Sheppy99 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 (edited) sorry about the title, was suppose to say opinions on closure..... Hi everybody, I'm gonna keep this short. So I just had a short relationship end during the honeymoon phase, everything was amazing and she just up and ended it outta no where. She didn't get very detailed in the reasons while bawling her eyes out. I'm having a very hard time moving on from it and I'm going in circles wondering why it ended. She gave me some possibilities of why like "do you think you even really knew me?" among other things but nothing really concrete. My family thinks for closures sake I should email her or msg her to find out the real reason or reasons it did not work out from her perspective as it would help me. I have taken 2 of the last 3 days of work off to try and collect myself as I cannot work while feeling like I am gonna vomit or and fighting back tears. I started NC on saturday and I don't really want to break it but would doing this help with my closure so I'm not racking my brain as to what the real reason was? Edited July 23, 2012 by Sheppy99
Author Sheppy99 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 the more I think about it, the more I think it would just restart my healing process. Even though I'm not doing much better on day 2 of NC, I know that talking to her again is just going to set the clock back to 0 of NC and I'm going to go through day 1 and 2 all over again. I don't think anything she could say would all of a sudden make me feel better. I'm 99 percent confident it had nothing to do with me and something to do with her past or her demons.
steveblack Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 (edited) Sheppy, As stated in another post. I think we have similar situations going. I am 30 she was 28. (3yr relationship) Same kind of story, we broke off with little to no explanation, and it seemed that she had a lot of inner demons in her head. Said she was in love with me while she broke it off. I have been on NC for about a month with 1 contact regarding a passing friend. I also want to write that email, but I what would it accomplish? She tells you whats up, and you breakdown again... blah blah blah. What I want to say is something like this, "Hey thanks for the great times, no hard feelings. If you ever want to contact me, it would be to start building from scratch our love. If not well, have a good life" well it would be better written then that. Getting back to the point, I have realized I can not be friends with her any time soon, maybe never. (that really sucks). But at least I have my boundaries, cause I have been in a breakup that i held on way to long and it was torture. I haven't sent the email yet, cause I am not ready for the no response or the response whatsoever. When I feel more prepared I will send it. Edited July 23, 2012 by steveblack
Author Sheppy99 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Sheppy, As stated in another post. I think we have similar situations going. I am 30 she was 28. (3yr relationship) Same kind of story, we broke off with little to no explanation, and it seemed that she had a lot of inner demons in her head. Said she was in love with me while she broke it off. I have been on NC for about a month with 1 contact regarding a passing friend. I also want to write that email, but I what would it accomplish? She tells you whats up, and you breakdown again... blah blah blah. What I want to say is something like this, "Hey thanks for the great times, no hard feelings. If you ever want to contact me, it would be to start building from scratch our love. If not well, have a good life" well it would be better written then that. Getting back to the point, I have realized I can not be friends with her any time soon, maybe never. (that really sucks). But at least I have my boundaries, cause I have been in a breakup that i held on way to long and it was torture. I haven't sent the email yet, cause I am not ready for the no response or the response whatsoever. When I feel more prepared I will send it. We had a bit of an age gap too, I'm 29 and she 23. I personally am beginning to think I should only search for those answers when I'm truly over her and can be her friend if that ever happens. What would happen if our ex's wrote back saying how difficult getting over us has been? That would give us false hope and restart our whole healing process. That would be even more devastating than anything else. She gave me generalizations during our breakup like she didn't expect such a serious relationship to happen at this particular moment and that she wasn't completely over someone from her past when we happened. When I told her I couldn't believe it was over and that I loved everything about her and she replied with "do you think you even really knew me?" That line completely crushed me to a pulp......... It made me feel like I fell for a person who was pretending to be someone else for my approval. After she said that, I shut down and took her home and didn't really ask any questions after that which has lead me to this point of not really knowing what the real deep dark issues are of hers. Part of me wants to msg her and say hey I need closure, what really were the main reasons we didn't work out but would those answers actually make me feel better or just create new questions? Is it worth starting NC all over again and going through those first few days, especially in your case after you've gone 30 days NC, I wouldn't recommend it. I learned you can only be friends with an ex when you can picture them with another person and it not bother you. I took 5 months NC away from my last gf prior to this and got completely over her. Had a few flings in between and when we had become friends she was still dating the guy she got with right after me. I was so secure in our friendship i was dropping her off after hangouts to her bf's place. (he was the one getting jealous this time) She ended up dumping him and wanting me back and I said no to her which ended our friendship. Moral of the story, stick to NC until you can envision her with someone else and not get upset. It be nice to have answers tho but I don't know if its worth it
steveblack Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Dude I understand everything you are saying. Doesn't make it easy at all. I know she is going through pain and is coping with in her own way and what will that email accomplish.... nothing... You stay strong brotha and I will try to do the same.
steveblack Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 this post helps me out a bit to put things into prospective. Might help you out as well http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/211578-post-breakup-stages
Author Sheppy99 Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 I think I figured it out.............. I was the freaking rebound guy. Motha#*#*$*(@#() well.......... if I'm right.... and I treated her like gold. Does the rebound guy ever get honorable mention down the road in someones life? Not that I want it cause I'm moving on regardless. More curious And thanks man, I will check that out. You stay strong too man
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