Feel like our marriage is jeopordized.

[Els]

Aight. So what do you think about the suggestion that you do some other jobs, even those that you don't like, while getting this degree? Is there any reason you can't, such as medical issues, or perhaps your future plans require a sterling GPA?

[hotgurl]

Well $20 an hour is nothing where we live. The average rent is $1600-$1900 a month, which means you need to make at least 60k a year to even afford an apartment. So yes, once I get my degree, I do expect at least 35k-40k a year minimum.

 

what degree are you getting? I think expecting $20 out of the gate could be setting you sights to high. my first job after college in my field was $9.50 an hour. I still don't make $20. but I live in a low pay area. Our rents runs $1000 or more for a 2 bedroom. Plus it took me a year to find a job in the field even though I had 1.5 years experience through interships.

[hotgurl]

muscle have you tried going to a temp agency. They can offer office experience and might be a good way to get more meaningful experience.

 

but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. I cleaned houses to put myself through college.

[Mme. Chaucer]

You guys seem to be very ensconced in an unhealthy dynamic where the husband is a teenaged boy, and the wife is the nagging mommy.

 

Husband - time to grow up and do what you need to do. Stop excusing yourself for remaining a boy.

 

Wife - STOP engaging in telling him to run errands, telling him how to stand up to his family, "helping" with his job searches or school stuff. I know it will be incredibly hard to do, but you need to hand over "his" stuff to him and allow him to succeed or fail. You are actually enabling him to remain as he is, and enabling your marriage to go down the tubes. And you need to conduct your life and make your decisions so that YOU are not going to fail if he won't step up.

 

It sounds like a very co-dependent relationship. I really strongly advise marriage counseling.

[MuscleCarFan]

Aight. So what do you think about the suggestion that you do some other jobs, even those that you don't like, while getting this degree? Is there any reason you can't, such as medical issues, or perhaps your future plans require a sterling GPA?

 

I will take any other jobs, I just want that sterling GPA so I can get an MBA eventually.

[Els]

I will take any other jobs, I just want that sterling GPA so I can get an MBA eventually.

 

So.. you are intending to start taking any jobs you can get? I think we've concluded the issue, then?

[MuscleCarFan]

muscle have you tried going to a temp agency. They can offer office experience and might be a good way to get more meaningful experience.

 

but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. I cleaned houses to put myself through college.

 

I have used temp agencies, but they are almost entirely useless.

 

Husband - time to grow up and do what you need to do. Stop excusing yourself for remaining a boy.

 

I'm no boy. I have simply pointed out why it is so hard to break into a different field with no experience.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I'm no boy. I have simply pointed out why it is so hard to break into a different field with no experience.

 

I didn't expect you to agree that you are basically a teenaged boy, but if the stuff your wife wrote in the OP is a genuine depiction of your usual behavior … sorry, but you are.

 

And she is a nagging mommy. Not a unique dynamic, but really unhealthy. If you both can own your parts of this (your job situation is only a piece of it), you can get through it. But you BOTH need to step up with a lot of self discipline. I hope you will.

[MuscleCarFan]

I didn't expect you to agree that you are basically a teenaged boy, but if the stuff your wife wrote in the OP is a genuine depiction of your usual behavior … sorry, but you are.

 

And she is a nagging mommy. Not a unique dynamic, but really unhealthy. If you both can own your parts of this (your job situation is only a piece of it), you can get through it. But you BOTH need to step up with a lot of self discipline. I hope you will.

 

I am stepping up and doing my vest best to improve.

[pink_sugar]

what degree are you getting? I think expecting $20 out of the gate could be setting you sights to high. my first job after college in my field was $9.50 an hour. I still don't make $20. but I live in a low pay area. Our rents runs $1000 or more for a 2 bedroom. Plus it took me a year to find a job in the field even though I had 1.5 years experience through interships.

