silicone Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Hi, I guess I'm trying to increase my self-esteem and self worth, but right now, I'm basically crashing. I'm a short guy (5'2") and I'm quite stocky but muscular. Sort of like a small teddy bear. I deal with my height insecurities whilst I was at school and I was complacent with the fact that I wasn't going to grow any taller. I then spent the next 3 years of my life being rejected by girls for the same reason, that I was too short to date, but them telling me that I was a perfect guy was no help at all. I sort of cooled down after that. I did some gymnastics to help improve my body whilst at school. About 3-4 months later, a girl (now my gf) told me she had a crush on me and things went on from there. I've lost some weight but I'm still a stocky fellow. Earlier this year, I came across a tweet on Twitter by girls about short men. I ended up digging further and further and pretty much read all articles about forums and the such about short men, and their attractiveness and their dating successes as well as success in other aspects. For the record, I'm a student pilot and I've basically gone through hell so far and I'm not going to give up. If anyone reads Florida Today, they probably know about a flight school which has gone bust. Anyway, after digesting the information I garnered from these articles about short men, I found myself in heartbreaking pain. It's causing me to resent myself, my body and my existence; I don't feel like I can control it, but there is definitely an overall negative view and hate on short men by girls. Now I know I shouldn't want girls like that in my life, and I don't, but the mental damage has already been done, and the result is now someone who's heading towards social anxiety, who cannot seek help from anyone. What do I do? How can I feel attractive again? I'm an incredibly determined person and I am strong-willed - that's why my gf fell in love with me, because I am a strong person - I just feel weak
pteromom Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Being short will reduce your potential matches. No doubt about that. There are lots of women who refuse to date men shorter than them, and at 5'2", you are shorter than a majority of women. BUT This doesn't mean you have NO matches. You just have to find girls who don't mind shorter men or who prefer them. They are definitely out there... So your job is to get "out there" as much as possible to maximize your chances of meeting them. This is you. Your height is out of your control. So rather than worry about it or lament over it, you have to make the most of it. Let go of that which is out of your control (your height) and focus on that which IS in your control (having friends who accept you as you are, avoiding people who would judge you or be rude to you, maximizing your probability of meeting a girl who will love you as you are.)
pteromom Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Oh and - maximize your other "dating checklist" items. You already have an interesting job, so that's a big check for you. Make your physique the best it can be. Work on your confidence. Read, read, read so you can be interesting and fun to talk to. Work on your humor/wit so you can be fun to talk to. 1
Cracker Jack Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 You have a girlfriend, so you know there's someone attracted to you. When I was so obsessed about this topic, all I ever did was read articles, forum topics and many other sources regarding short men in the dating world. I'd often close the browser wondering if all if it was true, and the thought of being considered that unattractive because I wasn't tall was quite depressing. I can't even begin to imagine how youfeel, but you have to understand that many people have to deal with obstacles in life. Some people are disabled and can't walk, some people are deaf, blind, etc. I know the thought alone isn't enough to comfort you, but difficulty does come in many different forms. You seem like a good dude, so you can overcome this. Focus on your positive traits, such as working towards being a future pilot and enjoying your life with your girlfriend. Don't resent yourself, and stay away from any of those articles on why short men suck. They're a waste of time and will do you no good. 1
ThaWholigan Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 The best thing you can do is tune out of all that BS on the internet talking about height. All the short dudes online get stuck on that constantly and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I know short dudes in real life, some very close to your height (I have a 5 foot 6 brother also), and they all do OK with women, some do excellently. I asked my brother whether he felt his shortness was a problem, he said no, he doesn't care. You have to disregard your height, and believe yourself to be a good, strong man. Bruce Lee was a bad-ass and he was only 5 foot 6 or 7. He was also an incredibly smart man too. You seem to have all the characteristics of a great man, just going through a crisis of confidence at the moment. Rediscover your love of life, and tune out of all the negative articles online . 2
D87 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Not sure what you're whining about if you have a girlfriend. 4
pteromom Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Yes, I also missed that you have a girlfriend. In that case, don't worry about your height at all!
henderson14 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Wow. Thats short even for a girl. There's someone out there for you. Think of it this way, there are guys in wheel chairs or no legs that get married so why can't you? Just don't bother with internet dating though.
