Heartbroken1408 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 HI All. Thank you in advance for reading and for your response. I guess I writing about what I am going through in order to get a hold of my emotions and receive advice on what I should do next. I was dating a man for over 7 months and I just found out he had a long-distance girlfriend the entire time. I am hurting because he lied to me and kept this hidden because he knew that I would not have gotten involved with him if I had known. To give you context, I work overseas in countries where it is common practice for men to have a wife/official girlfriend at home and a new “girlfriend” to keep them happy when they are away from the U.S. To each its own I say, but I never wanted to be trated as the other woman. I specifically asked if he had a girlfriend back home and he denied it. Now I feel like everything he said and shared with me was a complete lie. We were an official couple in front of everyone, his friends, mine, our work colleagues, etc. I share so much of myself with him. I did everything to make life better for him. For those 7 months, all I ever wanted was to make him happy. And I felt for him hard. Now, I am so embarrassed and feel like a fool. I should have done my homework; I should have not been so gullible and trusting. The most pathetic part is that I learned of his real girlfriend on facebook—not on his profile but through a shared friend. All of his friends and coworkers knew, as they were friends with her and commented on all their public displays of love, which never appeared on his wall but only hers. I always trusted and belived everything he said at face-value. Now I know that he was too perfect to be true. He actually went back to the U.S. last week but his friends and coworkers are still here. What is killing me inside is how they must have laughed at me behind my back. I am sure they were giving him high-fives for having a permanent source of sex away from home. I was warned about men-in-uniforms and their callous, tactless behavior when it came to respecting women and relationships. But I thought he was different. I thought he felt I was different. But that was just a strategy. Now I know that I will not be able to ever trust a man. This will be part of my official baggage. All I do is think about what I could have done differently. At my age (early 30s), I should know better. How do I make myself feel better? Should I confront him and let his girlfriend know of this situation? I wish I could make him feel as hurt and miserable as I am feeling right now.
Pasttense Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Just because there was one man you couldn't trust doesn't mean this is true for all men. Just move on and meet other people. "What is killing me inside is how they must have laughed at me behind my back." Nonsense. Would you do that if you were in their place? Probably some felt sorry for you--but felt it wasn't their place to intervene. Others probably assumed you knew. Most probably didn't think about it one way or the other. 1
Forever Learning Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Just because there was one man you couldn't trust doesn't mean this is true for all men. Just move on and meet other people. "What is killing me inside is how they must have laughed at me behind my back." Nonsense. Would you do that if you were in their place? Probably some felt sorry for you--but felt it wasn't their place to intervene. Others probably assumed you knew. Most probably didn't think about it one way or the other. Yes, I agree, you can get through this and be all the wiser for your future relationships. But you have been traumatized, you should seek therapy to talk this out and get yourself back on track in enjoying life again. God bless and all the best to you. I am so sorry for this terrible experience you went through. Hang in there.
venusianx13 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 I have been the girlfriend who was cheated on while my boyfriend was studying abroad. Long and traumatic story, but the girl he was seeing while he was in China was also hurt deeply by finding out about me. At first, I really hated her, but I then realized it wasn't her fault, because he was just such a liar. He played both of us. She actually got in touch with me toward the end of his stay there, as he had begun snooping on his computer, phone, etc. (smart girl) Long story short, he came back to the states (I suspect it was simply because he hadn't renewed his Visa in time enough to stay on) and lured me back. I stayed with him two years (plus) after that, but all of it was torture. It is over now between us. I am glad the girl told me, despite my having taken him back... we both concur now (we spoke after he and I broke up FOR GOOD) that he was just not a good guy. If you have the means, I do believe you should attempt to tell his girlfriend. Just once. Don't persist if she's not receptive, but make an honest attempt to tell her to not waste her time on this guy... that's all you can really do. Sorry this happened to you. I know how much it hurts. You WILL recover, I promise.
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