Sameold Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 My situation in brief: a) 3.5 years together, very balanced relationship, everything going well. b) Both get new jobs 100 miles apart so we move in together halfway between for first time. c) Life is pretty tough with all the commuting, life gets harder and tough but I never question "us", just that short term we were having to live a tough life like many for work. d) I come home from work one day and boom, "I'm not happy, ILYBINILWU" etc etc e) I give it few days of NC to let her get head together, she moves back home away from me. f) I check her social network account and see some flirty messages exchanged between her and a guy at work the week before we BU. The kind of messages that she knew must by wrong because they were PMs, from the tone you can tell she wasn't cheating but was emotionally. Basically they were inappropriate. g) I let her hang herself and then make her aware I know of these messages. She is really upset, I call her all the names under the sun blah blah blah h) I let time pass, I try to employ NC as much as I can and after a month I decide my final stand arrives. I go see her, we talk but she doesnt even seem like my girl. I asked her to tell me if she was seeing someone and I find out shes now seen this guy for what sounds like some drinks or dates or whatever. i) Obviously irate after leaving I send her some pretty cutting messages about how i feel. She is adamant she hasnt left me for this guy and when her sister quizzed her about it she got dead upset againand was adamant it wasnt to do with him. j I'm having to sort the house out we were renting like a business deal now, im just cold over emails but factual. Anyway, the facts show she has treated me like complete ****, she never mentioned things were going wrong between us but to top it, it now seems as though with things tough between us she got turned to some average looking guy at work who just lives a convienient life that she wants. She is soon gonna move to the town where her job is and has made these new friends. After 3.5 years it purely feels like i've lost her to a new shiny little pathetic life out of convienience. We were saving for a house, gonna get married in few years... It feels like we took too much on. It really hurts how she feels she hasn't done anything wrong, how can she not see it? Also, after this "new life" because the norm will she remember what we had for 3.5 years and how good it was? I'm pure NC now, not expecting anything from her as literally since the day of the BU it's like she has put a shutter on her emotions around me, she wont discuss any aspect of it with anyone, not even her family n she gets angry when they tried.
Brokendude Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Very common for women to check out before the break up, ive experienced it twice. By the time they hit us with this theyre already prepped for their new and exciting lives, leaving us in confusion, agony, and severe heartbreak...the only thing we could unfortunately do is try as hard as we can to pick up the pieces as much as we dont want to...situations like these r difficult because ur mourning ur relationship but at the same time feeling betrayed by the other person whos already conveniently moved on. This i feel is one of the biggest pain anyone could feel other than death, i have no advice to u but just wanted u to hear from someone whos been there, lived through it and again unfortunately fighting thru it again...Its tough sometimes but thats love, it comes w awful risk and consequences, ur not alone as proven on this forum, the best way to do is constantly reach out and always remembering ur value and the people around u that wants u to get through this, stay strong but when u feel ur falling apart reach out
WillFindMyWay79 Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I am going through the same situation, except my relationship lasted for 3 years. She had met someone on Facebook, and told me they were just friends. It came to the point where I had to make her choose between someone she literally met 1 month ago on FB and myself. She tells me she would cut off contact with him......I find out they are still talking. Next thing I know she is asking me for time apart from the relationship. I immediately went into NC after that. It has been 4 days. I have been through this before myself. The only answer is to continue with NC and move on.
Author Sameold Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 It just feels completely messed up...I am in NC and have tried all I can do to get her to realise so now I have to stop. It is very wierd wanting to break down and cry about her just dissapearing but at the same time being angry. The only solace I have is knowing that the person she is now is not the lovely cute girl I spent my happy times with, she dissapeared at the same time this relationship did. Whoever she is with next she wont be who she was, she'll be this arrogant, egocentric bitch.
Chi townD Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Love it when they say that the OM had NOTHING to do with the break up. Love it. Okay, if he had nothing to do with it, the ask her to stop seeing him? Love to see what her answer to that would be. Nah, she'd rather tell you that the OM had absolutely nothing to do with the demise of the relationship and it was the things you did or didn't do that caused it to end. She needs to convince herself of this so the guilt won't get to her. This is called blameshifting. But, come on. Even her sister can see through the crap! They've been on dates and met up for drinks. Yeah, okay. You really believe that? Hell, you never thought that she would cheat on you and she did. Why would you start believing her now? Cheaters will only tell you the bare minimum to make it seem less than what it really is. Go NC on her. But, here's the thing. She got caught up in her lies. It may not be tomorrow, or next week or next month. But, sooner or later the guilt is going to get to her and she might reach out to you to tell you a bunch more lies to try and set the record straight and ease her own guilt. Don't buy into it. She made the choice to have you out of her life, then that's exactly what you should give her. Don't entertain any e-mails, texts or voicemail messages. She had a chance to have you in her life, now she should get nothing. This was her doing and it is NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!
Author Sameold Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 Thanks Chi, I ended up sending some "final thoughts" messages, basically where I told her how disgusted I was and kind of belittled this new life she's moving to. She replied basically to call me horrible and say "I know you wont belive me but it wasnt this guy, my feeling changed and thats it". I basically went one back just telling her I'm not stupid and the facts and actions speak for themselves. I believe she emotionally cheated whilst our relationship was struggling and since the split she's now got this guy so she doesn't have to think about it. Do you really think she will feel guilt and reach out one day? I know from her family she is hurt by what I now think of her and has cried but she "wants me to be happy". Bulls.hit. Surely after 3.5 years she can't just go replace me. Genuinely we had a good relationship before we placed ourselves in this **** scenario. Hate and love are so close and if anything I feel so much hate now. Now I have to e-mail her about sorting the crap flat out that she just ran away from. I find this hard as I felt I left the text messages with some panesh,zest and impact, then I went NC. Almost a "heres the grave you dug, go lie in it, you'll see you've ****ed up". I really hate e-mailing so I try and keep it really business like... And you are right, when she split she was bringing out any old thing to throw at me. In reality I know life just got too hard here in this new place and with work and everything and social pressures shes off to enjoy this new life. If there is a "honeymoon period" I can't wait until it ends and she sees all she's thrown away. Also I've blocked her from my FB on the same day I sent the texts, **** her. It's so hard though...
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