Craig16 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 This is kinda wierd because since we have broke up i have thought about missing her alot and missing the times we had together. But my main thought has mainly been on her having sex with somebody else, and it ****ing rips me apart thinking of it. I dont know if its because she was the first person i had sex with and the only girl i have had sex with, but i hate feeling like this. Even though i know she isnt the type to go sleeping around because when we was together she told me a lot of times she didnt really like sex that much and it made her feel bad. But does anyone else feel this way?
Zammo25 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Yep and when you find out they are it literally rips your heart out of your chest. I have never known pain like it.
steveblack Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Not to get too technical. this is totally normal, but you might feel bad right after you are done.
Jono85 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 i suffer from this as well, and it also makes me sick. i guess i've rationalized it as, well if she's drunk and horny, and doesn't have feelings for the guy, and is using it to help get over the pain/loss of you, then it's still disgusting but i think i get past that. whereas if she was really into someone, sober, and she was having constant passionate sex with some dude that she liked, i'm not sure i could ever take her back. so basically if she gets into another relationship, i think it could be over for good. but who knows if i still feel like that years down the road. i know i thought like that with one of my previous exes as well, but currently it doesn't gross me out thinking about it at all. the feelings are gone. so basically if we were to ever meet up again, and start from scratch, i doubt i'd even care that she's ****ed some other guys, b/c i'd know that A. i have, and have had another love, and B. i don't have any feelings for her anymore so the thought of her having sex with guys after we broke up until now, doesn't phase me anymore.
Canadian731 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 It's normal to think this way sometimes, but try your best nOt to think about it, if your ex is anything like mine and she sounds like it I doubt she would just jump into a sexual relationship with anyone. Best thing after a relationship is to take time to yourself. Try to not think about her at all, especially thoughts about her with other guys.
Dblock10 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 for me this is a weird subject because my ex and i had broke up, she went travelling and hooked up, i also hooked up back home. we met and so it was even it felt like i didn't care because she was now sleeping with me again. but now she has gone again, i feel a bit different about it, it gets to me and i hate that its happened. how can you stop thinking about this? or that she may be with someone new now sigh
Floored Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 (edited) You would be abnormal if you didn't have this huge emotional tear in you right now. It shows that you felt a deep connection to her, that you had a bond with her, and the pain comes from that bond is being severed. It hurts to think about anyone seeing her in a way you have, or her seeing another man as exposed as you were exclusively in her presence. The source of it is her moving on, and sharing that deep connection with someone else, when you yourself have not gotten over her. There's no good way to think about it, and nothing can really be gained from stewing on it. The thing instead to keep telling yourself is that she's not yours anymore, and you don't even have a say in what she does. You can't change that. Since I've yapped enough in my own thread, I'll share this here to bump yours up. I know my ex was already flirting it up and she-knows-what-else-happens with other men (plural now) before we'd even been done a week; we were each others first and onlies, something I cherished when we were dating and we were our way to the aisle, but that went out the window fast. It gave me anxiety after she dumped me to think about her with other men, then it crushed me to hear this behavior was going on while I'm still getting used to being out of a relationship. For some reason, I had this humongous urge to start plowing some strange too, to rack up a whole gaggle of new women, as if it was a race. It didn't help that word spread way too fast around my department that I was single. Offers to 'comfort' me started coming in, but what purpose would it serve? It's just not my character to be a Casanova, so letting her actions drive me crazy and let myself go to that point would make me lose far more than I have already. I lost her, I decided I'd at least try to save myself in the process. No one wins a breakup, but many lose, and it's up to you to decide to keep yourself in check and take care of yourself only and not worry what she's doing. For some, it helps them to get over their ex by getting under someone new. Some people honestly need to just lose themselves for a while before they can find themselves again; maybe I change my mind tomorrow let the panties fly, only to rediscover that it wasn't the physical act that I looked forward to, but the emotional connection that I made with her- yes, I do answer to limp-wristed flower child, I'm glad you asked, but that's just the way I like it. I had a head start towards dealing with this, since I had about four days between "going to propose to her this fall" and finding out "she's single and likely fellating multiple dudes". Even if my ex isn't, it still helped to put the situation into perspective, and I'm not going to give her the benefit of the doubt anymore. Don't hold out hope that you and your ex are getting back together, that's what is rooting that pain firmly in your chest. Maybe you will, but that's not in the cards for right now so it's not worth the heartache. Don't worry about whether she's going to shoot her dignity to hell, decide and work in earnest to keep yours intact. Don't worry about if she finds new love and shares her body with him, you will also find someone else when you're ready. You will, and if you work towards getting yourself together, your next relationship will be all the better for it. Move the focus off what she's doing, and put that back on yourself. Edited July 25, 2012 by Floored 2
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