If a women wants to have sex and guy doesn't, will the women lose interest in him?

[frink34]

I was dating a girl who was pretty much infatuated with me. I'm new to all this and had her at my apartment. We were making out and starting to fool around, I told her I was inexperienced and she said don't worry we're not going that far. Later she changed her mind and said something that would indicate she wanted to have sex, I didn't have a condom, was in the heat of the moment, and just flustered from inexperience and just kept going and ignored her.

 

Afterwards she seemed distant, went on one more date with me, I was ready to have sex on that one but she ended it early saying she had to go to work. Never got a chance to take her out again.

 

I had a friend tell me that was the reason she lost interest in me. Women view that as rejection. Would you completely lose interest in a guy if this happened? Is this the reason she went from being completely into me to not wanting to see me again?

[thatone]

yes

 

if it hasn't been too long it's not out of the realm of possibility that you salvage the situation and get another shot, tell her how beautiful she is and how nervous that made you and being without a condom made it too awkward and you lost focus, and you won't make that mistake again because she's such a great catch blah blah blah.

Edited July 26, 2012 by thatone

[anne1707]

Later she changed her mind and said something that would indicate she wanted to have sex, I didn't have a condom, was in the heat of the moment, and just flustered from inexperience and just kept going and ignored her.

 

Can you just clarify this please. Does that mean that you went on to have sex without using a condom?

[thatone]

i'm assuming you're younger, late teens or early 20s? if so consider this...the primary driving factor in any girl's brain that you're gonna meet for the next 10+ years is insecurity and fear of rejection. picture a pinball machine that has a bunch of negative things for the ball to hit. replace insecurity, fear, hesitation, indecision, and all those other things with positive attention and you will get more women than you even want, as the same ball that bounces from insecurity to fear to hesitation starts to bounce off of "he's so perfect he did xyz for me and makes me feel great".

[frink34]

yes

 

if it hasn't been too long it's not out of the realm of possibility that you salvage the situation and get another shot, tell her how beautiful she is and how nervous that made you and being without a condom made it too awkward and you lost focus, and you won't make that mistake again because she's such a great catch blah blah blah.

 

I went on another date with her, but I guess it was long, she was always checking the time, and maybe got annoyed I didn't take her back to my place? At this point I think it's done. She gave me excuses as to why she couldn't go on future dates, I told her I thought she was awesome over text, but think I just came off as desperate.

[frink34]

Can you just clarify this please. Does that mean that you went on to have sex without using a condom?

 

No, at first she said no sex. Then after fooling around a bit she whispered/mumbled she wanted sex. I had no condom and knew it wasn't going to happen so just continued making out without saying anything. In retrospect I know this was dumb, just was nervous at the time, had no idea what I was doing and there was that whole omg there is naked women in my bed factor.

[frink34]

i'm assuming you're younger, late teens or early 20s? if so consider this...the primary driving factor in any girl's brain that you're gonna meet for the next 10+ years is insecurity and fear of rejection. picture a pinball machine that has a bunch of negative things for the ball to hit. replace insecurity, fear, hesitation, indecision, and all those other things with positive attention and you will get more women than you even want, as the same ball that bounces from insecurity to fear to hesitation starts to bounce off of "he's so perfect he did xyz for me and makes me feel great".

 

Nope, mid 20's but not experienced. Even after I pursued her and complimented her over text and she didn't seem to want to go out again.

 

I'm answering as a guy. But from personal experience I can tell you that it depends on the girl and the reason you don't want to have sex. If its because you're insecure it will turn a woman off (your case). If you're just tired or not in the mood or "not ready" then it won't. In fact, it can turn her on more if you say you want to "wait".

 

If a woman comes onto you sexually and you're uncomfortable for whatever reason, its best to tell her you are not ready. But act confident at all costs. Don't say you are scared, uncomfortable, inexperienced, etc. The worst thing a man can ever do is show fear of a woman. Its an instant turn off.

 

I told her I had no idea what I was doing, I told her I was inexperienced. She still wanted to have sex with me. I'm very inexperienced. I spent most of the second date worrying about having to kiss her. I was not prepared at all for what happened on third date, things escalated very quickly.

[dasein]

Yes they will, didn't read the whole thread admittedly. When a woman is ready to have sex with you, be ready or be nexted.

[SJC2008]

F*ck first and ask questions last. That's my new motto so I hope it works! You may lose a couple due to lack of exp but you'll get better and better.

[carhill]

Yes they will, didn't read the whole thread admittedly. When a woman is ready to have sex with you, be ready or be nexted.

And don't talk too much. Scratch that. At all

 

OP, yeah, I went through this in my M. Might have been a chicken/egg thing though. My perceiving a lack of 'interest' from exW might have led to my decreased libido after a few years. I made the mistake of talking about it. Oops..

[StrangeBehaviors]

If either party desires sex and the other doesn't, interest decreases.

