Nice Guys Game

[StrangeBehaviors]

One of my good friends has zero game in relation to dating when it comes to being "bad" or edgy in any way.

 

I'm not kidding. No bad or edge whatsoever.

 

He does not own a house. Rents.

 

He drives an unassuming Hyundai 4 door sedan.

 

He makes average income.

 

Not a fancy anything.

 

Very average looking.

 

No magic stick from what he says.

 

Does not exude aggressive confidence in any way.

 

I have never seen him get a phone number in a bar, party, or anything else.

 

What am I getting at?

 

Right now, no B.S., he is juggling 3 women at the same time. So how does a guy with these stats do it? I have no idea except for one thing I have noticed that some "nice" guys don't have.

 

He just doesn't care. Doesn't care if they call or not. Doesn't care if he's alone on the weekend. Doesn't care if all of the three are "busy" when he's up for something. They come back around, meanwhile he's open and looking for others, but doesn't care if nothing comes of it.

 

So nicees, stop caring so much. Your happiness and life aren't dependent on someone else.

[Forever Learning]

Makes sense to me! I've seen this in action as well, yes it works sometimes.

 

The downside is Mr/Miss. "I Could Care Less" sometimes loses someone great, because they don't show they care enough.

 

It's always a fine line to walk, I reckon.

[somedude81]

One of my good friends has zero game in relation to dating when it comes to being "bad" or edgy in any way.

 

I'm not kidding. No bad or edge whatsoever.

 

He does not own a house. Rents.

 

He drives an unassuming Hyundai 4 door sedan.

 

He makes average income.

 

Not a fancy anything.

 

Very average looking.

 

No magic stick from what he says.

 

Does not exude aggressive confidence in any way.

 

I have never seen him get a phone number in a bar, party, or anything else.

 

What am I getting at?

 

Right now, no B.S., he is juggling 3 women at the same time. So how does a guy with these stats do it? I have no idea except for one thing I have noticed that some "nice" guys don't have.

 

He just doesn't care. Doesn't care if they call or not. Doesn't care if he's alone on the weekend. Doesn't care if all of the three are "busy" when he's up for something. They come back around, meanwhile he's open and looking for others, but doesn't care if nothing comes of it.

 

So nicees, stop caring so much. Your happiness and life aren't dependent on someone else.

He has a genie.

 

------

 

Not caring is not going to make women suddenly into you.

[morichu]

I have the same attitude when it comes to dating and believe me, it definitely turns girls on in a weird reverse pshycology type of way. They don't want a guy who's desperate and more likely to be clingy. Instead, they want a guy who has that alpha male, "I don't need anyone as long as I have myself" attitude.

[somedude81]

I can't even imagine how this works.

 

Do women walk up to him and give him their number. And because he doesn't care, he doesn't call them so they make all the plans?

[MrCastle]

Not caring is not going to make women suddenly into you.

 

I don't know dude, it's worked for me.

 

I touched on this in another thread, women were my world. Getting laid/getting a woman was my life's focus. That never really worked out.

 

When I started focusing on other stuff, like school, and hobbies, etc, things started shaping up.

 

Being indifferent was a game changer.

 

If a girl flakes on me or something, I move on. I don't play games to try and win her back or change her mind, she gets nexted. I know there's another girl right around the corner.

 

That's the attitude that really turned things around. Text me, don't text me, I don't care. I have a lot going on in other areas of my life.

[DonDuck]

I didn't think it was a big secret that, as a man, the less you care the better off you are.

 

I'm not playing that game. It's being a scumbag.

[MrCastle]

I'm not playing that game. It's being a scumbag.

 

No it isn't. It's being a man.

 

Text her constantly, show heavy interest, compliment her constantly, profess your true feelings for her, see how that works out for you.

[somedude81]

I don't know dude, it's worked for me.

 

I touched on this in another thread, women were my world. Getting laid/getting a woman was my life's focus. That never really worked out.

 

When I started focusing on other stuff, like school, and hobbies, etc, things started shaping up.

 

Being indifferent was a game changer.

 

If a girl flakes on me or something, I move on. I don't play games to try and win her back or change her mind, she gets nexted. I know there's another girl right around the corner.

 

That's the attitude that really turned things around. Text me, don't text me, I don't care. I have a lot going on in other areas of my life.

The only thing nexting a girl does is let you move on to the next girl.

 

How does that make girls like you?

 

I'm just not seeing how 'not caring' is going to make girls want to bone you.

[StrangeBehaviors]

I can't even imagine how this works.

 

Do women walk up to him and give him their number. And because he doesn't care, he doesn't call them so they make all the plans?

 

Work acquaintances or through mutual friends. Exchange info just in a friend or co-worker way.

 

He will rarely call or ask them, sometimes though. They initiate more.

 

To clarify & remove any confusion. They bang. Not just some B.S. dinner date where he pays.

 

What's surprising as well is he absolutely is nice and polite to them. They are attractive. One is a 6.5ish (some may rank her higher-not for me though), one is an 8, one is an 8.5.