 

Business degrees, so they are very much useful. I'll have 2 years experience by the time I graduate, so I can easily expect $18 an hour minimum. I make $12 now with no degree. Rents here for a 2 bedroom are easily at least $2000+ unless you live in some ghetto. Amazing $1400 will get you next to nothing. We plan to move if other opportunities arise elsewhere.

[xxoo]

I'm no boy. I have simply pointed out why it is so hard to break into a different field with no experience.

 

You aren't telling any of us anything we don't know! Still, it is rare for a married man your age to simply not work for this reason.

 

How is your relationship with your professors? A lot of the time, who you know is more important that what you know. Impress your professors, and they will think of you when opportunities come up for internships, pt jobs, etc.

 

Do you have any friends who are working in a small office setting? That can be another way to break in, getting $8/hr to answer phones, and move up as you prove to be an awesome worker.

[alexandria35]

MCF, I have a great job. Great pay, great benefits, and I don't even have a degree...LOL. I'm in my forties now and the way I got the job I have now is by hardwork, perserverance, loyalty, and not letting my job define me.

 

When my kids were little we were dirt poor. I mean we were truly living in poverty. I see some people whine about being poor when they have all the same luxuries everyone else has. Computers, smart phones, video, games, large cable tv packages, cars etc. It wasn't like that for us. I swear to God we didn't even have a tv. Well once somebody gave us an old black and white tv with rabbit ears and we enjoyed that until it went kaput after about a year...LOL. My daily goal was just to keep a roof over our head and food on the table. Life was hard and hardest of all was seeing my kids not get the same that other kids took for granted.

 

But I always always worked. For several years it was crappy minium wage jobs which back then was $4/hour where I live. It didn't matter what I had to do. Retail, telephone soliciting, janitorial work, babysitting, stores, carwashes, theaters. Initailly I changed jobs a lot because I was always looking for better. Over time I couldn't see the point of changing one crappy for another so I started to stick with whatever job I had and work at being great at that crappy job. I was an expert at whatever I was doing, I demonstrated pride in whatever company I was working for. As a result my employers liked me, they viewed me as loyal, hardworking, honest and with a good attitude. Remember these were low paying jobs so I wasn't rewarded for my efforts with big raises or great promotions. What I did get was a solid resume and great references, which made me more appealing to prospective employees and I very slowly (like snails pace slow) started to climb up the pay scale. I took some schooling here and there over the years too. Nothing degree related, just some classes to gain some skills here and there. I finished high school, learned to type and then when computers started to dominate I took classes to learn the most common programs like Microsoft Office and Simply Accounting

 

Okay so sorry for telling you my life story but you have to know that the worse thing you can do to yourself is just not work at all. I'm sorry but nobody finds someone with a history of unemployment an appealing job canditate. The easiest time to get a job is when you already have a job. Thats another thing. I never didn't have a job. Quitting one job without another job lined up wasn't even an option I considered. So now I have a great job. I'm long way from being rich, I'm not even well off, but I'm content and don't go without anything I really want. Even so I realize that there is no such thing as job security. I could lose my great job some day and if that happens then I will have to take whatever comes my way. It would suck and be horrible but I would far rather be working at Mcdonalds over sitting around being unemployed whining about not being able to work because I don't want to take what"s available.

 

You and your girlfried both sound like you have a bad case making up obstacles that prevent you from getting it done. She has a job, yet you both sit around making up excuses why you can't have a job. "$20/hr is nothing. Rents are too high. You can't get promoted in such and such companies" Wah wah wah. I've lived through big city booms where everyone was getting high off the hog and major recessions where people were losing everything they spent their lives earning. Sometimes life sucks but it's never an excuse to not work.

[Radu]

alexandria35 and Mme. Chaucer said pretty much everything i could have said.

 

I would just like to add a few small things :

- i was like you once, and there is a small part of me that is still like you; you would not believe the jobs i did that paid that i can't include on my CV [it's blank] because they were not with a contract.

