Vintage79 Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Ok, I have essentially scheduled a first date with a girl for later this afternoon. I got an e-mail from her yesterday responding to a message I had sent. In that message, she asked what were doing and said that I could call her whenever. I called her, no answer (it was Friday afternoon), so I left a message saying I was calling to figure out the date details, and I then sent an e-mail, proposing a few potenial date options, giving her an option, but telling her that I'd pick one if she didn't choose. Anyhow, I haven't heard back from her - no e-mail or call back. Moreover, she's usually a texting fiend, so I'm not really sure what to think. Other pertinent details: 1. She essentially bailed on a first date a few weeks ago. We had set somthing up for an evening, and I then contacted her a few hours before we were going to meet, and she said she wasn't feeling up for it (she had a busy day) - to be fair, though, she said she would have still gone, but I gave her the out because I believed that she was drained based on other information I knew. 2. At that point, I had essentially brushed this girl off, and then she reached out to me a few days ago. What should I do? Did I leave the ball in my court with that e-mail? Is she trying to bail? Maybe she didn't like my first date options...
Snakechammah Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 In my opinion, if she was seriously wanting to hang out/date you, she would have made an effort to communicate clearly about it. Looks like red flag to me. You're lucky it's a first date without much emotional investment... moving on should be easy. Good luck in finding someone who will actually respect your time and effort! There are plenty of fishes out there!
Author Vintage79 Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 Really curious about if I leave myself on the hook communciation, as I had mentioned if I were to pick, that we'd meet in an hour or two from now. Miscommunication can be easy prior to a first date - although I agree - if she was itching to go out, there wouldn't be silence - at a minimum there would be response stating, "you pick", or something similar.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Her interest level is not that high, but there is still a shot to turn it around. I wouldn't give up just yet.
Author Vintage79 Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 I would likely agree abut mediocre interest, but what should I do now, given the time frame I penned out? Moreover, if there are clear signs of mediocre interest prior to date 1, is it worth bothering with a date - just go find someone who has a higher level of interest out of the gate?
Author Vintage79 Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 Just tought I'd provide an update. In my e-mail to her yesterday, I had mentioned that I would prefer to meet at 2. I got a text from her at 2:20 today with the claim of, "I have a snail of a phone and a major hangover". I'm not entirely sure what to think about that - I called her yesterday at around 4 p.m., and she usually responds to a text within a few minutes, so the snail thing raises additional flags, and the hangover thing comes across as a proxy of, I can't see you tonight, or least not this afternoon - it may have been a push for an evening date, or simply a deflection until another time. Part of me wonders if she just likes getting attention through text messages. I told her (via text) that my weekend after 5p.m. was booked, which it is, and that we may be able to figure out something at some other time...keeping it intentionally vague, and hopefully forcing her to make a move if she's generally interested. I haven't heard back, but she also knows I'm busy fo the rest of the weekend. Anyhow, that's it...
MrCastle Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Just tought I'd provide an update. In my e-mail to her yesterday, I had mentioned that I would prefer to meet at 2. I got a text from her at 2:20 today with the claim of, "I have a snail of a phone and a major hangover". I'm not entirely sure what to think about that - I called her yesterday at around 4 p.m., and she usually responds to a text within a few minutes, so the snail thing raises additional flags, and the hangover thing comes across as a proxy of, I can't see you tonight, or least not this afternoon - it may have been a push for an evening date, or simply a deflection until another time. Part of me wonders if she just likes getting attention through text messages. I told her (via text) that my weekend after 5p.m. was booked, which it is, and that we may be able to figure out something at some other time...keeping it intentionally vague, and hopefully forcing her to make a move if she's generally interested. I haven't heard back, but she also knows I'm busy fo the rest of the weekend. Anyhow, that's it... Not sure what to think about that? She's not interested bro. At least not to the level you should demand from a woman. Don't try to spark something that's not there. If she has low interest, she is not worth trying to impress. In the future, try to stay away from "what do you wanna do" type of dates. You're the man, you asked her out. Have a concrete plan in place. This is what we're doing, this is when we're doing it, do you want to come? That open to suggestions, it's your call type of dates are lame in the beginning stages. When you get more serious then sure, you have more wiggle room, but in the initial stages, you need to display confidence and dominance, and lead. I don't mean her opinion doesn't matter, and you find something only you enjoy, and disregard her feelings. Come up with a date idea you know she'd enjoy just as much as you would, and present the idea to her. Don't ask her what you're doing, tell her.