[frink34]

I wanted to have sex with her, I'm just so inexperienced I didn't know the steps involved. Is there anyway to recover from this?

[Imajerk17]

I think what did it was you admitting that you were really inexperienced. It's a turn-off when a woman admits that. When a man does it, it is even more of a turn-off. Better to plow your way through instead.

[thatone]

I wanted to have sex with her, I'm just so inexperienced I didn't know the steps involved. Is there anyway to recover from this?

 

your being nervous in person while sending texts to try and make up for it is annoying, in all likelihood.

 

so you've probably blown it.

 

next time, be like every other man, and start ignoring texts

[frink34]

I think what did it was you admitting that you were really inexperienced. It's a turn-off when a woman admits that. When a man does it, it is even more of a turn-off. Better to plow your way through instead.

 

I did this before I even got her to my apartment, and even after I said that she still wanted me. She was only 20 so maybe she didn't care?

 

As far as making a move to get in her pants goes they'll claim they don't like it when men go for it very quickly but in the same breath they'll happily talk about how if doesn't do it soon enough she loses interest.

 

Is there anyway to recover from this though? Can I keep being persistent?

 

Jeez, just because you didn't have a condom you pretended not to hear her? That doesn't even make sense.

 

You're obviously completely at a loss as to how to please a woman. Let me tell you something. If you think "sex" is jamming your hand in her crotch for 10 seconds of what you think is "blissful foreplay" for her, followed by jumping on top of her and pumping away like a rabid dog for 12 whole seconds before YOU'RE satisfied, you're not going to make a fan of her.

 

You inexeperienced guys seem to think that sex centers only around YOUR pleasure and when you've been satisfied, that's it.

 

WRONG.

 

You'd better watch some instructional porn (and not that fake crap that caters to mouth-breathers) and get a better understanding of how a woman's body works. Knowledge is power - don't be an amateur.

 

Geez what is your problem? I don't get why I didn't say anything at that point either, it was my first time with a naked women, and I was nervous as hell. I didn't get off at all fooling around with her, I focused on her the entire time.

[youngskywalker]

Basically, if a woman wants to bang then you have to do it. Period.

[yongyong]

In asian culture, this is how we describe.

 

they take it as 'I cooked the food for you and put it on the platter. all you had to was pick up the spoon and eat it. But you don't want it? then I will give it to the dog'

[frink34]

If you do turn her down is there anyway to talk to her and get her interested again?

[rocketman122]

Nothing you can do. Ignore her. if she's interested then she might text you, otherwise move along. sorry buddy.

 

I had a date with a woman and I was really attracted to her but had performance anxiety and just couldnt get it up, but I gave her orgasm after orgasm with my very talented tongue. after I manned up and switched my mind off I gave her a pounding she didnt forget for a good long time.. I was dripping sweat like I ran a marathon.

 

You kinda pussied out. that was your mistake. I understand your side and as much as I hate it and it pisses me off that its like this, but when a woman wants cock meat sandwich time, you must oblige. or do the best you can.

[spiderowl]

No, I don't think it would have put her off if she really liked you. The only thing that might have put her off is if she got the idea you weren't interested in her or attracted to her. If you communicate something to a guy and don't get a direct response about it, i.e. he pretends he never heard, then that in itself is annoying. Like when a guy cannot keep it up but pretends he prefers to do other things instead; it's really frustrating that he's just ploughing ahead with what he thinks would hide the fact instead of being honest. You can't fault a guy for honesty and if he's a bit shy or bashful about something, that can actually be endearing and lovable.

 

Maybe this girl wasn't all that into you in the first place, who knows? She probably felt you didn't fancy her or that there was 'some problem' she wasn't aware of. Women pick up on things and she would have been aware there was something amiss somewhere. Not knowing what it was would have worried her and made her feel insecure and uncertain. Explaining at the time would have been best but if she was really keen, she'd have given you another chance, assuming she felt you were attracted to her.

[OsiStruck]

I think you can safely assume to move on.... she's over you. No need to put yourself out there further with her. Plenty of other women out there.

[Balzac]

I wanted to have sex with her, I'm just so inexperienced I didn't know the steps involved. Is there anyway to recover from this?

 

Rule#1 have condoms

Rule#2 have her put it on for you.

 

Mid twenty-something is no excuse for lack of preparation. Not sure if she lacked contraceptive or you fear STDs.

[Balzac]

HaHa. But were you giving the ladies more as you developed technique?

[Balzac]

Point well stated. Emphasis on "we" however is relative.

[Leopard]

It depends on why he doesn't want to have sex.

 

If he had an extremely long day and feels he can't perform, then that's okay. But if he doesn't want to have sex because he would rather play video games, then that's a turn off (although I have done that myself lol!)

 

My very first serious relationship was with a guy who refused to have sex with me (once) because we were in a car and he wanted it to be "special" and not so "trashy". I was so horny I could barely move, and I was surprised! I mean...how corny right?!

 

Men are weird