MrCastle Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Carhill-- thanks and I understand. Just wanted some male perspective on this situation. MrCastle, Im not offended he left. Im disappointed. If I could go back and change things I still wouldnt have done a thing. To be honest, I wasnt sure if I wanted to have sex with him yet. We seemed incompatible sexually. Im more of a freak and he seems like a prude, he was insecure about his penis (and I was too), I want someone to bring this freak out but I felt like I would be the one turning him out (although Im sure he wouldnt have been open minded to my ideas). Sex is very important to me and I was hoping I could start to look past the sexual part and focus more on his personality. You withheld sex, and you're the freak? Lol ok. And I agree, you shouldn't feel regret. Hopefully you'll find someone willing to wait x amount of time for you to sleep with them. I don't wait so if I was him I would have done he same thing. Nothing personal at all. I would never try to force a girl or shame a girl into sleeping with me. I'd just cut my loses and next her. There's someone out there for all of us.
Shaun-Dro Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I wanted to wait because I wanted to wait. After being told many times by both men and women waiting is better-- you tend to want to follow that stigma. What if every guy was like him... do I put out? And like someone said earlier, me putting out wouldnt have guaranteed anything. You still didn't answer my question. I'll ask again: what's in it for you?
Author zanesfan Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 You still didn't answer my question. I'll ask again: what's in it for you? I waited because I wasnt "wet" when around him. I wanted to feel that moisture. He didnt do it for me... I was hoping that time and his personality would help me get there. As far as what would I get out of it... I was hoping for forever.
utterer of lies Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Did you like the fact that he really liked you? What is the big deal about that? Many women are like that. Once, I found my sister in tears. I tried to console her and asked what's up. Her answer: "X and I just broke up. It hurts so much, he loved more than anyone before." I've also often heard girls say 'he likes me so much' as an explanation of why they went out with some guys.... I think this is one of the true gender differences.
Balzac Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I'd say the child factored into this. Sleepover, no kid, mood felt right. Whether he had baby fever or not, the pregnancy decision is the woman's. I'd say he saw two of his high value needs going unmet for longer than he was willing to invest.
carhill Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Oh, yeah, sensitive spot from a bad M. When I get a whiff that a woman merely likes that I like or love her, insta-gone. If it's a gender difference, I'll live the rest of my life solo...
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I waited because I wasnt "wet" when around him. I wanted to feel that moisture. He didnt do it for me... I was hoping that time and his personality would help me get there. As far as what would I get out of it... I was hoping for forever. Then this was just a waste of time anyway...good riddance I say, now you can move on with someone who's got more potential. 3
mortensorchid Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 GUy was looking for sex and not much else. No man out there has "baby fever". Best to move on.
rana-rana Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I recently gushed about a man I met on Pof 3 weeks ago. Well as of last night we are finished. We talked all day (by text) and had 1 to 3 hours of conversation by phone every night. This man wanted to know everything about me... in a good way. Our first date was amazing! After the date he took me walking around a lake and I could tell he really liked me. 2 days later we had another date and it was amazing as well. We had established that I wanted to wait and have sex; he respected that and I never felt rushed by him. Our 3rd date was 5 days later. I ended up staying over because we got out of the movies at 1 am (I live an hour away). There was only kissing going on. The next day we went out and I treated him to lunch.. still everything was fine. When we got back we started kissing again. He asked if we could have sex and I said no. Im not ready. We hadnt even talked about being exclusive at this point. Things got really awkward... almost desperate so I left. I let him know when I made it home and he called me; I tried to explain I didnt want to rush things. He basically told me that he understood but he thinks that we are not compatible and he was interested in things happening naturally and I wanted to pace things (im assuming sex and he has baby fever). Im divorced and have a child so I told him in a year we could talk about it. He did not come across as someone only interested in sex. And why did he bring up that we were not compatible after I refuse to have sex? However, he seemed to be what I was looking for and vice versa. I couldnt believe my ears. What could be the case here? why even mess w/ dating sites. they so lame smh. guys just come up to me in the street, subway, store, w/e they catch me at. i dress like any girl in jeans, wifebeaters, sometimes sundresses, w.e but I got edge tho. any guy trying to get some in 3 dates aint worth your time. dont think u did something wrong ma cuz u didnt. just know u gotta protect yourself. 1
Author zanesfan Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 GUy was looking for sex and not much else. No man out there has "baby fever". Best to move on. I have to disagree. He was beyond serious. He wanted to me live in his area as well. He was just ready for the lifestyle and I was not.
FitChick Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I think him asking if you wanted a baby was just a red herring thrown out because he was desperate for sex and believed the nonsense about all women wanting babies. 1
Author zanesfan Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 I think him asking if you wanted a baby was just a red herring thrown out because he was desperate for sex and believed the nonsense about all women wanting babies. No before we even had a date he asked me if I wanted another child and I said I was just satisfied with the one I had. I wasnt in a rush to have another one. So he knew I wasnt bent outta shape about having kids. I am in no way ready...
