Jason02 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 So that's it. I've posted here about the wild and turbulent last 3 months my soon to be ex have had. The are or arent we together will finally end. She is finally ending it this Friday. She text me to say we have to meet up to talk. And Its my gut feeling that she has finally had enough. After 6 years tons of memories, both good and bad, this is it. Those other times i knew deep down that it wasnt the end. That we would somehow drag it it on, but this time i have the gut feeling she is ready to walk. she already told me she doesn't feel the love anymore. I'm not sure how to take it. As a part of me is tired and just wants to get off this rollar coaster of emotions I've had for these last couple of months. However, no matter these ups and downs I still love her. Yes I know she has already moved on emotionally and so should I. So I'm not planning on begging. I don't plan on pleading. I just plan on going in and accepting it. I'm not planning on contacting her afterwards. I don't want to be that desperate ex who keeps calling and just becomes annoying. I plan on blocking her phone number from my phone so I don't wait for the call that might come, knowing it never will. I planning to just text her normally and playfully these next two days and act like everything is somewhat ok. If she texts back thats fine, If not then that's ok too. I don't expect her to so I won't be shocked and sad when she doesn't. I figured after Friday I won't so better to get it out of my system now. It's odd because at times I feel at peace with it and then other times I'm scared. But I realized its not that I want her back, it's that I'm scared of the future without her. So I guess The thought of having to give up my security blanket scares me. I don't know what the future holds for me now as I had plan to ask her to marry me later this year and buy a house the next. Now I don't really know what to expect. Thank you all who have given me advice on past post.
Author Jason02 Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 My stomach is getting into a knot and i am actually feeling sick like i want to vomit. I don't know how I will make it through work tomorrow. Knowing that you are going to be dumped is like preparing to get your heart ripped out. I haven't been able to eat properly. I haven't been able to focus. but i guess i will know what the real meaning of dumped means. Day one of the "official" recover begins tommorrow. God help me on it.
JesseMartin Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Hey man, I like your perspective on the situation, it seems like you're setting some boundaries. You say you're not going to be that desperate ex that tries to contact her all the time. That's great. You're feeling gutted right now because you're completely at her mercy and you're expecting bad news. If she says it's over it's over, and if she says she wants you back, you're okay with that. It's okay to feel nervous, anxious and even scared. But by DECIDING that you won't let your life be run by those emotions will prevent you from suffering like you are now. Keep your own mental and physical wellbeing as a number 1 priority at all times. Don't let anyone bounce your emotions around.
RogerWallace111 Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Thats a f*cked feeling man. Feel for you...... It will be hard but of course the emotion of it is a million times worse than the actual reality of the situation. Try to remind yourself of that. As little as it may help force yourself to be grateful for what you have, and think of those stuck in realistically much more terrible situations. Try your best to hold on to the feeling of being at peace with it, and remember that like you said, it's fear of the future without her that's the most painful, not just losing her. I know that's the case for me also. Which is why i try to focus my mental energy on the present and progression into a future i'll love, versus wallow in my recollection of the past or what could have been. And know that even if it takes you several months or a year to feel alright about it, you will.
CaliBabe Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 That's a really terrible feeling as I went through the same thing with my last ex. Things were in limbo and he said he would talk to me on said day and he ended it... I knew it would happen also. It will be hard the next few months but YOU WILL BE ALRIGHT. If anything, you will be stronger and will have a new perspective on life. You can always come here on LS to vent. Good luck tomorrow.
blotter Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 When she breaks the news to you and if it is bad, be strong and try not to cry. When my ex broke up with me she was convinced that I would shatter into a million pieces in front of her and when I didn't you could tell she was disappointed. **** 'em tell her to kick rocks.
peacrow Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 One thing that keeps me from contacting my ex is imagining the worst thing I would want to hear from him as a response. 1. I'm seeing someone else. (I actually know this is true, it doesn't bother me as I'm also seeing someone, but I do not want to hear him say it.) 2. You're pathetic. 3. Get over it. 4. Get a life, move on. 5. I never loved you, I never even liked you. (He basically did say this, but my heart can't stand to hear it again.) I mean, he could be nice if I contacted him, agree to talk to me, etc., but chances are just as good that he would think I was (still) being pathetic and needy, like he thought when we were together. So, thinking of having more pain piled on top of the hurt I already have definitely keeps me from contacting him or wanting to be part of his life anymore. There is nothing so important left to say to him that it is worth re-opening old wounds or making new ones, you know?
Author Jason02 Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 Hey thanks everyone for their responses. I am trying to keep it together and I hope I can tomorrow. I want to show her that although she does mean a lot to me, I'm not going to lose it without her. To be honest I know I'm not the perfect bf, but I know my good has FAR outweighed the bad in the relationship. I treated her like a queen. I want her to know that she is losing here, not me. I would have done anything for her, but sometimes it's just not enough for people. I know I deserve someone who is willing to give as much love as I am willing to give.
