He gave me my walking papers!!

[kaylan]

zanesfan, you're far better off without a guy who cuts and runs because he can't have sex on the third date. For some reason, there's a dating rule belief which I believe came from PUAs, that if women don't put out on the third date, NEXT them.

Um...no PUAs didnt create that "rule", women did. Did you not see the most recent thread about how long people wait for sex. Many women said 3 to 5 dates . And guys have personal experience with that being the case too.

 

I see nothing wrong with guys bailing if a chick doesnt have sex with him by then. Id assume the woman wasnt sexually interested in me if we havent had sex by that time....and look at the OPs situation..this guy didnt turn her on. So why should he waste his time on a woman he doesnt click with in that regard?

 

Anyone will tell you that when the sexual fireworks are really there, all this waiting garbage goes out the window and things happen naturally.

 

I wish people on LS (especially some of the women) would realize that in the real world women want want sex as quickly as men do, and enjoy just it as much as men do. You never see chicks getting villified here if they decide to bail for some sexual reason...yet dudes always get grief, even in a case like OPs where there was little attraction. Does that make sense? And why the silly double standard?

 

People overthink sex on this site. I say either people click or they dont. In my experience two people who really click arent getting past date 3 or 4 without some good sexual action, and I see nothing wrong with that. The pace at which 2 people have sex, or dont have sex, will not change a thing about how they view one another. Theres either a real click or there isnt. With OPs date, he saw theres wasnt a click and bailed early rather than adding drama to the situation with sex.

 

GUy was looking for sex and not much else. No man out there has "baby fever". Best to move on.

You obviously know little about men if you are saying this. At 25 there have been times where I get super paternal urges. And Ive been told by guys older than me that when they got older they had the super strong urge to start a family.

 

So yes, guys do get baby fever. I know Ill probably have strong baby fever when Im in my 30s or when Im with the right woman.

Edited July 16, 2012 by kaylan

[thatone]

What I was saying is that I didnt think he was expecting sex right then. I knew he wanted to but I thought he and I were on the same page as far as waiting. He brought up the fact that he could wait so I assumed this would be the case. I NEVER gave him any inclination that I didnt want to and he never made me feel like we had to rush things.

 

you're never going to be on the same page with any man if you think they're willing to 'date' you with no sex for a year. that is never going to happen, ever.

[iambookworm]

He asked if you want to have another baby to make you think that he wants one with you.

He asked if you want to live near him to make you think that he wants you to live there for a LTR.

 

These are his hooks.

Just be glad you didn't give in.

 

I say move one.

Edited July 16, 2012 by iambookworm
missing words.

[thatone]

But at the same time she jumped in bed with him and wanted to grab his penis!

 

Maybe he thought she was the world's no. 1 cockteaser.

 

yeah, i just got to the rest of the thread, lol. not only that but sent him a boob pic or vagina pic or some such apparently.

 

i can just picture this tranwreck of events.

 

day 1: "here you go vagina pic!"

day 2: "hey where's that penis pic?"

day 3: "here lemme grab your penis"

day 4: "btw we're not gonna have sex for at least a year"

 

OP is the most confused 29 year old tease in the world.

[carhill]

Reading the latest posts, I'll offer some advice. Refrain from entering another person's bedroom, or your own with them, and touching their genitals unless and until you're ready for sexual activity to begin. Such actions are one thing for young virgins who are 'waiting' for marriage or a LTR, but quite another for mature adults who are used to the continuum of sexual progression. At minimum, such activities as described send mixed messages.

 

To put it in perhaps coarse personal terms, and I say this as someone who was a virgin late in life, don't enter my bedroom or invite me into yours and touch my penis unless you're ready to fµck. Simple as that.

[zanesfan]

[Why go to bed with anyone if you are not planning to have sex? That is a FZ move!

 

 

He may have been intimidated by your aggressiveness.

 

I see very little romance in here. It seems the relationship was lurid and sexual and then NO SEX.

 

 

Another case of too much to soon.

 

Thank God there was no actual sex.

 

Pish Posh! People are only taking what they want to take out of my post and not looking at the whole picture.

 

I did say I liked him, I enjoyed being around him, I thought he was attractive, I thought he was smart, I considered starting a family with him in a year if things worked out, I drove out of my way several times to see him, I treated him on a date. Women dont do these things if she does not like a man.

 

What did turn my off was the fact that he was self conscious about his body.

Women want a man to exude confidence not someone who second guesses.