- both of you are idiots that you still care about his family; what is the #1 thing that we see on these forum guys ?; that ppl who don't want change will not change.

Your family musclecarfan doesn't want change, so just ... give up on them.

Make your own family from good honest friends.

- take any job, it's better than nothing.

First of all the employer sees you are not lazy.

Also, you can gain a 'take it or leave it' attitude, and remove desperation from your search, you have no ideea how much this impacts the interview.

And, sending resume's means NOTHING.

Any HR guy will tell you that they go in a black hole never to be seen again.

Go face to face, talk to them, let them see the determination in your face, you will communicate more to get that job than an unfeeling CV will ever do.

- remove all fat from your life.

Like alexandria35 said.

- this thread is bad ... very bad.

This is public shaming musclecarfan, do you understand how bad it is if it came to this ?

Like it or not, she is getting close to the end of her rope.

I'm actually surprised you even post to this thread defending yourself.

If you guys can't solve this, this marriage is over, and while some of her issues are ... blown out of proportion, the rest are just plain ... RIGHT.

Edited July 27, 2012 by Radu

[MuscleCarFan]

alexandria35 and Mme. Chaucer said pretty much everything i could have said.

 

I would just like to add a few small things :

- i was like you once, and there is a small part of me that is still like you; you would not believe the jobs i did that paid that i can't include on my CV [it's blank] because they were not with a contract.

- both of you are idiots that you still care about his family; what is the #1 thing that we see on these forum guys ?; that ppl who don't want change will not change.

Your family musclecarfan doesn't want change, so just ... give up on them.

Make your own family from good honest friends.

- take any job, it's better than nothing.

First of all the employer sees you are not lazy.

Also, you can gain a 'take it or leave it' attitude, and remove desperation from your search, you have no ideea how much this impacts the interview.

And, sending resume's means NOTHING.

Any HR guy will tell you that they go in a black hole never to be seen again.

Go face to face, talk to them, let them see the determination in your face, you will communicate more to get that job than an unfeeling CV will ever do.

- remove all fat from your life.

Like alexandria35 said.

- this thread is bad ... very bad.

This is public shaming musclecarfan, do you understand how bad it is if it came to this ?

Like it or not, she is getting close to the end of her rope.

I'm actually surprised you even post to this thread defending yourself.

If you guys can't solve this, this marriage is over, and while some of her issues are ... blown out of proportion, the rest are just plain ... RIGHT.

 

I know it is public shaming and I don't know why I bother saying anything and I won't contribute to this thread anymore. I already am unhappy and I don't need public shaming to add to it.

[Radu]

Because she's at the end of her rope.

 

You did not address the rest of my post.

 

I'd just like to add, that were i live sometimes very young couples live in studio apartments of 20square yards or rent rooms smaller than that.

To spend less money.

[Els]

At the very least, I hope this thread has spurred you to go get a job, MCF, today if at all possible. Also, I said this before, and I'll say it again: you two need to sit down with each other for a good husband-to-wife talk instead of communicating via LS.

[Freckas]

target hires supervisors, though it is a Retail job, it would be supervisor with health benefits, this is if he has a bachelors. Not sure if he has associates degree.

 

On the fact about the family, is their anyway that the golden couple can help your husband find a job, give good references, or know the right people.

They should help or be helpful not judgemental and they should take uo for your husband as his brother would take up for him to an outsider. instead of gathering all the admiration from your inlaws they should consider being the better person and stand up for your husband and yourself. This is teamwork type of thing, you can let them know how you feel about the "parents" comments, and seek thier advice, since your husband has no comment. and maybe the brother will enlighten you or take up for you. If hes so perfect and grandiose maybe you can capitalize on his ego and seek help from his hero side. Dont play them against each other thats not what Im saying but have the Brother go to bat for you, besides you have more in common with them than they and you do with the parents. Your the same age, gone through the same up hill battle in the economy they will identify with you. Try to swallow your pride, I know how it feels to go in knowing that 9 out of 10 times they are going to be sh#tty with you, but it is worth a try this seems like it would work if they are up for it.

