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Posted

I have been married almost ten years. I have gone above and beyond to please my husband. I have put myself on the back burner to take care of him. for nearly ten years it has always been about him, what he wanted to do, what he likes. Lately I find myself begging and pleading with him to spend time with me. This weekend is my 37th Birthday and he is going fishing the whole weekend. All I want to do is spend my special day with him and he would rather be somewhere else. Do I stay and try to work it out with someone who is selfish and thinks his way is always right or do I give up and move on.

Posted
I have been married almost ten years. I have gone above and beyond to please my husband. I have put myself on the back burner to take care of him. for nearly ten years it has always been about him' date=' what he wanted to do, what he likes. Lately I find myself begging and pleading with him to spend time with me. This weekend is my 37th Birthday and he is going fishing the whole weekend. All I want to do is spend my special day with him and he would rather be somewhere else. Do I stay and try to work it out with someone who is selfish and thinks his way is always right or do I give up and move on.[/quote']

 

I find it disturbing that after only ten years he would completely blow off your birthday. And happy birthday! [in spite of the circumstances]. I ended up feeling bitter and betrayed and am now divorced, but at 10 yrs I was still spoiling my wife rotten for her Bday.

 

What do you consider going above and beyond? And what sorts of things have been about him, and what sorts of things did he want to do? Did they include you?

 

Do you have a good sex life?

  • Like 2
Posted

Get a life. If he still doesn't come around, then get a new man.

Posted

Sounds like a lack of communication to me. Granted you made your feelings known that you wanted him to stay home for your birthday instead of going fishing, I'm sure he already committed and is going with a decent sized group of guys -maybe he already has money invested in the trip. I'm not excusing the fact that he chose fishing over your B-day, but did you tell him during these 10 years of marriage what you wanted from him? My quick assumption is that you kept a lot of things to yourself in order to avoid confrontation. Unfortunately, you've built up a pretty big level of resentment and if you just bolt now your husband will likely have no idea what hit him. When he gets back, you'll need to sit him down and tell him your needs and that your marriage needs to change starting today.

Posted

If you wanting to stay with him includes the hope he will some day change, you may as well just get out now, because it isn't going to happen.

 

Your choices are to accept him exactly as he is, or don't.

  • Like 1
Posted
for nearly ten years it has always been about him, what he wanted to do, what he likes

 

I'm sure this behavior is about to break. By himself, he will surely come to the realization you want him to. Just sit tight for another decade and your marital bliss cup will be overflowing.

Posted

I think you need to find out new-man. who is not selfish.

Posted

We train people how to treat us. Stop training him to disregard and disrespect you.

 

Think of yourself more. Put yourself first. Start changing everything. Take a class, join a group or get hobbies. Get busy living!

 

He can fend for himself... And you do what helps you to grow.

Posted

I'm surprised you've stuck with him this long if it's always been about him for 10 years. Does he do this all the time around your birthday? Have you tried seeing a marriage counselor about these issues before or tried to work on them together? If not I would give it a shot, if he still doesn't change it's time to move on.

  • Like 1
Posted

Does your husband have an undiagnosed narcissistic personality disorder?

 

Either way, for your husband to go away on a wishing trip on your birthday is a complete douchebag thing to do. Try counseling first, but if that doesn't work divorce his ass and find someone who appreciates you.

Posted
I have been married almost ten years. I have gone above and beyond to please my husband. I have put myself on the back burner to take care of him. for nearly ten years it has always been about him' date=' what he wanted to do, what he likes. Lately I find myself begging and pleading with him to spend time with me. This weekend is my 37th Birthday and he is going fishing the whole weekend. All I want to do is spend my special day with him and he would rather be somewhere else. Do I stay and try to work it out with someone who is selfish and thinks his way is always right or do I give up and move on.[/quote']

 

I am sorry. :( I personally do not see this as a good marriage. You having to beg to spend time together shows being a team with you is not a priority of his. You might want to try a separation? It is possible that he just hasn't learned to appreciate you. Maybe if he was for a time without you trying to please him, he would wake up? I don't know. :( I have no idea if he's merely clueless or truly uncaring? :(

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