tenspoons Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 (edited) There is someone I was seriously interested in, like she was the girl of my dreams. It turns out she is also interested, but she only wants to be friends right now because she does not believe it would be right to have a long distance(2hour drive) relationship due to her current financial issues. She also says long distance didn't work out for her before, and she doesn't want to take the chance of losing me because she thinks I'm such an awesome guy. I tried talking with her saying that she can't know the future. she can't judge weather it will work or not by what happened with someone else, because that's not me. I also said long distance isn't suppose to be permanent, you are suppose to agree that you two will live closer by a certain day. It doesn't matter when, just so the both of you know it wont always be like that. That didn't change her mind much, it just made it harder for her to tell me to stay friends. I HAVE to respect her decision though, I'm no douche that keeps trying after she says no. So should I wait in the friendzone of the woman of my dreams until she CAN be with me, or should I just move along? idk how long it will be, and that's what I'm afraid of, but I definitely really like her and am sorta willing. I do have other things I can do. It just hurts me even more now that I KNOW she wants me, but cant have me right now. I also told her it would be silly not to go into something because she doesn't want to risk losing me, because she is going to lose me anyways. She obviously didn't like that a lot, but it's the truth. I was never after her friendship and it would hurt too much to only be her friend. I wish she would understand that. I've been there before, I'm sure a lot of you have too, and it's not fun. It's a lie, and manipulative. That's not real friendship. I just have a hard time saying goodbye, I like her waaayyy to much. I accept that I have clung to her, I don't think she minds either. I also made the decision that I will respect her decision if she respects my feelings. So that means I will not be hanging out with her anymore. She either gets all of me or none of me. Opinions? Edited July 23, 2012 by tenspoons
ThaWholigan Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 No, you have to move on, you already know this I'm sure. It might not be what she wants (she seems to like the fact that you're into her but doesn't seem to be reciprocating in the same level you are, despite what she says), but for your own sake, you should leave this one. Difficult I'm sure, she must be highly attractive for you to be pondering this, but it's still a good idea to move on.
Author tenspoons Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 yeah but you see everyone keeps telling me the same thing, but they all miss the fact that she CAN'T have ANY relationship right now. It just is not a good idea. I'm not in her friendzone out of how she feels about me, she just is afraid that the current situation on her side will cause us to crash and burn. I feel she likes me too much to see that happen. It would be romantic suicide. So she is respecting me by telling me to stay friends for now. I am not an emotional tampon to her, I refused to be a shoulder to cry on a while ago. Basically she can see being with me, she just put me on hold. I'm in the datezone, but she want to date atm.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 2 hours in nothing. She is using it as an excuse. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 yeah but you see everyone keeps telling me the same thing, but they all miss the fact that she CAN'T have ANY relationship right now. It just is not a good idea. I'm not in her friendzone out of how she feels about me, she just is afraid that the current situation on her side will cause us to crash and burn. I feel she likes me too much to see that happen. It would be romantic suicide. So she is respecting me by telling me to stay friends for now. I am not an emotional tampon to her, I refused to be a shoulder to cry on a while ago. Basically she can see being with me, she just put me on hold. I'm in the datezone, but she want to date atm. That's always a polite way to reject someone, especially if you want to keep them in your life as a friend.
Author tenspoons Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 2 hours in nothing. She is using it as an excuse. not even if she has to work 2 jobs right now to keep her house? She is living in a pretty horrible neighborhood with her cousin + friends. The rate is too much right now and she wants to find somewhere better. She just doesn't want long distance. she flat out told me it would be ok if she didn't have to live from paycheck to paycheck. She want's some stability first. I want her to have some stability first. Are you kidding me, im not paying for that lovely purse and shoes combo. I dont care how flattering they look. its not your birthday missy.
MrCastle Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 You could say that you've rented a place like 5 mins away from her and see how she reacts to confirm. If I had 100million dollars I would bet it all on you still getting rejected though. That would be hilarious. Part of me wants to see OP do this and come back with her reaction. Anyways, even a lady chimed in on this before me with the same answer we all have. She's not interested.
MrCastle Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 since loveshack has the most horrific editing system, I'll have to add this in another reply: The reason I want you to stay friends with her is because someday she might be in a wheelchair or she might get fat, which at that point her self esteem would be low enough for you to meet her standards. I remember a girl who friend zoned me telling me a few times "You're gonna make some woman very happy. You're like the type of guy that would stay with a girl even if she gained 50 lbs or something." Needless to say, I took it as an insult. But it helped open my eyes and I cut ties with her soon after that.
Author tenspoons Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 That would be hilarious. Part of me wants to see OP do this and come back with her reaction. Anyways, even a lady chimed in on this before me with the same answer we all have. She's not interested. I am so tempted to do this. I am the kind of person that would too. Not a problem. What have I got to lose though right? If she reacts bad then I get to find out she is a liar, if she reacts good then I get to prove everyone wrong and look like a liar to her.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 If I had 100million dollars I would bet it all on you still getting rejected though. Please do this OP. Preferably, tell her in person. Then watch a look of complete horror on her face.
