Breaking down. Fighting the urge to cave in and break nc

July 24, 2012

Sjahebekelahsskebdhxysksldbxksnxhsa

I'm getting sick of saying something on here the life doing the ****ing opposite.

Just when I mention memories about my ex going to India and coming home early on another thread and saying I feel okay about it the radio station I'm listening to plays a love song she sent to me while she was away. It was the first time I heard it and it instantly became our song. I hadn't heard the song since we broke up its not a radio song. So why now not 20 minutes after mentioning her holiday does the song play. Now all these thoughts and feelings have flooded back in and I'm finding it very hard to resist the urge to contact her. Trying to fight it but all these emotions are running wild. Almost shed a tear for the first time in months. All cause of a song.

So much for hoping this progress keeps up. It didn't even last half an hour after writing it.

What will I get out of txting her? Nothing. So why is it so hard to fight it?

This day needs to end so I can go to the gym. ****..

July 24, 2012

What happened to the strong Alex!

July 24, 2012

It is hard to fight cause you are breaking a habit!! Like stopping smoking you have to fight the urge, then after time it becomes easier. That's where time comes into play, you just have to go thru the emotions then make it out the other end. We have ALL been there that's why we are here.....

July 24, 2012

Funny how one song can turn you upside down.

Strong Alex is going to hang back and keep building up this rage until I walk through the doors at the gym thisarvo.

July 24, 2012

It is hard to fight cause you are breaking a habit!! Like stopping smoking you have to fight the urge, then after time it becomes easier. That's where time comes into play, you just have to go thru the emotions then make it out the other end. We have ALL been there that's why we are here.....

You're right. Thanks mate

July 24, 2012

hey, I have read a couple of your posts on LS and let me tell you, I dont doubt that you can stay strong against those urges because you know how it ends when you call her right? Vaugeness on her end, frustration, annoyance, a dull grief and then back to square one? One day you will find a girl who doesnt play with your feelings and respects them. It normal to hurt.

July 24, 2012

Sjahebekelahsskebdhxysksldbxksnxhsa
I'm getting sick of saying something on here the life doing the ****ing opposite.
Just when I mention memories about my ex going to India and coming home early on another thread and saying I feel okay about it the radio station I'm listening to plays a love song she sent to me while she was away. It was the first time I heard it and it instantly became our song. I hadn't heard the song since we broke up its not a radio song. So why now not 20 minutes after mentioning her holiday does the song play. Now all these thoughts and feelings have flooded back in and I'm finding it very hard to resist the urge to contact her. Trying to fight it but all these emotions are running wild. Almost shed a tear for the first time in months. All cause of a song.

So much for hoping this progress keeps up. It didn't even last half an hour after writing it.
What will I get out of txting her? Nothing. So why is it so hard to fight it?

This day needs to end so I can go to the gym. ****..

Its like im going through the same somewhat. Coincidentally songs, things on tv or just things friends or someone mention coincidentally. Everything reminds me of her. I havent heard from her though. So i guess that kinda helps. I wouldnt know what to do if i was in your shoes. Your handling your situation alot better than most are. Youve been through alot with this girl. I thought you two were going to end up together. Just remember, you did what you could. If she contacts you, its on you for what to do.

Stay strong though man. And god bless

July 24, 2012

hey, I have read a couple of your posts on LS and let me tell you, I dont doubt that you can stay strong against those urges because you know how it ends when you call her right? Vaugeness on her end, frustration, annoyance, a dull grief and then back to square one? One day you will find a girl who doesnt play with your feelings and respects them. It normal to hurt.

Thanks for the kind words zanzi

And for the eye opening point. I have been there twice before, and its got me in the same spot both times. There really is no point.

Whoknows - Always good to hear from you buddy. Hope you are staying strong and things are getting better for you. She messaged me a couple of times today, talking about memories and saying she might be selling her car this week and didnt need my help after all. Kinda bugged me.

Really just gotta keep ignoring her and moving passed it. Looking forward to good things to come in life. Saw an old friend today and he asked how my love life was going. I said Non existant and he just smiled and said "It can only get better then cant it".

Made me smile haha.

