Silly_Girl Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 I fell in to the 3 serious relationships I have had. One was my best friend, boy and girl rent a place together, fall in love, get married and have children. One was a one night stand that lasted 8 years too long (!) and one was someone I bumped in to online. I had never gone 'boyfriend-shopping' before and a friend persuaded me to try online dating just to vary my social life a bit, just for a bit of fun. I wrote a list of criteria and no matter how much a profile interested me I disregarded anyone who didn't meet at least 90% of the criteria as a waste of my time. I was pretty ruthless about it too. Someone contacted me who met the criteria and although it was a slow burn for me initially, I guess because I wasn't necessarily looking for anything significant, we've had a wonderful few months and things couldn't be better. Now my friend who talked me in to this wants to try OLD too and calls my approach cold, and says she could never be so 'business-like' and has been pretty derogatory about it - yet she has had some seriously dodgy boyfriends in the past! I can't see how a different approach can be a bad thing. She has had chemistry and connection with some nutters and losers and I don't want that for my friend Just curious as to how folk normally approach OLD and whether there's any tips I could pass on to my friend? Thanks in advance.
Radu Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Title does not delivers, i thought you meant real dating, not online 'men shopping'.
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 I don't have a strict list. There are basic things like what they are doing with there lives, if they live with their parents and whatnot, but for the most part if I like what I read then I respond or message. *shrug* Unless you think only ONE man is out there for you, and you have very SPECIFIC things like their music taste and whatnot, I really do think you are being very business like and wont be as successful.
Author Silly_Girl Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 Title does not delivers, i thought you meant real dating, not online 'men shopping'. Sor-reee, didn't know this protocol
MrCastle Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 I wrote a list of criteria and no matter how much a profile interested me I disregarded anyone who didn't meet at least 90% of the criteria as a waste of my time. Read this men. Read this over and over again. 2
USMCHokie Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Read this men. Read this over and over again. It's why I don't do online dating. I fail on race and height for most lists of criteria.
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Read this men. Read this over and over again. Not all women do that. I swear.
USMCHokie Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Not all women do that. I swear. I'm sure you're right... ...but I'm still reading it...over and over...
MrCastle Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 It's why I don't do online dating. I fail on race and height for most lists of criteria. Yep. I too fail those requirements. Such is life
Kofybean Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 ... Just curious as to how folk normally approach OLD and whether there's any tips I could pass on to my friend? Thanks in advance. I just realized what OLD stood for. hahaha, all this time. As far as your topic... whatever works for you. I find that women who make such list aren't exactly top quality themselves either. They demand so much and deliever soo little. ugh.
Author Silly_Girl Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 I just realized what OLD stood for. hahaha, all this time. As far as your topic... whatever works for you. I find that women who make such list aren't exactly top quality themselves either. They demand so much and deliever soo little. ugh. Haha! My criteria weren't tight like music taste, foods, tv etc. A career path matters to me, purely because of my own situation. And someone who stays fairly fit for example. Many things related to compatibility. My boyfriend and I don't much like each others' music or tv etc, but our fundamentals in life are closely aligned. We've compromised on some sports so I cycle more now and he's having a go at golf. It's not like I rejected folk on the basis of a hairy back or ugly toes
Author Silly_Girl Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 Not all women do that. I swear. She's right.
USMCHokie Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 She's right. ...and yet I'm still reading sentence...
Author Silly_Girl Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 ...and yet I'm still reading sentence... Listen, at 35 and with some dubious choices under my belt I personally felt the need to try something different. And it paid off. But even my girlfriends thought I was wrong and was eliminating the possibility of 'magic'. I'd had enough magic to last me a lifetime!!
Radu Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Not all women do that. I swear. Yes, not all women shop for the sake of shopping ... I'm with you on this one Hokie.
Author Silly_Girl Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 Yes, not all women shop for the sake of shopping ... I don't understand what you mean by that?