Author Jason02 Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 Well this is it. My stomach is in knots, Im a little nausas, and nervous. Although not as bad as i would hav thought. This not as much makes me realize more and more that this is the end. If i feel like this, she must not care at all about me. Wish me luck LSers!
Author Jason02 Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 So she canceled on me?!? Wth!!!!?!? She said she wasnt feeling good and just wanted to stay home. What does this mean?
Hawk12 Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Keep your head up man you ll get through this. It sounds to me like she's losing a good guy and that's her loss. Keep in mind one day you ll find someone else that appreciates you.
Author Jason02 Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 So we are meeting today. In just two hours or so. I'm nervous, scared, anxious, everything. I thought she was going to say lets end it today but i don't know if it's going to be that or she is going to say she wants to be friends. I can't do friends maybe later in life but not now. You know you just never see it ending this way. But then again when you thought you and her were happy you don't even think about it ending. And even though I know it's ending, a little part of me still feeling defeated. Like I wish I had done things differently, tried more, or at least tried again. But unfortunately it's out of my hands. You can't force someone to have feelings for you. So if she says their gone for her then they are. I actually feel a bit sad for her. I know this was real true love because that type of love never goes away. If it went away for her in a few short months then it never really was true love. It may have been a form of love but not true love that poets and artist write and speak a out. I know my love for her won't ever go away. I'll just have to learn to control it and subdue it from now on.
salmagundi Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 Am I the only one waiting to hear the rest of this story?
Skalabanan Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 I'd like to think his lack of response is a good thing. I'd like to hear also, hope it all went well.
tryingtofindmyway24 Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 Hey Jason what happened we are all waiting to hear the news?
Author Jason02 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Well Saturday came and went. And to tell everyone here the truth, I don’t know if its good, bad, or no news. I don't know if I can say it went good or bad, and I think that's a problem We met up and got down to business right away. she basically told me that that was it. She felt that she wasn’t good enough for me, that she wasn’t in a good point in her life to be with me, that I was too good of a guy for her. That she furious at the previous week of how she felt I attacked her when I felt I was just telling her how I felt about the relationship. She was also felt bad that after that I was still texting her like normal and not acting weird or strange like her. (When I texted her last week I was normal with my texts and she would just respond with one or two word responses). I just told her it takes me more effort to act like I don’t care than just showing I do care. That I knew this was the end and I wanted her to remember me as the cool confident guy I was before all this happened. We talked about what we felt before we went on break, and realized there was a lot of communication issues between us. We tried not to argue about what we felt for the sake of not arguing and not hurting each other’s feelings. Kind of funny if you think about what we tried to do there and how we ended up here hurting each other even more. This is the part where I was very proud of myself. I kept it together; in fact I only really got emotional once or twice but nothing big. I just told her that I wasn’t going to beg or plead with her. That I just wanted to ask her one question. I asked if there was anything I or we can do to make it work. She said she didn’t know. I just said that’s fine. I realized that throughout all this, even through the ups and downs I had because of her, I still loved her. And because I loved her I would respect her decision. I would walk away and never bother her again. She kept saying she just didn’t want to make a decision that she would regret for the rest of her life. I told her I’m here being her friend and that either way she’ll have regrets about her decision. Whether to stay with me or not, but she should make the decision that will give her the regret she can live with for the rest of her life. We somehow just got to talking about dumb miscellaneous stuff like we used to before. And honestly it felt good. It felt like how we used to be when we were solid. Everything except the emotional kissing and what not. But we knew every once in a while in between topics we got quiet knowing we had come there with a purpose. We actually kept this up for about 4 hours, way into the night. I knew I didn’t want it to end, but unfortunately we were at a public park and they were closing up for the night and the park patrol was driving around telling people they had to leave. So I asked if this is the end and should I say my goodbye? She said can we take it slow. ]I don’t know how to take this. A part of me knows it should have ended that night, it should have ended months ago when all this started. I don’t know what slow is? What exactly is this? I know throughout the night she never said anything like I did saying I still loved her. Do I take it slow? And what does that entail? Should I stop trying and see if she comes to me? Or should I just let it be? I’ve been told this is just her trying to make me mad so I end it, so she can walk away thinking I ended it and it will make her feel better. That she is trying to have her cake and eat it too. I also have been told this means I have to start the whole dating over again. Like start off holding hands and building into a relationship. The only thing with that is that I know when people start a relationship, you get the feeling of wanting to hang out with this other person, and for some reason I don’t think she is having that feeling for me. That exciting “I’m happy to hangout with this other person.” She has yet to try to contact me since that day. The last thing that gets me is I saw her the following day for a bit unexpectedly. I was acting as normal as I could with her, but she was back to acting nervously around me. Like she didn’t know if she wanted to be my friend or more. If this is her intention to be friends, let me know cause I’ll pack up and leave. I can’t do friends cause I am still emotionally invested. What should I do?
