Kcelleste Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 (edited) Do you sometimes feel that we are better off staying single? High divorce rates, major disrespect, the drama, mind games, constant heartbrokenness, deceit, betrayal, etc. It’s such a long list off BS that is constantly going on. It’s a huge cycle of disorder in the world of dating, sex and love. I hear so much negativity from friends, family and coworkers about their previous and current relationships. Have you been exposed to any couples that you secretly envy? For me it’s rare. I'm so used to being around broken homes, divorced people and unhappy/unhealthymarriages or couples. Do you know anyone who have been married for more then 20, 30 or 40 years plus? Are they genuinely happy? I never was exposed to a good solid marriage. I think a big part of it may have to do with my race. Unfortunately, in the black community marriages are not very successful or significant. I do meet and date men who desire marriage but I can’t help feeling the lack of desire for a commitment. Especially when I start to feel things are getting too close. I’ve been told that I have walls of steel around my heart and it would keep me from finding love again. From what I’ve seen and heard, having that love doesn’t seem all that great to have. AmI being too cynical? Do you sometime sfeel that we are better off staying single? Edited July 21, 2012 by Kcelleste 1
Sugarkane Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Yeah it really makes me think too. Especially when you date someone and they feel like "the one" and then the next person feels like "the one". And so on. How are you supposed to know who really is "the one" so to speak? Sometimes I think it would just be easier to have one night stands/ flings instead. 1
mickleb Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 In answer to your title question: sometimes, but not indefinitely.
Author Kcelleste Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 Yeah it really makes me think too. Especially when you date someone and they feel like "the one" and then the next person feels like "the one". And so on. How are you supposed to know who really is "the one" so to speak? Sometimes I think it would just be easier to have one night stands/ flings instead. Same here. Sometimes I think causal flings were much easier.
KathyM Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Some people are better off staying single because they don't have the mindset that would make for a good marriage. But most do want the joy and stability of having a person in your life that you truly love, are lifelong companions with, and who will be there for you through all the tough times in life--a best friend as well as a loving companion. Most people do want that in their life. It's a good thing, and if people will make the effort to keep it healthy, and have the inner strength to make it work, it CAN work. I know a lot of marriages that went for the long haul, and people who have long, happy marriages. I am one of those people. I want the companionship and the love that marriage provides. I want that level of commitment--it's a good feeling to know someone whom you love will always be there for you, and you can count on them. 2
Sugarkane Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 You mentioned envy OP. Yeah I envy some people I know who are still with their high school sweetheart. This makes me envious as they've never been hurt, tricked, dated Aholes and #1 been heart broken. What annoys me the most is if these people say they understand if you get heart broken. I'm sorry but they have zero clue about heart break. 1
utterer of lies Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 major disrespect, the drama, mind games, constant heartbrokenness, deceit, betrayal If that's what you do in a relationship, I guess you really are better off alone. Unless of course you like it that way.
KathyM Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Humans are biologically inclined for serial monogamy, being together for life is a ridiculous religious construct. Why were my grandparents married for 60 years? Because getting divorced meant having all of the other loving members of your church turning their backs on you and your offspring. Did it ever occur to you that people stay together because they WANT to stay together? Because they may actually love each other? And because they are happy/contented with their lifelong companion? Those people do exist. I know many of them, and am one of them myself. 1
Author Kcelleste Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 (edited) If that's what you do in a relationship, I guess you really are better off alone. Unless of course you like it that way. No, I never did those things to anyone I loved. I'm talking about what I've seen and heard what others been through. Edited July 21, 2012 by Kcelleste
Casablanca Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 There are times where I wish I could be more selfish, like just spend every weekend for a whole month playing video games or something, just me time...or there are times where I do miss the excitement of dating someone new, but on the whole, I am very happy to be with someone and wouldnt trade it for single life 3
MrCastle Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Depends on where you're at in your individual life. I'm in my 20's and in college. When I see friends my age in LTR's I'm like but how could you---why would you--HOW DO YOU DO IT?!? I don't know what my bigger question is, HOW they do it, or WHY they do it. But they do, and they're happy. Sometimes LTRs tickle my love bone and I ponder the idea, but more often than not, it's scary to think about. One person? For an unspecified amount of time? One person? REALLY? There are soo many different types of girls out there and I want to sample them all. One person is not going to cover all those types. However, if I found a girl that felt like my perfect match, I wouldn't let her walk out of my life. I'd probably want to hold onto that. A girl like that is rare. 1
Titanwolf Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 And you are right to defend your heart. People can turn vicious, whether intentionally or not. There are few genuinely selfless people out there and even fewer who can commit a lifetime to you. You never know if the person who brings you so much joy at the present, will turn into the person who shatters your heart in the future. Good luck though, I share your sentiments. 1
LoveEachOther Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 men are better off single. we literally have nothing to gain that we couldn't get from escorts, porn, or hookers -- an orgasm.
oaks Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Do you sometimes feel that we are better off staying single? "We"? No. Some people, yes. Some people just aren't cut out for it. 1
oaks Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 men are better off single. we literally have nothing to gain that we couldn't get from escorts, porn, or hookers -- an orgasm. Men who hold that view are better off single, and the rest of us are better off that they are single. I think that's what you meant. I feel sorry for you that you can't see value in a relationship beyond an orgasm. You need a hug. 3
Pyro Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 People who will do more harm than good in a relationship are better off single. 1
carhill Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 Have you been exposed to any couples that you secretly envy? For me it’s rare. It's no secret and yeah, I'm exposed to many. They're my friends and a blessing of the world. I'm better off single right now. So are any potentials I might interact with, meaning they're better off with me being single right now and not interacting with them. There's a time and place in life for everything. Do you know anyone who have been married for more then 20, 30 or 40 years plus? Are they genuinely happy? Yup, most of my friends are in the 20+ category and a few 30+. My parents were out 32 when my dad died about 27 years ago. No doubt the couples that I've known a long time, most 15+ years, have had their ups and downs in M, but they're still in it and living life and loving. Watching them puts a smile on my face. I'll be heading out in a half hour or so to enjoy some of that company, both with a few long-married couples as well as a couple a bit younger than myself who just got married. Life goes on. 1
El Brujo Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 I've never been married, but I'm single, I have no desire to get romantically involved with anyone, and I seem to be doing ok. I'm not exactly getting rich, but my time is my own, and I don't need to put up with someone else's criticism of how I do things.
ThaWholigan Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 I am always happy when I see or am around happy couples. It usually makes me anticipate the day I find myself in a happy relationship. But I feel that I must remain single for now, and I'm fine with that as I don't think I should be dating while I am in this transitional period - unless I meet a girl I simply cannot ignore.
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