Radu Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 (edited) I don't understand what you mean by that? Some on this forum [me included], view online dating from the pov of the woman as shopping for men online. It's mostly from our experience doing it as guys, we can't communicate certain things to her, unlike actually approaching her on the spot. You can't show body language, you can't use tonality with her untill you meet her so it's like you are using 10% of what you can do to impress her. Add to this the fact that many women see themselves in a different light when they do online dating, they are perfect [or damn near close to], there is an endless supply of men ... it's all quite detached in a way, impersonal, you forget that on the other hand you have a human being. Some in the PUA community see online dating for a guy, as a sport, with a huge emphasis on ONS/fast lays. A numbers game, how to better tweak your profile, get in the sack fast. A friend of mine experimented a few yrs ago with online dating, you would not believe the nr of responses he got when he put his naval uniform on, even though he did not change anything about his profile. A disreputable person [hound ... *******] could truly milk it with this. Maybe you are serious about this, and have good results, but judging by experience ... for a guy who does not rock in the looks department, or is megarich, online dating is playing a rigged game if you are not willing to lie. Edited July 24, 2012 by Radu
Author Silly_Girl Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 Some on this forum [me included], view online dating from the pov of the woman as shopping for men online. It's mostly from our experience doing it as guys, we can't communicate certain things to her, unlike actually approaching her on the spot. You can't show body language, you can't use tonality with her untill you meet her so it's like you are using 10% of what you can do to impress her. Add to this the fact that many women see themselves in a different light when they do online dating, they are perfect [or damn near close to], there is an endless supply of men ... it's all quite detached in a way, impersonal, you forget that on the other hand you have a human being. Some in the PUA community see online dating for a guy, as a sport, with a huge emphasis on ONS/fast lays. A numbers game, how to better tweak your profile, get in the sack fast. A friend of mine experimented a few yrs ago with online dating, you would not believe the nr of responses he got when he put his naval uniform on, even though he did not change anything about his profile. A disreputable person [hound ... *******] could truly milk it with this. Maybe you are serious about this, and have good results, but judging by experience ... for a guy who does not rock in the looks department, or is megarich, online dating is playing a rigged game if you are not willing to lie. Ah okay. Appreciate you explaining. I promised my friend I'd try 4 dates with different guys and if not I'd turn my profile off and go back 3 or 4 months later. I was serious about it. I don't have many opportunities to meet blokes (spend most of my time working or with my son) and live in a small town. I viewed it as the best approach for not wasting their time or mine. I didn't see it as a hobby - but admit I have met people (yes, women) who have that viewpoint. My boyfriend is gorgeous to me, but I admit does not 'rock in the looks department' and definitely is not rich. I agreed to meet him pretty much immediately, I prefer in-person dating, I have a friend who almost fell in love with someone via a website and it was a mess when they tried to convert it to a working relationship. I didn't want that crap.
Radu Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Yeah, i hate to say it but if you are a woman doing online dating you have to hold off sex for a while and you need to keep in mind that he can check to see if you checked out other guys on the site as well, from a guy's pov ... you have a date, she says so too, and you find out she is checking other guys on the site or meeting them ... yiikes.
madjac74 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Yeah, i hate to say it but if you are a woman doing online dating you have to hold off sex for a while and you need to keep in mind that he can check to see if you checked out other guys on the site as well, from a guy's pov ... you have a date, she says so too, and you find out she is checking other guys on the site or meeting them ... yiikes. Isnt that the whole point of dating whether its online or real? Sampling! Of course people are checking out and dating other people on an OLD.
Radu Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Dating can be a sport in itself as some practice it, or it can be the prelude to a great relationship ... depends on what you want in life. PS: Sup gangsta, u got boombox ???
Author Silly_Girl Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 what does fairly fit mean? why do ladies make that such a priority? how does a man know if hes fit? Someone who enjoys moderate exercise or maybe plays a sport or two. I jog and play badminton and golf. My free time is limited so I wanted someone I could exercise with.
carhill Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 I have more of a 'get to know' style, so criteria for first meetings from OLD are pretty flexible. Generally, as long as the lady is presenting herself as single, is within ten years of my age (so, 43-63) and appears to be of a similar style by her interactions online, then I'm good to go. As relationships of this sort are prosecuted in real life, not online, that is the venue in which I prefer to assess 'criteria'. As someone who used OLD in it's infancy, when most pictures were scanned from prints, I learned to give proper weight to the vagaries of photography as an indicator of presence and attractiveness. One of my early LTR's resulted from a OLD meeting where I had no clue what the lady looked like, but she knew my appearance, simply because I was ahead in the technological sense. In my demographic, as men generally do the asking out and paying, there's really no downside for the lady as long as she pays attention to factors regarding safety and personal disclosure. Meet in a public place, the guy picks up the tab and whatever happens, happens. Most of the time, that's nothing. Sometimes, something. The last lady I dated (from OLD) chose the venue for our first meeting at my behest, lunch at a sushi restaurant, and we had a modest lunch, some sake, and talked for a couple hours. Getting to know.
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