GLDheart Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 TG1, I'll bet evertime the phone rings you jump to see if it is her. - you constantly check her facebook for any update that might give you insight. - you look for clues if she just isn't into you anymore. - you refresh these threads looking for answers. - your mind is always racing, nervous that it's about to end. - You yourself sometimes want to end it just to be done with the torture! I have so much sympathy for you. I know your childhood was rough on you and no child should ever have to go through what you did. Please cut yourself some slack. It will be OK. Even if she isn't the one, It will be OK. If you go back a few posts the member Alex Cross started to sugest that you need to repair some of your insecurities. I can't tell you what your girlfriend is up to. But you are torturing yourself. Take a few minutes to google the anxious/insecure paired with an avoidant trap. It may bring you insight into the script you guys are playing out. Here's a decent arcticle to get started with: Dating the Same Personality Types? Break Out of Your Rut | Love + Sex - Yahoo! Shine
mickleb Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Maybe you do need some time to work through that negative emotion before you can speak to her respectfully. She may not understand what the situation is, though, which might be why she's avoiding you. She may have taken 'a break' to mean 'break up'. I do hope you two get to talk things through, as I think, despite all you've said, there are a lot of strong, positive feelings there. Let us know how it goes. 1
Author TG1 Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 TG1, I'll bet evertime the phone rings you jump to see if it is her. - you constantly check her facebook for any update that might give you insight. - you look for clues if she just isn't into you anymore. - you refresh these threads looking for answers. - your mind is always racing, nervous that it's about to end. - You yourself sometimes want to end it just to be done with the torture! I have so much sympathy for you. I know your childhood was rough on you and no child should ever have to go through what you did. Please cut yourself some slack. It will be OK. Even if she isn't the one, It will be OK. If you go back a few posts the member Alex Cross started to sugest that you need to repair some of your insecurities. I can't tell you what your girlfriend is up to. But you are torturing yourself. Take a few minutes to google the anxious/insecure paired with an avoidant trap. It may bring you insight into the script you guys are playing out. Here's a decent arcticle to get started with: Dating the Same Personality Types? Break Out of Your Rut | Love + Sex - Yahoo! Shine Yes I am going through this right now and yes I have been torturing myself but on the other hand I just feel like if I shut down, and I numb my pain, it won't hurt me as much, that is why I could definitely use a drink
mickleb Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Yes I am going through this right now and yes I have been torturing myself but on the other hand I just feel like if I shut down, and I numb my pain, it won't hurt me as much, that is why I could definitely use a drink Dangerous tactic, TG1. That method will come to bite you on the ass harder than a hungry shark, one day. 1
GLDheart Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 ...I just feel like if I shut down, and I numb my pain, it won't hurt me as much, that is why I could definitely use a drink Your pain is very real. But, it is in your control. Self medicating to numb it means that it will just be there waiting for you when you sober up. I don't know you, but I do care. I loved an Anxiously/Insecure woman for ten years. She rode the same roller coaster. You're young enough that actively fixing this now can save you years of self abuse. 1
Author TG1 Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Dangerous tactic, TG1. That method will come to bite you on the ass harder than a hungry shark, one day. How is it dangerous if I drink or if I choose to do something to numb the pain of it all, so that way I don't have to think about her or this break-up or break, whatever it is, at least it will make me feel better
Author TG1 Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 I still love her and want her back very much but she said she was done with me, so I have to take her at her word and try to move on but I can't because it is so God damn hard
GLDheart Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 ...I have to take her at her word and try to move on but I can't because it is so God damn hard Well. Yes. If she is truly done you do have to respect that. At the least it will maintain some semblance of respect from her. I suspect that you may also handle this by turning to bitterness and anger. You will pay a price for that as well in the long run. Try to back track a little bit. You wanted a break from her. Why? REALLY be honest here. This may tell you alot.
Author TG1 Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Well. Yes. If she is truly done you do have to respect that. At the least it will maintain some semblance of respect from her. I suspect that you may also handle this by turning to bitterness and anger. You will pay a price for that as well in the long run. Try to back track a little bit. You wanted a break from her. Why? REALLY be honest here. This may tell you alot. I felt I wanted a break from her because I felt like I gave way more to this relationship than she did and I felt like she was taking me for granted and I just didn't feel appreciated enough especially when I went above and beyond for this girlfriend for everything, whatever she wanted or whenever she wanted it or me, I was always there but when I needed her or I needed something, she wasn't there for me
GLDheart Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Did you really just want her to understand how you were feeling?