It's Just Me Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I ended up staying over because we got out of the movies at 1 am (I live an hour away). There was only kissing going on. If you have no intention of having sex, it's unfair to "stay over" or have him "stay over." Do NOT do this, and do not set yourself up for this! See an earlier movie showing! Take a cab! Whatever! It's fine for your girlfriends - not for a guy you're dating and trying to keep at arm's length. Trust me, as soon as there's a bed somewhere in the vicinity, the wheels in the brain start to turn - on both sides. 2
Author zanesfan Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 This is avery significant observation! OP said she was happy because the guy really liked her. So it can be concluded that OP saw potential in this man because the MAN really liked her. At the same time OP has stated the MAN never got her wet and hence sex was off the table. IN other words she was gratified he liked her, however she was not hot for him. And yet she saw potential. This is a contradiction best explained by how some women thrive on attention or been liked. Whether they like the MAN or not is a moot point. Pierre, I DID like him. Like I said I thought he was what I wanted. And the only thing that really turned me off was his belly and the fact that he seemed prudish. Everything else was great. I did have plans on sleeping with him just not right then. He liked me for me and thats what turned me on. He wanted the same things I wanted, he treated me like a woman and not an object, he thought enough of me to not play games. I have never been an attention seeker. I dont care for it. And yes, I saw potential in him. Unfortunately I wasnt moving fast enough for him but at the end of the day, I have learned to respect his decision!
Shaun-Dro Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 This is avery significant observation! OP said she was happy because the guy really liked her. So it can be concluded that OP saw potential in this man because the MAN really liked her. At the same time OP has stated the MAN never got her wet and hence sex was off the table. IN other words she was gratified he liked her, however she was not hot for him. And yet she saw potential. This is a contradiction best explained by how some women thrive on attention or been liked. Whether they like the MAN or not is a moot point. Exactly. I talked about this in length in another thread about a guy hurting so much after his girlfriend wanted space from him. I reminded him that a woman will never love a man as much as he can love her. She'll only love the attention that he gives and how it makes her feel. Women, as you can see, are a very selfish specie. One of the reasons I'm remorseless when anything happens to them.
RedRobin Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 He asked if we could have sex and I said no. Im not ready. We hadnt even talked about being exclusive at this point. Good for you OP. Nothing to be ashamed of here. Bullet dodged. 3
RedRobin Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 I must ask, how old are you? And how old is he? I can come up with some kind of solution once this is established. BS Everything is about age difference to you. ie... if she's alot younger, he would have waited. If not, then she's just pump-n-dump material. Everyone knows you are a 30 something man who dates teenagers, so whatever. 1
threebyfate Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 zanesfan, you're far better off without a guy who cuts and runs because he can't have sex on the third date. For some reason, there's a dating rule belief which I believe came from PUAs, that if women don't put out on the third date, NEXT them. 2
RedRobin Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 (edited) But, you also said this: There is the possibility this guy read your mind and somehow guessed he was not turning you on. By the way why all this talk about his penis so soon and before there was any intimacy? I thought that was a bit weird. Who broached the penis subject? ah. Very astute. Note to OP... I get it that you were open to seeing him a bit longer to see if more attraction developed. Edited July 16, 2012 by RedRobin 1
Author zanesfan Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 But, you also said this: There is the possibility this guy read your mind and somehow guessed he was not turning you on. By the way why all this talk about his penis so soon and before there was any intimacy? I thought that was a bit weird. Who broached the penis subject? That was my same fear I guess. I wondered if he could sense my hesitation. The penis topic came up from a phone conversation. He asked for a "private" shot, so I sent one. I asked for one and he never sent it. Then when we went to bed I accidently touched it. He quickly removed my hand. The next day I asked him to let me see it because he seemed to be insecure about it. He said no, that it wasnt hard. I tried to touch it and he moved my hand again. He opened his pants and looked down at it and was like no. Even if I wanted to have sex. That turned me off! You want to have sex but I cant even touch it or see it.
Snakechammah Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Hey OP, I'm with you on this one. Bullet dodged. It's your body and your right. Imagine sleeping with him AND getting the walking papers after. Much worse. You didn't lose out. He did. His absence will pave way for a more respectable guy. Good luck! 1
DjinnAgain Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 The penis topic came up from a phone conversation. He asked for a "private" shot, so I sent one. . I would avoid sending anything like that early on. Definitely.
RedRobin Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 (edited) ... unless she has specific penis criteria... in that case, the reason for the thread might be a little moot... I find alot of people figure out the answers to their own question after they post... Like... "OH YEA, I looked at his penis and thought "Aww MAN!! Please tell me why he isn't calling me now?!!" Um, yea. We probably know why. *shrug* There is nothing wrong with someone self-selecting himself out. Sounds like what this gentleman did. Edited July 16, 2012 by RedRobin
TheFinalWord Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 (edited) He tried to play you out, you caught on. Nothing you did wrong, outside of staying over. Not advised for next time. It makes the guy think "not much longer now". Overall, this is why waiting is good. True colors come shining through Edited July 16, 2012 by TheFinalWord
kaylan Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 I waited because I wasnt "wet" when around him. I wanted to feel that moisture. He didnt do it for me... I was hoping that time and his personality would help me get there. As far as what would I get out of it... I was hoping for forever. You know, I was reading the first pages of responses...I was seeing how most posters were labeling this guy as some sort of user who was only out for sex...I was seeing him being labeled this way despite you telling us how much he actually liked you and how he was thinking about finding someone to start a family with. In my mind I was saying "Whats everyones deal? Is it wrong for a guy or gal to want sex when dating someone, and is it wrong for them to feel that being turned down for sex might mean the other person isnt into them?" And then I read this post I just quoted above OP. I was guessing this guy backed off because he felt you werent into him. Many times in dating, people hold out on sex when they arent much interested in the other person. Usually if someone is very into you and very attracted to you, things really do happen naturally without any of these hiccups. So it would seem to me that the guy most likely drew the conclusion that you werent much into him. And if he came to that conclusion he would be right. You arent much into him, you arent really attracted to him, and youd have been settling for him had things moved forward...and thats no fun. In the end he did the right thing, because if the base attraction isnt really there, his personality wasnt gonna change that. I wish more women realized that instead of wasting guys time. Luckily he pulled the plug first. Its all good OP. I think no one is wrong here. You two just were not compatible.
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