Keep pressing on I guess

July 24, 2012

Thanks for the kind words zanzi
And for the eye opening point. I have been there twice before, and its got me in the same spot both times. There really is no point.

Whoknows - Always good to hear from you buddy. Hope you are staying strong and things are getting better for you. She messaged me a couple of times today, talking about memories and saying she might be selling her car this week and didnt need my help after all. Kinda bugged me.

Really just gotta keep ignoring her and moving passed it. Looking forward to good things to come in life. Saw an old friend today and he asked how my love life was going. I said Non existant and he just smiled and said "It can only get better then cant it".
Made me smile haha.

Keep pressing on I guess

Things have gotten much worse for me honestly. If you see my last thread youll know. But thank you. As for you and her, it seems like your moving forward well. However your ex is giving mixed emotions. She seems well confused and unsure of what she really wants. Want my opinion? Shes not over you. Shes scared possibly that your leaving the picture. Ive read up alot, what your ex is doing is possible, really possible signs she still wants you. Especially bringing up memories. She could be missing those times and reliving it. She could miss you. So shes just trying to find ways to contact you. Especially when its her initiating it. Shes been trying to contact you alot. Could be a good sign. But then again she gave you your answer before. But if you ask me thats what i see.

July 24, 2012

Btw, its the cant come to grips thread if you want to read it. The thread linked in it is what recently happened.

July 24, 2012

Things have gotten much worse for me honestly. If you see my last thread youll know. But thank you. As for you and her, it seems like your moving forward well. However your ex is giving mixed emotions. She seems well confused and unsure of what she really wants. Want my opinion? Shes not over you. Shes scared possibly that your leaving the picture. Ive read up alot, what your ex is doing is possible, really possible signs she still wants you. Especially bringing up memories. She could be missing those times and reliving it. She could miss you. So shes just trying to find ways to contact you. Especially when its her initiating it. Shes been trying to contact you alot. Could be a good sign. But then again she gave you your answer before. But if you ask me thats what i see.

Sorry to hear I'll read up on your latest when I'm not at work.

From where I'm sitting I've said my piece, twice, and she turned me away both times. If she was scared and needed time she should have just swallowed her pride and plucked up the courage to admit that and maybe I'd be waiting around. But she gave me a No. So it's done.

I just have to keep ignoring her attempts to contact me cause she's the only one who actually knows why she keeps sending me small talk txts to keep contact. Could be to string me on, for ego, as a keep close, to use me or cause she isnt over me. Could be anything I dont know. All I know is she said no and I threw in the towel.

Her feelings and her actions are hers alone now. They have nothing to do with me living my life. I just have to stay strong and make sure it stays that way.

July 24, 2012

Sorry to hear I'll read up on your latest when I'm not at work.

From where I'm sitting I've said my piece, twice, and she turned me away both times. If she was scared and needed time she should have just swallowed her pride and plucked up the courage to admit that and maybe I'd be waiting around. But she gave me a No. So it's done.

I just have to keep ignoring her attempts to contact me cause she's the only one who actually knows why she keeps sending me small talk txts to keep contact. Could be to string me on, for ego, as a keep close, to use me or cause she isnt over me. Could be anything I dont know. All I know is she said no and I threw in the towel.

Her feelings and her actions are hers alone now. They have nothing to do with me living my life. I just have to stay strong and make sure it stays that way.

Maybe she didnt mean no. Youre only human you know. She could be trying to string you along and contact you alot cause she isnt completly standing her decision. Id say when she texts you just wait until your ready to respond, and just say what do you really want out of this? If you dont want anything more then why do you keep contacting me? I was just looking for more, i cant do this contact with you. Nothings come out of it.

But exactly, youve been doing really well on your own. Seems that she wont leave you alone. Has she seen someone else since you been apart? And how long have you been together?

July 24, 2012

Well she had two chances to say yes. And she took neither of them.

You might be right but regardless, I'm not waiting around anymore she lost her chances. I'm not going to ask why she keeps messaging me that will just cause me to go backwards. She's already said I make her laugh and make her feel happy, and she has also said she's not happy with her life or herself at the moment. So by putting two and two together it's highly possible that she's trying to talk to me so often because I take away the hurt and sadness she's feeling while she's talking to me.