 

There is alot of manipulation going on that you are not seeing the brother is letting the compliments roll in while not being very worthy of them. Play his weakness for attention against him and seek his advise. From reading your post you do not seem like you are up for this but if your considering leaving you should consider my idea aswell.

[Freckas]

What if you replaced he cant be firm with he doesnt want to?? - that is something from a post that was to me about my own problem. If he doesn't want to be firm with his parents rally the troops up and boost his morale, tell him you have fun stuff planned and by the way asked for the time off unpaid. Express YOU have done the right steps, to assure the plans go off with out a hitch, it is UNFAIR for him to then undo all that by not mentioning that the plans are ruined if they back out.

 

Explain that its unfair that you have followed "protocol" yet again your inlaws are being uncooperative, then it is his responsibility to convey to them YOUR point. because he should be the one that interacts with them, he should be first cchoice person to convey your side. Other wise this once you might have to make the phonecall and tell them very "vintage house wife tone"

 

" Oh dear it seems we have had quite the mis-communication, I keep telling dear husband to remind you that my job is not very leniant and, that is very strict on my time off. Canyou understand its also very hard to change my days off as I dont want to lose my job, it IS the only job we have between the two of us, is thier any possible way we can smooth this out, this once-so my dear husband gets to spend the time he craves with his family, I think family time is just what he and I need to boost his confidence, and help us in these difficult times"

[pink_sugar]

 

You and your girlfried both sound like you have a bad case making up obstacles that prevent you from getting it done. She has a job, yet you both sit around making up excuses why you can't have a job. "$20/hr is nothing. Rents are too high. You can't get promoted in such and such companies" Wah wah wah. I've lived through big city booms where everyone was getting high off the hog and major recessions where people were losing everything they spent their lives earning. Sometimes life sucks but it's never an excuse to not work.

 

First of all, I'm not just the girlfriend. Second, I think you misread my post. I was pointing out that in my area, $20 is reasonable for a college graduate with the higher living cost in response to another post. I wasn't complaining, but pointing out the fact that wages are typically higher in that area for this reason.

[pink_sugar]

alexandria35 and Mme. Chaucer said pretty much everything i could have said.

 

I would just like to add a few small things :

- i was like you once, and there is a small part of me that is still like you; you would not believe the jobs i did that paid that i can't include on my CV [it's blank] because they were not with a contract.

- both of you are idiots that you still care about his family; what is the #1 thing that we see on these forum guys ?; that ppl who don't want change will not change.

Your family musclecarfan doesn't want change, so just ... give up on them.

Make your own family from good honest friends.

- take any job, it's better than nothing.

First of all the employer sees you are not lazy.

Also, you can gain a 'take it or leave it' attitude, and remove desperation from your search, you have no ideea how much this impacts the interview.

And, sending resume's means NOTHING.

Any HR guy will tell you that they go in a black hole never to be seen again.

Go face to face, talk to them, let them see the determination in your face, you will communicate more to get that job than an unfeeling CV will ever do.

- remove all fat from your life.

Like alexandria35 said.

- this thread is bad ... very bad.

This is public shaming musclecarfan, do you understand how bad it is if it came to this ?

Like it or not, she is getting close to the end of her rope.

I'm actually surprised you even post to this thread defending yourself.

If you guys can't solve this, this marriage is over, and while some of her issues are ... blown out of proportion, the rest are just plain ... RIGHT.

 

I'm confused. The way your wording is written it's not clear whom each sentence is directed to.

[pink_sugar]

Because she's at the end of her rope.

 

You did not address the rest of my post.

 

I'd just like to add, that were i live sometimes very young couples live in studio apartments of 20square yards or rent rooms smaller than that.

To spend less money.

