downandlost Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 (edited) So.... bad news today. A breakup . Me and my girlfriend have been together for nearly a year. Im 26 and shes 23. It has been a long distance relationship. Through our time together things have been excellent. I get weekends off work so that was our time together. She would come here for a few weekends in a row. I would go there a weekend after (not as often as she came here due to trains costing me more than it would for her in fuel). There was never a single argument. We would always text everyday. Saying how much we love eachother and how much we cant wait to see eachother. Numerous times she kept telling me how she loves me more each time she sees me. Even last weekend it was great here. We had a meal together. She told me how much she missed me. Then when she left she text saying she loves me so much and couldnt bear to lose me. The only different thing I noticed was that she didnt have the picture of me and her as her phones wallpaper anymore.... no biggie, she may of wanted a change or done a factory reset on her phone for whatever reason. Only later this week problems seemed to happen. I had planned to go to hers this weekend. She has no job at current, shes applied for many, but has been turned down or cant find anything. She txt out of the blue saying how low shes feeling from not having a job and how she doesnt even want to talk about her rejection letters as it gets her too low. I told her not to worry as something will turn up, but she then text saying shes sick of people saying that. I explained how im in the same boat. Where although I work, I get basically the same money as someone whos claiming benefits whilst looking for work. So said its not easy for me either. Since then, txting has been very vague. Iv felt low personally cause of my poor money situation, and shes felt low due to hers. Shes asked if everythings ok twice and I said yea its all fine between us. Last night txts were very vague again and she was asking if alls ok... I fell asleep. I woke up and today was the day I was meant to go to hers, I txt her back with a vague reply (since thats how she txt me) and then she dropped the bombshell by saying "things dont seem right"... Hell my stomach turned completely and heart sank. Eventually she said it should end for the best.... because she needs to get her life together, find a career, and said I deserve someone closer to me distance wise. She even said the typical line "I just cant be in a relationship at the moment". In words, im devestated. Been in quite a few relationships but never have I been in 1 thats ended so soon after things had been all good. I had been trying to get more info off her as closure. She said its the distance. How she thought she could cope with it... but sometimes its like we arent even in a relationship due to the time together. She also said she had felt like that the past few weeks. Where it didnt feel right and that some things she thought we had in common we actually dont. Of course, nows the point where I could be trying to change her mind, blaming it on myself, trying to find ways to change things...... but NO. Im refusing to do that. My take on it though.... It seems to me that indeed the distance has played a massive part. The cycle we were stuck in was that she couldnt get work, because she couldnt work on the days I have off (weekend), as thats our time to see eachother. This meant she was low, doing nothing with her life. Also I was low and pretty skint due to not being able to get work hours on the days we see eachother. The lack of time together could well of been the deciding factor. So was being skint worth it just to spend so little time together each week? Then it meant due to money problems, we couldnt do anything when we did meet up, thus our things we had in common could not be planned or even happen. Im not even gonna give myself false hopes by leaving her alone, making no contact and thinking she may come back. With women it seems its a lot easier to move on. Like a woman could end a relationship, but then she have guys being attracted or walking up to her and talking.... So that will help clear her mind... Whereas for men, they have to do the persuing. 1 thing that makes it much more difficult though.... is the fact she lost her virginity to me. That really meant a lot. The fact she had a few boyfriends in the past, but didnt sleep with them. Then she felt at 1 point that it was meant to be and she really loved me enough to let me be her first. Also about an hour after she told me, she removed me as "in a relationship with..." on facebook. Pretty lame how someone who once loved me that much can just turn and do that in a split second. I mean even x's of the past when we split up under bad terms left it as that for at least a day after it ended whilst the change happened from loads of contact to no contact. Edited July 15, 2012 by downandlost
Brokendude Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Breakups r tough and sometimes when they leave us we dont understand fully, all i kno is we should never stop them from walking, we gave it our all and also realized what we need to work on ourselves, these r the saddest times of our lives and its unbearable but im glad i found this forum and people like u who r not scared to reach out, we all can stick together and build each other up in broken times like these 2
Author downandlost Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 Thanks for the post....Yea your very right there, can relate to that. It is a very difficult time.... its horrid when the person you have known to well and been with all this time just turns like this.
Author downandlost Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 SO... tonight... far from what I wanted to do... I sent her 1 last message. It may sound like a bad idea.... but a few friends said from what it seems, shes in 2 minds or is confused. The message was for closure. I basically went through the whole lot she spoke about with me via txt, made a few pointers about my feelings, did a final summary..... why? Well for myself more than anyone. Yes she hasnt felt like its been working the past few weeks, but clearly still loves me. What I dont want, is say I give a week of no contact, where I can get over it a bit, the worst thing is if she then gets in touch, saying shes made a mistake. Or on the other hand, me believing she will think its a mistake and never hearing off her again. I want it to be where, like now, whilst im still fresh in her mind, I have expressed all my feelings, said what I think of it all, explained a few bits.... Then indeed she can decided asap weather shes been too hasty or made the right choice. So at least then, if its the latter she can be removed from my facebook friends list, and I can delete her number and continue my life. Im in no doubt she may not change her mind. But again, she could of been thinking just about that moment when she ended it when she did, rather than everything else
Author downandlost Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 (edited) I couldnt re-ed my post.... but... I think maybe the message to her worked. She said her decision may of been a bit too extreme, she said how shes feeling all over the place, and she needs some time... Well I had to change a few things.... firstly... her message said "I couldnt sleep, I feel like iv possible made a mistake, I just need some time or something, my heads are all over the place, and I dont know what im doing. I just keep thinking "what if?". Im sorry for the extreme decision, I thought it would be good for us both" Then I replied..... That indeed gave hope.... Then her reply "Everything you're saying makes so much sense but I still feel like maybe we shouldn't be together, I know I love you, but im not sure I can be with you anymore, sorry" Im just as puzzled now Edited July 16, 2012 by downandlost
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