tigressA Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Last night my phone died and I had it on the charger while it was still off, so when I turned it on this morning there were a few messages, one from the guy I was most recently seeing who I had awkward sex with. In the dissection of the incident, he had said he wasn't really that attracted to me in the end. I took it as how most people would take it--that he didn't find me particularly physically attractive, I wasn't his 'type', etc. I shrugged it off, you're not going to please everyone, you know. And I had told him I didn't find him very interesting. The gist of last night's message was that he wasn't really attracted to me because I came off like I wasn't very into him (which is true), and he's looking for something more, that he didn't want me to take what he said as him not finding me attractive, because that isn't the case (he called me 'beautiful'). I haven't responded. Not sure what you say to something like that.
SmileFace Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I say don't. You don't take him seriously. Do you think that will change? 2
It's Just Me Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Sounds like he was feeling guilty about what he said. Just say, "Thanks for clarifying your statement, and good luck!" 1
SmileFace Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 What good can come out of this? What will you reply. "You are right I was not into you, since you are in fact not interesting. Sorry that you were able to sense that and find me not attractive for what is true."
ThaWholigan Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I say don't. You don't take him seriously. Do you think that will change? This. I reckon that he felt bad about how things ended, but this is likely a rare moment of clarity coming from someone whom you said yourself "beats around the bush" a lot. I probably wouldn't reply if I were you, but if you do, I would make it short and swift. 2
january2011 Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Yup, short and sweet and more shrugging off. You guys had awkward sex - is there really any comeback from that if there are all these mixed messages and nothing much else going on? I know it can be tempting to get drawn into an over-analysis of the situation, but it really isn't that much of big deal in the grand scheme of things, is it? 1
Author tigressA Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 Sounds like he was feeling guilty about what he said. Just say' date=' "Thanks for clarifying your statement, and good luck!"[/quote'] This seems like the most plausible explanation. There wasn't anything in the message that hinted at trying it again and seeing where it leads, but over the last week he's been asking to get together, which I find strange. Says he wants to be friends, and I don't really see the point. I told him so. At one point I asked for more clarity ("We both have better friends who are in closer proximity who we can hang out with. What are you going to hop on a train for, a couple of lattes and a good chat? Really?") and he said he knows he cares about me, but whether it's platonically or otherwise, he doesn't know. I told him to figure it out and get back to me when he does because I prefer stronger boundaries than that, and he said he 'doesn't rush' into things. I just sent him the "thanks for clarifying and good luck" text. 1
january2011 Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Good call and good for you for staying firm, TigressA! 1
johan Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 For being not all that attracted or interested, he sure seems to be dwelling on things quite a bit. Respond if you want to keep the conversation going. But I would say try not to respond just because what he said struck a nerve in your ego. The fact is if you hadn't cut things off, he would probably still be going strong with you. So his claim rings a little hollow. I'd just recommend you let it go and try to respond only when he says something substantial. If even then. Not sure why this has gone on so long. 3
mickleb Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 His ego is fragile and you bruised it with your directness. He fancies the pants off you, though, so stuck his neck out again to see if you'd take his hint and soften your delivery. Seems to be the dance is continuing here for both parties. He's definitely still interested and you're still thinking about it. If you weren't, why post? You'd have just figured 'whatever', and tossed him and your phone aside. Your last text might've hammered the nail in firmly, though... 1
Ruby Slippers Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 What's the point? You were never that into him, were always suspicious, and the sex was awkward and not good. If this is the energy you two are producing right off the bat, what would it look like in a few months? Probably not good. I'd ignore and move on. 1
Forever Learning Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I agree with everyone's posts so far. Excellent advice! Mickleb said it really well, too. Awesome! This is why I love LoveShack. So many smart people, such good stuff.
nessaaa Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 So u had sex with someone you have no feeling for or didn't find interesting yet you opened your legs for him? you're not a bad girl your a ***** Lmao and to top it off it was awkward sex...smh. Shame. Last night my phone died and I had it on the charger while it was still off, so when I turned it on this morning there were a few messages, one from the guy I was most recently seeing who I had awkward sex with. In the dissection of the incident, he had said he wasn't really that attracted to me in the end. I took it as how most people would take it--that he didn't find me particularly physically attractive, I wasn't his 'type', etc. I shrugged it off, you're not going to please everyone, you know. And I had told him I didn't find him very interesting. The gist of last night's message was that he wasn't really attracted to me because I came off like I wasn't very into him (which is true), and he's looking for something more, that he didn't want me to take what he said as him not finding me attractive, because that isn't the case (he called me 'beautiful'). I haven't responded. Not sure what you say to something like that.
Leopard Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Don't say anything. It's not gonna happen for whatever reason, so what's the point of dragging on the conclusion? I would leave it be.
MarlyStar Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I think he's attracted to you, he's just not attracted to your disinterest. He's trying to let you know that if you can come up with some interest in him, he'd really be attracted to you. I'd be wary of him, he sounds like there could be a lot of neediness hidden away there.