Author TG1 Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Did you really just want her to understand how you were feeling? Yes but now it is too late, she doesn't want to hear from me again and I took her at her word, haven't contacted her even though I have wanted to believe me, I still love her very much and I want her back but I am not even sure she would want to hear from me or if she even feels the same way about me anymore
livelife Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I'm a good person to respond to this because I was insecure too. THERE IS NO REASON TO BE INSECURE THEY ARE WITH YOU FOR A REASON! (sorry that was me telling myself that too:o) Anyways, No she isn't cheating on you. Get that thought out of your head. It is weird that she doesn't respond, but my boyfriend (now ex) did that all the time and I let it break us up. Don't let it!!! Just calm down, have a calm conversation with her about how it upsets you and even a text saying hey im busy works. Seriously, don't let it break ya'll up. It's so stupid and I hate myself for it.
Author TG1 Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 I'm a good person to respond to this because I was insecure too. THERE IS NO REASON TO BE INSECURE THEY ARE WITH YOU FOR A REASON! (sorry that was me telling myself that too:o) Anyways, No she isn't cheating on you. Get that thought out of your head. It is weird that she doesn't respond, but my boyfriend (now ex) did that all the time and I let it break us up. Don't let it!!! Just calm down, have a calm conversation with her about how it upsets you and even a text saying hey im busy works. Seriously, don't let it break ya'll up. It's so stupid and I hate myself for it. Yes but you also have to understand that I asked her for a break, I didn't say that I wanted to break up with her because I didn't, I don't, at all, and that I still love her and want to be with her, I still want her back but that I just needed time apart from her but that I still want to be with her and I love her very much but she misreads what I say and tells me not to contact her again and that we're done, so I have to take her at her word and try to move on
Author TG1 Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Yes but you also have to understand that I asked her for a break, I didn't say that I wanted to break up with her because I didn't, I don't, at all, and that I still love her and want to be with her, I still want her back but that I just needed time apart from her but that I still want to be with her and I love her very much but she misreads what I say and tells me not to contact her again and that we're done, so I have to take her at her word and try to move on 3 days in and still it is pretty hard to move on but I guess it is true what they say, it gets easier with time
GLDheart Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 TG1, She also knows you. She knows you are probably the one to break down and contact her. I don't suggest playing games. Maybe write her a real letter. Tell her how much you care for her. Tell her you over reacted with the the "break" but that you were very hurt. Be honest with her. Post the letter here so we can help you avoid any pitfalls.
Author TG1 Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 TG1, She also knows you. She knows you are probably the one to break down and contact her. I don't suggest playing games. Maybe write her a real letter. Tell her how much you care for her. Tell her you over reacted with the the "break" but that you were very hurt. Be honest with her. Post the letter here so we can help you avoid any pitfalls. It's okay, me and my girlfriend talked and I think it went rather well
mickleb Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 It's okay, me and my girlfriend talked and I think it went rather well Good news, TG1.
ChatroomHero Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 I went through the same thing, got engaged and thought it would change, it got worse. I'm thinking you are setting yourself up for failure. My ex had her phone on her at all times day and night, on her night stand, never left her person, even at work and always had time to respond. I would try to call or text her and ask about plans we made where a timely response was needed and she would often cancel with lousy excuses. She would ignore those texts and respond after our planned time to get together and she would say things like her phone died (and then I would see posts on facebook from her phone after my text and after her phone supposedly died), or her text back must have failed because she "sent out a couple that failed to other people". When I would ask why she didn't just call me after she didn't get the "phantom" response from me, she would say, "I didn't think of that". If I was making small talk, silly comments etc., she NEVER ignored them. She only ignored texts or calls when it was regarding us getting together, like clockwork. I tried an experiment - I would let her text me with a question and even though she knew it was hard for me to respond at work, if i responded and asked her to meet up with me, she would ignore it for hours. Each and everytime I didn't respond to her questions, I received multiple followup texts from her within 15 minutes saying things like, "Well?"..."Sooo?"... On more than one occassion she turned me down with some bs excuse and then a friend would ask her to go somewhere and she would go without hesitation, suddenly her schedule cleared up. When I would ask her why, when her schedule cleared up, she didn't just tell her friend she had plans with me first, she would say things like, "Oh, so I shouldn't help my friend?" and by help she meant just hang out with her friend or have dinner with the friend. Sound familiar? Dodge the bullet. I could have wrote your exact post, you think you love her and she loves you but from your post I would say it is very clear that is only 1/2 true and you are not a priority for her. She will come to you when she has a problem, but when you have a problem you know she is not someone that will be there for you. 1
