Chocolatebox Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Hi everyone! This is the very first time I post here. I actually read a lot of posts before deciding to register. I hope I will find some help and some honest advice, too. Here's my story (sorry, it'll be long): Me and my ex boyfriend met 4 years ago. We became friends and after a year started dating. We were our first everything. He fell deeply in love with me, and we were really happy. We dated for 3 years, he dumped me 2 weeks ago. I'll try to explain it clearly: 1. I began being jealous because Of his co-worker, Who texted him often 2.we argued about my jealousy a few Times, but nothing major happened 3. He began going out more often with his friends, especially with one I didn't like, and met new girls; I was more afraid than ever 4. He lied to me: he went to his coworker's house without trelling me, but I eventually found out. He knew that would make me mad, so he hid it. We had a big fight, eventually I forgave him and he promised me he would never go to her house again. I began to trust him less. 5. Meanwhile, he claimed I was "putting him in a cage" and being possessive. I promised him I'd try to be' less jealous, but we had another couple of fights. 6. I found out he started to chat with those girls he had just met. Yes, I spied his phone, and I really regret it. But I was always doubting him. 7. He began to be colder and wanted to see me less, and wanted to go out with his friends. I confessed him I spied his phone and saw "flirty" texts. When I told him he laughed and said it was just a joke, and he didn't mean to flirt. I believed him but not 100% 8. This goes for a while, until he tries to lie to me again, again about a text for his coworker. He eventually told the truth, but this was too much for me and I have him 3 days in order to recollect his thoughts. 9. Then he tries to dump me, saying he's not sure about his feelings. He says that maybe he loves me as a friend. I was shocked. We both cried a lot (i've never see him cry as he did that night). I was desperate, I told him I loved him, I couldn't imagine a life without him. Eventually he didn't break up, saying he would miss our hugs and kisses too much. 10. After a week, he told again that he loved me, started to talk about marriage again (he was always the first to talk about it). 11. I tried to stay more apart; I didn't text him first, but I noticed he was the one Who looked for me, so I was quite confident. 12. I found out he was keeping texting with girls he had just met. I couldn't bear more of it, so I tried to talk to him. This ends with him dumping me. He said he felt he didn't truly love me, that he still cares for me but doesn't want to go on. Comes out he never cheated on me, but was tempted to flirt with other girls. I cried a lot and he cried, too. He said he doesn't want me to hate him ( thank you, you *******!) Back to now. I went straight NC after the BU. He texted me the day after, saying he was worried for me and asked how I was. I ignored him. He texted again a day after, asking if my sister and friends were making me hate him. I replied a little bit cool, saying I don't hate him, I just hate the situation. The I told him I was going to the seaside with my family and I needed time for myself. He replied: "ok. As you said, I don't want to ruin our relationship. Have good holidays" And that was it. After a few days it was his birthday but I didn't wish him happy birthday, then saw on his facebook this status update: "maybe I deserve this" I'm still NC but, truth is, I still love him deeply and I don't know What to think, I read some posts about GIGS, but I cannot tell if that's my case. Do you guys have some advice? What happened? Is there hope??
Author Chocolatebox Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 (sorry for the mistakes in my post, I wrote it in a hurry) I'll add some details if it's helpful: I'm 21 and he's 23; we already met each other's family and they approved us. We also have a lot of friends in common, and I'n afraid I'll have to stop seeing them cause a lot of them were his childhood's friends, not mine
KatZee Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 He kind of sounds like my ex. Flip flopping, one day he's happy, the next he's not sure, but decides to stay together, then wants to end again, and then finally pulls the plug. Not sure if this is GIGS. I don't believe what my ex had/has is GIGS I think he just got tired of having a girlfriend holding him back. I was only his 2nd girlfriend, the 2nd person he's slept with... and he just wants to be single, free, to act like a frat boy. All I represented to him was commitment, engagement, pressure, "forever." And he definitely wasn't ready for that. He wants to focus on himself, his career... not me.