 

So now, its okay to have sex in 3 weeks if it "feels" right but its not ok to send pics or sleep over if it feels right? There is a double standard here. Any two grown adults can sleep together and not expect anything.. not saying they arent going to try.

 

I think its foolish how some are saying I didnt like him at all. That is crazy. And if I am too aggressive for any man, he is clearly not the one for me.

 

As far as romance, there was plenty. No I didnt give a long spill about that because I didnt need clarity on if there was a connection. As far as talking about sex, there was plenty of that too. I do things when it feels right. So if we wanted to talk about sex as adults every second, we are allowed to do that. I did make it clear that I wasnt ready to have sex yet, but I could see myself going there with him.

 

At this point, things happened exactly as they should. I didnt really learn a lesson here, because it could have gone totally different. There are no hard feelings for him. I still like him as a person. So if I couldnt give him what he needs, Im sure some other women is able and ready. Just my two pennies!

[zanesfan]

yeah, i just got to the rest of the thread, lol. not only that but sent him a boob pic or vagina pic or some such apparently.

 

i can just picture this tranwreck of events.

 

day 1: "here you go vagina pic!"

day 2: "hey where's that penis pic?"

day 3: "here lemme grab your penis"

day 4: "btw we're not gonna have sex for at least a year"

 

OP is the most confused 29 year old tease in the world.

 

Maybe it was mixed messages. I will give you that. My bad! But I got them too. They flowed from both ends.

[thatone]

seriously, you're not a teenager anymore. this isn't normal behavior.

 

before this happens again you need to figure out how adult relationships work. talk to your married friends, or something. whoever gave you advice before, gave you bad advice, so someone different.

 

the first thing you need to learn is that if sex is all you have to offer you're not going to do very well.

[maybealone]

He obviously got tired of waiting.

 

Yes. And if he is "tired of waiting" after 9 days, I doubt he was the guy for her. He wouldn't be the guy for me, either.

 

you're never going to be on the same page with any man if you think they're willing to 'date' you with no sex for a year. that is never going to happen, ever.

 

I think the one year was her time frame for discussing babies. Once he realized she wasn't on board with his baby fever, he probably figured he'd try to get sex out of the deal. When that didn't work, he decided to move on.

 

No big loss here, IMO.

[zanesfan]

Yes. And if he is "tired of waiting" after 9 days, I doubt he was the guy for her. He wouldn't be the guy for me, either.

 

 

 

I think the one year was her time frame for discussing babies. Once he realized she wasn't on board with his baby fever, he probably figured he'd try to get sex out of the deal. When that didn't work, he decided to move on.

 

No big loss here, IMO.

 

EXACTLY!!!!!!!

 

I didnt even send those pictures until the day prior to our date. All of this happened this past weekend. It wasnt like we started off doing this. We had 3 dates before I even went to his house. So yeah.. whatever!

 

Pierre as far as driving is concerned. I really didnt mind. Im from a small town anyway. I didnt expect him to drive an hour here and pay for our date, imo that is greedy. So yes I drove. On our 4th date, I decided to treat him. I didnt have to but I wanted to. Yes, I would have like for him to drive to see me that last time but then again its ok.

Edited July 16, 2012 by zanesfan

[kaylan]

yeah, i just got to the rest of the thread, lol. not only that but sent him a boob pic or vagina pic or some such apparently.

 

i can just picture this tranwreck of events.

 

day 1: "here you go vagina pic!"

day 2: "hey where's that penis pic?"

day 3: "here lemme grab your penis"

day 4: "btw we're not gonna have sex for at least a year"

 

OP is the most confused 29 year old tease in the world.

This exactly.

 

I knew important facts were missing in the OP just from the way it was written, and I knew better than to sit and do the typical man blaming whenever theres a sex issue early in dating as people here do.

 

Notice how even with more of the facts now, people are still blaming the guy and calling him a loser.

 

Im sorry, but I wouldnt waste my time on a tease either. If a girl talks sexual with me, sends me pics, and then stays over at my place overnight only to reject me, Id assume she wasnt into me in that way. And if I was OPs date, Id be right because she wasnt attracted to him.

 

So can everyone tell me again how this guy is in the wrong for seeing the situation exactly for what it was. He cut bait on a situation with a game playing, pee-pee tease, woman who didnt have a desire for his body nor share his desire to settle down for kids soon because she had her own already. Seems to me he rightly ended things due to incompatibility.

 

But I forgot how easily some women can twist stories to make a guy look like he only wanted sex. Like I said before, I wish people would stop pretending women dont have sex as quickly or enjoy sex as much as men (I wish people wouldnt bash those who do either). And it would seem to me that there are plenty of women who try to downplay just how many women out there dont like to put time tables on sex themselves and only do so because of judgmental folks.