 

A studio is $1100-$1400 around here. I'd move away before ever paying that much for a studio or I would just rent a room for several hundred less. You are actually getting more for your money by putting $100 or 2 more and having twice as much space. Now if you're only paying $500 for a studio, that's another story entirely.

[xxoo]

If you get a 2 bedroom, you could always get a roommate.

[alexandria35]

First of all, I'm not just the girlfriend. Second, I think you misread my post. I was pointing out that in my area, $20 is reasonable for a college graduate with the higher living cost in response to another post. I wasn't complaining, but pointing out the fact that wages are typically higher in that area for this reason.

 

Hey sorry I called you the girlfriend. Rents skyrocket in my neck of the woods too. A few years ago the rent got so high so fast that a lot of hardworking decent people were suddenly finding themselves homeless. There are no rent controls here so the landlords can charge whatever they want and nobody can question them. It's quite disgusting actually. There was a mini recession for a couple of years and the rents came down but now over the last year they have begun to skyrocket again and they're almost as high as the rent prices you are dealing with.

 

What I said about you and your husband making up obstacles was in referance to you both shooting down everyones suggestions with negativity. Someone suggested working at Starbucks, you came back with a story about a manager you knew at Starbucks who had to take a second job. The point of my post was just to say that your husband needs to be working, period. Who cares how much money he makes or if their is a corporate ladder to climb there? It doesn't matter. There is no reason for him to not be working. In your situation, every little bit of income helps. He can still be on the lookout for his dream job while he's working at his crappy job. If I was a prospective employer with a good job to offer somebody, I would rather hire the guy who has been working his butt off, flipping burgers and pouring coffee, than the guy who has barely been employed for the past 5 years because he considers such menial jobs beneath him.

[Radu]

A studio is $1100-$1400 around here. I'd move away before ever paying that much for a studio or I would just rent a room for several hundred less. You are actually getting more for your money by putting $100 or 2 more and having twice as much space. Now if you're only paying $500 for a studio, that's another story entirely.

 

 

pink, the previous post you quoted was directed at MCF.

 

As for this post.

See, this is the problem.

Product A is 100$, but if you buy 2xA you can get them for just 150$.

Sounds like a great deal, i know, but if you can barely afford A, and 2xA means putting money there that you could be putting to your reserves, it's a **** deal.

alexandria's post is probably the best post in this thread, it's the post that you should read again and again and again and absorb it's wisdom.

She basically said that you guys are dirt poor, and should drop the consumerism, drop the fat from life because you can't afford to be a consumer.

Drop the expensive smartphone, drop the gaming console, drop the TV, drop the eating out or eating fast food, drop the luxuries, save.

She also said that MCF should take a job, and ... these 2 combined will do you guys more good than you can realise right now.

 

---

 

pink, i live in a country where a college grad can barely make 300 euros a month.

Renting a studio apartment is 200euros, before utilities. With utilities it gets you at over, and you haven't even factored in food.

So what ppl do here is rent 3 bedroom apartments [or 2 .. the 3 bedroom is 300-350 euros] and each take a room, sometimes couples live together in one of those rooms.

I have a small room of 18square yards for rent right now, and i won't have any problems renting it to 2 college students of same gender or to a couple, for around 120-130euros a month.

So why can't you guys rent a room there or bring in someone else in the 2nd room ?

[pink_sugar]

If you get a 2 bedroom, you could always get a roommate.

 

True, but the rent would still be at least 1000+ (if divided into half of 2000) or actually the roommate may only want to pay 1/3 of the total rent. They may feel we need to split things up into thirds (if a single person rents). This is actually what my brother is doing with his fiancee and her sister in a 2 bedroom. So say that brings the rent down to $666 per person if the total rent is $2000. So really, we're paying about the same to rent out a room to someone as we'd be paying to rent a one bedroom like we're doing now.

 

There's also the issue of being tied to a lease with a person who may decide to flake out. Basically if one of you breaks the lease, you all have to move.

Edited July 27, 2012 by pink_sugar