louisehawley6 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 My bf (now ex) of two years broke up with me over the phone. However, the last time I saw him he got out the car, kissed me, told me he love's me and would see me tomorrow. Tomorrow never came...and was actually the day that he broke up with me on the phone! I hadn't seen him for about 2.5 months and one night I went out with my sister for some drinks (i had about 10 glasses of wine), me and my sister were at a bar and we ended up getting into a bit of an argument. I said to her to stay out with her friends but that I wanted to go home. I left the bar and was walking to the train station when I saw my ex with two of his freinds, he didn't recognize me (i had my hair cut). I yelled his name and he turned around and I walked up to him. I can't remember everything but what I do remember is a lot of emotions coming over me all at once and I started crying and apologising. But my ex couldn't look at me, wouldn't look me in the eye and kept staring at the ground muttering "we are no longer toegther" (I'm pretty sure I know that). Anyways he panicked called my sister who came out and got me and the last thing I remember was saying no, just talk to me and reached out to him. He just said 'stop harassing me'. Is it normal to react that way due to my situation?
Ajax Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Is it normal to react that way due to my situation? After ten glasses of wine, do you really need to ask this?
Samilia Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Yeah. You were drunk, screaming, probably talking some (drunken) non sense, in the middle of the street.. lucky he didn't call the cops. I remember your story, he's not worth it. But ease up on the drinking, doesn't seem like it brings the best out of you.
Author louisehawley6 Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 Yes I know 10 glasses of wine seems a lot. But I was genuinelly just out having a good time. Obviouslly never having any intentions of bumping into the ex. I just didn't want to blame it all on the alcohol! He wouldn't have called the cops, I went home straight after and sent him a message apologising- he didn't reply. Thanks Samilia I know he's not worth it, drinking has all but ceased now! I know when to stop...I think I was just going through a stage of the break up. I suppose I just didn't want him to think I was crazy...but I suppose it doesn't really matter what he thinks now does it?
flitzanu Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Yes I know 10 glasses of wine seems a lot. But I was genuinelly just out having a good time. Obviouslly never having any intentions of bumping into the ex. I just didn't want to blame it all on the alcohol! He wouldn't have called the cops, I went home straight after and sent him a message apologising- he didn't reply. Thanks Samilia I know he's not worth it, drinking has all but ceased now! I know when to stop...I think I was just going through a stage of the break up. I suppose I just didn't want him to think I was crazy...but I suppose it doesn't really matter what he thinks now does it? no, it doesn't matter what he thinks. you can though, garner from his reaction that he certainly doesn't feel the same way.
Samilia Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Yes I know 10 glasses of wine seems a lot. But I was genuinelly just out having a good time. Obviouslly never having any intentions of bumping into the ex. I just didn't want to blame it all on the alcohol! He wouldn't have called the cops, I went home straight after and sent him a message apologising- he didn't reply. Thanks Samilia I know he's not worth it, drinking has all but ceased now! I know when to stop...I think I was just going through a stage of the break up. I suppose I just didn't want him to think I was crazy...but I suppose it doesn't really matter what he thinks now does it? Nah he knows why you've done what you've done and said what you've said.. he probably ran home the pen.. err tail... between his legs.. No worries.
Author louisehawley6 Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 flitzanu, how can you garner from his reaction he doesn't feel the same. He couldn't even look at me...this guy is a commitment phobe...he broke up with me on the phone...I took his reaction to mean that he knows he has done something wrong. I was his first love and we were together for 2 years. You don't just get over that. I think he was scared of the confrontation, to actually be made aware that he isn't all good in this break up. Haha Samilia, I can imagine that is exactly what he did. He should be ashamed of himself by the way he treated me and I think by him not being able to have any eye contact with me showed me that he is ashamed.
flitzanu Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 flitzanu, how can you garner from his reaction he doesn't feel the same. He couldn't even look at me...this guy is a commitment phobe...he broke up with me on the phone...I took his reaction to mean that he knows he has done something wrong. I was his first love and we were together for 2 years. You don't just get over that. I think he was scared of the confrontation, to actually be made aware that he isn't all good in this break up. Haha Samilia, I can imagine that is exactly what he did. He should be ashamed of himself by the way he treated me and I think by him not being able to have any eye contact with me showed me that he is ashamed. by exactly what you just said. he wouldn't even acknowledge you, and he clearly said "we aren't together anymore". that means he doesn't care about your problems. you're trying to read between the lines, when there are no lines, you're just not paying attention to his actions and what he clearly said to you.