 

Its funny how some men and women here are always ready to rally against some guy who supposedly used some chick for sex. Hell, we just had a thread about that, where there was mutual oral sex, yet the guy was labeled a bad guy when he realized they werent compatible and made sure he backed off before things got serious.

 

I remember writing about a girl I was involved with when I first joined here, and I ended up liking her, even though Im pretty sure she legit used me for sex. It kinda sucked, and I did get some support, but I did have a couple of posters jumping down my throat and telling me how much I did wrong and what she had a right to do. Lord knows if I was a girl with the same story, I would have received many more responses shaming the other person for using me.

 

All in all, people need to see things unbiased more often. OPs guy did nothing wrong in my book. She did neither. Simple dating. Simple incompatibility.

Edited July 16, 2012 by kaylan

[utterer of lies]

this isn't normal behavior.

 

You seem to have an idealized image of people.

 

Guy likes her, she kind of likes him but he doesn't get her wet - so she wants to take it slow. Harmless and impersonal sex stuff like sending nude pictures is ok, but nothing real.

 

Really, that's everyday, normal female behavior.

[RedRobin]

So can everyone tell me again how this guy is in the wrong for seeing the situation exactly for what it was. He cut bait on a situation with a game playing, pee-pee tease, woman who didnt have a desire for his body nor share his desire to settle down for kids soon because she had her own already. Seems to me he rightly ended things due to incompatibility.

 

For the record, I did amend my prior opinion of his 'possible' motivations.

 

He self-selected.

 

However, I will also grant the OP that she was open to having physical attraction develop a little slower since she liked his personality so much.

 

If she is trying to meet men with character and modify her prior patterns of 'attraction'... this is completely defenseable.

 

There is a middle ground here somewhere...

[wheream_i]

This exactly.

 

I knew important facts were missing in the OP just from the way it was written, and I knew better than to sit and do the typical man blaming whenever theres a sex issue early in dating as people here do.

 

Notice how even with more of the facts now, people are still blaming the guy and calling him a loser.

 

Im sorry, but I wouldnt waste my time on a tease either. If a girl talks sexual with me, sends me pics, and then stays over at my place overnight only to reject me, Id assume she wasnt into me in that way. And if I was OPs date, Id be right because she wasnt attracted to him.

 

So can everyone tell me again how this guy is in the wrong for seeing the situation exactly for what it was. He cut bait on a situation with a game playing, pee-pee tease, woman who didnt have a desire for his body nor share his desire to settle down for kids soon because she had her own already. Seems to me he rightly ended things due to incompatibility.

 

I have to agree with you here, Kaylan. I'm one of those who posted too soon. I'll be honest, I'd have no problem being invited to stay over at someone's house and not expect sex. This whole "sex should be expected by the 3rd date" is BS. It's whenever we are both ready. However, if she had sent me naughty pics, talked about turn-on's/off's, touched my penis or asked to see it and THEN turned me down? No thanks. I don't think the OP meant that she wasn't having sex for a year, she meant she wasn't considering starting a family with him until after a year. If that's how he took it, then he misinterpreted what she said. I hate to say that both parties are at fault here, but it seems like no harm, no foul. He was insecure about himself and the OP was a little more aggressive (yet, cocktease-ish) for him.

 

The OP would be on here crying a different tune had sex taken place.

[zanesfan]

I DID plan on having sex thats why I felt comfortable with doing such things. I just wasnt ready then.

 

You all can flip it, dice it, cut it, however you want. It is what it is. He was the one to bring up not having sex till 90 days. So I assumed he understood waiting some. I was the one who said 90 days was to long. 5 or 6 weeks... yeah.

 

And you all didnt think he was rushing? Who ask someone to have a baby after 4 dates? I had a right to run just like he did. Even if I didnt have a child, I still would have given him the side eye. Im not going to apologize for how I felt (sexually or non sexually).

 

I never blamed him. Not once. I dont blame myself either. I posted to get some clarification on what happened. At the end of the day it could only be one of two things.

 

1. He wanted me for sex and I didnt give it to him

2. He didnt want me for sex but couldnt wait past 13 days (I originally thought it was 3 weeks).

[zanesfan]

UPDATE:

 

The guy Im talking about just sent me a text saying that even though we decided to go our seperate way, he genuinely enjoyed the time we spent together.

 

I responded nicely as well.

 

That made me feel good