know you probably don't want to hear it but you DO come across as desperate...as many people in this thread have already said there is no way to recover from this. Do yourself a favor and move on.

 

Right now yes I agree, I just came so close to losing virginity and screwed up. I never thought this would be a reason for me blowing it with a girl, not to mention the fact I thought she was cool and would have like to have kept in contact with her. I'm just a little bummed now because I will be traveling a bit with no chance for another shot in near future (not one night stand guy)

Edited by frink34
mortensorchid Established Member

mortensorchid

Posted
Posted

It's hard to imagine that in this day and age there would be a person who does not have experiences with things related to S-E-X. Seriously, what are the odds that a person will reach say, age 25, and not have had at least SOME sexual experiences? For men or women? Well, I'm here to tell you that it does happen. Inexperience, I seem to find, on the man's part is by choice rather than the woman's. It may sound strange, but I have encountered a few men who would not, did not, have sex with women. One was devoutly religious, one lied, one said he never felt comfortable enough, and another had a gf who he was living with for 5 years, were engaged to be married, and he NEVER DID IT. Either with her or anyone else. All I can say is that these situations were odd.

 

But in your situation, I believe that this just wasn't meant to be. You admitted to her that you were inexperienced in these matters, I think it turned her off, and she left. Quite honestly, at this point in my life, if I had met a guy who said he had never done it or felt too insecure to do it, I would just forget about them. Then again, I am 37 and you are probably far younger.

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frink34 Member

frink34

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It's hard to imagine that in this day and age there would be a person who does not have experiences with things related to S-E-X. Seriously, what are the odds that a person will reach say, age 25, and not have had at least SOME sexual experiences? For men or women? Well, I'm here to tell you that it does happen. Inexperience, I seem to find, on the man's part is by choice rather than the woman's. It may sound strange, but I have encountered a few men who would not, did not, have sex with women. One was devoutly religious, one lied, one said he never felt comfortable enough, and another had a gf who he was living with for 5 years, were engaged to be married, and he NEVER DID IT. Either with her or anyone else. All I can say is that these situations were odd.

 

But in your situation, I believe that this just wasn't meant to be. You admitted to her that you were inexperienced in these matters, I think it turned her off, and she left. Quite honestly, at this point in my life, if I had met a guy who said he had never done it or felt too insecure to do it, I would just forget about them. Then again, I am 37 and you are probably far younger.

 

I was obese with social anxiety for much of my life. I'm not good at social stuff at all, hence why I'm like this. I don't agree with that though, I basically kept repeating i'm not good at this stuff and she still gave me the doggy bowl eyes. She was still into me and said she didn't care, I was hoping she would help me through when i said this but she didn't say much.

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frink34 Member

frink34

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but you see women prefer expereince guys and when they even sniff inexperience they run for the door. to woman inexperience guys don't exist even though they are all over the damn place. word of advice, don't tell a women you're not good at sex even if you're not. they may act sympathetic but their not. serious, fake it till you make it.

 

She was young, shy, awkard and probably inexperienced herself. After all the things I said and told her she said she didn't care and I honestly believe her because she still wanted me.

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frink34 Member

frink34

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WOMEN lie and lie and lie. mortensorchid just lied and its common. it sucks man but you'll get your pussy soon.

 

I told her I was inexperienced before we started fooling around, she said she doesn't care and not to worry because we wouldn't get that far. Then she said she wanted sex...so I don't thinks he was lying

ascendotum Established Member

ascendotum

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Right now yes I agree, I just came so close to losing virginity and screwed up. I never thought this would be a reason for me blowing it with a girl, not to mention the fact I thought she was cool and would have like to have kept in contact with her. I'm just a little bummed now because I will be traveling a bit with no chance for another shot in near future (not one night stand guy)

 

Ok, so this why its bugging you a month later. A real shame you were almost home & hosed & grinning. You will be wiser for the next time which hopefully wont be not too far in the distant future, so this wont be a major regret. I agree with the other dude, next time, don't mention anything about being inexperienced, even if she does. Go out and buy some condoms, and keep them in the bedside table and carry one when you go out and think their might be a chance. If something prevents you from sealing the deal with the girl at the time, let her know so you she doesn't come up with her own thoughts.

I still think you should give that girl one last shot in explaining the night. Its certainly a bit late, but you said she was really into you, and well you got nothing to lose, because you are out of picture at this time.

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