TG1 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 If anything I got into a huge fight with my girlfriend. Might you ask how? I basically got angry and pissed off at her because I have been trying to call her and text her but she hasn't returned any one of my phone calls or my texts and she basically gives me an excuse that she didn't have her phone and that she was going to call me tomorrow. Am I over-reacting or do I have a right to be upset? Because I feel like I fight with my girlfriend more than we are happy, and I really really do love this girl, so much that she means everything to me. But the reason we fight so much is because I just feel so insecure. I feel like she could cheat on me with the next available guy and I always accuse her of cheating on me even though she swears she hasn't. I don't know if I should believe her or not because something in my gut has been telling me that she has been cheating or is it because I am a jealous guy? I feel like whenever she wants and or needs something from me or if she wants to spend time with me, I am always there for her but whenever I need something or I want something even if it is for her to spend time with me, she says she wants to but last minute she always flakes on me And then when I ignore her by trying to give her space, here is she trying to call me and or text me
Author TG1 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 I need answers especially from a girl and or guy's perspective
Author TG1 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 I know I should break up with her but at the same time I really love her
Oxy Moronovich Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Women love their cellphones. They make sure to check them as much as they can. Her not having her phone is most likely bs. When she finally did get your phone, she should have returned your calls and text. I'm saying she blatantly ignored your calls. 1
veggirl Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 she ignores you, blows you off, and you spend more time being unhappy / fighting than happy. How old you are guys / how long have you been together? On the surface it sounds like you should break up... "huge fights" aren't a good thing and it sounds like you guys get in them often. you lack the ability to communicate like adults and she makes you feel insecure.
Author TG1 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Women love their cellphones. They make sure to check them as much as they can. Her not having her phone is most likely bs. When she finally did get your phone, she should have returned your calls and text. I'm saying she blatantly ignored your calls. That is what I'm thinking too but she came up with an excuse that she was with her mother the whole time but I don't know if I should believe her considering her and her mother are close but yes she should have gotten in touch with me and we talked on Facebook last night but then we got into a fight about it
Balzac Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 You are waaaay into drama. Just reading your description of the fight was a dead giveaway. No self respecting guy does that. This girl can be replaced by 10 more and your drama will recycle. Yoh need personal boundaries. Realistic expectations and an understanding about why you pick girls that put up with your drama. 2
Author TG1 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 But at the same time I can't help but have these underlining suspicions that she is either cheating or she's using me, and I have had these suspicions for a while now but I have never really done anything about it because I really do love her but yes the consensus seems to be that I should break up with her
Janesays Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 You're probably just being a paranoid freak....which is making her want to break up with you. Hence, the ignoring. It's a typical "I don't want to be with you, but I'm too cowardly to drop the hammer, so I'm going to ignore you and hope you just go away on your own" move. Lots of younger girls use it. Walk away, dude.
Author TG1 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 You're probably just being a paranoid freak....which is making her want to break up with you. Hence, the ignoring. It's a typical "I don't want to be with you, but I'm too cowardly to drop the hammer, so I'm going to ignore you and hope you just go away on your own" move. Lots of younger girls use it. Walk away, dude. Yes I am being paranoid but I have been hurt in the past and coming from a broken home tends to do that to a guy especially knowing that good things don't have a tendency to last and I want to walk away but I can't, no matter how much I may want to or need to
Author TG1 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 This, if she a woman under 35 her not having her cellphone on her is about as likely as her leaving one of her kidneys at home. The funny thing is that we are both in our 20s, I'm 22 and she's 20
Balzac Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 (edited) You are waaaay into drama. Just reading your description of the fight was a dead giveaway. No self respecting guy does that. This girl can be replaced by 10 more and your drama will recycle. You need personal boundaries. Realistic expectations and an understanding about why you pick girls that put up with your drama. Reduce your expectations about controlling the behavior of women. Edited July 23, 2012 by Balzac
