Savannah4444 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 I’m not sure if I’m looking for advice here, this might just be a little rant that I need to get off my chest lol. I really don’t understand males' reactions sometimes. So today, to start off, I was on POF where I have an account. I’ve noticed on there though, some guys seem to hold a lot of hostility at times in their interactions. Like today for example: I had been messaging back and forth casually with this one guy, and we mentioned something about meeting up at some point for a drink or whatever. I’ve been away on vacation and stuff the past week, so I havn’t really had time to go online much. He wrote me a couple of messages during the week asking when we could maybe do the meet-up, but I didn’t respond to any yet b/c I wasn’t around. Well when I go to check my inbox, the last one he sends is something mean (but kind of idiotic) like “Youre a moron get a life loser.” … I was kinda like… wtf? I originally was planning on messaging him 'sorry I haven't had the chance to get online lately, but did you maybe want to meet at so and so time on my day off?' etc. But after getting that I was going to write him back being all like… 'um actually I was away all week, but from what you have just shown about you’re character, I’m kind of glad that we didn’t meet up now…' but he already BLOCKED me on the site. What a f**kin weirdo. And then I check my Hotmail and am faced with something else similar. I dated this one guy, Aaron, last year for a few months (when I think about it, who I also met on pof, maybe there’s a pattern there haha), and it originally ended really well…. Although we broke up we were still behaving like really good friends, there was no fighting or cheating or anything bad like that, we simply decided to part ways. I thought he was still a good guy from my perspective at the time, we would still talk quite a bit and he always wanted to meet up for coffee to catch up, and to hangout and see me again. But then after like a month, I had a bad interaction with one of my other ex-boyfriends from back in my 4yr college, who was kind of on the abusive side and was really mean and cruel to me at the end (again another insecure hostile guy), and anyways, I really let that get to me at the time and it generally caused me to be quite reactive and emotional…. And I ended up taking it out on Aaron and flipping on him in one message out of nowhere. And that’s all it took was ONE message in the whole time we've known eachother where I was emotional and insulted him a bit, and… he immediately BLOCKED me off of facebook. (seriously what’s with guys and these ‘blocking’ dramatics?) ....Even though I apologized later and explained where it came from. I sort of ran into him a few times recently, but it was kind of awkward and we pretended we didn’ t notice each other (although I’m sure he saw me), and ughh I just hate holding onto negativitly and being on bad terms with anyone in my life if I can hel pit, it's just my personality and the way I am. So I sent him a nice short little message last week just sort of like, saying that I think I might have passed by him the other day, and I just felt this terrible knot in my gut for some reason, and I guess I just wanted to say that I'm sorry our time together last year ended on such a bad note, esp when it didn’t really have to. I wrote a few sentences sort of explaining a bit that none of that negative stuff was intended for him. I explained that I’m moving soon, and I was just trying to tie up some loose ends before I go, and that if we do happen to cross paths again I hope that we can be friends enough to say hi, wished him the best… etc (it was really nice and sweet). And when he wrote me back, it was kind of cold and hostile still, almost like a business letter. I’m thinking like…. C’monnn dude it’s been a YEAR,, get over it. I mean, if I got a mature, friendly, light hearted message from an ex like that, esp so long after you dated and you've moved on and are over it, I would be all like… 'aw that’s so nice, thanks for that message, it’s nice to hear from you, hope you’re doing well too’ or something like that. I think he’s the type to hold onto negativity easily though, esp. with females. I even noticed by some comments he’d generally make while we were dating (he had an abusive mother etc.). I genuinely meant the whole friends thing, I do think he's a good guy, and we were really compatible intellectually and I always thought he was really cute..... I just really think that we weren't really compatible in the whole romantic/sexual sense (due to his social awkwardness mainly lol). And I'm not gonna lie, I can't help it I'm a sensitive person at times, it did hurt alittle to get such a cold negative reaction back from him. This is just ridiculous…. Man I really date some f**king weird guys. Which I don’t really know why, I’m the more outgoing, warm, sociable type, while I keep having this pattern of dating these quiet, introverted, passive-aggressive ,socially awkward guys. I'm going on to get my doctorate in psychology,,, it's almost like I've always liked something that I can "fix". I’ve noticed this pattern of hostile reactions though sometimes in some males, esp if a girl is really hot or pretty. I don’t really get it, but after today I’ve decided that I need to actively change my dating patterns and consciously look for a guy who has qualities that I personally have since learned to value, suchas being stable,confident, mature, sociable, and warm. Sorry if that was long, thanks for letting me rant!
carhill Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 I’ve decided that I need to actively change my dating patterns and consciously look for a guy who has qualities that I personally have since learned to value, suchas being stable,confident, mature, sociable, and warm. Unclear what a sucha is, but good on ya for reflecting upon and changing your dating patterns. The key in your rant is that, even though supremely annoying, the negative emotional memories from the hostile guys cause you to remember them. They haven't learned how to balance hostility and sweetness yet.
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