Revolver Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Both male and female, what percentage of people do you believe settled for their current or long term partner?
Emilia Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 More than the divorce rate. Hard to put a number of on it but I'd say the majority of long term couples settle.
El Brujo Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 If we're talking white or black Americans, then it's probably no more than 10%, and becoming less each year. Pretty soon American whites and blacks of both sexes will have no idea how to get along with someone of the opposite sex.
Pyro Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 A good chunk. In today's age so many people are impatient and can't handle being alone.
thatone Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 define settling? i don't believe that there's a 'perfect match' for everyone out there. personality, interests, values, those are my 'must haves' outside of physical attraction. everything else i'll compromise on to an extent. in that respect, everyone settles i think. 1
MrCastle Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Like the poster above me stated, everyone does, to a degree, because you're never gonna find a flawless partner.
Pyro Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Maybe I am in the minority here but when I think of settling I think of those people who have a bare minimum amount of requirements in a partner and they even let people slide through who don't fit all those requirements. No one is perfect and I don't consider it settling to be with someone who is not perfect. 2
veggirl Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Maybe I am in the minority here but when I think of settling I think of those people who have a bare minimum amount of requirements in a partner and they even let people slide through who don't fit all those requirements. No one is perfect and I don't consider it settling to be with someone who is not perfect. Exactly. When people say "we all settle, no one is perfect" well DUH no one is perfect. That isn't "settling", that is being realistic. Settling is staying with someone just to have someone around. Or staying with someone cause it's too hard to start over. Staying with someone who is treating you poorly is settling. Staying with someone you don't really actually even like all that much is settling. Staying with someone cause you've been with them so long so you are just used to it so you stay. Settling isn't "well he has brown eyes and I prefer blue. Well no one is perfect!" I think the majority of people settle. Def more than half. You see it all the time on LS.... people just don't want to be alone, people desperately want a R and they will put up with crap just to have one. 1
RiverRunning Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Like the poster above me stated, everyone does, to a degree, because you're never gonna find a flawless partner. Exactly. I kind of hate this new-gen "I will NEVER settle" mentality. I've had female friends who come to me complaining, "He is the PERFECT package, but after the first date I just couldn't take his girly hands." They barely even gave the guy a chance. I can recognize that to ME girly hands is no biggie - but for the love of God I can't imagine how it can be such a major issue for others. I 'settled' for my boyfriend in that when I first met him, I was not blown away. I gave him a few more chances. I never had the 'butterflies, crazy rush' feeling with him. A little bit, but nothing like I'd had in a previous relationship or two. But part of that is also that I'm older and being in a relationship isn't crazy-new-exciting every 5 minutes. I'd kind of been there, done that. I love him but it has never been a relationship of big highs. There are highs, there are lows, and I'm content with that. I think a lot of people come to the concept of 'settling' when, in an otherwise happy relationship, someone injects the idea into their heads: "You could be with someone better-looking/he doesn't make enough money/etc." I think a lot of 'settling' is an external concept - I have seen otherwise very happy couples start to crumble when his friends or her friends make that one comment. Outside perceptions can be killer. Suddenly, because others perceive one partner of the relationship as lacking, the members of that relationship can start to feel it's 'lacking' too. I had to face that a little when I first started dating my boyfriend. I admit it was partly because of things my friends would say (my boyfriend has a deformity. It's aesthetic only). It takes strength to consider others' opinions, but not to let it dictate your entire life. Comparisons can be tough. There are things my boyfriend doesn't do for me that I see boyfriends doing for their girlfriends/wives. But, alternatively, there are things he does for me that their boyfriends don't do for them. We will always be 'lacking' in some way because we can never be perfectly in sync - So we have to have the strength to let go of the things we know can never be, and we have to talk and work on the things we can make possible. Long story short: Yes, I 'settled.' I didn't hold out until my ovaries dry out for Prince Charming who makes a million a year, caves to my every whim...you know what? Long story short, I didn't meet Edward Cullen (well, he's not my dream guy, but it makes this a lot shorter). But I did find my Jacob Black. I'm happy with that. Just because the grass could be greener on the other side doesn't mean that my grass isn't pretty darn green already. But there are two types of settling: the kind I've described and the other, along the lines of, "I can't do any better..." etc., when the guy is absolutely horrible for her.
Author Revolver Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 Exactly. When people say "we all settle, no one is perfect" well DUH no one is perfect. That isn't "settling", that is being realistic. Settling is staying with someone just to have someone around. Or staying with someone cause it's too hard to start over. Staying with someone who is treating you poorly is settling. Staying with someone you don't really actually even like all that much is settling. Staying with someone cause you've been with them so long so you are just used to it so you stay. Settling isn't "well he has brown eyes and I prefer blue. Well no one is perfect!" I think the majority of people settle. Def more than half. You see it all the time on LS.... people just don't want to be alone, people desperately want a R and they will put up with crap just to have one. I Cosign all of this, especially the 2nd paragraph. To answer my own Thread, I'd say more then 70% of people eventually settle.
Author Revolver Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 (edited) Most. I would say... Women 80% Men 50% Why 80 for women and 50 for men specifically? IMO men settle more just for a relationship and sexual partners. Women settle more in marriage Edited July 26, 2012 by Revolver
thatone Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 (edited) Exactly. I kind of hate this new-gen "I will NEVER settle" mentality. I've had female friends who come to me complaining, "He is the PERFECT package, but after the first date I just couldn't take his girly hands." They barely even gave the guy a chance. I can recognize that to ME girly hands is no biggie - but for the love of God I can't imagine how it can be such a major issue for others. I had to face that a little when I first started dating my boyfriend. I admit it was partly because of things my friends would say (my boyfriend has a deformity. It's aesthetic only). It takes strength to consider others' opinions, but not to let it dictate your entire life. i think what you're describing is primarily, if not purely, female. firstly, it's way out of line for men to comment on a male friend's girl in any way that she would be offended by. most men won't tolerate that. it's one of the chief unwritten rules that men all know just by being men. secondly, men don't really have that innate desire to please and be accepted by other people that women do, so they don't really consider the advice of others in the same way. nor do men tolerate jealousy of other men in regard to wives and girlfriends. from the standpoint of small physical flaws, women are a lot harder on themselves than men are on women or other men. and as for those 'friends', they'll settle for a lot less in a few years, don't you worry. it gets awful lonely being the only ~40-50 year old woman sitting at the end of the bar at closing time, wondering where it all went wrong and why prince charming never walked through the door. Edited July 26, 2012 by thatone 1
gaius Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Most. I would say... Women 80% Men 50% I'd say it's more like 98%-99% for both sexes. You just don't hear it admitted to that often since it's hurtful to their current partners, who they genuinely love and respect. Even though they aren't the most stimulating person they've ever met.
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