somedude81 Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 The best thing to do is not ask out women who aren't giving any signal they want you to ask them out. If you decide do this, make it clear you mean it's a date or it's likely she's thinking or hoping it's not. HA! As if men can read a woman's signals. Sorry blue bear, but the women who I thought were giving me the strongest signals, ended having boyfriends and later told me that being flirty is just how they are. 1
Imajerk17 Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 (edited) The women in your stories aren't interested, irc. What you've written--both the example involving you AND the example involving the dentist--sounds like classic textbook deflection behavior on the part of the women. If they WERE interested, the women would have been hoping and thinking that this was a date. Even if you were suggesting you both "hang out" together. irc, it sounds that where you live, the women are either (1) stuck up or (2) drawn to a certain kind of "bad-boy"-type guy isn't you (or maybe both (1) and (2)). Have you thought about (a) considering how you are coming across, or (b) moving to a different area, where there aren't so many guys chasing so few attractive single women? Or both... Edited July 19, 2012 by Imajerk17
Author irc333 Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 And iris is right that most women will give off signs if they're interested. Learning to read those helps a guy immensely. Or...some men will ignore the signs, and ask them out anyways, regardless..."just to make sure"
oaks Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 (edited) And iris is right that most women will give off signs if they're interested. Learning to read those helps a guy immensely. I'm sure that most women think they're giving off signs if they're interested. Unfortunately, sometimes, us guys fail to tell the difference between, say, playing with her hair because she's interested and playing with her hair because she's absent minded, or glancing coyly at us vs staring at the food we failed to wipe off our chin, etc. Edited July 19, 2012 by oaks typo
oaks Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Or...some men will ignore the signs, and ask them out anyways, regardless..."just to make sure" Well, sometimes you have to. She might be shy, and she might have a strong view that the guy should make the first move. I was talking to a female friend recently. She's mid-20s, if it matters. She liked a boy (her word, but I think he was mid 20s, too) and I said "does he know?" "Of course not!" came her reply. "So, how's he going to find out?" I asked. "Well, he'll just have to make a move and see what happens!" she said.
zengirl Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 I'm sure that most women think they're giving off signs if they're interested. Unfortunately, sometimes, us guys fail to tell the difference between, say, playing with her hair because she's interested and playing with her hair because she's absent minded, or glancing coyly at us vs staring at the food we failed to wipe off our chin, etc. Oh, true, oaks. Some women are very obvious - some women not at all. Same thing with some men when they ask women out! I say, for my bit, that it's never bad to bring as much clarity as you can into any situation. That's how I always approached dating - and why I was fine with approaching men. Many women are not interested in being as clear as possible, but neither are many men! The 'is it a date or isn't it?' is the result of BOTH people not being clear, IMO. If even one person is dead-clear, it will almost never happen, except in situations where someone retroactively rewrites the relationship dynamics that already occurred, like in carhill's story. Does happen (and some men do it too, though generally after sex has been had!). Or...some men will ignore the signs, and ask them out anyways, regardless..."just to make sure" Not a bad idea! Just make sure you're truly clear in that case or don't mind if she mixes it up. Again, if it's a cold call, she'll probably know the deal, but I'm talking in situations where she may view you as friendly and not romantic at all or looking for that.
EasyHeart Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 I've run into this problem, too, so now when I ask a woman out, I usually say something like, "And just so we're clear, I'm asking you out on a date. I like you and I want to get to know you better." It actually works out really well, because usually they say that it's refreshing to hear a guy be so direct and not playing games. It's more problematic to ask a woman who I like as a friend but don't want to date to do something with me. I can't say, "And just so we're clear this ISN'T a date!" That seems really rude. 3
RedRobin Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 I personally need some time before I decide I'm attracted to someone romantically. It is part of the reason I don't do OLD anymore and prefer to observe someone amongst friends or other activities.
Leopard Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 lol!! I love you for posting this. The truth is... I have absolutely no idea! Maybe because women think guys and gals can be friends, and guys don't think so.
penguin23 Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 OP, this is known as 'fluid thinking'. It morphs to match emotions. At the point of the call, for example, and agreement, she felt like it was a date. Upon further reflection, or calling a girlfriend, or having a fight with her mother, her feelings changed, hence her thinking changed, and it wasn't a date. I agree. Whether or not I feel going to grab a drink with a guy is a "date" really is determined by whether I want it to be at that time. Although I'm not sure it's quite as fluid as you're saying. For instance, the first "date" with a guy I eventually had a relationship with definitely did not start as a date. He asked me kind of last minute if I wanted to go and grab a drink-his friends had bailed on him he said. At the point it definitely was not a date (I think because I would've felt too much pressure-I'm pretty shy). But about an hour later we were having a really good time together and I texted a friend with "OMG I think I'm on a date with that really cute guy!" I definitely defined getting those drinks by what I wanted it to be. I haven't read the rest of the thread so I'm guessing that someone said this...but part of the other reason that women are always assuming (making it clear) it's NOT a date is that women are often the ones that are expected to put the breaks on in terms of relationships/hooking up/etc. If you don't at least pump the breaks early in the night you might end up at the end of the night with a guy pissed because you didn't make it clear earlier. (and if things heat up during the dinner/drinks...it can't always turn into a date). I would say still go on those "dates" whether or not they're willing to admit it. If things go well it can always turn into a date later on. Give them a chance to get to know you.
StrangeBehaviors Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 OMFG! Any woman reading this. Men don't want to be your "friend". They ALWAYS want to nail you. They don't just want to hang out with you. Know that awesome guy "friend" you have? The one you looove being around? Talking about stuff? Hanging out? Having coffee? If he's straight, he wants to f!#k you. He just hasn't figured out how to get there. The guy at the hardware store, shopping mall, mechanics shop, running that cash register, working on a road crew, sitting in class with you..... IT IS SAFE TO ASSUME THEY WANT TO F@#K YOU!
Leopard Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 ^ LOL Surely this can't be the ONLY reason men are nice to us?
StrangeBehaviors Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 ^ LOL Surely this can't be the ONLY reason men are nice to us? In the majority, it is. I am not B.S. you in any way. This is not just one person's opinion on some forum either. Guy, breathing, wants to nail you.
Leopard Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 If that's the case, then I wonder why so many women complain that no one wants them or they can't find a guy. Hmmm... :S
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