Canadian731 Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 The way it seems to me is he is still very dependent on you for his happiness, so he wants to keep you in his life while he tries out other waters, keep NC and just improve yourself, if he loves you he will also take this time to improve himself. Plus with most guys we don't realize how good we have it until it's gone
Kovalchoke Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Hi everyone! This is the very first time I post here. I actually read a lot of posts before deciding to register. I hope I will find some help and some honest advice, too. Here's my story (sorry, it'll be long): Me and my ex boyfriend met 4 years ago. We became friends and after a year started dating. We were our first everything. He fell deeply in love with me, and we were really happy. We dated for 3 years, he dumped me 2 weeks ago. I'll try to explain it clearly: 1. I began being jealous because Of his co-worker, Who texted him often 2.we argued about my jealousy a few Times, but nothing major happened 3. He began going out more often with his friends, especially with one I didn't like, and met new girls; I was more afraid than ever 4. He lied to me: he went to his coworker's house without trelling me, but I eventually found out. He knew that would make me mad, so he hid it. We had a big fight, eventually I forgave him and he promised me he would never go to her house again. I began to trust him less. 5. Meanwhile, he claimed I was "putting him in a cage" and being possessive. I promised him I'd try to be' less jealous, but we had another couple of fights. 6. I found out he started to chat with those girls he had just met. Yes, I spied his phone, and I really regret it. But I was always doubting him. 7. He began to be colder and wanted to see me less, and wanted to go out with his friends. I confessed him I spied his phone and saw "flirty" texts. When I told him he laughed and said it was just a joke, and he didn't mean to flirt. I believed him but not 100% 8. This goes for a while, until he tries to lie to me again, again about a text for his coworker. He eventually told the truth, but this was too much for me and I have him 3 days in order to recollect his thoughts. 9. Then he tries to dump me, saying he's not sure about his feelings. He says that maybe he loves me as a friend. I was shocked. We both cried a lot (i've never see him cry as he did that night). I was desperate, I told him I loved him, I couldn't imagine a life without him. Eventually he didn't break up, saying he would miss our hugs and kisses too much. 10. After a week, he told again that he loved me, started to talk about marriage again (he was always the first to talk about it). 11. I tried to stay more apart; I didn't text him first, but I noticed he was the one Who looked for me, so I was quite confident. 12. I found out he was keeping texting with girls he had just met. I couldn't bear more of it, so I tried to talk to him. This ends with him dumping me. He said he felt he didn't truly love me, that he still cares for me but doesn't want to go on. Comes out he never cheated on me, but was tempted to flirt with other girls. I cried a lot and he cried, too. He said he doesn't want me to hate him ( thank you, you *******!) Back to now. I went straight NC after the BU. He texted me the day after, saying he was worried for me and asked how I was. I ignored him. He texted again a day after, asking if my sister and friends were making me hate him. I replied a little bit cool, saying I don't hate him, I just hate the situation. The I told him I was going to the seaside with my family and I needed time for myself. He replied: "ok. As you said, I don't want to ruin our relationship. Have good holidays" And that was it. After a few days it was his birthday but I didn't wish him happy birthday, then saw on his facebook this status update: "maybe I deserve this" I'm still NC but, truth is, I still love him deeply and I don't know What to think, I read some posts about GIGS, but I cannot tell if that's my case. Do you guys have some advice? What happened? Is there hope?? Definitely sounds like what happened to me. My ex started acting wild and flirty and then all of these guys came into the picture. I started getting trust issues because she kept hanging around this one guy and then another. She was the one who dumped me too and claims I'm obsessive and "didn't trust her"... Well now it's been 2 months since the BU and I feel better about it. Although I still think about her, I don't do anything like look at her facebook or ask anyone about her because it'll only disturb my moving on process. The thing i don't get is whether or not what she did will (if ever) register with her. I treated her with nothing but respect and I'm also wondering if girls like that regret losing somebody so pure-hearted.
Author Chocolatebox Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 (edited) Thank you for sharing your thoughts I'm really confused right now, and I'm still hoping (I know I shouldn't) that one day he'll realise what he had lost. Everything began with my jealousy, which first wasn't necessary, but then became justified. The more I kept telling him I was worried because of his behaviour, the more he did it. I sometimes think it was my fault. Really don't know what to think! I have to say that he wasn't always like that: the things that happened from nr. 1 to Nr. 12 started about 6 months ago Edited July 26, 2012 by Chocolatebox 1
Kovalchoke Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Thank you for sharing your thoughts I'm really confused right now, and I'm still hoping (I know I shouldn't) that one day he'll realise what he had lost. Everything began with my jealousy, which first wasn't necessary, but then became justified. The more I kept telling him I was worried because of his behaviour, the more he did it. I sometimes think it was my fault. Really don't know what to think! I have to say that he wasn't always like that: the things that happened from nr. 1 to Nr. 12 started about 6 months ago The fact that your jealousy was justified later on means your gut feeling was right. The thing i dont get is why people do these horrible things, so much disregard for their partner's feelings. I think in your situation it was inevitable because in reality, people change and so do priorities... One day hopefully they'll realize what theyve lost!
KatZee Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Everything began with my jealousy, which first wasn't necessary, but then became justified. The more I kept telling him I was worried because of his behaviour, the more he did it. I sometimes think it was my fault. Really don't know what to think! Same with my ex. I had justified jealousy. Not really jealousy, but I was asking a lot of questions, I wasn't really buying what he was telling me, and he came out and was like "Oh you're so jealous." I would question why his ex was lingering around. I would question why he suddenly stopped inviting me out with his friends (came to find out the ex was there). He would play stupid all the time, and then finally found out he cheated. I think a lot of immature guys do this. Play the head game. Make US feel like we're crazy when we're not. I'm not quite sure why some people like to believe that others are stupid, like we can't see right through them. I used to believe things weren't working because of me, but I later learned this is emotional abuse. This is where he wanted me. He never wanted to accept responsibility. It was always my fault. I was always the problem. After the relationship ended I woke up. I really couldn't care any less if one day he "woke up" and realized what he lost. He should have known from day one what he had. And he never did. He didn't realize it when he was out sticking himself in another girl. He didn't realize it when he took every inch of me for granted. So if he wakes up with that guilt one day, good for him. His problem. Not mine.
Author Chocolatebox Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 What should I expect now? Yes, he's immature but I don't think he doesn't care at all... On one side, I still want him, but on the other side I just hate him because of what he did to me. I'm so upset. I feel I have no hope at all.
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