wonderdude Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 I've been dating my gf for almost eight months now and today we got into a big fight over name changing for marriage. She says that she would never change her name for me and that she thinks it's wrong. She says that what she would do is add my last name to her last name, but ONLY IF I DO IT TOO! So our last names would both have to be Guzmán Brown. To me that's ridiculous. . .Tradition says it's the woman who changes her name. If I changed my name I would never live it down. All my friends and my family would think I was whipped. The girl changes her name to the man's name period. That's how you know who is the head of this relationship and this family. It doesn't really matter because we're not planning on getting married any time soon but we got into a big fight over it. She ever threatened to break up with me and isn't talking to me. I don't like what I see in her now. I'm a traditional guy and with every day that passes she seems more like a radical hippie to me. I don't know if I should break up with her, especially since she already said she might break up with me. I don't want to be the loser who got dumped here. If anything I will drop her ass first. At the same time I don't know if she's really going to do it and I do think she's hot. I don't know. . . should I break it off???
Balzac Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Yes. If it's impossible to talk through a future potential topic, escalate emotions to this level and draw lines in the sand-hopeless. Move on.
ForgetMeNots Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 She sounds pretty adamant about her decision. This sounds important to you and could be a dealbreaker for you. I say break if this is not what you want. You say you are a traditional guy but sounds like you ended up with a hipster girl. Fun but nontraditional. Try finding a pretty girl who is traditional and try to give out hints to find out if she is or not earlier than 8 months in, if you are really investing in marriage material rather than "she's hot."
Anela Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 I know a man who did this for his new wife; nobody thinks any less of him, and they're both very happily married. They've been inseparable since their first date. 7
FitChick Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 John Ono Lennon and Yoko Ono Lennon. Whatever you do, don't hyphenate the names. That muddies the waters. You could compromise by her keeping her maiden name for professional reasons but referring to herself as Mrs So and So for household and personal reasons. 1
usingtheinternet Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 (edited) John Ono Lennon and Yoko Ono Lennon. Whatever you do, don't hyphenate the names. That muddies the waters. You could compromise by her keeping her maiden name for professional reasons but referring to herself as Mrs So and So for household and personal reasons. Why should the woman be the one who has to compromise her beliefs (especially since she's right)? The OP is a moron. He wants to keep his name as a way to show he's "in charge." To prove that he "runs the show" and that his woman is subservient. He is repulsed at the idea that they both show commitment and equality by changing their names the same way. "Traditional" is just a code word for backwards. It's the same word people use to oppose gay marriage and to justify oppressive views, from racism to sexism to homophobia. You say you are a traditional guy but sounds like you ended up with a hipster girl.So believing in equal rights is being "hipster" now? LOL. Edited July 26, 2012 by usingtheinternet 9
mesmerized Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Oh boy, definitely break up with her, you ARE a whimp if you have such a huge concern for this. I wouldn't respect any guy who pressured me to change my name. Are you going to be the traditional husband and bring home all the money while she stays at home or you only want to be traditional when it comes to changing HER name? 9
irin Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 jesus its just a name, people dont even call me by my birth name. she doesnt need to change hers, and neither do you. just keep your names. 5
irc333 Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 This would be a deal breaker for me, too. I'd move on as well, some women have attempted to take on so many masculine characteristics these days, it's getting disturbing. Almost apocalyptic in nature. Anyhow, this is usually a sign for other characteristics that might drum up later She sounds pretty adamant about her decision. This sounds important to you and could be a dealbreaker for you. I say break if this is not what you want. You say you are a traditional guy but sounds like you ended up with a hipster girl. Fun but nontraditional. Try finding a pretty girl who is traditional and try to give out hints to find out if she is or not earlier than 8 months in, if you are really investing in marriage material rather than "she's hot."
Richard Friedman Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 It's not the refusal to change the name itself that's the issue, but what it says about her idea of roles in a marriage. Like you I'd want a traditional woman. None of this modern husband cooks and cleans crap, so I'd be wary. When it comes to this, stick to your guns and do right by yourself man. Dont get shamed by the women and manginas; they wont be subsidizing your alimony or giving you a place to crash if things go south.
SJC2008 Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 jesus its just a name, people dont even call me by my birth name. she doesnt need to change hers, and neither do you. just keep your names. It's just a name ok well then marriage is just a piece of paper so forget about it. That would be my response to a woman who won't change her name.