 

And it is not a game at all to him. He is not trying to not care, he honestly does not live or die with his emotions based on how a woman reacts to him.

[carhill]

I recall going through the 'I don't care' phase and it did work but I took it too far to include 'I don't care if you're married or not' and that got to be a bit of a sticky wicket.

 

Elementally, though, I advocate 'caring less' if/when one has the propensity to care at a level which is not healthy nor productive. It sounds like the OP's friend has found a balance which is healthy for him and is not disrespectful nor abusive to potential partners.

[DonDuck]

No it isn't. It's being a man.

 

Text her constantly, show heavy interest, compliment her constantly, profess your true feelings for her, see how that works out for you.

 

It's being a scumbag and you are a lousy scumbag for using it. 99% of men are this way and I'm too good for them. I won't be buddies with them. Nothing.

Nothing has works when your not born lucky when the ladies respond to this loser crap. I'm 34 and still a virgin. I'm not going to compromise myself. I thought of lying and using trickery but that won't work.

[MrCastle]

The only thing nexting a girl does is let you move on to the next girl.

 

How does that make girls like you?

 

I'm just not seeing how 'not caring' is going to make girls want to bone you.

 

I'll explain it this way:

 

Men are after sex, right? That's their endgame. For single men, that's all that matters. Sex is the be all, end all for their success. That's why you see a lot of men (unfortunately for women) sleep with them and move on afterwards. They've already gotten what they wanted.

 

To combat this, some women play hard to get, hold out on sex, etc, to keep the man chasing/see what kind of man he really is and to make him earn it.

 

Girls want attention, validation, ego boosting, emotional support. Every single one of them wants to be told they're beautiful, they're amazing, etc. They also want emotional support.

 

Now, when you're a "nice guy", you do all those things for her without sleeping with her. For her, that's an awesome deal. Get all the perks of a relationship without having to actually sleep with the guy or date him.

 

Guys that don't care either way/don't play that nice guy game make the women earn what she's looking for. It makes you the catch, not her. She has to prove why she's worthy of your attention. She wants a compliment? She has to earn it.

 

When you don't care, you show that 1.) you may have several options 2.) you don't phase women 3.) you're strong willed/masculine/not a pussy

 

If you come across as needy/too interested, you're showing your full hand. It screams desperation and lack of options. Whether or not it's true, that's how it looks.

[DonDuck]

I'll explain it this way:

 

Men are after sex, right? That's their endgame. For single men, that's all that matters. Sex is the be all, end all for their success. That's why you see a lot of men (unfortunately for women) sleep with them and move on afterwards. They've already gotten what they wanted.

 

To combat this, some women play hard to get, hold out on sex, etc, to keep the man chasing/see what kind of man he really is and to make him earn it.

 

Girls want attention, validation, ego boosting, emotional support. Every single one of them wants to be told they're beautiful, they're amazing, etc. They also want emotional support.

 

Now, when you're a "nice guy", you do all those things for her without sleeping with her. For her, that's an awesome deal. Get all the perks of a relationship without having to actually sleep with the guy or date him.

 

Guys that don't care either way/don't play that nice guy game make the women earn what she's looking for. It makes you the catch, not her. She has to prove why she's worthy of your attention. She wants a compliment? She has to earn it.

 

When you don't care, you show that 1.) you may have several options 2.) you don't phase women 3.) you're strong willed/masculine/not a pussy

 

If you come across as needy/too interested, you're showing your full hand. It screams desperation and lack of options. Whether or not it's true, that's how it looks.

 

That's the game of scumbags.

[StrangeBehaviors]

It's being a scumbag and you are a lousy scumbag for using it. 99% of men are this way and I'm too good for them. I won't be buddies with them. Nothing.

Nothing has works when your not born lucky when the ladies respond to this loser crap. I'm 34 and still a virgin. I'm not going to compromise myself. I thought of lying and using trickery but that won't work.

 

You might be missing a point. He is not lying or using any type of trickery. He doesn't have a method that "I'm gonna' do this and see it this works."

 

Didn't read some book or anything.

 

For you it might be changing yourself some. If you don't want too, don't. No-one is gonna' worry about it too much really.

 

If you are satisfied with yourself, the results you have, and path it is headed.....don't change a thing.

[MrCastle]

He is not trying to not care, he honestly does not live or die with his emotions based on how a woman reacts to him.

^^^This

 

It has nothing to do with being a "scumbag" or anything. It has to do with controlling your emotions. If you show your cards too early you will absolutely get eaten alive out here. I refuse to apologize for my stance because I'm not doing anything wrong.

[DonDuck]

Makes sense to me! I've seen this in action as well, yes it works sometimes.

 

The downside is Mr/Miss. "I Could Care Less" sometimes loses someone great, because they don't show they care enough.

 

It's always a fine line to walk, I reckon.

