gwc Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Hey everyone, I just registered after finding this site to ask a question about my current relationship. Now I know the norm of "Starts fast Ends fast," and that makes me really nervous, so here's the story, and it's kind of a long read so thanks to those that do. I'm a 20 year old senior in college, and she's a 19 year old sophomore. We work together (isn't this looking like a match made in heaven already). In my past, I have slept with 24 different girls (before her) but was really truthfully looking for someone to spend my life with. She has slept with around 15, but said the same thing about herself. Three weeks ago, we were at a work pool party and were pretty drunk and I noticed her hanging around me, so this led to that and we were making out. I had the chance to have sex with her, but didn't that day. The next morning I texted her figuring nothing would come of it, but she responded eagerly so we planned our first date, which went extremely well. She stayed the night, but yet again we didn't have sex. We slept together every night for a week, but didn't have sex because I told her I wanted to be in a relationship first (she really wanted to have sex the whole time). A little over two weeks ago we became official and have had sex every day since, and it's amazing on both ends. We've had zero problems and are extremely happy, but this makes me nervous that things are moving too fast. I personally am happy, and she's already brought up that she wants me around forever, but I feel that this is going against everything I know related to relationships that work out. She openly voices her jealousy whenever I hang out with other people and that she just wants to keep me to herself, but this really doesn't bother me at all because I've honestly been looking for someone like this, someone who WANTS me all to them. What are your thoughts on moving too fast if both people are happy? What can I do to help ensure the relationship is lasting? PS, yes I know I'm young and stupid, but we were all there once. I'm just another one of you looking for the one, so please don't be too negative
InJest Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Sounds like a crazy, clingy, bunny boiler. It may not end quickly, but you're going to wish it did. You're going to get tired of her insane, jealous behavior, but you'll be too afraid to hurt her feelings or that she'll 'do something', that you won't break up with her for months or years.
Teal Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 She openly voices her jealousy whenever I hang out with other people and that she just wants to keep me to herself, but this really doesn't bother me at all because I've honestly been looking for someone like this, someone who WANTS me all to them. Things like this are always unsettling. I know the feeling of being protective and would without hesitation run off any men or women who tried to worm their way into my relationship, but I don't tell him who he can socialize with. That's not keeping your partner to yourself, that's controlling them and it's going to affect them negatively. One person isn't enough to keep someone grounded in reality and growing as a person. It suggests more concern with possessing someone than with their happiness and can be the start of a slippery slope.
Author gwc Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 Things like this are always unsettling. I know the feeling of being protective and would without hesitation run off any men or women who tried to worm their way into my relationship, but I don't tell him who he can socialize with. That's not keeping your partner to yourself, that's controlling them and it's going to affect them negatively. One person isn't enough to keep someone grounded in reality and growing as a person. It suggests more concern with possessing someone than with their happiness and can be the start of a slippery slope. I may have written that to sound much worse than it is. She doesn't tell me who I can and can't hang out with, just that she doesn't like when we're not together. And I like that about her. It's very refreshing for me to feel so wanted instead of playing the normal game of keeping the other person guessing. And I've had girls act this way toward me before and scared me off because they were too 'clingy' but I in no way feel like that in this situation.
KungFuJoe Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 I may have written that to sound much worse than it is. She doesn't tell me who I can and can't hang out with, just that she doesn't like when we're not together. And I like that about her. It's very refreshing for me to feel so wanted instead of playing the normal game of keeping the other person guessing. And I've had girls act this way toward me before and scared me off because they were too 'clingy' but I in no way feel like that in this situation. I totally get what you're saying. I've never liked clingy girls...always had problems with ex gfs because I wanted to play basketball, hang out with friends...basically stuff that didn't always involve her (unless she tagged along). I just figured it wasn't in me to be clingy or one of those guys that is just with his gf all the time. Then I met my now wife. Fast forward to today, we both work from home and pretty much spend nearly every waking minute with each other (other than the rare occasion that I come into the office) and we can't get enough of each other. I still have my friends (and she hers, but we are really ALL friends together) and there is the rare occasion that I go out without her and she without me, but for the most part, we either all go out together, or just us two (which we prefer depending on the situation). Basically, we are the clingy, sappy, attached to the hip couple that I never thought I'd be. AND I LOVE IT. You'll know when you've met the right girl when she makes you feel differently about all the things you thought you used to know.
The Way I Am Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 The part that concerns me is that you say she's jealous when you hang out with other people. There's being happy to always have someone around all the time and then there's being angry and jealous when they're not around all the time. The first one is good but when it's accompanied by the second, that is usually bad. I dated a guy once that wanted to always be around and would get jealous when I was around other people. Like you said, it was nice that he wanted to be around me all the time. As time went on, it got draining. It started to get really bothersome when he tried to fight a guy just for standing between me and him when we went out once. It ended after he smacked me across the back for paying too much attention to my dog while he was trying to tell me a story. If she gets angry or upset when you want to spend time with other people or tries to guilt you into spending time with her, that's not a good sign. If she's just happy to be around you and eager to spend time with you but she doesn't mind when you want to be with your friends, that's not a problem.
Author gwc Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 The part that concerns me is that you say she's jealous when you hang out with other people. There's being happy to always have someone around all the time and then there's being angry and jealous when they're not around all the time. The first one is good but when it's accompanied by the second, that is usually bad. I dated a guy once that wanted to always be around and would get jealous when I was around other people. Like you said, it was nice that he wanted to be around me all the time. As time went on, it got draining. It started to get really bothersome when he tried to fight a guy just for standing between me and him when we went out once. It ended after he smacked me across the back for paying too much attention to my dog while he was trying to tell me a story. If she gets angry or upset when you want to spend time with other people or tries to guilt you into spending time with her, that's not a good sign. If she's just happy to be around you and eager to spend time with you but she doesn't mind when you want to be with your friends, that's not a problem. I mean, she minds, but not to the point where she "won't allow it." She just voices her opinion on the matter. And it's not so much like me hanging with my guy friends, but more so if there's a girl in there that she thinks will flirt with me, you know? Really though, I'm just looking for advice on the best ways to honestly help a relationship last.
The Way I Am Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 I mean, she minds, but not to the point where she "won't allow it."; She just voices her opinion on the matter. And it's not so much like me hanging with my guy friends, but more so if there's a girl in there that she thinks will flirt with me, you know? Seems like a red flag to me. I doubt many people start out at "I won't allow it". It progresses to that. I guess it depends on how exactly she voices her opinion. It's hard to say whether it's healthy/okay without actually seeing it. More often than not, it's the unhealthy variety. I would never even think of voicing an opinion about my boyfriend being around other girls, because I don't have any opinion to voice. I trust that there's nothing to worry about. I wouldn't date a guy that I couldn't trust to be around other women. I'm not sure why a guy would want to date a girl who didn't trust him. The only time I've voiced an opinion is when he said his ex girlfriend wanted him to fix her computer, and that was because I thought it was disrespectful of her to ask. If she has a trust/jealousy problem, then there's not a lot you can do to have a healthy, lasting relationship short of going to counseling. If she doesn't have a jealousy problem, then all you have to worry about is making sure you both enjoy your time together.
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