Mcnulty Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Does seeing you ex, if you're not over them and still love them, with her new guy help you to get over them/give you closure? I haven't saw them together once in 9 months, (so he isn't a new guy!) and was wondering if i saw even a pic, it would help.
big bear Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Not at all.. Might push you to start comparisons and what not.. and may also lead you to break NC 1
Chi townD Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 NOPE!! All it's going to do is to keep her at the forefront of your mind. Do you really believe that she belongs there?
headsashed Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Nope,hearing about my ex and the possibility of her new bf kinda hit me hard so seeing them together would hurt even more. Out of sight out of mind rings a bell. 1
fificremefarben Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 I reckon it depends WHEN you see them together. Sometimes it can be a good thing. If you seen them together too soon after the breakup or whilst you're still clearly not over them then it can be devestating. I still haven't seen my ex in public with the girl he left me for, but I stumbled across a photo on facebook (posted by a mutual "friend") of them on a night out about 4 months after the breakup and it crushed me, really set me back. However, it can also be a good thing if you've come quite far in the "moving on" process. If you see them together and are indifferent towards it, that can be the one thing that truly affirms that you are "over it".
flitzanu Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 does thinking of this new guy plowing her still bother you? if it does, then no, you don't want to see them together.
Zammo25 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 does thinking of this new guy plowing her still bother you? if it does, then no, you don't want to see them together. As sensitive to people's feelings as usual Tell me flitzanu you puzzle me. You will only ever see the bad in any situation. Tell me your story to make me understand you as you registered here a long time ago. Did someone break your heart or are you just enjoying other people's misery ? I am genuinely curious what makes you tick as you come across in every single post as " the hard man " with no feelings whatsoever in your entire body. No empathy, no sypmathy, nothing.
k100danny Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 It didn't help me both times it has happened with 2 different ex's. first ex (not the newest) I saw a picture of her at a party with someone i knew liked her being quite flirty a few weks after we broke up and it hurt like hell, started asking people if i was as good looking ect and really did not help my healing, i asked about him ect ect. The recent break up we had been broken up exactly 1 month and two weeks previous she had messaged me saying she thought of me everyday, I had asked her to delete me on facebook and she did after a week (straight after my older ex posted about going for lunch on my facebook wall) I contacted her about some property that was all because we weren't in touch anymore and it looked like we wouldn't be talking again as she is away travelling now and has ditched her phone as it's an added expense ect and she replied nothing nasty and that was it. anyway i get an inbox message while offline and i click into my inbox, this was 3 days later. the message was from a friend but i notice her profile pic, her in a bikini with a new guy who she met just after we broke up, comments like he is so cute ect ect. ABSOLUTELY RIPPED MY HEART OUT!!!!! I sent her a message that day 12 days ago and then blocked her, nothing nasty just good luck with everything hope you're happy or at least find happiness. I wont be speaking to you again, please return my watch. 12 days and obviously she can't message me but no sign of contact and no sign of my VERY expensive and sentimental watch. Don't do it man, it can be good if you are far along in the healing process but if she is still occupying your thoughts a lot then NO this will not help at all.
Dblock10 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 i was thinking about this again and how it winds me up to think she might be with a new guy that she met whilst travelling. is there anyway to drop thinking about your ex with another guy? and to op question, it does depend. I think it depends if you know you are over them. i can look at older ex;s with other men and it doesn't bother me.. i want that to be the case with this latest ex. but no i don't want to go looking for evidence and i know it would gut me.
flitzanu Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 As sensitive to people's feelings as usual Tell me flitzanu you puzzle me. You will only ever see the bad in any situation. Tell me your story to make me understand you as you registered here a long time ago. Did someone break your heart or are you just enjoying other people's misery ? I am genuinely curious what makes you tick as you come across in every single post as " the hard man " with no feelings whatsoever in your entire body. No empathy, no sypmathy, nothing. sure dude, i'll hit you up later, bout to leave the pc right now. i'll find all my stories for you to see.
Author Mcnulty Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 Flitzanu, you are choice with your words, cheers...plowing her, hmm, i don't really have that image in my head...he used to be my friend, i know him inside out. he deleted me off facebook, pursued my ex, nailed/plowed her....and didn't tell me...people eh?
