Bobono Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 (edited) I have been dating with my bf a year now. Things have been good in the beginning, but it seems like he is tired of me or does not love me anymore. Unfortunately, it is different to me. I love him more and more and want his attention all the time on me. Just a few weeks ago, we took a week off from our relationship cuz he told me that he is confused about our relationship and the future. After a week, he told me that he does not wanna break up with me so we are still dating. However, i can tell that his love is fading away little by little. We are still doing the things we used to and spending time. On the other hand, he seems to be not happy as he used to. It just started lately, and i dont know what is wrong with our relationship and what i need to do? Nowadays i started to think about breaking up with him. Seriously what do i need to do?? Cuz it hurts me to see him changed...and still with me. Edited July 17, 2012 by Bobono
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Your relationship looks like it has run it's course..there's nothing you "can do" to change the way he feels..unless you have a magic genie and If it's like the one from Aladdin then he can't even do that! Look, you sound a bit young and inexperienced to what you perceive as "love" but love is a two way street, now how you feel for a guy...now how you center your whole universe and happiness to rest on one man/boys shoulders...it doesn't work that way, it needs to be mutual and reciprocated. Unfortunately a lot of women (especially young women) didn't get this memo, so they go on trying to "fix" it, "give it a chance", "see where it goes" until one fateful day the pain and resistance of a man not wanting to invest the same time, energy, love that they are willing and feel for the relationship. And that's the biggest problem...you can't force a man into a relationship nor change how he feels because you do trickery to make him see or feel a different way about you...It just doesn't work that way...the sooner you figure that out, then the leaps and bounds and miles ahead of other women you will already be...but I doubt it, the emotions always seem to win out over the grave obstacles and minimized by the woman because of "hope". You as a woman, need to take a stance to defend yourself instead of just being a passenger, you've got to be the drive and figure out where you're going not just where some guy is taking you...because honestly this guy could be a distant memory sometime in your future and would that have really been worth it? would you rather have wasted all this time for something that didn't work out in the end anyway? probably not, but in the moment that's where you make a difference and that's where you're at now. Learn to communicate and ask your boyfriend these serious questions...that's what a relationship is for! Don't settle for "confused" answers, men will run that game on you all day for the rest of your life possibly If you let them...you need honest and direct answers, trust your instinct and keep asking till you get an answer. But see the writing on the wall at the same time, don't be one of those women that absolutely have to hear the absolute truth with no doubt in your mind even while the walls are crumbling around you..don't wait until you're buried under a mountain of crap until you figure out this isn't going to work. The smart thing to do is realize what is happening and that his emotions has waned and he does not feel the same way as you...and move on instead of settle and trying to repair something that isn't even repairable but just listening to your whining yearning feelings to be with him. If you can do that then you'll be very different indeed because you'll be making a stand for yourself, for what you deserve and what you expect. Or choose the other path that most take...just hang on like a clinging chimp to it's mommy hoping said man will change and become the perfect guy you've always wanted and seen him to be!...but good luck with that, see you back here in a few months/year disappointed about something else, unless he actually gets the balls to break up with you...you might just be stringing along worthy so that's a roll of the dice in itself.
veggirl Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Honestly, the second a guy tells you he wants a "break", you should walk. I agree with Ninja, if you are confused you need to ask your bf. Is there a reason you don't feel comfortable doing that? I am pretty sure it's because you are scared he will leave you if you ask him "hard" questions or "pressure" him. That just means he is not as into you as you need him to be, and you should walk away. You sound very insecure, and that is sad. You are so focused on your BF that you are forgetting yourself. Forget his wants, his mood, his feelings for a minute. What are yours? is he meeting your needs? Does he make you happy? Take the focus off him and put it on yourself for a minute. He isn't what you want, he isn't giving you what you want, so why waste your time with him? You won't change him, you can't make someone love you. Do you want to have to walk on egg shells? Do you want to have to act a certain way just to have him?
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