Nomad Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 I've been hanging out with this girl ("H") over the past month or so. She is about 6 years younger than I am, and is currently dating a guy (I don't believe they are too serious, since she's never referred to him as her bf). She is pretty and fun, and I enjoy her company. When we first started hanging out, I thought she was romantically interested, but after the third time or so we hung out I found out about the guy's she's dating (even more crushingly, shortly thereafter, she left to go out on a date with him!). So, apparently, her feelings for me are just platonic. If she has any romantic or sexual feelings towards me, she's given no discernible indication. How can I convey my feelings to her, or at least send some signals that I'm interested without coming across as ham-handed or scaring her away?
ThaWholigan Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Well, I'll be honest - you can't really. Especially if she's at some point left your company to go enjoy the company of a guy she is dating. Conveying your feelings for her is a bad idea, no matter how subtle you try and make it. Sending signals will make her uncomfortable if she isn't attracted to you, and if she was attracted to you, I'm sure you would know by now if you're observant. My advice would be to move on and talk to other girls. If you still want this girl's company, then go ahead, but try to direct your feelings about her somewhere else. Ironically, she may even start to show some interest if she feels she isn't getting your attention. But you shouldn't be aiming for that, you should be trying to date girls who already like you. 1
Gulf-Delta Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Oh jeez...are you 15? The "friend zone" doesn't exist guys. Can't we all be adults?
fishtaco Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Oh jeez...are you 15? The "friend zone" doesn't exist guys. Can't we all be adults? It exists. I friendzone women sometimes.
cheshire_cat Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 She left you to go out on a date with this other guy? She's not interested. Now, you can convey your feelings towards her if you would like but in my opinion she already made her decision. She might like the attention you pay towards her. I've been guilty of that myself...I've "hung out" with other guys before but the moment I leave one to go meet another guy...sorry...I'm not interested. So you can tell her you are interested in more than a platonic situation and see what happens or move on and start dating other girls. If I had to guess, I don't think she is going to care either way.
somedude81 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 You can tell or show her that you like her, but you must be prepared for everything you have with her now to end.
counterman Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 You can either decide to do one of two things. You can either: 1) Continue the way you're going, which means you'll eventually get over her. Start dating other girls. OR 2) Make a move. You can tell her how you feel, which I think she won't reciprocate. Personally, I would go in for the kiss; I wouldn't die wondering.
Snakechammah Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 If you already know her feelings for you are platonic, why do you set yourself up for rejection?
BeyondtheClouds Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 My advice would be to move on and talk to other girls. If you still want this girl's company, then go ahead, but try to direct your feelings about her somewhere else. Ironically, she may even start to show some interest if she feels she isn't getting your attention. But you shouldn't be aiming for that, you should be trying to date girls who already like you. that's highly likely. My bf discovered once he moved on to me, the woman he briefly dated changed her mind from "I'm not looking from anything serious right now."
Author Nomad Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 You can either decide to do one of two things. You can either: 1) Continue the way you're going, which means you'll eventually get over her. Start dating other girls. If only I could. But there are no "other girls." 2) Make a move. You can tell her how you feel, which I think she won't reciprocate. Personally, I would go in for the kiss; I wouldn't die wondering. I've done the lean in for a kiss, and it's led to some extreme awkwardness. Unless you're reasonably sure of a return, I wouldn't go for the kiss unless it's unambiguously clear that you two are dating (as opposed to merely hanging out) and you are on, say, the third date or so and haven't yet gotten any. If you're on the third date and haven't yet gotten a kiss, then she's the weird one. But for me to simply lean in for a kiss would be a bad idea in this instance.
Author Nomad Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 Oh jeez...are you 15? No, I'm in my early 30s, and dealing with conundrums that most guys would have figured out in high school. However, given how limited my social opportunities were in high school (and thereafter, for that matter), it's something I've never really figured out. For the most part, I've hung out with guys in my life, so this sort of thing has been a non-issue. The "friend zone" doesn't exist guys. Can't we all be adults? Um, are you joking? If you are proposing that some women don't want to be "just friends" with certain guys, then you are dead wrong. I myself have been "friendzoned" on multiple occasions, so I know for a fact that it exists.
Author Nomad Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 To clarify post #11 (which I'm now unable to edit), I've done the "lean in for a kiss" with other girls in the past, not with H.
Author Nomad Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 If you already know her feelings for you are platonic, why do you set yourself up for rejection? Because I have nothing to lose by trying. I'm not 100% certain that she has no romantic feelings for me, and even if that's the case, it's not 100% certain that her mind could change. The chance is probably slim, but it's not impossible.
Leopard Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 The best way to make jokes that also compliment her. For example, if you guys are hanging out, make a joke about how pretty she is. Compliment her in this way and she will get the hint without being weirded out. For example, if she mentions this new guy she is dating, say something like "Well yeah, a pretty girl like you, I totally understand why he likes you so much" Something along those lines.
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