magneet Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Hi Jason I'm typing from my iPhone so excuse the typos. I can relate to a lot of things. The one word answers. Sometimes nicer than other times. She bing unsure. I've Ben in this site for a month or so now. Read a lot of stories and in addition to my own experiences all I can say is the harsh truth. Go NC, move on. Else you just put yourself in agony. Waiting. Hoping. The hope part is the part that just breaks you. It's harsh I know. Maybe you might not want to realize everything now. But a you go through the stages it will slowly one to mind. Stay strong. Like its been told to me before, use this time to become a bigge rbetter version of your current self.
Sugarkane Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 #5 my ex also said that to me too. It's pretty rude as we were together a year. One thing that keeps me from contacting my ex is imagining the worst thing I would want to hear from him as a response. 1. I'm seeing someone else. (I actually know this is true, it doesn't bother me as I'm also seeing someone, but I do not want to hear him say it.) 2. You're pathetic. 3. Get over it. 4. Get a life, move on. 5. I never loved you, I never even liked you. (He basically did say this, but my heart can't stand to hear it again.) I mean, he could be nice if I contacted him, agree to talk to me, etc., but chances are just as good that he would think I was (still) being pathetic and needy, like he thought when we were together. So, thinking of having more pain piled on top of the hurt I already have definitely keeps me from contacting him or wanting to be part of his life anymore. There is nothing so important left to say to him that it is worth re-opening old wounds or making new ones, you know?
Author Jason02 Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 guys, i know everyone is right here, but how do i gather the strength and courage to end things? we are right back to where we started. That saturday was just like the old times, even when we texted each other later that night she was very open. she did say she wanted to take things slow, but now she did a 180 and went back to being cold. ICE cold. We have barely spoken this week. just a few texts here and there, and everytime i try to i feel like im a bother to her. I am trying not to be clingy and take things slow, and i figure not talking eveyday is taking it slow. One of the problems she said she had before we took a break was that she said i never called or contacted her, which i would agree that i would usually let her be the one to contact me becuase she was always busy (not an excuse but my reasoning) So i want to show her i can be the first to contact her, but with this hot cold signals she gives me I don't know what to do. everyone told me to let her come to me and cut ties, but i feel like she would just say the same problem is happening like before and that it's my fault. I know overall it should end, but i just can't do it. I kept telling her if she wanted to end it i would not stop her, but she is too scared to do so.
Ruby65 Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 You CAN end it. You just don't WANT to. I can relate to wanting to cling desperately to the very last bit..... but she's tossing you breadcrumbs and every time you scramble after them she's losing respect and attraction for you. She takes you more and more for granted and desires you less and less... It's HARD to go NC. It takes maturity, discipline, inner strength..... and above all a deep conviction that YOU DESERVE MORE THAN THIS. You DO deserve more. Don't settle for this. Walk away with your head held high. Just my thoughts. 1
Dblock10 Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 (edited) sorry j, seems like you are being held on by a thread. very mixed signals from her indeed. head **** mate. i think although in my situation i too didn't want to break up with my ex when she left to travel, it was clear that all along she was probably going to end it with me, so in order not to be dumped i ended it, then regretted it and felt it helped her have no guilt. i then went to meet her explained why i said what i did but it didn't change her mind she was clearly set on being single whilst travelling and even when i met a year later she said she was glad as being in a re would have ruined her time, she said not in a horrible way but i saw other couples on Skype constantly arguing etc. i see her point. but it was still hard. oh she has since then told me she has feelings for me but guess what, she's left the country again. so thats that. id say like me, sooner or later she will decide to end it anyway and what you have isn't exactly making you feel good is it. if it was me, i wouldn't end it as such, but i would certainly not be bothered about talking to her, hearing from her, id go live my life and if she wants to come back so be it. sometimes words don't need to be said, you know? actions speak louder. what are her actions telling you? taking it slow sure, sounds like she wants to carry it on but slowly etc but is that what she is showing, doesn't sound like it to me tbh. sounds like she is waiting for you to give up also, 'everyone told me to let her come to me and cut ties, but i feel like she would just say the same problem is happening like before and that it's my fault' . if she does say this then you can simply turn it around on her and say well you didn't contact me first either plus every time i did i felt like i was pestering you.. I know overall it should end, but i just can't do it. I kept telling her if she wanted to end it i would not stop her, but she is too scared to do so. why on earth would you say that, wheres your self worth mate? clearly you are too scared as well... just say, look 'sophie' (what ever her name is) you know how i feel about you but it seems you want different things to me and that you are unsure about being with me, which is fine but i can't be in constant limbo and not knowing where i stand, thats not exactly fair. i think we should leave things here and see what happens, i will leave my door open for you but i am going to get on with my life and as i say, i hope our paths do cross again. this way you leave the whole situation looking like the good guy that still cares about her and it will leave her thinking about it. cause as for now like what ruby said 'she's tossing you breadcrumbs and every time you scramble after them she's losing respect and attraction for you. She takes you more and more for granted and desires you less and less...' Edited July 26, 2012 by Dblock10
magneet Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 You CAN end it. You just don't WANT to. I can relate to wanting to cling desperately to the very last bit..... but she's tossing you breadcrumbs and every time you scramble after them she's losing respect and attraction for you. She takes you more and more for granted and desires you less and less... It's HARD to go NC. It takes maturity, discipline, inner strength..... and above all a deep conviction that YOU DESERVE MORE THAN THIS. You DO deserve more. Don't settle for this. Walk away with your head held high. Just my thoughts. perfectly said Ruby. jason, I was in a similar situation and this is the truth what Ruby has said... its tough mate. we all go through this. the realization is the worst part of it, but its the start to heal and get well. its a new beginning, whether u want it or not... it will only get better with time. im wooting for you. read some other threads for motivation, or more advice...
Recommended Posts