Which is fine. But she will soon discover than she could have had me to take away the pain permanently and be there for her every day and now she cant because she couldn't make the decision to let me back in. It's her loss and she has to deal with her emotions on her own now. She strung me on twice and it went nowhere both times. Im not going to do that a third time in hopes maybe things will be different this time around. It will only waste my time.

Up until today I've been doing great on my own. I just lost sight of everything thanks to that song but I had a lovely chat with Livelife like I do most days and now I'm feeling 110% again which is good.

She says she hasnt seen anyone at all since me. And I believe this, cause I caused her a lot of pain. She was single for nearly 2 years before me because of what her previous ex did to her. I believe she will remain single for a long time to come, especially considering she was able to turn me away despite my efforts to reconcile. We were only together going on 6 months before the split.

July 24, 2012

Well she had two chances to say yes. And she took neither of them.
You might be right but regardless, I'm not waiting around anymore she lost her chances. I'm not going to ask why she keeps messaging me that will just cause me to go backwards. She's already said I make her laugh and make her feel happy, and she has also said she's not happy with her life or herself at the moment. So by putting two and two together it's highly possible that she's trying to talk to me so often because I take away the hurt and sadness she's feeling while she's talking to me.

Which is fine. But she will soon discover than she could have had me to take away the pain permanently and be there for her every day and now she cant because she couldn't make the decision to let me back in. It's her loss and she has to deal with her emotions on her own now. She strung me on twice and it went nowhere both times. Im not going to do that a third time in hopes maybe things will be different this time around. It will only waste my time.

Up until today I've been doing great on my own. I just lost sight of everything thanks to that song but I had a lovely chat with Livelife like I do most days and now I'm feeling 110% again which is good.

She says she hasnt seen anyone at all since me. And I believe this, cause I caused her a lot of pain. She was single for nearly 2 years before me because of what her previous ex did to her. I believe she will remain single for a long time to come, especially considering she was able to turn me away despite my efforts to reconcile. We were only together going on 6 months before the split.

I dont know you in person, but i respect what youre doing though. Your standing your ground. Honestly, if she really wanted to make it work and wanted you, she d be there with you. No matter what shes going through. Real relationships are working together to overcome it all, and loving that person each day like its your last. I completly agree on what your saying. My ex used me as an emotiontial crutch and i never knew the whole time after we broke up. I thought i was having the chance to make things right. But i was completly wrong. Just stay strong. Let her keep sending messages. She ll end up tiring out. Or will just think i cant do this anymore, i want him back and i need to do something quick before he leaves.

July 24, 2012

I dont know you in person, but i respect what youre doing though. Your standing your ground. Honestly, if she really wanted to make it work and wanted you, she d be there with you. No matter what shes going through. Real relationships are working together to overcome it all, and loving that person each day like its your last. I completly agree on what your saying. My ex used me as an emotiontial crutch and i never knew the whole time after we broke up. I thought i was having the chance to make things right. But i was completly wrong. Just stay strong. Let her keep sending messages. She ll end up tiring out. Or will just think i cant do this anymore, i want him back and i need to do something quick before he leaves.

I think I'm already gone.

Sounds like I'll be able to relate to your thread. I finish work soon I'll go home and have a good read and give some feedback once my phones charged.

July 24, 2012

I think I'm already gone.

Sounds like I'll be able to relate to your thread. I finish work soon I'll go home and have a good read and give some feedback once my phones charged.

You are, and she knows it. Hence why shes turning into panic mode. Just keep being strong and moving forward. She had her chance with you after the constant texts, visiting. And said no. Youre doing whats best for you.

And ok man i appreciate it.

July 24, 2012

Saw your first post at work briefly but didnt have a chance to respond saying "nooo!"... Glad it has worked out and youre feeling strong again bud. Your second to last post was what I wanted to hear from you...

