smellybelly Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Hello LSers... need your help/advice on what to do next.... think I may have messed up a bit... Me in a nutshell... I generally know if I like someone or not immediately, but when it comes to intimacy I move very slow. I don't know how to flirt physically and tend to become closed off when I'm nervous about approaching intimacy - i.e. the first kiss,,, etc. Basically if I like someone, I get nervous and don't know how to act and generally don’t send out any indication I’m interested. So I do really well on the first few dates, but as things begin to proceed, I get nervous and clamp up and don’t know how to act- I guess I don’t know how to make that transition,,, So here is the story: Met a great guy on-line.. went out on two good dates- he planned in advance, asked me out for each one. Third date he invites me to his place for dinner. He's been a gentleman so far - and I feel comfortable accepting. We have a great dinner, enjoying each other’s company... the whole time I can't wait for him to kiss me (for the first time)... but as soon as the perfect moment comes up I get nervous and decide I need to leave.. and I literally bolt... tell him it's time for me to go, put on my shoes... At this point he looks disappointed. He walks me to my car- I go in for the hug, he goes in for the kiss....we kiss but its kinda awkward... and I literally back off from the kiss- say thank you and leave... I can tell as he's walking away he is super disappointed- head hanging, shoulders slumped etc… I don't think it was a sex thing because he gave me no indication that's what he was expecting on that date,,, I think he was just expecting a bit more physical intimacy - which I was looking forward to as well- a good make out session I guess... So I send him a follow up thank you text- we have a brief, but good exchange… And then I decide I’ll plan the next date for two reasons. One – he’s planned them all till now and two- I wanted to show him I’m interested even though my actions may have come across as not… So here’s my dilemma- he’s been receptive to my texts but something has changed- his level of interest has def. changed. He’s not initiating texts anymore and I can tell he’s backing down. I am guessing it’s because of how the last date ended- What do you guys think? I really like him and I realize I need to step up my game a bit now and show him I’m interested.. but I don’t know how to do that… So what should I do next? We will be hanging out this next week but nothing has been finalized… so date ideas.. flirting ideas… what to do.. how to show him/ tell him interested- how to salvage his ego- I think I may have stepped on it slightly…. Should I do anything up until our next meeting? Texts, phone calls etc… Help me get past this third date hump people!
gaius Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Text him and admit that you're a slow starter when it comes to intimacy, and say that he's the first guy you've kissed that soon into dating. Don't try to take over the date planning. That will probably only deflate his ego even more. 1
jakelongot Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 It sounds like you have a good thing going with this guy. You like him and he obviously likes you. That being said, you can't blame him for being confused/dejected. I think a short clarifying text would go a long way Something like..."Sorry about how that last date ended, i think we wanted the same thing, I just chickened out a little. Looking forward to Friday!" It's short, true and direct. Really think it will go a long way and make him feel a lot better. That's what I would appreciate if I was in his shoes. Good Luck!
yongyong Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 hey ladies, is this a typical american girl behavior?
utterer of lies Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 So what should I do next? We will be hanging out this next week but nothing has been finalized… so date ideas.. flirting ideas… what to do.. how to show him/ tell him interested- how to salvage his ego- I think I may have stepped on it slightly…. Should I do anything up until our next meeting? Texts, phone calls etc… Just be honest. "Sorry I was weird last time, I get nervous. It's because I like you." I actually find it cute when girls do these weird displacement activities. I usually tease them a bit, but these are good memories (and make for nice 'how we met' stories when it's getting more serious).
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Be open, expressive, communicative, direct and clear about how you feel and what happened. You can't just explain men to figure out or know at what pace you work at. However with that being said you shouldn't have went over his place for a third date If you weren't ready to be physical, that was your mistake...when a guy invites you over he's expecting/hoping for something whether it's a tiny hope or a big hope doesn't matter...think about it...apartment, couch, then bed...how do those things not come up out of common sense? Whether he would have gunned into your panties straight away after or settled for a smooching session is all up to speculation, you won't know now. However If you're willing to roll the dice and you accepted the invitation anyway then give him a call and make the effort to show you are interested. If he backs off or is a d!ck about it after you explained yourself then he's either too butt hurt to continue on or he wasn't that interested and just wanted to seal a deal on the third date before continuing on. 3
Author smellybelly Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 Fabulous... So I took your advice and texted him as directed and it went over well. Came across as cute and vulnerable. I think men seem to dig that!
thatone Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 you're beyond "how you come across", first date is over. as of now you come across as terribly insecure and a bit crazy. up to you to erase that image and paint a new one.
Author smellybelly Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 you're beyond "how you come across", first date is over. as of now you come across as terribly insecure and a bit crazy. up to you to erase that image and paint a new one. Interesting feedback... So what would you have done ....
thatone Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 not stormed out and ran away. but since that's done, you should apologize for it.
Author smellybelly Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 No. Just because he's understanding of the fact that women are insane doesn't mean he likes it. Please don't delude yourself. Ah geez.... So confused... What is the delusion?
thatone Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 his thought was mine too, lol. think of dating as a baseball game, that's what i think about women i meet. three strikes, they're out. a strike is doing something very crazy, rude, inconsiderate, etc. so you're on strike one. but on the upside you got two more left. everyone hits strike one typically, if there's an apology and rational talk about strike one, it gets smoothed over and forgotten. if there isn't and we proceed directly to strike two, i'm gonna start to check out and consider her not much of a priority, basically just waiting for the other shoe to drop with strike 3. so don't get behind in the count. 0-1 is nothing, but 0-2? probably gonna strike out.
Recommended Posts