This really stings...broke NC in the worst way...never ganna be ok

[Peagle87]

Before I say anything I dont want anyone to judge me. Whats happened is its obvious I have some terrible issues dealing with breakups and I need to see some professional help to have it addressed. nevertheless I need to rant and Id like some input if anyone finds it may help.

 

My story has been posted here before..Ive actually endured two breakups with this woman. We broke up for the same reasons last summer...Im not exciting, Im not a rugged construction worker type yadda yadda. Yet she came back to me last summer, after I took up martial arts and just started to heal. Im going to leave out a lot of my story here as its been covered, but for some reason this year its been really hard for me to move on with my life and maintain NC. She knows how good of a person Ive been to her, but she just seemed to aggressively get agitated at me trying to reach out a lot more times than I like to acknowledge. She played a lot of mind games as we were breaking up, and as recently as three weeks ago she was telling me she loves me and wants to work on things when I tried to breakup.

 

I noticed she got a lot more standoffish though and just basically telling me to **** off. I noticed she got like that when she basically shafted me trying to get back with an ex and then got burned. After about a month of banging another ex, we got back together and stayed together for a year. The thing is it was hard to really get the romance going because we were going through such transitional phases. She just gave up on us because shes so addicted to infuation phases. Nevertheless, I kind of figured she had another guy going on. Well after staying Id say 2.5 Weeks NC and unsuccesfully trying to reach out to her and being told to **** off I swung by her house. I tried calling and her phone was off. I decided to leave and just had this feeling fate didnt want me to be there. I went again though hours later on impulse. She freaked out saying that I was stalking her. and to leave because her boyfriend was showing up soon (she told me weeks earlier she cant be in a relationship). Well I called her bluff and chilled outside for a bit just for her to walk out and get into a super muscular dudes car. As she was getting into the car I told her I want to talk. The guy looked perplexed, and she said no we dont need to talk.

 

I was so shocked by this. It brought out insecurities in me that for years Ive been trying to handle like getting myself into better shape and just in general getting my **** together. I was on the right path but I quit going to MMA to focus on her personal issues. I feel as though Ive made her better for this guy, and Im actually in shock that she did so much better given even the simple fact that shes disabled.

 

Its absolutely tearing me up inside, and even her mom is shocked at all of this and told me that Im a good guy and just to leave it be. I called her a few more times and well, I cant really be surprised but I had the police call me. It almost got this bad last year, except one of my friends told me to **** off. This really sucks for the reasons that despite our problems its really ****ing hard for me to let go. I feel like at least we should have had a respectful ending because we were together for so long and there was no need for these lies (yes I realize I too need to work on respecting giving her space and privacy), and perhaps I shouldve had my **** more together. I was about 15% over her from the 2.5 weeks NC, but I feel like I just dropped to -100%. Last year I had an action plan and was able to get myself moving in the right direction. This year I just feel completely blocked off. I havent exactly lost the love of my life, I just wish there was a way to fix things, because the memories for me right now are so bittersweet.

 

It was in a sense my first gf, but I have been with ten women in my life, and have another one lined up but its just not the same for me. This is a really bad case of oneitis and I hate that stuff ended the way it did. One moment shes crying about how close we were, the next shes telling me she basically used me im an idiot, and I should get over it cuz shes moved on. Shes power tripping hard and I hate that I gave her the satisfaction of riding of with a dude who she views as better and even I can say made me feel intimidated. The fact that she was kind of a party girl and i tried to clamp her down at times also made me kind of envious. I miss the friendship that we had to.

 

My mistakes were simply AFC mistakes that had expected results, but she made it a lot worse by being over the top with pushing my buttons and even she acknowledges that. This whole situation just blows Ive talked my friends heads off, and even my mom told me to do what I want but if I talk to this girl again shell lose all respect for me. I want to get better, I want to stop taking Viocidin and honestly, as a bonus I do want to make her regret doing this to me. She did say she realizes that Im not crazy (last year) and I just acted weird but that Im a good person. I just couldnt deal with the fact that the "spark" disappeared, but at the same time, she didnt put effort in really either once I helped her out with her lifes priorities.

 

Advice?

[Frank13]

You know what you have to do. She has made it very clear that she wants to move on. You need to do the same.

 

This has gotten out of hand to the point where the police are involved. What next, you go to jail and lose your job over her? Then in a couple years you look back at yourself with embarassment wondering what the hell you were thinking.

 

Your only option is NC. Stick to it. Post here to vent.

[Peagle87]

Im already pretty embarassed. In all honesty I was even obsessed with simply just...ending stuff on good terms. You know there was a few incidents we had where she called me 20ish times not so much to apologize but to justify her bratty behavior, and didnt want to end stuff on bad terms. Why this happened, Ill never know...you know shes reconciled with guys shes had abortions with and even gotten physical with...im not getting any hopes or ideas, but its just so messed up how this whole situation panned out. Looking back 2 years how we were its hard to envision this is what wouldve happened. And it absolutely kills me. The NC is hard to do (but obviously required) in the sense, its leaving me pretty much comatose. Working, coming home, seeing friends, drinking myself to sleep. I cant even workout if I really wanted to at the moment because I was hospitalized with a severe bronchitis infection.

[Chi townD]

Im already pretty embarassed. In all honesty I was even obsessed with simply just...ending stuff on good terms. You know there was a few incidents we had where she called me 20ish times not so much to apologize but to justify her bratty behavior, and didnt want to end stuff on bad terms. Why this happened, Ill never know...you know shes reconciled with guys shes had abortions with and even gotten physical with...im not getting any hopes or ideas, but its just so messed up how this whole situation panned out. Looking back 2 years how we were its hard to envision this is what wouldve happened. And it absolutely kills me. The NC is hard to do (but obviously required) in the sense, its leaving me pretty much comatose. Working, coming home, seeing friends, drinking myself to sleep. I cant even workout if I really wanted to at the moment because I was hospitalized with a severe bronchitis infection.

 

 

She did this because she was feeling guilty. Nothing more. For whatever reason, girls hate the fact that there might be someone on this planet that hates them or doesn't think they're a nice person. So, she did this to ease her own guilt. Selfishly motivated.

 

Dude, time to heal and move on. But, it sounds like you want a little revenge. The best revenge you can have is to lead a damn good life! Get a new hairstyle, something people will notice and like. Buy new clothes. Change your self image. Then, go back to school! Finish that degree or get your masters or PhD. Helps keeps your mind on school work and NOT her. Once you finish, you can improve your finiancal status and buy that nice ass car! And can afford a new townehouse and a nice neighborhood. And lastly, travel! Plan a trip to somewhere you've always wanted to go, and just do it!

 

Just tell yourself that today is the first day of your new life.