Chi townD Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 flitzanu, how can you garner from his reaction he doesn't feel the same. He couldn't even look at me... and he couldn't get out of there fast enough! That's how he garners his reaction. Look, the dude is a coward and that's probably his MO. Hell, he might have found his balls and broke up with you over the phone while other girls get a text! You were drunk and it happened to be wrong place and wrong time. I mean, you just said that you had it out with your sister. You weren't in the greatest of moods at the time you saw him. And everything came to the surface. I would write it off as lessons learned. Time to heal and move on. And no more 10 wine saturday nights!
Author louisehawley6 Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 (edited) and he couldn't get out of there fast enough! That's how he garners his reaction. Look, the dude is a coward and that's probably his MO. Hell, he might have found his balls and broke up with you over the phone while other girls get a text! You were drunk and it happened to be wrong place and wrong time. I mean, you just said that you had it out with your sister. You weren't in the greatest of moods at the time you saw him. And everything came to the surface. I would write it off as lessons learned. Time to heal and move on. And no more 10 wine saturday nights! He didn't recognize me and I'm not too sure if he actually saw me before I shouted out his name. My hair is completley different to how it was the last time he saw me. Yes your right he couldn't get away fast enough but he has never been able to deal with confrontation and I can imagine he wouldn't of wanted to speak to me, seeing as I was drunk and emotional. He's always been that way. He probably felt embarassed. I'm not saying that he want's to be with me or anything like that but I still think he has some form of feelings for me, he wouldn't of been able to get over it that quickly. When he said we aren't together anymore it wasn't at me it was too the floor. He hs never had any form of interaction with a girl before I came along I think he has no idea how to deal with emotions and by him running away and wanting to get away was him not being able to deal with a) seeing me and b) his own emotions. Edited July 18, 2012 by louisehawley6
Author louisehawley6 Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 Plus I've asked him countless amounts of times to tell me he doesn't love me anymore and he can't do it. He's angry with me because he's made up this scenrio in his head that i've cheated on him because he read something on facebook. I never cheated on him!
Shaun1967 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Louise, I reckon your reactions are normal - out on the town having a good time (still emotionally charged) and out of the blue pops up your ex - totally unexpected! Some people may disagree, but I did exactly the same. I did fell bad about it the next day as I know I should have dealt with a more level head. But drink and emotions are not a good mix - you get very high and very low! You have done nothing wrong - although you look at yourself for blame.
Chi townD Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 He hs never had any form of interaction with a girl before I came along I think he has no idea how to deal with emotions and by him running away and wanting to get away was him not being able to deal with a) seeing me and b) his own emotions. Well, then he has a lot more growing up to do, and it's not your job to show him how to do that. Look, I know this hurts. BELIEVE ME! I know! But, if he doesn't want to be with you, well...then he doesn't. I also know that you love him. Hell, we're all capable of loving, it's human! And you're finding out that love can be the greatest feeling in the world, or feel like the biggest curse. I'm the biggest believer that there is someone out there for you. A guy that is your perfect match, and he's looking for you; he just hasn't found you yet. But, he's never going to find you if you're still hung up on some guy that has no idea on how to commit! So, keep making positive changes to your life. You got a new and sexy little hairstyle now. GREAT!! Hell, he didn't even know it was you! Those are positive changes! Keep making them for yourself. Even though it doesn't feel like it right now. Things are going to get better! 1
Author louisehawley6 Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 Louise, I reckon your reactions are normal - out on the town having a good time (still emotionally charged) and out of the blue pops up your ex - totally unexpected! Some people may disagree, but I did exactly the same. I did fell bad about it the next day as I know I should have dealt with a more level head. But drink and emotions are not a good mix - you get very high and very low! You have done nothing wrong - although you look at yourself for blame. Thank you, Shaun1967. I did blame myself, but I also know myself and I've always been a person to speak my mind. I also did send me ex an apology text explaining that I was drunk, had, had an argument with my sister and that the way our break up had panned out was 'normal' in my eyes, so I was still very angry and very hurt. He was the one that chose not to reply. To me I think I showed myself to be the better person, even though I got highrate when I saw him on the street. I also explained that maybe if I knew that I was going to see him I'd be able to prepare myself, but like you say the fact it was unexpected really took it out of me!
