sw25 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 I have been with my girlfriend for nearly 2 years, we are both 25 years old - throughout that time we've gone through some tough stuff but have always been in love. I've never felt like anyone like I feel for her and when we're together we've been so happy - even talked about marriage. I have always had problems with trust issues stemming from a previous partner and my parents divorce when I was younger. I actually went to see a councillor about these things while in my current relationship and they did help. About 7 weeks ago my girlfriend and I were out and we we were talking, when we first started seeing each other I have to admit I wasn't overly keen and didn't think the relationship would go anywhere but as time went on I realised how much I loved her. We were talking about when we first got together and I asked the question whether when we were in the phase of the relationship she had felt the same and she told me reluctantly that a few weeks in she had kissed someone else. This hit my in the chest like a sledge hammer - I asked her why she had lied throughout our time together and she told me because she didn't want to lose me over something that happened when we were just starting out. I could accept this as at the time I wasn't in to her at all but it brought back all the trust issues that were from my past. From then on in I have found myself not trusting her and reverting back to the ways I had in my previous relationship. We have still have some great times together but I have hurt my girlfriend by punishing her for what she told me because of the way its made me feel again. She has been loving and attentive throughout, reassuring me that I am the only one she loves and that she has never and would never do anything like that now as we are in love but I just couldn't let it go and through my actions I have been pushing her away. the past 3 weeks have been terrible, I was staying with her for that amount of time and although there were some nice moments this trust issue seriously came to the fore and I ended up doing some stupid things like snatching her phone and being mean. I had booked for us to go away on a romantic weekend 2 weeks ago and I know she was upset because of the way I had been up until that point so I really wanted to make amends and show her that I could change my ways but when we were away I done the same thing. We came home on the Sunday and I knew I had perhaps gone to far this time - we sat down and she told me that it felt like I had been chiselling away at her heart over the past 7 weeks and all the mistrust and bad feeling had made her confused. This absolutely shook me to the core because I knew then that I had seriously crossed the line. I had never heard her speak like this before because of how affectionate and loving she was towards me. We agreed to give it a chance because we both loved each other but I could feel a tension between us. Anyway, things were hot and cold last week - sometimes my girlfriend was affectionate and loving and other times not so much, I can understand this because I know I really upset her with my actions but I was trying to be normal with her and she was trying to do the same but there was a definite feeling of unease which has never been there before. We spent the weekend together and had a lovely time but on Sunday morning we had another fight and this time she told me that she couldn't stand this any more and I agreed to leave - I couldn't believe it had come to this because we were so happy prior to all of this. She told me that she thought things had gone to far, too much bad stuff had happened lately and that it had made her really confused about the way she felt and that we should end the relationship. I was devastated. I packed my things and prepared to leave for home but she called me really upset and told me she felt sick and heart broken - I told her I felt the same and that feeling like that should tell you that breaking up isn't right. I agreed to meet her for lunch and she said that we can try and make it work but if things haven't improved in the near future then we'd both have to mutually walk away. I met her in the evening and she came back down to mine and she was affectionate as normal but we both agreed that we needed some time apart to try and let things heel. I wont see her now for at least 2 weeks out of mutual agreement, but I'm so afraid of losing her after this because I know the relationship is hanging on by a thread and my stomach is in knots. I know there's something still there - she's a very together person and very direct and if she had wanted to end it that would have been it so I'm trying to take solace from that fact but I just can't stop worrying and fretting about it. It almost feels like I've already lost her and if that happens I will be utterly heartbroken. I apologise for such a long post, but I couldn't help but write everything.
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