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 You've got to just be direct and honest with yourself... You're a short guy, 5'2 is small but not a midget...but you're going to be shorter than most men all of your life and that's the reality. Accept it, just feel yourself through it, don't push it away and try to find something that makes it more acceptable, stop surrounding yourself by information and stories about how less women are attracted to short men or what not...be honest and direct with yourself, because you've got to get through it, It's like a mourning process you've got to go through with yourself. With that out of the way, you can continue to move forward and define yourself by something other than your height...be the greatest short guy you know, stand-out (no pun intended)...get used to and comfortable with the jokes, be able to make fun of yourself but not having to walk around doing it just accept it and try to outwit people or laugh it off and play it cool. Don't let it stick and be a weight on you and then carry it around. Be happy for your health, and your life and your girlfriend...life is about appreciating the things you have not fixating on all the things you do not...you've got to develop a different perspective and philosophy towards height...burying yourself into these articles and forums is only going to make you feel worse, It's like a self-loathing process...stop trying to find something that others will validate you for being short, the reality is you'll sometimes be judged, maybe made fun of, teased...but remember the psychology behind people who put down and make fun of others, It's just an easy way of making themselves feel better, more manly and picking their own fragile egos off the floor...see through it, understand and accept the realities and move forward with a new perspective on life. Appreciate your girlfriend, let a woman be able to love you without feeling she can't because of your height, then that's just on you, you're creating the problems. 6
somedude81 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Yeah, if you have a GF why complain? I'm 5'6 and have never had a GF or anything even close to one. If you don't mind me asking, what ethnicity are you? What about your GF? 1
skyisfalling Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 im 5'2 and a HALF and i LOVE IT. im small, but so what? Great things come in small packages.. embrace it, love it, live it 4
somedude81 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 im 5'2 and a HALF and i LOVE IT. im small, but so what? Great things come in small packages.. embrace it, love it, live it Being short is not a negative for women. Hell women aren't even called short, they are petite.
skyisfalling Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 it can be. i have to tippy toe to see the peephole on my door and sometimes i cant even reach that
yongyong Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 I think you should meet a girl from a social circle. a place where she can get to know you gradually. obviously in a place like a bar, most girls would reject you right away. I know this guy with hearing aid. he has this weird accent. I told him instead of focusing at a bar, he should meet someone from social circle so they can get used to his accent and get to know his personality. He got offended because I was honest and telling The Truth. A lot of people here are going to say 'hey you are a good guy, chin up' but they don't know sxit about you. how is it going to help you? anyways, it's better to accept the reality and be a realist. IMO, you should hit on girls 10 x more than average guys to find the one who will like you. I am a minority and I accepted this reality.
todreaminblue Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Hi, I guess I'm trying to increase my self-esteem and self worth, but right now, I'm basically crashing. I'm a short guy (5'2") and I'm quite stocky but muscular. Sort of like a small teddy bear. I deal with my height insecurities whilst I was at school and I was complacent with the fact that I wasn't going to grow any taller. I then spent the next 3 years of my life being rejected by girls for the same reason, that I was too short to date, but them telling me that I was a perfect guy was no help at all. I sort of cooled down after that. I did some gymnastics to help improve my body whilst at school. About 3-4 months later, a girl (now my gf) told me she had a crush on me and things went on from there. I've lost some weight but I'm still a stocky fellow. Earlier this year, I came across a tweet on Twitter by girls about short men. I ended up digging further and further and pretty much read all articles about forums and the such about short men, and their attractiveness and their dating successes as well as success in other aspects. For the record, I'm a student pilot and I've basically gone through hell so far and I'm not going to give up. If anyone reads Florida Today, they probably know about a flight school which has gone bust. Anyway, after digesting the information I garnered from these articles about short men, I found myself in heartbreaking pain. It's causing me to resent myself, my body and my existence; I don't feel like I can control it, but there is definitely an overall negative view and hate on short men by girls. Now I know I shouldn't want girls like that in my life, and I don't, but the mental damage has already been done, and the result is now someone who's heading towards social anxiety, who cannot seek help from anyone. What do I do? How can I feel attractive again? I'm an incredibly determined person and I am strong-willed - that's why my gf fell in love with me, because I am a strong person - I just feel weak I went out with a five foot guy in my friend zone my first serious relationship a spruiker who was a martial artist and could breakdance like you wouldn't believe.......i had three or four guys on the hunt after me at the time....they werent in my friend zone they were all tall thought they were good looking and had money.....i didnt see height......i seen the friend i would much rather be with than them because i had already spent time with him.....some females dont see height.a lot do however.....keep your fitness up...... i was taller than him im 5foot4 which is still short in stilettos i towered........deb
Author silicone Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 Hi all, many thanks for the replies. I think I need to clarify my position. It's not that I'm having trouble finding a girl to like me. It's that inside me, I just feel unattractive, and it's causing a complexity issue that is tearing me up and I really don't know how to stop it.
