miguelangel Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 My girlfriend and I lived together for over four years and were very much in love until the last few months. Problems started when she became very invested in work and began an emotional affair with a coworker. Her infatuation was blatant enough that my friends became concerned for me, and raised the issue with me on their own. When it continued after I brought it up with her, I broke up with her while still having feelings for her. I moved out of house we shared, but agreed to split the costs and I'd use it while she was gone. She was sad, but said we'd be together again. When it was my turn be at home, about a week later, I went in and found some guy's stuff everywhere. It turns out that she had brought back and slept with the same guy she was emotionally cheating on me with in a place I still lived in/paid for. I tried to confront her about it but she wouldn't admit it, she lied to me about it (which was just as painful) and she felt no remorse or guilt so I left. I erupted over the phone to her, and even wrote the coworker to please not stay in a house I pay for, though I now regret contacting him. She thought I was acting like a lunatic, and never acknowledged any wrongdoing or insensitive behavior on her part. She's moved on as if nothing happened (she and the new guy started dating about two weeks after), while even thinking about doing to someone what she did to me sends me reeling in imaginary shame and guilt. I've since calmed down, though still feel taken advantage of, hurt, and disappointed in loving someone who could be so inconsiderate and unfeeling. The hard part now is that she has since painted me as an overemotional, jealous ex, because of how I blew up at her for bringing her new relationship into our place. I broke up with her for a reason, and have been NC since with no plans of breaking that. I'm far better off without her, but it kills me to think that I've been labeled as a crazy ex, when I think I've got a right to be angry at how she treated me. Am I justified in feeling angry, used, etc? How have I allowed her to make me out to be the broken and overemotional one, so much so that while she won't apologize, she said she was sorry I'm taking it so hard (which came off pretty condescending), and how do I put an end to that going forward?
RogerWallace111 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Dude, **** that ! Many would have reacted waaay worse than you did in that situation. Maybe it would have been preferable to be super collected about it, but realistically that would be tough. You can put an end to it by never speaking to her again. Don't feel like you need to give her any nice last words to make up for your outburst. She doesn't deserve that. Her ruining your relationship by doing whatever kind of cheating she was screwed up/disrespectful as hell, and then allowing it to be rubbed in your face by having the guy in your place, with his **** left around is a whole other level of f*cked... Don't spend anytime inventing excuses for her in your head or feeling any guilt on your end. Remember her for her conduct surrounding the breakup and let that enable you to stay nc super easily. It will be painful but you should try and be glad to be rid of her...
Author miguelangel Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Thanks for the booster. I know getting her out of my life is best in the long run. In the short term, her actions and her words have been so insanely hurtful, and what's worse is that they've seemed to go unpunished. While I know karma doesn't work the way we necessarily want it to, I'm trying hard to make sure I and others know who's right and who's wrong on this one at the end of the day. It just sucks to think that the one person who I really want to understand how awful she was (her) will probably never really get what she did and how messed up it was.
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