yongyong Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 She is mentally retarded. just cut her off. if she txts you, I would just invite her to your house for drinks at night. you should either just F-ck this girl or tell her F-ck off.
Author Vintage79 Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 In the future, try to stay away from "what do you wanna do" type of dates. You're the man, you asked her out. Have a concrete plan in place. This is what we're doing, this is when we're doing it, do you want to come? That open to suggestions, it's your call type of dates are lame in the beginning stages. When you get more serious then sure, you have more wiggle room, but in the initial stages, you need to display confidence and dominance, and lead. I don't mean her opinion doesn't matter, and you find something only you enjoy, and disregard her feelings. Come up with a date idea you know she'd enjoy just as much as you would, and present the idea to her. Don't ask her what you're doing, tell her. Ok, I'm pretty sure I know it's low/mediocre intrest. Regardless, this is what I did with this girl in terms of what we're going. To me it seems to fall between the what are we doing and me telling what we're doing - it would be great to get your/or some one's perspective. I've done this with several girls in the past, and it's generally been fine, but maybe I could be more effective. I gave her a list of 3 things that we could do and mentioned a time that would be best for me. At that point, I asked if she has a preference, and I told her that if she didn't, or didn't say anything, I would pick an option. In the same message, I mentioned which option I likely would pick, and called out an explicit time...essentially calling out the date. It did give her an option, at least for a period of time...is even that option a bad thing to provide?
MrCastle Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Ok, I'm pretty sure I know it's low/mediocre intrest. Regardless, this is what I did with this girl in terms of what we're going. To me it seems to fall between the what are we doing and me telling what we're doing - it would be great to get your/or some one's perspective. I've done this with several girls in the past, and it's generally been fine, but maybe I could be more effective. I gave her a list of 3 things that we could do and mentioned a time that would be best for me. At that point, I asked if she has a preference, and I told her that if she didn't, or didn't say anything, I would pick an option. In the same message, I mentioned which option I likely would pick, and called out an explicit time...essentially calling out the date. It did give her an option, at least for a period of time...is even that option a bad thing to provide? If a girl is truly interested, just seeing you one on one would be awesome for her. Giving her a list of things to choose from is lame (in my opinion) and desperate. It's like you can't pick/scared to choose one/want to increase your chances of her saying yes, so you give her options. Sometimes to test a girl's true interest I just say "hey wanna do something saturday?", if she responds with a "sure!", I know I'm in, because I haven't even presented details yet. You should pick one concrete idea in your head, and that's it. "Hey you want to ______ on _____?" She then decides if she's down, or provides a lame excuse as to why she can't go. Whatever her answer is, give the same response. "Alright cool" You: want to _____ Her: Sure! You: alright cool You: want to ____ Her: I don't know. I have to buy a new leash for my cousin's friend's dog. Also my phone has been acting up so you might not hear from me. I'll let you know. You: Alright cool Don't be outcome dependent. You're presenting her with a chance to hang out one on one with a cool guy, if she flakes, that's her loss.
Author Vintage79 Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 Great thoughts MrCastle. I definitely have done the, "hey, lets do this at that time" thing (probably about half the time), but I haven't tracked to see if it works better (than providing a few options, but telling her what I'd pick)...I just kind of assumed that the two ways were similar/near equivalent, but maybe there is a difference...what you say makes sense...in this case, maybe it was not searching for a date [because I already had a yes - which clearly didn't work out - so in retrospect, maybe it was seeking a date], but definitely seeking some form of approval...
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