drewnan Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 (edited) Hello everyone, first time I write but it's been very difficult for me to cope with the situation. I broke up with my boyfriend a week ago and from day 1 I went NC. The thing is that he is calling everyday and sends me emails that I am crazy and that I am doing this in order to punish him. Long story short: I know A. since 2006, we studied together. We became best friends very fast at that time. He was trying to be with his ex and I was trying the same thing with my ex and we kind of helped each other. Very soon, he was again in a relationship with his ex but he confided me that he was in love with me since day 1 he saw me and that he was "playing" the friend in order to get to know me. He was with the other girl at that time and very unhappy... I was trying to be with my ex and finally made it after 2 years. Me and A. continued to be best friends although we were in other relatioships and knowing that he was in love with me. Years gone by, and A. broke up with his girlfriend because she cheated on him. I was with the other guy at that time and I was there for A. after his break up. One night that we were out A. asked me to leave my then boyfriend and be with him. I was very confused and I said no. ( I really regret this now...). A. had another relationship that had a very bad impact on him. We remained friends although after my rejection was a bit reluctanct of sharing details of his life as he did before. He finally broke up with the other girl and I broke up with my boyfriend. When I said to him to finally be together, he didn't want... He told me that he had some hard feelings that I have rejected him back then and that he wasn't ready for a relationship...I insisted very much, because I realised that all these years I was in love with him too... He finally said yes..We were together for a year but his behavior has changed dramatically..He wasn't attentive anymore, he was very distant, he didn't care for me as much as he did when we were only friends...I tried to call it quits but he keeps begging me and insulting me that I want him to suffer and that he cannot leave me...but when we get back together he acts very cold again...what should I do??I love him but he treats me badly and when I brek up he begs me to talk to him etc... Edited July 17, 2012 by drewnan
thehead Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 There's a lot of push and pull coming from both sides. Part of the attraction is the drama running through the relationship. One minute he's in love then a jerk the next. You rejected him but want him later. He acts like an ass but begs you back. If he's got hard feelings and treats you bad, why stick around? What's going to change? Many couples fall into this pattern of breaking then making up. Part of the pattern is also the dysfunctional dynamic that's not likely to change. Either accept the treatment (which I don't advise) or understand breaking the cycle has to come from you.
Author drewnan Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 There's a lot of push and pull coming from both sides. Part of the attraction is the drama running through the relationship. One minute he's in love then a jerk the next. You rejected him but want him later. He acts like an ass but begs you back. If he's got hard feelings and treats you bad, why stick around? What's going to change? Many couples fall into this pattern of breaking then making up. Part of the pattern is also the dysfunctional dynamic that's not likely to change. Either accept the treatment (which I don't advise) or understand breaking the cycle has to come from you. I understand what you mean...the thing is that I am still very close to this person even after this bad behavior. I guess that I am stuck in the good old A. who used to be soo sweet and caring.. I cannot also see this relationship going so bad...it hurts like hell and I constantly compare with our old good times. The problem is that even if I decide to break the cycle he begins to beg not to leave him..he also says that if I do such a thing he will kill himself etc...I love him very much to see him suffer like that, so I end up going back...I guess I am not strong enough but to tell you the truth, I am afraid because he says he will do such harmful things to himself:(
thehead Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 I understand what you mean...the thing is that I am still very close to this person even after this bad behavior. I guess that I am stuck in the good old A. who used to be soo sweet and caring.. I cannot also see this relationship going so bad...it hurts like hell and I constantly compare with our old good times. The problem is that even if I decide to break the cycle he begins to beg not to leave him..he also says that if I do such a thing he will kill himself etc...I love him very much to see him suffer like that, so I end up going back...I guess I am not strong enough but to tell you the truth, I am afraid because he says he will do such harmful things to himself So he's manipulative and controlling on top of it. You'd be surprised how many people use this ploy. I'm not saying it's easy to leave but do you see how this could go on indefinitely? He is controlling you with his threats of self-harm. You stay and he treats you bad. That's going to go on and on unless you put yourself first, or he tires of it and leaves. I hope you find the strength.
Author drewnan Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 So he's manipulative and controlling on top of it. You'd be surprised how many people use this ploy. I'm not saying it's easy to leave but do you see how this could go on indefinitely? He is controlling you with his threats of self-harm. You stay and he treats you bad. That's going to go on and on unless you put yourself first, or he tires of it and leaves. I hope you find the strength. Thank you so much for your opinion. I thought that he was manipulative but I wanted to get another objective opinion. I ll try but its very hard...Iam really afraid about him...I need to give up hope that one day he ll understand about his crappy behavior and be again as he used to be...this hope with the fact that he s been manipulative give me a hard time to give an end to all this:(
flitzanu Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 he's not doing anything to "let you" have NC, it's your decision to reply.
Samilia Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Hello everyone, first time I write but it's been very difficult for me to cope with the situation. I broke up with my boyfriend a week ago and from day 1 I went NC. The thing is that he is calling everyday and sends me emails that I am crazy and that I am doing this in order to punish him. Long story short: I know A. since 2006, we studied together. We became best friends very fast at that time. He was trying to be with his ex and I was trying the same thing with my ex and we kind of helped each other. Very soon, he was again in a relationship with his ex but he confided me that he was in love with me since day 1 he saw me and that he was "playing" the friend in order to get to know me. He was with the other girl at that time and very unhappy... I was trying to be with my ex and finally made it after 2 years. Me and A. continued to be best friends although we were in other relatioships and knowing that he was in love with me. Years gone by, and A. broke up with his girlfriend because she cheated on him. I was with the other guy at that time and I was there for A. after his break up. One night that we were out A. asked me to leave my then boyfriend and be with him. I was very confused and I said no. ( I really regret this now...). A. had another relationship that had a very bad impact on him. We remained friends although after my rejection was a bit reluctanct of sharing details of his life as he did before. He finally broke up with the other girl and I broke up with my boyfriend. When I said to him to finally be together, he didn't want... He told me that he had some hard feelings that I have rejected him back then and that he wasn't ready for a relationship...I insisted very much, because I realised that all these years I was in love with him too... He finally said yes..We were together for a year but his behavior has changed dramatically..He wasn't attentive anymore, he was very distant, he didn't care for me as much as he did when we were only friends...I tried to call it quits but he keeps begging me and insulting me that I want him to suffer and that he cannot leave me...but when we get back together he acts very cold again...what should I do??I love him but he treats me badly and when I brek up he begs me to talk to him etc... There is no such thing as someone not letting you go NC. You decide who contacts you. You can block his email, block his phone number or get a new one. You can call the cops if he shows up at your door. Again, there is no such thing as someone forcing you to be in contact with them. What it probably is happening is you letting the door open in the hope that he will change, or because you still have feeling for him. What you should do? I'll ask you this, why would you stay with someone who treats you that way? That bad? Why put yourself through such misery when you could have much, much, better. Hope it answers your question.
Recommended Posts