Author tenspoons Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 That's always a polite way to reject someone, especially if you want to keep them in your life as a friend. key word "CAN'T", not "WANT". I know for a fact that she can't.
dasein Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Agree with ES and Affliction, OP, sorry to say but she is not into you. The two hour distance, other stuff, is just politeness. And as for the thread question, never ever "wait" in the friendzone for someone. Life is too brief and tenuous for that luxury. If you seek a relationship, you must keep moving until you find someone who wants one with you. Ironically, this is the only way to break the friendzone as well. It's rare, but once attention is removed and you truly move on, they may genuinely realize what they lost. Don't let people take your company or attention for granted ever. If they don't prize it, they don't deserve it, remove it. Good luck. 1
Author tenspoons Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Agree with ES and Affliction, OP, sorry to say but she is not into you. The two hour distance, other stuff, is just politeness. And as for the thread question, never ever "wait" in the friendzone for someone. Life is too brief and tenuous for that luxury. If you seek a relationship, you must keep moving until you find someone who wants one with you. Ironically, this is the only way to break the friendzone as well. It's rare, but once attention is removed and you truly move on, they may genuinely realize what they lost. Don't let people take your company or attention for granted ever. If they don't prize it, they don't deserve it, remove it. Good luck. thank you, this is probably the best advice anyone has given me on this stupid site. I feel like everyone is just relying on their past relationships and just assume they fit into context. The truth is nobody knows her, or me, or how we act together, or how we feel about each other. Your post actually laid it out nice and clear without bias.
Author tenspoons Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 tenspoons, the trick is to say something like "Hey, great news! I just found an awesome deal for an apartment near you and I've already paid the deposit. Isn't that great?! we can finally be together!" If some weird supernatural event occurs and she actually wants a relationship, just make up an excuse about how the owner suddenly had a family member coming over from romania or something idk. haha awesome! I so want to try this now. I can't do this right away though, I pretty much got off the phone with her about this other stuff this morning. stay tuned though, next week maybe.
Author tenspoons Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Well it wouldn't be fair for us to take all the credit. I'd like to take this moment to thank the hundreds of millions of relationships that have crashed and burned the same way. If we weren't around to see it, none of us would have been properly warned. way to miss quote me...
Author tenspoons Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Seriously though, I might actually try punking her on Thursday. I need to get my camera ready. bookmark this thread
MrCastle Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 thank you, this is probably the best advice anyone has given me on this stupid site. I feel like everyone is just relying on their past relationships and just assume they fit into context. The truth is nobody knows her, or me, or how we act together, or how we feel about each other. Your post actually laid it out nice and clear without bias. The problem some people have when accepting advice is they think their situation is unique. The problem is, it's not. It's all pretty standard stuff. You either have two people who are interested in a relationship, or one person who's interested, and the other isn't. There are steps you can take, actions that show if the person is truly interested or not. I know, we don't know you, we don't know her, it's complicated, and special, and unique. But love is very binary, you either want to be with someone, or you don't. Like I said, there are ways to test the character of someone to see where they really stand. This girl *tells* you she wants to be with you, let's put it to the test. Tell her what Affliction told you to say. 2
Author tenspoons Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 I just can't grasp why she would say she was interested, then tell me to stay friends for now. What would be the point of giving me false hope? I think it's just a case of she WOULD be with me, I'm just too far away for her lazy butt. She just doesn't want to lose my potential. She will realize what she lost though soon enough. I have others to go to. I still want to test her though. Just to be sure.
Author tenspoons Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 (edited) I am sorry to dissapoint, but I decided the prank test thing would be pointless. I am already over her. I was in denial before as you could tell, it just took a while for it to click that she basically just isn't interested. period. There is nothing I can do about that, exept accept it and move on. which is what I am doing. It's just a damn shame to let go of someone that amazing. Now I have to make the choice of keeping her friendship because she is such an awesome person yet I would have to listen to her **** about other guys now. Although I would make her listen to my **** about other women as well. we could be best friends. how sweet She is lucky I actually need a friend like that right now. It will just be a while before I completely get over her because I'm still at the stage where I get jealous yet I have no real feeling for her anymore. She hurt me pretty damn badly. What basically happened was we started going out, we got as far as holding hands in a movie theater until my hand fell asleep, then I contact her one day to find out she friendzoned me behind my back on the first date because that's all she thought I wanted. I wasn't bold enough with my intentions. Then she told me a few days later after thinking about it, and said she isn't interested in anything more than friends for right now because of the distance. SO basically I started to develop feelings, and I thought we had some sort of future together, then she rips the rug from under me and tells me I never have a chance. what a party pooper man. I actually had to go through a grieving process. It felt like a breakup even though we weren't together. It's weird, and I couldn't help what I felt or developed. we were going out for about 2 months. I know that isn't long, but things felt good so I got excited and let my guard down. Edited July 24, 2012 by tenspoons
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