Skalabanan Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 When me and my ex split up she would not say the final words to end it, she talked about everything other than ending it, she wanted space at first then when I reluctantly made her decision for her she told me everything she thought I wanted to hear and would alieviate her guilt. In the end all she ever wanted was for it be over and that she could finally have her space to think and do as she pleased, truth be told it sounds like your ex wants the same, it might be time to gracefully bow out of her life and initiate NC. She might realise she made a mistake but chances are she probably won't and you have to now start the healing process and begin to move forward with your life.
Author Jason02 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Skalabanan your obviously right. I guess in the moment she remembers the good times we had, but overall she wants out. She is just scared to leave with the guilt of ending it. I know its a case of GIGS. Not that there is anyone else out there, which I believe, but the fact that she seems like she wants to go there on her own. Just about every experience she has had is because of me. She has never really done anything for herself on her own. (Apparently you can be too much of a good guy by taking your gf out to new and exciting experiences?) But I digress, I know deep down this is just another time bomb of her wanting out. She hasn't fully commited, but if she does, it's only a matter of time until she wants out again. That said, its sad that i know this is a car crash waiting to happen and i'm not doing much to get out of it. perhaps i need to hit rock bottom before i do.
Author Jason02 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 And yet she still hasn't tried to contact me. Should have figured. I know she wants to alleviate her guilt. Should I let her have it and I end it?
Mary Oak Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I would only end it if I could do so with no regrets....
hopelessromantic29 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Hey Jason.... The same thing happened to me! I was with my ex for 3 years on and off. We had our issues, but in the end, we'd always wanna work it out. We were great for 6 months and I felt him slowly "checking out." I was too afraid to say anything. We continued n got into a huge argument where I ignored him for 5 days. He was done by the time I wanted to talk. I asked him to rethink it over bc I don't want him making decisions while still angry. He thought about it for 9 days, and he ended up ending things with me. It really doesn't matter who dumps who bc if you loved ur gf n felt that she was the one, you'd try to change her mind. He dumped me, and I never felt more devastated. Sometimes I think gosh is this really happening? I pictured my whole life with him. I've never wanted anyone more. But I realized I was the only fighting to save our relationship. It's been a week and I'm still coming to terms and hoping that he'll change his mind n come back. I was just like you... Kept it cool, didn't beg or cry, but NOW I am. I haven't broken NC yet tho.
Pod81 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 (edited) Hi Jason, I've been through the exact same situation as you. I was a great boyfriend (treated her like a queen) but she had bigtime commitment issues and so, she distanced herself and stopped putting effort into the relationship. I broke up with her initially, but like your gf, she was EXTREMELY wishy-washy. She told me she emotionally checked out of the relationship, didn't love me as much as she should, etc, but she couldn't find it in her to break up with me. In fact, she wanted to just "take a break" instead. Long story short, we broke up, then went on a break, broke up again, went on a break, then broke it off for good in a matter of 2 months. If you're curious about my story, here is it: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/326054-unsure-whats-going During this hell of an emotional roller coaster ride, she would say things like she wanted to work things out and promised to love me like I deserved, but ultimately, they're all just fluff words. Remember that when it comes to girls who are emotionally confused, actions carry all the weight and the words mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I hate to break it to you, but girls who are the fence almost never go back to the past where things were amazing. Mine was a classic case of GIGS (since I was her first love and she's still pretty young) and I suspect that yours is too. If you want any closure, you should confront her and set some boundaries. I told my ex that I'd be willing to work things out ONLY if she would commit out of love and NOT obligation. If you hear anything else other than full agreement without ANY hesitation, then you are doing yourself a favor by breaking up with her. Don't make the mistake I made and upgrade it to a "break" simply because she can't decide on her own. Otherwise, you will continue to ride this emotional roller coaster. A healthy relationship takes two people who put forth 100% commitment and effort. It doesn't work when one person checks out, no matter how hard the other person tries to fix things. Sorry to say, but I am 99% sure things won't work out for now, and you need to let her go to figure her sh*t out. Like my ex, she needs a lot of mental and emotional maturing before she's relationship material. Right now, she simply isn't. Would a mature individual selfishly keep you hanging at the end of the string simply because she's indecisive? Also, would a mature individual understand the consequences of her actions and know that she's putting you through this hell of an emotional roller coaster? If you haven't already, read as many of homebrew and gibson's posts about gigs because it really put the overall situation into perspective. Edited July 24, 2012 by Pod81
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