kha00 Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Hey everyone. Sorry if this is a little long! So I was with my boyfriend for about 2 years. It was pretty much instant love. We were so close and so happy together. He would tell me all the time about how he's never been so in love, and that I'm the one he wanted for the rest of his life.. and I felt the same about him. We constantly talked about marriage and basically planned our lives together. A few months after we got together, he started talking about moving in together. I wasn't quite ready and said that it was a little early and that we should wait a little bit. And he was fine with that, but still always brought it up. So about 6 months ago (a year and a half into our relationship) I was ready, he finally moved in with me.. and that's kind of where it started going down hill a little. The first few months were wonderful. We made tons of plans of things we wanted to do to the house, and actually started a few of them. But then about 2 months ago, we started arguing a lot about stupid things. I think the arguing started because he got really busy with softball that he plays in the summer, and I started getting a little jealous that he never spent time with me anymore. It felt like since he lived with me, he stopped making an effort to spend any real time with me other than the few minutes seeing each other before he would leave to play. He also told me that he was just in a funk and it had nothing to do with me, that for some reason he felt unhappy with himself and didn't feel at home living there and that he was trying to work it out. Well about 2 weeks ago, he finally told me he was leaving me and would be moving out. Obviously, I was crushed. Despite the arguing and everything, I really thought we would be able to work it out. I thought our love was strong enough for us to be ok, after all, we had planned on marrying and having our life together. I initially made the mistake of begging him not to leave, but obviously that didn't work. He told me that he would always love me and just needed to be on his own for a little while to figure out what was wrong with him. We agreed he could stay there until he was able to get his own place. I just wanted to be able to see him for a little bit longer. Well this past weekend he finally got his own place and has been moving his stuff out little by little. He hasn't slept at my house since Monday. Everyday I come home a little more of his stuff is gone and it kills me. But I want him to be happy and still want him in my life, so I try to be strong when I see him. Now the harder part.. We still kind of act like we're a couple when I see him and am helping him move stuff out. The other night, we sat on the couch holding each other and both crying. He tells me all the time how sorry he is, and how much he will always love me. We kiss goodbye and tell each other we love them before he leaves still. I get text messages from him saying things like , "I will love you always, no matter what.", "I'm going to work on what's wrong with me and get myself back to normal, and hopefully you'll still be single and want me again", "I'm so sorry for everything. I just need some time to fix myself. I don't expect you to wait, but when I get myself together I want you. I need to fix myself so I can make you as happy as you deserve.", And then this morning I got, "Good morning beautiful, please know I love you always." Ugh. I want him back so bad.. but I also want him to be happy. I know people say no contact is best, but I'm never the one to text him first. And if I don't answer him back, he's the type of person who will think I hate him and I'll lose whatever chance I have of him coming back to me. Plus I want to talk to him. If he texts me he loves me, I want to let him know that I love him too. So I guess I just need some opinions.. Do you think he means it when he says he just needs time, and will want to be with me again? Is there anything you think I can do to help him be happy, other than give him the space he's asking for? Is it possible for someone to leave you, move out, and still get back together at some point? Or do you think he's full of **** and is just telling me what he knows I want to hear? Lol. Thanks guys!
KatZee Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 "I'm going to work on what's wrong with me and get myself back to normal, and hopefully you'll still be single and want me again", "I'm so sorry for everything. I just need some time to fix myself. I don't expect you to wait, but when I get myself together I want you. I need to fix myself so I can make you as happy as you deserve." Yawn. My ex told me this same thing. Basically verbatim. He told me, "I still love you, you deserve someone who's going to put you on a pedestal, and I'm not happy right now I need to be single and figure myself out, fix myself, but I can see us starting fresh, and I could see us down the line together." Or do you think he's full of **** and is just telling me what he knows I want to hear? Lol. Yes. He's full of sh*t. I know you want to be with him, but when a guy knows he has a great thing, he would NEVER give it up for anything. If he knows you're so great then he would be crapping bricks right now that some other guy would scoop you up. A guy in love NEVER gives up his woman. Men are highly territorial and would never take this risk if they were so in love. I don't doubt he cares for you, and loves you on some level, but he's not "in love" with you anymore. He even said, "I don't expect you to wait." He's not all that concerned about you moving on. In my case, because my ex told me all the same things yours told you, I waited around for about 5 weeks. After that I contacted him just to see what was up, and that's when the truth came out. He told me there was no "us" and that he didn't want to give me the wrong impression, and that it was his fault that he had. He told me to see the jewelry he got me to pay my rent... it took him almost TWO MONTHS to have the balls to tell me the truth. Everything he said as we were breaking up was just what I wanted to hear, not what was truthful. He couldn't say the truth to my face. He told me all that stuff over a text message. He's letting you go. That's what you need to be paying attention to. Don't think to yourself, "Oh but he said this! Oh, he said that!" What he says means nothing. It's his actions which speak the loudest. He's moving out. He's ending the relationship, he's letting you go, he's not concerned with you moving on. Do not put your life on hold hoping one day he'll "snap out of this" or "wake up and realize what he lost." He most likely won't. 2
dinosaur Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 I agree with Kat. On one hand, he claims to be "going through something" and seems like he wants to fix it and get back together, but on the other, what if what he's going through is that he thinks he may be unhappy with being with you and he wants to see if he's happier with or without you? I feel like he's stringing you along until he makes up his mind or finds someone else. Another thing you might want to see though is, what does happen when you finally stop contacting him? Does he go nuts and try to get you back or does he just let it go? I think he's just really messing with your emotions and you should tell him that if he wants you, he wants you and if he doesn't, he doesn't but he can't put you on the back burner while he experiments (maybe he liked living on his own/feeling like a bachelor?) because it's not fair to have you as a "just in case" cushion for if other things don't work out. 1
hinatticus Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 I agree with kat. Why would he move out if he loves you? If he had said that you were the problem I could understand why he'd move out. But he's telling you that he loves you and needs to fix himself? That's weird. Why can he fix himself with you? I would understand if you moved out cuz he needed to fix himself. Your situation just sounds fishy to me. 1
Author kha00 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Thanks guys. You're all probably right. I think I just don't want to see it now. I'm still playing the "what if" game. Like, what if I give up on him when he really does want me. I know I need to stop thinking like that.. I think it'll just take time. The reason he gave me for moving out is that he was tired of disappointing me.. that he hasn't been himself and I deserve the person I fell in love with, and that he needs some time apart so he can get himself back and be able to make me happy again. Sounds nice, if it's true. Lol.
querky Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 One of the things I was thinking as I read your question was: beware of guys who force you to move so fast and are so over-the-top in the beginning of the relationship. Every time I met a guy like that, the relationship was always up and down. Meant for each-other and then suddenly, not in love any more. It's not nice to generalize but it makes it easier to put the blame somewhere, in any case, I think guys that this story reminds me of, either don't realize what a relationship is and have a fantasy or just don't realize how it actually involves hard work and ups & downs and a lot of investment & commitment to make it work. I think you should go NC because he's going to make you feel miserable as he vascilates back & forth - until he moves on to another relationship where he may discover how a relationship takes more than just getting the girl you like to move in with you.
pathetic1999 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Sounds very similar to my ex in almost every way, way over the top lovey I am the perfect woman he would never be able to find anyone better etc, that's why I have such a hard time with the breakup...it's like all of these awesome lines then bam I don't know who I am, I am confused you deserve better. I'm like but you are in love with me how could I have better? and he walks away after 2.5 years.
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