Sox Man Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 I have a girl who I've been friends with for a little over a year. We work together, but on different schedules, so only work like 3 days together out of a 2 week schedule. We were just friends, as she is going through a divorce. Now things have changed and we've been out numerous times, and things have even gotten physical. Two nights ago I saw her for the 1st time in like 3 weeks because we've both been out of town. Throughout this time, we've stayed in touch via text mostly. We went out to bar with some friends, and I walked her to her car, and I hugged her goodbye, and she told me to call her about doing something the next day. I texted her the next morning and got no response. Late in the day she replied telling me that her and her girlfriend had been to the beach. She later texted me back saying her friend thinks I'm mad. She texts me again wanting to know if she can call me. I was out so I called her when I got home. She was just concerned that I was mad at her, and I assured her I wasn't. She proceeded to ask me what I had done while she away, and how my beach trip had gone. She then asked me about me wanting to go out with another girl.( I had mentioned it to this same best friend). I told her I hadn't been out with anybody while she was gone, not that we're anywhere near being exclusive. She kept on and on for a few minutes about her and then we changed the subject. We had talked about going to see a certain movie together and she said she wanted to see it this weekend. I made the suggestion that we go see it together when I get back in town. I guess I did push a bit, but then out of nowhere she says:"I'm not your girlfriend, and you're not my boyfriend. I need my space too." I told her i knew that, and thats why i don't call her text her everyday.What's so confusing is before she left to go out of town for 2 weeks is she kept asking me if I was going to miss her, and did I want to do something the Monday before she left, and I said no, and she then asked me if I had plans for the next night. Then the day after she got back I asked her out to grab a beer and she couldn't, but she texted me later on being very flirty, and said" I really want that beer." I asked so thats a yes, and she says that's a no. As you guys can see, I'm getting a lot of mixed signals here. So my question is,I'm going out of town for a few days to visit family. I will see her at work next week. She says she needs space. Do I call her to talk to her about things before I leave or do I just drop it, and attempt to make no contact until I see her at work next week? Because, if all goes like it always does, she'll contact me in some way,shape or form, and if she does, do respond back?
frenchtelephones Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 My guess is she probably thinks you're giving her mixed signals. Seen from her perspective you do ask her out sometimes, but you've also hinted that you might want to go out with another girl and given her the idea that you wouldn't miss her when she was away and that you weren't that intersted in getting together immediately when she got back. I'm not necessarily saying this assessment is fair, but judging from you descriptions of her behavior she seems quite anxious for you to like her and maybe a bit worried that you don't. The fact that she wants you to miss her when she's not there, that she got a little jealous at the thought of you wanting to go out with someone else, and that she was worried you'd be angry when she didn't text you back suggests to me that she would probably like for you two to be exclusive (I mean I can't know, but that's my guess.) My guess is also that since she feels that you're not 100% engaged she has decided to play a little hot and cold to prove that she's not too dependant on you either. Whether it's intential or not it seems like the two of you are playing a kind of (power?) game where you're both occasionally acting detached and blowing each other off. Honestly, I don't think she's done anything so annoying or diva-like that you should need to break it off solely based on her behavior. I think you should just ask yourself: do you like her? Do you two have fun together? Did you miss her while she was away? Were you excited to see her when she got back? If the answer is no then that is a solid reason not to let things go further. If the answer is yes then you should probably just let her know in plain terms that you like her and want to be with her.
Author Sox Man Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 So here's another question. I'm going out of town for a few days and won't see her until next week at work. After her "I need space" comment, I decided to give her that space and go NC until I see her at work. Well, I kind of screwed it up last night. I had just gotten off the phone with a friend, and I accidentally pocket dialed her number and left a 4 minute conversation with a friend I had just ran into while out running errands. She sent me a text poking fun at me, and the situation. I was scared at first because I had actually brought up my situation with this friend.I asked her what the message said and she told me it was about my recent vacation. Trust me guys, if she had heard me talking about her, she would've definitely said something! We got a laugh out of the whole thing. My question is, should I text her back and apologize for bothering her, or just let it go and wait until I see her next week? It was truly an accident, and I feel like I inadvertently invaded the space she says she needs.
The Outlaw Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 You said so yourself it was an accident. Don't even bring it up. At least you got a laugh out of it. I've done the same thing just as recently as last week.
Author Sox Man Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 (edited) What really sucks is I signed up on an online dating site today, and low and behold she had too, and wouldn't ya know it, she was one of my matches. Thats really hurt, but I was on there too. Bad thing is, I clicked on her profile, and now she'll be able to see that i clicked on her profile. I screwed up the NC rule again! What's my next move, block her from seeing my profile, taking it down all together or do nothing at all. I don't want to look like a creeper. Edited July 18, 2012 by Sox Man
The Outlaw Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 How could you look like a creeper? You only did it once, right? I wouldn't worry about it. If you're worried about it, just remove your profile and go elsewhere, and choose a different username. Be as discreet as possible. And when you do speak with her again, don't even let her know this.
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