Author silicone Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 Being short will reduce your potential matches. No doubt about that. There are lots of women who refuse to date men shorter than them, and at 5'2", you are shorter than a majority of women. BUT This doesn't mean you have NO matches. You just have to find girls who don't mind shorter men or who prefer them. They are definitely out there... So your job is to get "out there" as much as possible to maximize your chances of meeting them. This is you. Your height is out of your control. So rather than worry about it or lament over it, you have to make the most of it. Let go of that which is out of your control (your height) and focus on that which IS in your control (having friends who accept you as you are, avoiding people who would judge you or be rude to you, maximizing your probability of meeting a girl who will love you as you are.) Oh and - maximize your other "dating checklist" items. You already have an interesting job, so that's a big check for you. Make your physique the best it can be. Work on your confidence. Read, read, read so you can be interesting and fun to talk to. Work on your humor/wit so you can be fun to talk to. Thanks - I realise that I do have that - in fact, all was fine up until earlier this year.
Author silicone Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 You have a girlfriend, so you know there's someone attracted to you. When I was so obsessed about this topic, all I ever did was read articles, forum topics and many other sources regarding short men in the dating world. I'd often close the browser wondering if all if it was true, and the thought of being considered that unattractive because I wasn't tall was quite depressing. I can't even begin to imagine how youfeel, but you have to understand that many people have to deal with obstacles in life. Some people are disabled and can't walk, some people are deaf, blind, etc. I know the thought alone isn't enough to comfort you, but difficulty does come in many different forms. You seem like a good dude, so you can overcome this. Focus on your positive traits, such as working towards being a future pilot and enjoying your life with your girlfriend. Don't resent yourself, and stay away from any of those articles on why short men suck. They're a waste of time and will do you no good. The attraction issue well, I know that I'm at a disadvantage, yet I also know that I've been gifted in that I can develop other aspects of myself and use them to my advantage. What's worse was that I took a kid up flying with me on one of my circuits. He was tall. I didn't make an issue of it, but when he started to question my authority to do things in the aircraft, I stayed cool. Then he mentioned my height. At first, I was keeping communication to a minimum. He kept on prodding at me, and after about half an hour, I gave it and shouted at him. The other person in the aircraft had never seen me so angry before. The best thing you can do is tune out of all that BS on the internet talking about height. All the short dudes online get stuck on that constantly and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I know short dudes in real life, some very close to your height (I have a 5 foot 6 brother also), and they all do OK with women, some do excellently. I asked my brother whether he felt his shortness was a problem, he said no, he doesn't care. You have to disregard your height, and believe yourself to be a good, strong man. Bruce Lee was a bad-ass and he was only 5 foot 6 or 7. He was also an incredibly smart man too. You seem to have all the characteristics of a great man, just going through a crisis of confidence at the moment. Rediscover your love of life, and tune out of all the negative articles online . Thanks Not sure what you're whining about if you have a girlfriend. Yes, I also missed that you have a girlfriend. In that case, don't worry about your height at all! As I said, it's not an attraction issue (yet - and I hope it'll never be), it's that I have a low self-esteem regarding it. I'm of Mauritian descent, and my parents aren't the tallest, yet both of my elder sisters are taller than me.