Author louisehawley6 Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 Well, then he has a lot more growing up to do, and it's not your job to show him how to do that. Look, I know this hurts. BELIEVE ME! I know! But, if he doesn't want to be with you, well...then he doesn't. I also know that you love him. Hell, we're all capable of loving, it's human! And you're finding out that love can be the greatest feeling in the world, or feel like the biggest curse. I'm the biggest believer that there is someone out there for you. A guy that is your perfect match, and he's looking for you; he just hasn't found you yet. But, he's never going to find you if you're still hung up on some guy that has no idea on how to commit! So, keep making positive changes to your life. You got a new and sexy little hairstyle now. GREAT!! Hell, he didn't even know it was you! Those are positive changes! Keep making them for yourself. Even though it doesn't feel like it right now. Things are going to get better! You are right, he has a lot of growing up to do. I don't really think he knows a) what a relationship is really all about and b) how to deal with a break up or a relationship in itself. I've loved before and been hurt before, and I know that I am willing and capable to get over it, but it just takes time. I suppose I just want him to wake up to himself haha! Thank you for the words of encouragement, I really do feel better about myself, and although it may sound bigheaded I keep reassuring myself that it's his loss and maybe one day he'll realise that and maybe he wont!
Sugarkane Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 I would feel angry for sure as my ex ended things very badly between us.
fificremefarben Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 and he couldn't get out of there fast enough! That's how he garners his reaction. Look, the dude is a coward and that's probably his MO. Hell, he might have found his balls and broke up with you over the phone while other girls get a text! You were drunk and it happened to be wrong place and wrong time. I mean, you just said that you had it out with your sister. You weren't in the greatest of moods at the time you saw him. And everything came to the surface. I would write it off as lessons learned. Time to heal and move on. And no more 10 wine saturday nights! Totally agree with this. I think his inability to look you in the eye comes from the cowardice of his breakup. Although, with a few drinks in you, perhaps you were a bit more forceful with the conversation than you remember. I'm sure in your head that you would have envisaged the first time seeing him since the breakup going a little differently. Don't even worry about it though, you couldn't have guessed you'd bump into him and after the horrible way he broke up with you after two years, what kind of reaction did he really expect to get from you? Text break ups make me mad. Chin up xx 1
redrose123 Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 (edited) Sorry wrong thread! Edited July 20, 2012 by redrose123 Wrong post
Author louisehawley6 Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 I would feel angry for sure as my ex ended things very badly between us. That's why I think I reacted the way I did. I'm only a human being. My brain couldn't quite grasp what terrible thing I had done to him in order for me to be broken up with on the phone...if it didn't end badly well I'm sure my reactions would of been different.
Author louisehawley6 Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 Totally agree with this. I think his inability to look you in the eye comes from the cowardice of his breakup. Although, with a few drinks in you, perhaps you were a bit more forceful with the conversation than you remember. I'm sure in your head that you would have envisaged the first time seeing him since the breakup going a little differently. Don't even worry about it though, you couldn't have guessed you'd bump into him and after the horrible way he broke up with you after two years, what kind of reaction did he really expect to get from you? Text break ups make me mad. Chin up xx I agree with what you say about his inability to be able to look at me shows he is a coward, and also because he couldn't get away from me fast enough. I hope it hurts him to see how badly he's treated me. I reckon I was a bit more forceful with the conversation then I remember, but again I think your right it would of been because I'd a fair amount drink. Your right if he'd actually given me the respect of breaking up with me face to face like a decent human being after spending 2 years of his life with me (yes, okay things weren't always great and yes the last 6 months had been hell and we were unhappy but that's no excuse), maybe I wouldn't have been so mad when I saw him the first time after the BU. In my apology text I even said I wanted to be able to just say hey, how are you and carry on walking but that he must now understand how wrong the BU was and how he can't just assume that after two years he can cut me out of his life and expect me to be okay, like just turn around and say "well thanks for the last two years cya!"
Sugarkane Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 That's why I think I reacted the way I did. I'm only a human being. My brain couldn't quite grasp what terrible thing I had done to him in order for me to be broken up with on the phone...if it didn't end badly well I'm sure my reactions would of been different. I know and trust me I can completely understand. I always wanted to do the same thing too! And I do think they deserve it. Everybody on here was totally against it though. I got sick to death with doing the right thing. I often question what's the point in these situations.
Sugarkane Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 I'm afraid people are cowards these days. Makes me angry too.
Author louisehawley6 Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 I know and trust me I can completely understand. I always wanted to do the same thing too! And I do think they deserve it. Everybody on here was totally against it though. I got sick to death with doing the right thing. I often question what's the point in these situations. Sorry...what was everyone against? It's almost like doing the right thing gets you no where these days!! 1
Gulf-Delta Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 by exactly what you just said. he wouldn't even acknowledge you, and he clearly said "we aren't together anymore". that means he doesn't care about your problems. you're trying to read between the lines, when there are no lines, you're just not paying attention to his actions and what he clearly said to you. People who see the world in black and white miss out on a lot of color. Just sayin' 1
Author louisehawley6 Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 People who see the world in black and white miss out on a lot of color. Just sayin' Gulf-Delta...would you mind please elaborating on this?
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