Author TG1 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Yes I am being paranoid but I have been hurt in the past and coming from a broken home tends to do that to a guy especially knowing that good things don't have a tendency to last and I want to walk away but I can't, no matter how much I may want to or need to I love her more than what words can say but I feel conflicted because I have been with this girl for a year and 8 months, will be 2 years in December but at the same time I want to break up with her but I also want to make this, us work because she gets me in ways that other people can't or gets me in ways that other people haven't tried
dreamingoftigers Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Yes I am being paranoid but I have been hurt in the past and coming from a broken home tends to do that to a guy especially knowing that good things don't have a tendency to last and I want to walk away but I can't, no matter how much I may want to or need to Oh dude, I've been there. As you get older and get some help for those insecurities, you start to realize that you have a pretty heavy bearing on whether those good things last or not. As well, I hear a lot of things crop up in your OP and afterward that suggest you are expecting her to take responsibility for you feelings and somehow fix them. She can't do that. It isn't possible. As for the phone, truly, I forget my phone often and I do occasionally visit my mother to whom I am not close. If I were on a visit with my mother and my phone started going off I would probably not answer it because I am with my mother and our relationship is weird/rocky enough. You suspect she is cheating/using you? What kind of brokenness did you come from, was their cheating/using? I'm not saying that you are WRONG but honestly it REALLY seems that this isn't based on much, other than suspicion itself and the fact that she HAS options. Even if you dated a 350 lbs girl that you perceived to have no options, she would still have options. Almost everyone has options. Here's what I think you should do: 1. Apologize, 2. Back off of initiating contact for a bit, stop acting controlling/insecure because she isn't answering all of your phone calls/texts anymore (and I am willing to bet that you are bombarding the **** out of her when she doesn't answer which compounds the problem). 3. Pick up Boundaries by Townshend and Cloud. Ignore the religious reference if you aren't religious. Pick up Toxic Parents and more closely examine the source of this garbage. You may spot some stuff about yourself and her that you really don't like about your dynamic OR you might somewhat exonerate her. Sometimes it's hard to sort out what is personal demons and what's actually a fact.
fray5 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Hey man, sorry to hear about your situation. I agree with Oxy when he says women check their phone often so I do think she was taking her time with texting you. The other things like her flaking out and stuff would have me thinking about breaking up with her. Also, if you feel that insecure with her then you probably should bc it's not healthy for you. However, if you love her that much and want to make it work, try talking to her calmly. Focus on yourself and not being as insecure. I'm sure you're a great guy so think that way. She is with you now so she probably isn't cheating. Stay busy and don't worry about replying to all her call/texts. Just get to them when you can.
Drseussgrrl Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 You are going to create a self-fulfilling prophecy if you keep accusing her of cheating. This is why she is avoiding you. If you are constantly checking up on her, accusing her of cheating and acting jealous you're going to find yourself dumped. You need to stop this right now. The only person you can control is yourself - and you need to get a grip on your insecurities. You are becoming more of a liability than a pleasure to be around. Give the girl some space and let her come back around to you. 2
Author TG1 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Hey man, sorry to hear about your situation. I agree with Oxy when he says women check their phone often so I do think she was taking her time with texting you. The other things like her flaking out and stuff would have me thinking about breaking up with her. Also, if you feel that insecure with her then you probably should bc it's not healthy for you. However, if you love her that much and want to make it work, try talking to her calmly. Focus on yourself and not being as insecure. I'm sure you're a great guy so think that way. She is with you now so she probably isn't cheating. Stay busy and don't worry about replying to all her call/texts. Just get to them when you can. Yes and I will stay busy by not replying to her calls or texts, hey if she can do that, then I will do that, 2 can play at that game but still at the same time I will admit I am insecure and I always have been because of the way I grew up. My parents divorcing when I was at an early age and then seeing the type of damage it could do and then being bullied too also doesn't help. As well not having a meaningful relationship until now, yes I will say that I am an insecure and jealous person and I have tried to work on it but these suspicions keep growing and growing
Drseussgrrl Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Why would you ignore her? This is just going to cause more drama in your relationship.