Funny I'm sitting here starting to somewhat seriously convince myself that my ex is calling me, letting me say hello a few times, and hanging up. 3 times in the past 2 hours... I can't think of anyone else who's called me from a blocked number in the recent past. Thatd be weird ****... could be wrong of course

July 25, 2012

So after that big big low point yesterday morning I talked it out on here and to friends and felt much better again.

Went for a drive with a mate after work co he could get some stuff off his chest then went and hung out with a few mates for the night and had a great time as always when I'm out.

My ex wasnt on my mind any more than usual (which is rarely nowdays) throughout the night.

I went home to go to bed and when I climbed into bed this anger just hit me out of nowhere. Like a serious anger. I havent been that furious since highschool when my first serious gf slept with a good friend of mine to put things in perspective.

I had clentched fists and couldnt stop tapping my feet and shaking with rage.

Nothing happened to trigger it but it was scary I was borderline trashing stuff and flipping out.

Anyone ever had this? Possible it had nothing to do with my ex and I've just been stressed out lately? I didnt go to the gym for the first time in a long time yesterday but I doubt it would cause so much suppressed rage to burst out in bed.

It's exhausting feeling these things. I woke up feeling mentally and physically drained and now I'm going to work feeling like crap with no drive to do anything..

July 25, 2012

Dude its normal. We are all emotional right now. I actually was driving and just started yelling and punching the seat. The car next to me gave me the funniest stare. He was like "white people, wtf is wrong with em" and shook his head (he wasn't white).

It actually made my day. ha

July 25, 2012

I've gone into rage mode, hence my counseling, but not once since the break up. Anger maybe, but not rage. Could be just built up frustrations.

You're still feeling down and so am I. Can't wait til you feel better, seems like we're ebbing and flowing at the same time!

July 25, 2012

Haha steve. I dont really get angry in the car I just blast music and dance like im trippin then get pulled over and drug and alcohol tested. Cops say "We'll you arent on anything, but maybe try not to look like your having so much fun okay?" lol.

Yeah I thought a bit into it and I think its got more to do with my current work situation and more close to home problems not my ex. Like wanting to leave town and stuff.

Made me feel a bit better. So can I assume you are feeling better now too? Haha I hope so.

July 25, 2012

Ya, I'm feeling better than I did during the day. Got into a little heated argument with the ex. I hope it wasn't a big set back. I think I handled the aftermath alright.

Work stress and life stress can get to us all. I go into depressed mode when it comes to those things. You really considering leaving your town? Where do you want to move?

July 25, 2012

Uh oh hope it wasnt too serious?

Yeah well I live in southern australia and theres not heaps of career prospects to explore here. The economy is okay but. There's great work oportunities and money to be made in the mining industry here. The biggest mines are in central, western australia and up the north east end of the continent. The works hard, 2 weeks there 1 week home. The idea is to work there and buy a house here in South Aus so I can come spend a week with friends and family but the idea of buying a house in the tropics of Queensland and living there for 1 week out of three and only coming here to adelaide for holidays and stuff is sounding more and more appealing.

Nothins keeping me here anymore. A new state, new job, new city, new people and new life. Sounds great.

July 25, 2012

Uh oh hope it wasnt too serious?

Yeah well I live in southern australia and theres not heaps of career prospects to explore here. The economy is okay but. There's great work oportunities and money to be made in the mining industry here. The biggest mines are in central, western australia and up the north east end of the continent. The works hard, 2 weeks there 1 week home. The idea is to work there and buy a house here in South Aus so I can come spend a week with friends and family but the idea of buying a house in the tropics of Queensland and living there for 1 week out of three and only coming here to adelaide for holidays and stuff is sounding more and more appealing.

Nothins keeping me here anymore. A new state, new job, new city, new people and new life. Sounds great.

I will be going to Melbourne next week for work. Any idea about the weather condition over there? Heard the weather in Melbourne is erratic. I still find LA the best place for me.

July 26, 2012

I will be going to Melbourne next week for work. Any idea about the weather condition over there? Heard the weather in Melbourne is erratic. I still find LA the best place for me.

15 degrees C and raining all week clearing to 15C and overcast to end the week. Will be much the same next week. Miserable weather this time of year.

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Breaking down. Fighting the urge to cave in and break nc

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