Negative Nancy Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 It's just a name ok well then marriage is just a piece of paper so forget about it. That would be my response to a woman who won't change her name. That actually is a very good and valid point. 1
Silly_Girl Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Maybe she could change her name but not marry you, does that suit you better? That way everyone will know you own her... 1
TaraMaiden Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 My ex- and I combined surnames. What's the big deal? At least our kids carry both our names, and not just his. Because see.... they're not 'just his'..... 7
MuscleCarFan Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 If you feel so strongly about this just break up and find yourself a nice traditional girl at church or something. My wife, pink_sugar, has kept her maiden name. She prefers it to my last name, which I constantly have to spell out because it is uncommon. My younger brother's wife has also kept her maiden name. Big deal. My cousin and his wife, hyphenated their names. Just because you hyphenate your name, or even take hers, DOES NOT mean you are turning in your man card. Name is just that, a name. 3
pink_sugar Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 My husband's cousins did exactly that, they each added on each other's last names. It's not about being whipped, it's about getting with the times. We're no longer in an era where women transfer from property of the father to property of the husband. It's just a name. I never changed mine and honestly it would not change anything if I did. If you loved your gf enough, this would not be a dealbreaker for you. If you cannot respect her choice, than you probably should move on to find someone who shares your traditional mindset. 4
pink_sugar Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 It's not the refusal to change the name itself that's the issue, but what it says about her idea of roles in a marriage. Like you I'd want a traditional woman. None of this modern husband cooks and cleans crap, so I'd be wary. When it comes to this, stick to your guns and do right by yourself man. Dont get shamed by the women and manginas; they wont be subsidizing your alimony or giving you a place to crash if things go south. Wow...just wow. Good luck with that in the 21st century, my friend. 5
MuscleCarFan Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 It's not the refusal to change the name itself that's the issue, but what it says about her idea of roles in a marriage. Like you I'd want a traditional woman. None of this modern husband cooks and cleans crap, so I'd be wary. When it comes to this, stick to your guns and do right by yourself man. Dont get shamed by the women and manginas; they wont be subsidizing your alimony or giving you a place to crash if things go south. Sounds like you are too lazy to do your 50%. 2
denise_xo Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 I've been dating my gf for almost eight months now and today we got into a big fight over name changing for marriage. She says that she would never change her name for me and that she thinks it's wrong. She says that what she would do is add my last name to her last name, but ONLY IF I DO IT TOO! So our last names would both have to be Guzmán Brown. To me that's ridiculous. . .Tradition says it's the woman who changes her name. If I changed my name I would never live it down. All my friends and my family would think I was whipped. The girl changes her name to the man's name period. That's how you know who is the head of this relationship and this family. It doesn't really matter because we're not planning on getting married any time soon but we got into a big fight over it. She ever threatened to break up with me and isn't talking to me. I don't like what I see in her now. I'm a traditional guy and with every day that passes she seems more like a radical hippie to me. I don't know if I should break up with her, especially since she already said she might break up with me. I don't want to be the loser who got dumped here. If anything I will drop her ass first. At the same time I don't know if she's really going to do it and I do think she's hot. I don't know. . . should I break it off??? Classic hypocrisy. You think she should change her name, but you're not willing to do it yourself? I really hope she dumps you and finds someone better. 8
Emilia Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 I've been dating my gf for almost eight months now and today we got into a big fight over name changing for marriage. She says that she would never change her name for me and that she thinks it's wrong. She says that what she would do is add my last name to her last name, but ONLY IF I DO IT TOO! So our last names would both have to be Guzmán Brown. To me that's ridiculous. . .Tradition says it's the woman who changes her name. If I changed my name I would never live it down. All my friends and my family would think I was whipped. The girl changes her name to the man's name period. That's how you know who is the head of this relationship and this family. It doesn't really matter because we're not planning on getting married any time soon but we got into a big fight over it. She ever threatened to break up with me and isn't talking to me. I would dump you over this. In fact I broke up with someone not very long ago because he was too traditional for me. I didn't take up my husband's name when we were married, it's a ridiculously dated tradition that bears very little meaning in the modern world. Everyone is allowed to have their separate identities. Anyone who thinks he is the 'head' in a relationship or family should get a life in my opinion. 8 months is about the right time to find out about each other's values and what you can or can't compromise on. 5
TaraMaiden Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 (And it's "My GF and I......") Simple rule of thumb: If you would be saying 'I am going to the movies' then it's 'Jane and I are going to the movies'. If you would be saying 'that car belongs to me' then you would say 'the house belongs to Jane and me'. If you have no idea who Jane is, then forget I said anything... Jeesh, grammar is like a disease to me, I can't stop myself..... sorry guys. 7
manup Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 I've been dating my gf for almost eight months now and today we got into a big fight over name changing for marriage. She says that she would never change her name for me and that she thinks it's wrong. She says that what she would do is add my last name to her last name, but ONLY IF I DO IT TOO! So our last names would both have to be Guzmán Brown. To me that's ridiculous. . .Tradition says it's the woman who changes her name. If I changed my name I would never live it down. All my friends and my family would think I was whipped. The girl changes her name to the man's name period. That's how you know who is the head of this relationship and this family. It doesn't really matter because we're not planning on getting married any time soon but we got into a big fight over it. She ever threatened to break up with me and isn't talking to me. I don't like what I see in her now. I'm a traditional guy and with every day that passes she seems more like a radical hippie to me. I don't know if I should break up with her, especially since she already said she might break up with me. I don't want to be the loser who got dumped here. If anything I will drop her ass first. At the same time I don't know if she's really going to do it and I do think she's hot. I don't know. . . should I break it off??? She is not marriage material homes, cut your losses and RUN!!!
maybealone Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 It doesn't really matter because we're not planning on getting married any time soon It does really matter. If this is a dealbreaker for both of you, it is better to find out now than two more years down the road.
Els Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 You want the traditional deal - I don't see anything wrong with that. But all the trash talk about her leaves an ugly taste in my mouth. A real traditional gentleman doesn't say stuff like 'I'm a traditional guy and with every day that passes she seems more like a radical hippie to me. I don't know if I should break up with her, especially since she already said she might break up with me. I don't want to be the loser who got dumped here.' He leaves graciously and says that she just isn't the girl for him. You strike me more as a calculating, selfish 'MRA', to be honest, than just a traditional guy. What do you believe is the man's role in a traditional relationship, in exchange for the woman taking up her traditional roles? 5
eleanorhurting Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 You could be ignoring a very big part of her decision. You said her last name is Guzman? Where is she from? I am Puertorrican and in the Hispanic culture women NEVER change their name. It has nothing to do with traditional roles or non traditional roles its just something that we don't do! I am absolutely not changing my name. If I marry someone who comes from a culture where they do, they will have to understand that the most I will do is hyphen it. Asking me to give up my last name is asking me to give up a part of my culture I am not comfortable giving up. The person I marry would be the kind of person who would understand this anyway. 3
Recommended Posts