Author TG1 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Why would you ignore her? This is just going to cause more drama in your relationship. But she's been ignoring me not even taking my calls or texts, so then why should I have to call her or text her again, just so she won't answer me again, like there is only so much I can take
snug.bunny Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 If anything I got into a huge fight with my girlfriend. Might you ask how? I basically got angry and pissed off at her because I have been trying to call her and text her but she hasn't returned any one of my phone calls or my texts and she basically gives me an excuse that she didn't have her phone and that she was going to call me tomorrow. Am I over-reacting or do I have a right to be upset? Because I feel like I fight with my girlfriend more than we are happy, and I really really do love this girl, so much that she means everything to me. But the reason we fight so much is because I just feel so insecure. I feel like she could cheat on me with the next available guy and I always accuse her of cheating on me even though she swears she hasn't. I don't know if I should believe her or not because something in my gut has been telling me that she has been cheating or is it because I am a jealous guy? My feeling is that you should have an open and honest discussion about how this makes you feel with your girlfriend. How long did she go not responding to you? If you come across as mistrustful, accusatory, controlling/jealous, it WILL push her away. If not with her, it will be with the next person. Mistrust doesn't go away on it's own and will kill the relationship. I feel like whenever she wants and or needs something from me or if she wants to spend time with me, I am always there for her but whenever I need something or I want something even if it is for her to spend time with me, she says she wants to but last minute she always flakes on me This is where you need to assert yourself. If you're making plans to spend time together, and she's always bailing at you at the last minute, you need to tell her that it is rude and disrespectful. Trust is built through accountability ---- her actions aren't showing you that she is accountable but rather, lacks the initiative to follow-through. And then when I ignore her by trying to give her space, here is she trying to call me and or text me You know how sometimes guys say they dislike hearing their girlfriend/wife nag? Well, sometimes women are like that too. People can feel suffocated by it. If you're suffocating someone, they'll try to come up for air. But if you suffocate too hard, you suck the life out of them.
Author TG1 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 My feeling is that you should have an open and honest discussion about how this makes you feel with your girlfriend. How long did she go not responding to you? If you come across as mistrustful, accusatory, controlling/jealous, it WILL push her away. If not with her, it will be with the next person. Mistrust doesn't go away on it's own and will kill the relationship. This is where you need to assert yourself. If you're making plans to spend time together, and she's always bailing at you at the last minute, you need to tell her that it is rude and disrespectful. Trust is built through accountability ---- her actions aren't showing you that she is accountable but rather, lacks the initiative to follow-through. You know how sometimes guys say they dislike hearing their girlfriend/wife nag? Well, sometimes women are like that too. People can feel suffocated by it. If you're suffocating someone, they'll try to come up for air. But if you suffocate too hard, you suck the life out of them. I will admit you do have a point, so what do I do
snug.bunny Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I will admit you do have a point, so what do I do Well, you can start by having an open and honest discussion about how this makes you feel with your girlfriend. Not sure how long the two of you have been a couple, but, you need to get to a place where these types of conversations can exist. If she cannot meet you half way and/or is willing to meet you half way, there's not much you can do. Whether or not you want to make a concrete effort to work on your trust issues internally, is entirely up to you. If you think you will benefit from it and it will improve your interpersonal relationships, then have a go at it.
Author TG1 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Well, you can start by having an open and honest discussion about how this makes you feel with your girlfriend. Not sure how long the two of you have been a couple, but, you need to get to a place where these types of conversations can exist. If she cannot meet you half way and/or is willing to meet you half way, there's not much you can do. Whether or not you want to make a concrete effort to work on your trust issues internally, is entirely up to you. If you think you will benefit from it and it will improve your interpersonal relationships, then have a go at it. We have been together for a year and 8 months to be exact, it will be 2 years in December and I do want to work on my jealousy and insecurities but it is just hard
KathyM Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 You need to back off and not make this girl your whole life. So what if she forgot her cell phone in her car and couldn't get back to you for awhile. It happens. Doesn't mean anything. You need to give her some space. You are coming across as very needy and insecure, and that is not an attractive quality to have. Don't be calling or texting all the time. Get a well rounded life that involves other activities and people that don't always include her. Guy friends/buddies and other individual activities that would make you an interesting person. You are way too dependent on her. Women are not attracted to that. They are attracted to men who are strong, confident, with high self esteem and not difficult to get along with. You are making it very difficult to get along with you with your jealousy and insecurity, and your high demands for constant contact. I think you need to back off. Don't accuse her of anything unless you are faced with undeniable proof that she is cheating on you--and don't go looking for evidence of cheating, unless she has given you definate warning signs. Not answering her cell phone for a bit is not necessarily a warning sign. And I would suggest counseling to get over your issues of insecurity and fear. If you don't get over that, it will damage and destroy whatever romantic relationships you have.
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