naive11 Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Hi there, I have recently starting dating a guy - approx 3 months ago. He seems like a nice guys, wanted to meet the family, does lots of thing to try and please me, organising nice dates etc. I recently Googled him (as one does!) and found that when he was living in asia for work (came home last year) he had an add on the internet advertising for sex. I told him about it, he was really embarrased, but then got angry saying the past is the past etc. I wasnt at all accusing, but really just wanted to know if he has had STD checks, etc (which is has). Now I do completely understand that the past is the past, but Im just really keen to know people opinions. Once a guy has gone down path, accessing sex on the internet.... would he be likely to do it again, not sure I can trust him and I have been very burnt in previous relationships. I generally try and believe the best of people, but am scared that I could be ignoring warning signs. Please help - I would love some opinions from guys and girls!! Thankyou :-)
FredRobbins Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 If you can't get over his past, then this relationship is already done
Author naive11 Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 Thanks for your response. It not that I cant accept past behaviours - I just feel like I may be naive in being a bit shocked that he would look for sex on the internet. One night stand I can handle, but am just wondering if this is pretty unusual behavior for guys - or am I being naive?!
january2011 Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I used to google people I talked to regularly while I was doing OLD. One guy, I found on a sex-only/hookup website. Things soured after that and I couldn't continue talking to him knowing that he wasn't serious about looking for a relationship. With your guy, I think you need to work out if this is something that you (individually) won't ever be able to get past. It's okay if it is. Sometimes, we're not able to articulate it, but some things just don't "feel right" anymore. Especially when we find out something about someone that reveals a side of them that shakes our faith and trust in them. While we can give our opinions as to our individual tolerance levels for these things. In my opinion, your tolerance level trumps anything that we could ever say on the subject, regardless of which way we swing. My red flag is that when found out, he didn't come clean and answer your questions. Instead, he resorted to anger at being questioned on, what I'd imagine many people would consider, dubious former activities.
ascendotum Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I'm surprised you found him on sex site...I thought people used aliases like here. Least he was not advertising looking for a relationship, and getting together with 'online relationship' women even though he thought they were not a good match just because he was really horny, but would soon break up with them because he was not in love with them. For whatever reason, at the time he was more interested in having short term fun, and not a relationship. Personally I dont any difference between a hookup online vs a hookup at a club/gig/bar/party/street pickup, though you say you dont necessarily mind the later.
mortensorchid Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Once I found someone who I had met through OLD on a sex website as well. I say that if you are looking for that, go ahead that is your right to do so. But if you are looking for something more than just annoymous sex (and you cannot tell me that people on those websites are looking for something other than that), then you should not be on those websites. Needless to say I no longer contacted this person, even though our get together was pleasant enough. You said that you cannot get over the past with him. Unfortunately that's your answer, you either resolve it and move on with him or you move on without him.
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