Author TG1 Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 I went through the same thing, got engaged and thought it would change, it got worse. I'm thinking you are setting yourself up for failure. My ex had her phone on her at all times day and night, on her night stand, never left her person, even at work and always had time to respond. I would try to call or text her and ask about plans we made where a timely response was needed and she would often cancel with lousy excuses. She would ignore those texts and respond after our planned time to get together and she would say things like her phone died (and then I would see posts on facebook from her phone after my text and after her phone supposedly died), or her text back must have failed because she "sent out a couple that failed to other people". When I would ask why she didn't just call me after she didn't get the "phantom" response from me, she would say, "I didn't think of that". If I was making small talk, silly comments etc., she NEVER ignored them. She only ignored texts or calls when it was regarding us getting together, like clockwork. I tried an experiment - I would let her text me with a question and even though she knew it was hard for me to respond at work, if i responded and asked her to meet up with me, she would ignore it for hours. Each and everytime I didn't respond to her questions, I received multiple followup texts from her within 15 minutes saying things like, "Well?"..."Sooo?"... On more than one occassion she turned me down with some bs excuse and then a friend would ask her to go somewhere and she would go without hesitation, suddenly her schedule cleared up. When I would ask her why, when her schedule cleared up, she didn't just tell her friend she had plans with me first, she would say things like, "Oh, so I shouldn't help my friend?" and by help she meant just hang out with her friend or have dinner with the friend. Sound familiar? Dodge the bullet. I could have wrote your exact post, you think you love her and she loves you but from your post I would say it is very clear that is only 1/2 true and you are not a priority for her. She will come to you when she has a problem, but when you have a problem you know she is not someone that will be there for you. You know you just struck a cord with me, you really really did but as much as I hate to admit it, you could be right as much as I hate to admit it or I don't want to see it
Author TG1 Posted August 5, 2012 Author Posted August 5, 2012 I would say that after everything me and her are finally in a good place again, we are, taking it one step at a time
Author TG1 Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 Again got into a fight with her this week but it was on Sunday and I haven't talked to her since, but I am not going to break NC until I work on myself because like I said I have issues and I need to work it out in my own time
mickleb Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 Remember, TG, NC is for when you have broken up. Communicating 'I need a little time for myself but will be back soon' is what you do (if required) when you're still in a relationship.
LoveHurts88 Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 I went through the same thing, got engaged and thought it would change, it got worse. I'm thinking you are setting yourself up for failure. My ex had her phone on her at all times day and night, on her night stand, never left her person, even at work and always had time to respond. I would try to call or text her and ask about plans we made where a timely response was needed and she would often cancel with lousy excuses. She would ignore those texts and respond after our planned time to get together and she would say things like her phone died (and then I would see posts on facebook from her phone after my text and after her phone supposedly died), or her text back must have failed because she "sent out a couple that failed to other people". When I would ask why she didn't just call me after she didn't get the "phantom" response from me, she would say, "I didn't think of that". If I was making small talk, silly comments etc., she NEVER ignored them. She only ignored texts or calls when it was regarding us getting together, like clockwork. I tried an experiment - I would let her text me with a question and even though she knew it was hard for me to respond at work, if i responded and asked her to meet up with me, she would ignore it for hours. Each and everytime I didn't respond to her questions, I received multiple followup texts from her within 15 minutes saying things like, "Well?"..."Sooo?"... On more than one occassion she turned me down with some bs excuse and then a friend would ask her to go somewhere and she would go without hesitation, suddenly her schedule cleared up. When I would ask her why, when her schedule cleared up, she didn't just tell her friend she had plans with me first, she would say things like, "Oh, so I shouldn't help my friend?" and by help she meant just hang out with her friend or have dinner with the friend. Sound familiar? Dodge the bullet. I could have wrote your exact post, you think you love her and she loves you but from your post I would say it is very clear that is only 1/2 true and you are not a priority for her. She will come to you when she has a problem, but when you have a problem you know she is not someone that will be there for you. Well said i can somewhat relate.. I know I love her more than she loves meor even likes for that matter..
Author TG1 Posted August 12, 2012 Author Posted August 12, 2012 It's almost been a week of NC, but I was the one who initiated contact today when I called her but her mom picked up the phone and I asked her if my girlfriend was there and she said that she wasn't but then I told my GF's mom that whenever my GF gets home, for her to call me but I am not going to hold my breath that she will call me or even text me for that matter, but I think she is done with me and if she is, then I have no choice but to move on even though moving on is going to be hard as hell
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