Badsingularity Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 Many people think that never having any arguements or disagreements in a relationship, whether it be dating or LT, is a good sign. Who can blame them? It sounds good and who likes to argue, right? It's not good. When there are never any arguements or disagreements between two people in a relationship, 9 times out of 10 it means someone is not being honest in an effort to not rock the boat and to keep the other person happy. Someone is not being themselves. There are two different people in a relationship, both with different thoughts, ideas, and feelings. Even though many of these may align, there are always going to be disagreements, even if minor. It may sound strange to some, but a relationship that lacks any arguements, disagreements, conflict will often be a relationship that lacks passion/chemistry. Especially if it is the man who is not being honest. You will often read/hear someone say that they have such a great relationship and how they NEVER argue. The only problem in the relationiship is a lack of chemistry and they don't understand why. Some conflict in a relationship is good, normal, natural, and healthy. It is a sign that both people in the relationship are not afraid to be honest with eachother. 1
Snakechammah Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 Good point. On the flipside, a relationship FULL of arguments is also a bad sign! Lol. In life, there should always be a balance! 1
carhill Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 Whether or how people have disparate viewpoints/perspectives/opinions is an issue separate from arguing, the act, IMO. Some people indeed love to argue. They make their living doing it. We had classes in school devoted to it, with teaching on how to critically evaluate another's statements, pick them apart and refute them. I see this all the time on LS. Perception is key. Is every sharing of an alternative opinion an argument? Where is the line between expressing one's viewpoint and arguing it? In a relationship, if the synergy is otherwise positive and the partners feel like a team, IMO one will be hard-pressed to find them complaining about 'arguing'. The perspectives shared and opinions expressed meld into their team approach, often seamlessly and without conscious effort and processing. OTOH, if that synergy is lacking, watch out..... 1
johan Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 It's silly to argue if there is nothing to argue about. Arguing for its own sake is not exactly productive. Being unable to speak your mind or avoiding conflict are more serious issues. Resentment builds up.
Author Badsingularity Posted July 14, 2012 Author Posted July 14, 2012 It's silly to argue if there is nothing to argue about. Arguing for its own sake is not exactly productive. I agree arguing just to argue or because you like arguing is not cool and not realy what I'm talking about. Being unable to speak your mind or avoiding conflict are more serious issues. Resentment builds up. This is what I'm referring to. Not just speaking your mind when you have differing thoughts or opinions, but also not being scared to speak up if your SO is being disrespectful or not treating you right.
freestyle Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 I think it's very true, that you don't really know someone, until you've had conflict with them. When I first met my SO, and I was still in the gushy, stuck-on-each-other-like-velcro stage---I told one of my old friends about my new found joy. The first thing he asked me was, "Did you pick a fight with him yet, to see how he'd react?" I was stunned that he would say that, but after thinking it through, it made sense. Turns out his wife had done that with him, when they first started dating heavily, as a way of testing him. (He passed, and they have a wonderful relationship now...) Frankly, I've learned NOT to trust anyone who never shows any anger, frustration, melancholy, or sadness---I see it as a sign of someone who's emotionally phobic (and very likely overly concerned with what others might think, instead of being honest about what they're feeling) The people that seem to come across as perpetually happy, never had a bad day ever---are the ones who are most likely to act passive-aggressively. 3
Sunlight72 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 " "Being unable to speak your mind or avoiding conflict are more serious issues. Resentment builds up." This is what I'm referring to. Not just speaking your mind when you have differing thoughts or opinions, but also not being scared to speak up if your SO is being disrespectful or not treating you right." ------------------------------------------ Sure, you should be able to speak up, but that does not have to become an argument. Who listens during an argument? Usually no one... so how does this make a relationship stronger or better? I don't think it does. For me, there is no net gain from a fight within a relationship. I'm not scared of arguing or fighting, but that's not what I want to share with the one person I choose for my mate. Debate, discussion, disagreement - yes, occasionally.
Author Badsingularity Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 Debate, discussion, disagreement - yes, occasionally. Debating, arguing, fighting, disagreeing. People often use these words to describe the same thing. I'm not talking about yelling and screaming at eachother.
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