Shaun-Dro Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Hi, I guess I'm trying to increase my self-esteem and self worth, but right now, I'm basically crashing. I'm a short guy (5'2") and I'm quite stocky but muscular. Sort of like a small teddy bear. I deal with my height insecurities whilst I was at school and I was complacent with the fact that I wasn't going to grow any taller. I then spent the next 3 years of my life being rejected by girls for the same reason, that I was too short to date, but them telling me that I was a perfect guy was no help at all. I sort of cooled down after that. I did some gymnastics to help improve my body whilst at school. About 3-4 months later, a girl (now my gf) told me she had a crush on me and things went on from there. I've lost some weight but I'm still a stocky fellow. Earlier this year, I came across a tweet on Twitter by girls about short men. I ended up digging further and further and pretty much read all articles about forums and the such about short men, and their attractiveness and their dating successes as well as success in other aspects. For the record, I'm a student pilot and I've basically gone through hell so far and I'm not going to give up. If anyone reads Florida Today, they probably know about a flight school which has gone bust. Anyway, after digesting the information I garnered from these articles about short men, I found myself in heartbreaking pain. It's causing me to resent myself, my body and my existence; I don't feel like I can control it, but there is definitely an overall negative view and hate on short men by girls. Now I know I shouldn't want girls like that in my life, and I don't, but the mental damage has already been done, and the result is now someone who's heading towards social anxiety, who cannot seek help from anyone. What do I do? How can I feel attractive again? I'm an incredibly determined person and I am strong-willed - that's why my gf fell in love with me, because I am a strong person - I just feel weak I'm short too (5'6) and I never gave a **** about that. It's never hindered me from taking these dames to bed or at least trying to. It's all about your confidence. That's the bottom line. And I've got so much it's ridiculous! I'm also considered a villain, so maybe that's a part of it, who knows? Of course there's going to be women who'll reject you on height alone but they're in minority, believe it or not. Women change their minds from day to day. I'm telling you from worlds of experience. They do! The same dame who ignored you on Tuesday will be checking you out by Thursday if you maintain that bravado by not giving a damn and being the best you that you can be.
Author silicone Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 You've got to just be direct and honest with yourself... You're a short guy, 5'2 is small but not a midget...but you're going to be shorter than most men all of your life and that's the reality. Accept it, just feel yourself through it, don't push it away and try to find something that makes it more acceptable, stop surrounding yourself by information and stories about how less women are attracted to short men or what not...be honest and direct with yourself, because you've got to get through it, It's like a mourning process you've got to go through with yourself. With that out of the way, you can continue to move forward and define yourself by something other than your height...be the greatest short guy you know, stand-out (no pun intended)...get used to and comfortable with the jokes, be able to make fun of yourself but not having to walk around doing it just accept it and try to outwit people or laugh it off and play it cool. Don't let it stick and be a weight on you and then carry it around. Be happy for your health, and your life and your girlfriend...life is about appreciating the things you have not fixating on all the things you do not...you've got to develop a different perspective and philosophy towards height...burying yourself into these articles and forums is only going to make you feel worse, It's like a self-loathing process...stop trying to find something that others will validate you for being short, the reality is you'll sometimes be judged, maybe made fun of, teased...but remember the psychology behind people who put down and make fun of others, It's just an easy way of making themselves feel better, more manly and picking their own fragile egos off the floor...see through it, understand and accept the realities and move forward with a new perspective on life. Appreciate your girlfriend, let a woman be able to love you without feeling she can't because of your height, then that's just on you, you're creating the problems. I think I've accepted that I'm a very short person and that it will have negative implications in life. I feel like I've been through this before; I accepted myself a long time ago, at least 3 years ago. I don't know why I'm feeling like this though. Yeah, if you have a GF why complain? I'm 5'6 and have never had a GF or anything even close to one. If you don't mind me asking, what ethnicity are you? What about your GF? It's the fact that it's a feeling inside of me that I've jailed - no one else can see it but me. I'm of Mauritian descent, my gf is of British descent. im 5'2 and a HALF and i LOVE IT. im small, but so what? Great things come in small packages.. embrace it, love it, live it That's what I'm using to tell myself. Poison in small amounts is lethal. So I gather that having a girlfriend is theoretically impossible for short guys according to the interwebs. So actually having one can't make up for that? From my understanding, most women want someone taller than them, with a few wanting very tall men. Now, I fall under the average female height for my area. What's worse is that towards this end of the scale, women are more polar pertaining to height in their mate. Being short is not a negative for women. Hell women aren't even called short, they are petite. heh, I've been called a fireplug before it can be. i have to tippy toe to see the peephole on my door and sometimes i cant even reach that I have to reach a bit, but it's not that bad for me I think you should meet a girl from a social circle. a place where she can get to know you gradually. obviously in a place like a bar, most girls would reject you right away. I know this guy with hearing aid. he has this weird accent. I told him instead of focusing at a bar, he should meet someone from social circle so they can get used to his accent and get to know his personality. He got offended because I was honest and telling The Truth. A lot of people here are going to say 'hey you are a good guy, chin up' but they don't know sxit about you. how is it going to help you? anyways, it's better to accept the reality and be a realist. IMO, you should hit on girls 10 x more than average guys to find the one who will like you. I am a minority and I accepted this reality. Thanks I did hit on girls for 3 years with constant rejection basing on the same thing. I think at the end, it finally got to me that I should cool down for a while at least. It was then that my gf found me. That said, even in my current situation, I do find that girls call me cute, handsome etc. I know that there is a girl who did reject me a few years ago, or maybe last year even who's now trying to break me and my gf up because she says she wants to be with me. There's flirting but then there's what she's doing, which is more than flirting.