Chi townD Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 As sensitive to people's feelings as usual Tell me flitzanu you puzzle me. You will only ever see the bad in any situation. Tell me your story to make me understand you as you registered here a long time ago. Did someone break your heart or are you just enjoying other people's misery ? I am genuinely curious what makes you tick as you come across in every single post as " the hard man " with no feelings whatsoever in your entire body. No empathy, no sypmathy, nothing. Flitz strikes again! LOL!!! Thing is with Flitz, just my opinion, he would rather smack people in the head with a 2x4. Get them mad and wake them up and have them saying to themselves, " You know what? SCREW THEM!! I have self worth! She's/he's not worth my time or effort!" He'd rather see them put time and effort into other things; into themselves, rather than wondering if seeing there Ex's with someone else would make them feel better. I could be wrong, but Flitz likes the shock and awe affect. 1
Dblock10 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Flitzanu, you are choice with your words, cheers...plowing her, hmm, i don't really have that image in my head...he used to be my friend, i know him inside out. he deleted me off facebook, pursued my ex, nailed/plowed her....and didn't tell me...people eh? this confuses me, are you female and your ex is male or
coltsfan1 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Mcnulty, does your "friend" have a sister, single mother, ex??? You know what they say, it is best served cold....
Author Mcnulty Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 Haha, colt..love it, i shall look into it. I know he's on a dating site and i saw him out with another girl...he's a dick! By the way, i'm male.
coltsfan1 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 That's is why I suggested his mother not his father, lol. NO fighting, just push his sore spot, if you two where that close you should know what buttoms to push. I had a buddy do the same to me once, I played it cool stayed "friends" till I could sleep with his sister. Then I got what I wanted, the chance to fight. You know who looked like the baby then??? Not I!!
mike588 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Does seeing you ex, if you're not over them and still love them, with her new guy help you to get over them/give you closure? I haven't saw them together once in 9 months, (so he isn't a new guy!) and was wondering if i saw even a pic, it would help. I never get jealous when I see my ex. with someone new because my parents taught me to give my used toys to the less foutunate.
flitzanu Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Flitzanu, you are choice with your words, cheers...plowing her, hmm, i don't really have that image in my head...he used to be my friend, i know him inside out. he deleted me off facebook, pursued my ex, nailed/plowed her....and didn't tell me...people eh? i know it's harsh, but seriously, for months on end that's all i could picture was my ex being nailed by this dude in the bed we shared, and it made me sick all day and night. now over a year later, it's unsettling, but i'm like, meh. ultimately you need to think of the worst possible scenario, and imagine how you'd feel. if you'd be indifferent, then it likely won't bother you to see her. 1
JesseMartin Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 I feel if you do it and find out you're not over him/her, it hurts excruciatingly. If you're over them, you're indifferent. I see no benefit in trying.
Gulf-Delta Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 i know it's harsh, but seriously, for months on end that's all i could picture was my ex being nailed by this dude in the bed we shared, and it made me sick all day and night. now over a year later, it's unsettling, but i'm like, meh. ultimately you need to think of the worst possible scenario, and imagine how you'd feel. if you'd be indifferent, then it likely won't bother you to see her. The problem with this approach is, with so much focus on the negative, it's real easy to miss the positive.
flitzanu Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 The problem with this approach is, with so much focus on the negative, it's real easy to miss the positive. What's the positive in this situation?
Zammo25 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 i know it's harsh, but seriously, for months on end that's all i could picture was my ex being nailed by this dude in the bed we shared, and it made me sick all day and night. now over a year later, it's unsettling, but i'm like, meh. ultimately you need to think of the worst possible scenario, and imagine how you'd feel. if you'd be indifferent, then it likely won't bother you to see her. So you are Human after all. Good
Zammo25 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 (edited) The problem with this approach is, with so much focus on the negative, it's real easy to miss the positive. I can't see any positive in your ex being nailed by a new guy. The only positive is it should force you to know it is over. I do agree flitzanu is too negative there has to be some balance. His advise is always " it's over ", " there's no hope " regardless of the situation. I don't believe this. I believe some relationships can be repaired but I beleive my NC at the start of the year for 6 weeks ruined any chance of that happening. I truely believe that and would never do it again. The approach is much more balanced on enotalone with many people having an alternative view and with success. LS is very much old school NC and I think the balance on LS is not right and flitzanu is systematic of that. Edited July 25, 2012 by Zammo25
Gulf-Delta Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 I can't see any positive in your ex being nailed by a new guy. The only positive is it should force you to know it is over. I do agree flitzanu is too negative there has to be some balance. His advise is always " it's over ", " there's no hope " regardless of the situation. I don't believe this. I believe some relationships can be repaired but I beleive my NC at the start of the year for 6 weeks ruined any chance of that happening. I truely believe that and would never do it again. The approach is much more balanced on enotalone with many people having an alternative view and with success. LS is very much old school NC and I think the balance on LS is not right and flitzanu is systematic of that. While it certainly sucks, it is a reality that happened. People date other people when they break up. You date other people so that automatically means you can never be with your ex again?....that sounds immature.
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