 

So nice and thoughful of you to fall for this game. It'll land you in a bad marriage one day. Never mind, women obviously go for whoever cares less consequences be damned. I'm a virgin at 34 and you know what, I quit. I'll try again at 45. Just maybe some older ladies won't fall for it.

[MrCastle]

That's the game of scumbags.

 

Do what works for you and I'll continue to do what works for me. Making a woman earn my attention/attraction is in no way a scumbag move.

[StrangeBehaviors]

So nice and thoughful of you to fall for this game. It'll land you in a bad marriage one day. Never mind, women obviously go for whoever cares less consequences be damned. I'm a virgin at 34 and you know what, I quit. I'll try again at 45. Just maybe some older ladies won't fall for it.

 

Right now the problem is you. When you lighten up some and accept that. You are able to change yourself and see different results.

 

That is, if you want different results.

[DonDuck]

You might be missing a point. He is not lying or using any type of trickery. He doesn't have a method that "I'm gonna' do this and see it this works."

 

Didn't read some book or anything.

 

For you it might be changing yourself some. If you don't want too, don't. No-one is gonna' worry about it too much really.

 

If you are satisfied with yourself, the results you have, and path it is headed.....don't change a thing.

 

Just forget it. I'll try dating/relationships again in 2023 when I'm 45. Maybe the 45 year old ladies won't be so into guy who don't care. I may as well tell the world I'm a virgin too. I've hid it from friends till now. Oldest one in the phoenix area.

[DonDuck]

Right now the problem is you. When you lighten up some and accept that. You are able to change yourself and see different results.

 

That is, if you want different results.

 

It's me. Not the lowlife who doesn't care about others. Please leave me alone.

[DonDuck]

Do what works for you and I'll continue to do what works for me. Making a woman earn my attention/attraction is in no way a scumbag move.

 

Go ahead and be the scumbag who doesn't care. Please don't respond to me again.

[somedude81]

Work acquaintances or through mutual friends. Exchange info just in a friend or co-worker way.

 

He will rarely call or ask them, sometimes though. They initiate more.

 

To clarify & remove any confusion. They bang. Not just some B.S. dinner date where he pays.

 

What's surprising as well is he absolutely is nice and polite to them. They are attractive. One is a 6.5ish (some may rank her higher-not for me though), one is an 8, one is an 8.5.

 

And it is not a game at all to him. He is not trying to not care, he honestly does not live or die with his emotions based on how a woman reacts to him.

Ok, so he meets them at work and through friends, so it's fine to exchange numbers.

 

The girls making all the moves doesn't make any sense, unless he's known for being good in bed or something and the word spreads.

I'll explain it this way:

 

Men are after sex, right? That's their endgame. For single men, that's all that matters. Sex is the be all, end all for their success. That's why you see a lot of men (unfortunately for women) sleep with them and move on afterwards. They've already gotten what they wanted.

 

To combat this, some women play hard to get, hold out on sex, etc, to keep the man chasing/see what kind of man he really is and to make him earn it.

 

Girls want attention, validation, ego boosting, emotional support. Every single one of them wants to be told they're beautiful, they're amazing, etc. They also want emotional support.

 

Now, when you're a "nice guy", you do all those things for her without sleeping with her. For her, that's an awesome deal. Get all the perks of a relationship without having to actually sleep with the guy or date him.

 

Guys that don't care either way/don't play that nice guy game make the women earn what she's looking for. It makes you the catch, not her. She has to prove why she's worthy of your attention. She wants a compliment? She has to earn it.

 

When you don't care, you show that 1.) you may have several options 2.) you don't phase women 3.) you're strong willed/masculine/not a pussy

 

If you come across as needy/too interested, you're showing your full hand. It screams desperation and lack of options. Whether or not it's true, that's how it looks.

I understand women not wanting guys who are needy, desperate and trying to suck up to them.

 

But not calling a girl beautiful isn't going to make her want to give you a BJ.

 

Let me put it another way, a woman receives much more inattention from men then she gets attention.

 

At my job there are about 3-4 girls that I would like to sleep with. I haven't complimented any of them, given them validation, tried to boost their ego or shown that I want their attention, in essence I have shown that I don't care about them, and none of them have shown any interest in me.

 

The whole not caring thing seem very passive. And of course women are passive. That is why I am trouble seeing how "not giving a damn" can actually work.

[MrCastle]

Go ahead and be the scumbag who doesn't care

 

Alrighty..

[StrangeBehaviors]

Fair enough. For anyone else, I should have emphasized more in the first post something that flies in the face of what many of us have seen.

 

He is nice and polite to them.

 

I'm telling you...no edge. Average looking, average income, no fancy nothing, not great looking, and is not a jerk to any of them.

 

The ONLY thing that he does honestly that the majority of nicees don't do is that he is indifferent to these women. If they hook-up, fine. If they don't, fine. If he has a dry spell, fine. A weekend or two with just Netflix, fine.

 

Doesn't tear his nerves up at all. He's nice, polite, does not allow the behavior of others toward him effect him, and is juggling 3 attractive women at times.

 

This is no B.S. One of my best friends.