Author silicone Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 I'm short too (5'6) and I never gave a **** about that. It's never hindered me from taking these dames to bed or at least trying to. It's all about your confidence. That's the bottom line. And I've got so much it's ridiculous! I'm also considered a villain, so maybe that's a part of it, who knows? Of course there's going to be women who'll reject you on height alone but they're in minority, believe it or not. Women change their minds from day to day. I'm telling you from worlds of experience. They do! The same dame who ignored you on Tuesday will be checking you out by Thursday if you maintain that bravado by not giving a damn and being the best you that you can be. At your height, I think you're still taller than the majority of women. I'm at the complete end of the scale where I'm shorter than the majority. Most, if not all women want a guy that's taller than them. Few women date down. I know confidence can be sexy. I know that people say that I have a complex (because I have ambition - wtf) and I ignore these people. I go by the standard that if someone won't give me the time, then they're not worthy of being in my life.
irc333 Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Silicone...you could always try Philipina women. They tend to fall even below 5 feet tall.
henderson14 Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Hi all, many thanks for the replies. I think I need to clarify my position. It's not that I'm having trouble finding a girl to like me. It's that inside me, I just feel unattractive, and it's causing a complexity issue that is tearing me up and I really don't know how to stop it. Your going to have to figure this out for yourself. A lot of short men have to compensate in another way like career, athletic ability, etc. Just remember that everyone has their own insecurities. I happen to be extremely tall, but am insecure about my current job situation. YOU have to find a way to be OK with it and if YOU are OK with it people will be able to tell. A short insecure man is so easy to spot.
Dazdnconfuzed Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 I am what they consider tall, dark and handsome. 6'1, olive skin and built... Only problem is I sit in a wheelchair since the age of 7 so I never got so experience the advantages all of you on here talk about but I never seemed to have a problem with women (Had about 6 relationships and a couple of randoms) except one and it wasnt due to my wheel chair. It was hard to be born with the staple of what every girl wanted and than have it really mean nothing. But I never let it get in the way and never will. When I was in my teens I would of traded spots with a 5'2 guy or even a midget to get to walk cause I do not even remember what that is anymore but at about age 17 I decided that it is what makes me different, unique and stand out while sitting down LMAO! So I lived life as I am and got appreciated and loved for who I am. I am sure there are many women who wouldnt take a second look at me because of it and many who would. I respect them all and dont resent the ones who wouldnt. Love and respect your GF. Don't for one second thing she is settling because determination + strong willed + intellect + honor > reaching the top shelf. 3
irc333 Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 You'd be suprised how "height obsessed" some women are online Sometimes they just type out a WHOLE paragraph explaining their height obession. Some women are even short, petite and STILL want a guy that's 6 feet or taller. One woman, only 5'3", must of repeated herself THREE times that "ONLY Email ME if you're 6 feet or taller, otherwise do not email me!!" She even made a remark, "Are there nothing but men 5'8" or shorter in this entire STATE??" She deserves to be single if she's THAT obsessed with such unrealistic criteria. 1
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