Author tigressA Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 (edited) On the real, I think we both messed up, and I don't think there's any chance to come back from it, which is why I'm not into the idea of continuing to talk/hang out with him. I did like him at first, but once I went to see him (I think it was our fourth date) it went downhill because he was talking a lot about other women (not other women he was currently dating, but 'friends', exes, etc) and that really turned me off. Subsequent times we met, every time that happened it was like I subtracted more points. I never said anything to him, never gave him an opportunity to change. I merely became very disinterested, to the point of disdain. He had previously said to me he preferred to be pursued...so perhaps when I didn't express sufficient interest, he decided to try to provoke me. And I expected my increased disinterest to be sufficient enough to let him know I wasn't going to rise to that kind of bait, while he just interpreted that as me not caring at all. For whatever reason, earlier today he sent me a text admitting he'd been turned off before he got to my place the last time we saw each other (which was when we had sex) because he got a mental picture of me having slept with someone else before he got there. Don't know what led him to think of that, as I had told him I wasn't involved with anyone else, which was true. I had teased him a lot about it, though, when he had asked me--when he'd seemed pretty concerned about it. Admittedly, I played it a little too cool. I didn't want to seem too interested, but I took that to an extreme and made myself seem like I "couldn't be bothered" to "deal with" him. And I took it further after he tried to provoke me in order to gauge my interest, instead of just asking him to stop. All in all, some good lessons came out of this. Edited July 16, 2012 by tigressA
Forever Learning Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Oh yes, be done with this guy. I think he's playing some head games with you. That is a sign of immaturity. Life is too short, you are gorgeous, move on, it's so easy, especially for someone with natural beauty (inside and out) like you. You are right, too much weirdness on his end, forget him. You have so many choices available with your looks, it's ridiculous. For REAL. It's bye bye time for this game playing knucklehead fella. All the best to you dear. The world is YOUR OYSTER, remember that !!! Because it is. Cheers luv!
dbzeng Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Last night my phone died and I had it on the charger while it was still off, so when I turned it on this morning there were a few messages, one from the guy I was most recently seeing who I had awkward sex with. In the dissection of the incident, he had said he wasn't really that attracted to me in the end. I took it as how most people would take it--that he didn't find me particularly physically attractive, I wasn't his 'type', etc. I shrugged it off, you're not going to please everyone, you know. And I had told him I didn't find him very interesting. The gist of last night's message was that he wasn't really attracted to me because I came off like I wasn't very into him (which is true), and he's looking for something more, that he didn't want me to take what he said as him not finding me attractive, because that isn't the case (he called me 'beautiful'). I haven't responded. Not sure what you say to something like that. He sounds like a flake, cut bait. 1
kaylan Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 (edited) Last night my phone died and I had it on the charger while it was still off, so when I turned it on this morning there were a few messages, one from the guy I was most recently seeing who I had awkward sex with. In the dissection of the incident, he had said he wasn't really that attracted to me in the end. I took it as how most people would take it--that he didn't find me particularly physically attractive, I wasn't his 'type', etc. I shrugged it off, you're not going to please everyone, you know. And I had told him I didn't find him very interesting. The gist of last night's message was that he wasn't really attracted to me because I came off like I wasn't very into him (which is true), and he's looking for something more, that he didn't want me to take what he said as him not finding me attractive, because that isn't the case (he called me 'beautiful'). I haven't responded. Not sure what you say to something like that. Ill agree with a previous poster and say that he still likes you. And I can relate to this dude. I can like a girl a lot, and be attracted to her, but if she doesnt show much interest, or just lacks passion in the bedroom, then the sex will suck. I feed off her energy just like Id expect her to feed off mine. Sadly, in my experience, as well as based on what I hear from other men, plenty of women out there dont really put much effort into showing interest in a guy, and these same chick can lack passion when it comes to sex. Their the kind of gals that think guys are happy and enjoy getting some even if the girl doesnt do much. That aint me, and that appears to not be your guys thing either. As I told you in your last thread, things were awkward with my ex at first, and then things clicked after a little practice and learning each other, and then BOOM...the passion was electric. However, with her and I we had insane mental chemistry before hand. Given your disinterest in him as a person, its good youre letting this ship sail. But as I said, I can relate to him and how he feels. It just sucks when you like someone, but theres not much of a click.So u had sex with someone you have no feeling for or didn't find interesting yet you opened your legs for him? you're not a bad girl your a ***** Lmao and to top it off it was awkward sex...smh. Shame. She was physically attracted to him. That seems like plenty of reason to sleep with someone. The OP doesnt need lame women like yourself shaming her for embracing her sexuality. Women need to stop cutting other gals down for getting some. Haters gonna hate Edited July 16, 2012 by kaylan 1
dasein Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 He's probably trying to angle a way into doing a better job in bed on a retry. Vain, yes, but that would be my motive. I get mildly and irrationally uncomfortable knowing there are low customer satisfaction ratings floating around out there. Probably would just let it drop unless you are thinking of giving him a mulligan.
Author tigressA Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 We have plans for Friday. I was totally open with him, figuring I'd have to be the one to take the bull by the horns when it came to being forthright, and let him know, "Hey, I'd still sleep with you. I still think you're hot, and I'd rather not bother with having to get to know anyone else. I got used to having semi-regular action." And he (finally) said he still wants me that way too. So I'll see what happens...
Star Gazer Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 We have plans for Friday. I was totally open with him, figuring I'd have to be the one to take the bull by the horns when it came to being forthright, and let him know, "Hey, I'd still sleep with you. I still think you're hot, and I'd rather not bother with having to get to know anyone else. I got used to having semi-regular action." And he (finally) said he still wants me that way too. So I'll see what happens... Such a waste of your time and energy to maintain this sort of relationship with someone you don't "find interesting." 2
mickleb Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 It is, possibly, a waste of your time and energy but so is wondering 'what if..?', I guess. My advice is to drink some champagne! P.S. Do update.
zengirl Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Such a waste of your time and energy to maintain this sort of relationship with someone you don't "find interesting." Especially if the sex wasn't even good!
amantis Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 you all are so negative The sex have to be perfect all the time ? Why is she wasting time going out with him ? This **** happen when people play games , when you stop playing games and tell the other person what you want , everything makes more sense . tigressA , go for it , you dont lose anything by spending time with him , have fun .
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